Convergence

Application of justice

2011-11-13T23:37:00.000-05:00

A while ago, a news story came out on CBC, of a lady that handled OHIP cheques for doctors. Instead of depositing them in the doctors' accounts, she channeled it into her own account, stealing over $400k, and had a lavish lifestyle. In the article, she was quoted crying, terrified that she would go to jail. Curious to see what people would think about someone stealing from the 'rich doctors', I scrolled down and read the comments...

...and perhaps unsurprisingly, people were not sympathetic, and the general consensus is that she should pay it back (which, of course, she can't) and that she should go to jail, for stealing from the public. No pity at all (and perhaps she doesn't deserve any, given that she spent the money on herself), and in many cases, stated that the 9 month jail sentence she was handed to be too lenient. 10 years, they cried. Justice must be served, says them.

Justice and grace
Once in a while, I would think about the principle of grace. Even though this is a while collar crime, and evidently, didn't hurt the doctors enough that they didn't even notice this until after 4 years, people were outraged that someone could've done something like this, and that "The bottom line was ... some things you just can’t do. No matter how sorry we feel for people personally, we have to uphold the law as it exists." The public agrees that the law must be upheld, regardless of how much the perpetrator insists that the crime wasn't that bad.

I think that's the point that people miss when they ask why a loving God punishes the unrighteous. It isn't that God enjoys dishing out punishment. What parent enjoys punishing their children? But a God that judges to perfectly uphold the Law to ensure perfect justice must punish the perpetrators (else justice is not served). So how can one shout "justice must be served", and still stand against punishment from the Judge?

Perhaps they feel that the laws outlined by God is false and invalid. But even if we don't look at the greatest commandments of the Christian (Love your God, love your neighbour), people agree that there are a common moral standard that people uphold. For example, tenets that's common between Christianity and other faiths, such as Buddhism. But we can never do enough.

But what if someone paid back the $400k and took the jail time on her behalf? But it is precisely that no one is righteous that we need to be bailed out.

Backtracking

2011-08-12T02:28:00.001-05:00

I think a good trait of leadership is to acknowledge your mistakes. To accept that we're not perfect, after all, and being humble enough to listen to criticism and to know your limitations.

Communities past
Over the years, co-op has brought me to many cities. Along with it, I got my hands involved in many churches and communities. With that, my email got added to numerous mailing lists that I left intact so I can hear about what's going on with various communities that I was once part of.

A while ago, I got an interesting email from my church in Toronto. It seemed to have involved a pastor criticizing some members of a fellowship for attending normal fellowship events, but apparently skipped fellowship when it was a prayer meeting. It turned out that the said members did not skip, but was simply late. The pastor later on apologized when he found out what happened. To a bunch of high school kids. Don't see that everyday.

Qualifications of an Elder
But the story that's been burned into my mind is one I read a long time ago. Don't remember where anymore, but it went along the lines of something like this: there was a teenage son who's dad was an elder at their local church. The teen did his share of teenage rebellion. Can't remember what he did, but it was probably something serious. Although the dad has tried to speak to his son on several occasions, he wasn't able to get him to listen.

Finally, he sat his son down and told him this: "I know that I can't make you see things my way. I can't force you to listen. But if you continue to behave like this, I am going to have to quit my post as an elder."

The son understood the implications immediately. The two verses that applied to this situation would be...

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
- Ephesians 6.4

[A man that desires to be an elder] must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)
- 1 Timothy 3.4-6

The dad tried to follow Ephesians, and upon failing, risks violating 1 Timothy. The thing that shocked the son the most is that his dad takes the state of his son more serious than his reputation, is acknowledging that his life isn't perfect, and is acknowledging that he isn't perfect. It was enough to make the teen reconsider his ways.

Recognizing that we're not perfect, and putting our pride on hold, is always difficult. But it is every part of growing, being a Christian, and Biblical living.

MATLAB

2011-05-25T02:01:00.000-05:00

And MATLAB crashed (seg fault) at 2.40am. I think it's a sign to go to sleep.

And Canucks won. A Canadian team making finals for the first time in four years. I'll refrain from commenting too much, just another bandwagon jumper. Haha.

News comments

2011-05-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

After reading news articles on CBC or Globe and Mail, or wherever, I typically spend some time to skim through some of the comments as well, just to see what people have to say. A few things I've noticed, or stood out in my mind...

General Comments

I've been listening to some Youtube bands recently, like Boyce Avenue, Kurt Schneider or Kina Grannis...and appreciate the lack of auto-tune in their songs. If you think a given group sucks, I don't know why you would go to their page to obnoxiously point that out. No one is making you listen to it... trolling doesn't really get anyone anywhere.

Canadian Politics

General disdain - People on opposing sides really don't like each other. I've read countless comments about how dumb Liberals are or how stupid Conservatives are. Canada has 33 million people. It's not easy to manage that much people. Give them a break sometimes. Also, don't expect to have more public services when you're clamoring for for tax breaks. At least they're trying to do something about it. Someone on the forums noted that the boards are becoming increasingly mean spirited over the years. I can't help but agree.
Party leaders - Harper isn't the most likeable person, but honestly, no one else could've done better during the Recession. Ignatieff isn't the most likeable person either, but he happens to have more education than more of us. I'm not a Liberal, but I'm glad he's staying in Canada to teach.
Voter apathy - 61.4% voter turnout. As I was leaving high school, one of the biggest things drilled into me by my World History teacher is that I need to work towards being a good citizen. That means I should read the news and vote, as a duty of democratic citizen. If you're not voting, you really shouldn't be complaining. I was happy to note that more university students came out to vote this year. Not so impressed about lack of attention that party platforms gave towards students and research, but that's another rant altogether.
Long-form census being long - Is it really hard to believe that tax dollars are distributed according to census results? How about public services and policy making? Sigh...

British Monarchy

Queen Elizabeth II - The amount of bashing Canadians have of the Monarchy is shocking. No Canadian taxpaying money goes to England, so why are people so upset that that the Queen is our head of state? She's cooler than our recent arrays of Prime Ministries anyway, as a representative. Being a Commonwealth country is part of Canadian culture. How could people so quick to reject immigrant cultures and promote "Canadian culture" and be so quick to bash one of our biggest culture symbols?
Governor General - I didn't really follow much of Michaelle Jean, but when David Johnston was appointed GG, I looked up his background...to find that he was actually pretty ownage (Order of Canada, was dean of law at UWO, principal of McGill and president of UW, among other things). When Harper nominated Johnston, he noted that Johnston was among "the best of Canada." It's hard not to agree. I think it's pretty awesome to have someone of his caliber representing our country.

Religion
It seems like people just enjoys going to these pages and rant against religious intolerance, without realizing that they're behaving intolerantly themselves, against religion. Isn't no faith a religion itself?

Muslim extremists - I am friends with some Muslims. They're pretty nice people. Extremists happens everywhere. Atheists (ie Stalin), Christians (ie Ireland)...apparently, there's even Buddhist extremists.
Anti-Christian sentiments - Unsurprisingly, I spend a large amount of time browsing Christian articles and pay more attention to moral/theological impactful news articles. Like the Rapture claims, or the Bountiful polygamy case. I found it surprising that people would log onto a newspaper like Christian Post and bash general Christianity. Makes me wonder how much they actual know about Christians and what causes these sentiments.

Perhaps too much of an opinion piece today.

Elections

2011-04-22T14:21:00.002-05:00

Motivation
High school education was mostly a blur (actually, undergrad classes were a blur too, now that I'm thinking about them). I remember some minor details about organic chemistry. A bit of physics. Some biology. Almost nothing about calculus (XD). But in terms of direct life impact, Social Studies has had the heaviest direct lasting impact on me: regular reading of the news, and being a more aware citizen. Social Studies has repeatedly attempted to drill into my head that voting and being an aware citizen is a responsibility of a citizen in a democratic country. Democracy only really works when its members participate. Voting is a privilege, like drivers licenses. When I voted in the 2008 election, that was my biggest motivation to vote.

But since, I've gained another reasoning: my faith. I've realized that Evangelicals tend to crowd amongst ourselves. "What? Unchristianly influences? Lets pull out"...as William Craig noted in his article:

Who among evangelicals can stand up to the great secular or naturalistic or atheistic scholars on their own terms of scholarship? Who among evangelical scholars is quoted as a normative source by the greatest secular authorities on history or philosophy or psychology or sociology or politics? Does the evangelical mode of thinking have the slightest chance of becoming the dominant mode in the great universities of Europe and America that stamp our entire civilization with their spirit and ideas?

...For the sake of greater effectiveness in witnessing to Jesus Christ Himself, as well as for their own sakes, evangelicals cannot afford to keep on living on the periphery of responsible intellectual existence.

- Charles Malik (Quoted in In Intellectual Neutral)

[...our seminaries] produce pastors, not scholars, is that it is precisely our future pastors, not just our future scholars, who need to be intellectually engaged and to receive this scholarly training. Machen's article was originally given as a speech entitled "The Scientific Preparation of the Minister." A model for us here ought to be a man like John Wesley, a Spirit-filled revivalist and at the same time an Oxford-educated scholar. Wesley's vision of a pastor is remarkable: a gentleman, skilled in the Scriptures and conversant with history, philosophy, and the science of his day.
- William Craig (In Intellectual Neutral)

What he is trying to say is...Christians are so focused on just a single field (spiritual stuff, for example) and not about science or archeology, that we're propelling the stereotype that Christianity is scientifically backwards and not intellectually viable in today's day and age. As a result, when Christians pull out of scientific debates (and, given the context of this post, political/philosophical debates as well), which simply allows the "rest of the world" to continue as is, without Christian influence, which just allows the world to become more secularized. That's the reason he gives for his participation in religious, scientific and philosophical debates. That's also the reason why we should go out and vote.

Details about the Election
Since I'd be in Waterloo anyway between terms, I thought it would be interesting to sign up to work at the May 2 election. Coming from Electrical Engineering (at Waterloo, ECE is like 50% asian, 45% brown), you don't often walk into a room that's 90% filled with old Caucasian retirees...but I guess that's the typical demographics that can work on a Monday election. Maybe that's why they stuck me at the UWP polling station. Haha.

You should've gotten a Voter Information Card in your mail that tells you what your voting station is, based on your home address. Vote there. If you're not in your home region on May 2 (like myself), you could still register in KW, as long as you have a photo ID and proof of local residency (so like a utility bill or something). If your KW residency region is voting in UWP (you can check here), you can use your VIC as proof. Though, I'm guess that stuff will get lost in the mail between terms, so I'm not really expecting that much people using VICs as proof of residency at my polling station. Thus, the best thing to do is to participate in advance polling at your home region (which starts today, till the coming Monday).

Links and information
Rick Mercer (of "Talking to Americans" fame): video link. Apparently his videos are the instigator of "vote mobs" that's been popping up around universities all over the country. It's a short video with a simple message: university students need to go out and vote. He's right though. Not that much platforms addresses us, the university students. And no one cares about NSERC (funding agency for university research). Sighs.

In case you didn't want to look at everyone's platforms and figure out who's standing for what, CTV and Globe and Mail both have a platform summary of the major parties. And if you happen to be in Waterloo on May 2, your vote is pretty critical. Peter Braid, the current Kitchener-Waterloo MP, won by just 73 votes (though, it says 17 votes in the Waterloo Record) in 2008.

Elections Canada links: Information for students. IDs needed for voter registration at polling day (also applies if you're not in your home region).

Okay. Enough soap box for a day.

Social justice

2011-04-18T13:16:00.002-05:00

Social justice is always one of those things that sits in the back of my mind, that I wish I didn't have to think about. Never sure what I should be doing in these circumstances. Would it be best to walk on by? Offer him some change? Offer to get him some food? Give him some attention?

It takes active effort to approach a panhandler and talk to him instead of walking on by like everyone else. I've read the stories. I know some of them are just victims of their circumstances. Still, it takes a lot of effort to remind myself that they're not there because they want to, but because they have to. Still. It's hard not to think of something negative when you see the same guy there, year after year, and the many negative stories I've heard about people's encounters likes to lodge itself in my mind as well.

Snowing in April
It started snowing again here suddenly. After lunch today, I encountered two such people. At first, I thought about walking around (the first guy). Didn't really want to think about it or deal with it. I had a lot of things I gotta deal with. But...

I dropped some money into his hands, "get something warm, alright?" (perhaps would've been better to actually bought something, but oh well, in a rush), and walked by the Subway that he was sitting in front of. 30 seconds later, in front of Williams, I ran into another guy. Well. I guess it's only fair if I forked over some stuff here too. Apparently the church/shelter he was staying at closed when it got warmer, so the sudden cold/snowing was a bad turn for them. "oh...sorry to hear that. hope things work out for you". I remembered this guy. He was telling me about his plans to get back onto his feet, a few years back. But I didn't comment on that. We chatted for a bit. Then I walked quickly to my E5 office, wanting to get out of the cold, wanting to finish my report that's due soon, wanting to just do my duty to the poor and move on.

Reflecting on Elena and Phil's posts, I find myself wondering if I did it more to alleviate my guilty feelings that I know I would get if I just walked on, or if I actually cared about reflecting His glory on this field. Sucks.

Isaiah 6

2011-04-06T11:05:00.001-05:00

In my opinion, the most intense calling of an individual happens in Isaiah 6. God mosying around in the Jerusalem temple with a bunch of angels, with special effects everywhere? Atonement, and a possible Trinity reference? Yup. Beats Paul getting knocked off a horse and blinded. Beats Moses talking a tree on fire. Beats Ezekiel...wait. Never mind. You can't really beat Ezekiel...

But yes. The most amusing part is probably verse 8.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
- Isaiah 6.8

It's not hard to imagine God just looking around, pretending not to see Isaiah, and Isaiah just jumping up and down, waving his hands. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm here, I'm here! Send me!" (Maybe I watch too much anime...). A good reminder for myself that He calls the willing, and equips them to become the ready, just like what He did here for Isaiah.

CCF Sharing Night (W11)

2011-04-03T21:27:00.003-05:00

Once again, the minutes of the recent sharing night is here. I will note that my minutes were more designed for people who were at sharing night itself, and so I made it more concise, more to remind people who were there. I stuck it in Google Docs this time because there were co-op people who wanted to be in the loop. So they were listening via laptop mic and reading the minutes at the same time. Haha. I first originally started taking minutes to loop co-op people in as well, so it's kind of nice to go back to that tradition.

Link to the W11 minutes are here. It was assembled by myself (first half of the night), Jorge (second half of the night) and Josh Kung (random comments). Lasts until 4AM.
For those of you who want more conclusive minutes, James' set is more detailed, found here. Lats until 1AM.

If you notice quality of minutes dropping off, I will point to the fact we ended at 4am, and are getting seriously old and starts losing focus earlier and earlier at night. =P

God makes it grow

2011-03-29T23:43:00.000-05:00

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn as a serving Christian is that results will usually not come immediately. In WKTRM1/2A, a group of us, having benefited greatly from the fellowship, decided to take on Frosh Cell. Not really knowing what to do, 4 of us 2A'ers (Josh, Vanessa, Kevin, myself), as well as one upperyear (Betty), signed up to lead Frosh Cell and related events.

New Student Reception
I remember talking to my upperyear corespondent (Connie) for NSR, and she asked me what my overall vision for NSR was. I replied that, if even one person who didn't know about fellowship, walked by and stuck around for NSR, and came to fellowship because of that, it would've been worth the effort. I'll never know if anyone came to CCF because of NSR.

Frosh Cell
I think this is the question that all of us were asking ourselves at the end of the term. Did we make an impact? Were we helpful in making the fellowship more welcoming? How much of them learned and grow and had fun under our planning and programs?

I remember, when hearing that people of that year stopped attending fellowship (2nd year retainment ratio: 30%), or got into situations, we'd be asking ourselves if there was more we could've done. If we could've talked to them more. If there was some hint we overlooked. If we could've tried harder.

I remember seeing one of them later on and asking him why he doesn't attend fellowship anymore, and got a nasty respond. I remember telling myself that we can't be everything to everyone. I remember being shocked when I saw him again in fellowship, a few years later. God is working.

Graduation Dinner
Yet despite all the drama and situation. All the uncertainty and struggles. I realized that grad dinner was an encouragement to us alums as well. Knowing that the time we've poured into the "kids" has been used by God to grow them. One of the few times that God is gracious to show the fruits of our labour. I wonder if this is how my own upperyears felt when we made it too.

What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe - as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

- 1 Corinthians 3.5-7

Congrats, 2011 grads.

Survival

2011-03-28T17:21:00.002-05:00

Throughout undergrad, I found myself wondering if I'll survive. Make it through the tough hours and confusing math. Pass through school without getting getting owned. Not aiming for stellar marks, or anything. Get by, so I can do the stuff that comes a bit easier. Survival and desperation was always in the air. Engineering was hard.

We celebrated when we survived PHYS115. MATH212. ECE433. ECE370. ECE471. When we passed PDEng. When we got our Iron Ring.

Over the grad dinner weekend, I talked a bit with my peers. People who has been working for a year now. Shared stories of what we've learned. The difference between work and school. Long work hours. Difficult assignments. Tough deadlines. Reading through Proverbs, it's filled with verses like Prov 6.10. And we often forget that we were pulled through before.

I remember getting annoyed before. When we were in first year, they told us first year is the hardest. When we were in 3rd year, they said 3rd year is the hardest. When we were in fourth year, they said FYDP is the hardest. It never gets easier. It wasn't suppose to get easier.

But I think grad school (and FT work) is hard because you chose it. We chose to do grad school. We chose to work at Sandvine, or Deliotte, or Petro Canada. We chose Bell or Hydro One or Microsoft. Of course it's hard. We've never seen this stuff before. We've never applied these concepts in these ways before. But I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given... (Luke 19 - Parable of the Talent). We've received much. And more to come.

We're given much because He believes we can handle much. For those of you discouraged, press on.

Context

2011-02-19T18:13:00.001-05:00

PSYCH studys
I was in the SLC and walked by one of those PSYCH study booths. As a fellow research, I try to stop by at these type of things and participate when I can, but usually, when I'm in the SLC, I'm in a rush and don't have the time to check them out, but I had some time yesterday. So I stopped and chatted with those guys a bit (they seemed kind of annoyed that they're not getting much N, thus causing poor confidence intervals) and offered to take their study. It turned out that their study was on chocolate eating. My job was to comment on the chocolate. Interesting study. I think I can handle that.

There's a part where I'm suppose to memorize a 8-digit number to distract me from the chocolate. Two girls approached the booth when the examiner was telling me this, and quickly shuffled away with "eww, memorization..." Well...actually...the study is on chocolate eating...they heard the examiner's comments out of context. Actually, the 8-digit number didn't matter at the end.

Reading in context
Often, when I pick up a journal paper (yes! Viterbi-powered HMM sequence clustering of Gaussian motion distributions! Motion segmentation with dynamic programming and time warping! Intuitive drag-and-pin inverse kinematics algorithm for animation and motion capture!), I have roughly 2/3 of a page to get up to speed on the Related Works (context building). But even that is hard at times, because these know their work so well that they don't understand what it's like not to understand. The only papers I feel vaguely understanding is perhaps the ones I read the actual related works papers cited, to understand the rationale of the article I'm actually reading

Bible reading in context
Bible reading is like that. You can't read a chapter from a letter in isolation, but we often do. I think, it's often too easy to forget that because we're so used to conducting Bible studies in small chunks. Knowing the context and the background often serves to color the passage appropriately.

For example...knowing that Romans is a "teaching" letter, and that 1 John is a "encouragement" letter allowed me to suggest to a friend wanted to get more into the Bible 1 John as a book easier to be understood, even though they both revolve talking about God's love and how we should think about it. Knowing that Paul is pretty Calvinistic (predestination) and that John is all about love and Jesus dying for the whole world (unlimited atonement) also led me to suggest 1 John as an easier book to understand. (Calvinists reading this, please don't hurt me =P)

Anyways. Read in context. I feel like this is something that everyone knows, but this post was suppose to be published before BBW did its OT/NT context meetings (which I'm totally behind in). But yes. Context is good.

CCF Sharing Night (F10)

2010-12-20T18:47:00.000-05:00

Minutes for the Fall 2010 sharing night. A large majority of it, anyway. Towards the end, I lost focus due to fatigue and my batteries was low, and stopped typing. Whew...

AT (7.50p)

Outreach ministry
Went out to talk to random people -> Talked to a Buddhist. Learned about Buddhism. Was scary when first started talking, but got easier as time went on
"Break my heart for what break yours"

JC (7.54p)

Worship coordinator
First year Optometry
Never knew how to share the Gospel, but tried. Felt good, doing God's work. Want to be more comfortable talking to non-Christians

ML (7.59p)

Difficult term: School was hard, lived with people who likes to party
Realize that faith has to be active

need to be pushed to maintain faith

If not, it sometimes doesn't feel Christian anymore. Life is routine
Cling onto your faith

MC (8.02p)

1040 rally: "If you have nothing worth dying for, then you have nothing worth dying for"
God placed certain people in his life. People who needed the Gospel.
People who pursuit school or pride or whatnot -> realized need to pray for campus
Frosh cell: Believes that God is raising a powerful generation, going to do amazing things
Stay prayer focused

DT (8.08p)

God is in complete control
We like control and certainty. Trying to maintain control everything caused a bit of a burnout
Family

Don't get a chance to talk to them much
Sister was talked to by a Christian

now open to asking questions about Christianity

Dad does not think much of Christianity

but been going to church for a year

God is working, even if we don't see it

DY (8.13p)

Originally, did not like CCF/Waterloo
Felt different in CCF, didn't like their way of doing things
Didn't feel fitting into Waterloo
Realized God is at work, and it's up to us to join Him. The current generation that is passionate, we didn't do anything to get that. God did
God is at work! Think about the story of the...

"Only God can, and God will." Our ministries isn't ours to begin with. It's all God's. God will do amazing things, if we are willing

M (8.22p)

Went to C4C for a while, for a term
Joined CCF again. It was hard, didn't know much people.

But volleyball and worship helped reintegration

D (8.24p)

Lived with a person who was formerly Christian.

Wanted to talk to him about his lifestyle, serious rebuking.
But God told him that there is a better way.
One day, suddenly, his roommate initiated the convo.
They prayed, and his life changed
God holds onto His children

Another non-Christian saw something different in him, is now nvestigating
Ephesians 2 (living as children of light ... [note: this is what he said, but I may have recorded the wrong passage. The children of light is Eph 4])
We all have a lot of friends who claim to be Christian, but still need to be transformed by God

AW (8.31p)

CCF is a group of people wholove each other, obeyed Matthew 28, spread the Gospel and are salt and light
Before CCF started, UW had lots of Christian. Some are solid (firm in faith). Some are round (easily influenced). Some are confused (not sure what they believed in). Got together, prayed, community
CCF was founded in the early 70s, by Terrence Lau
Why do we need CCF?

Diverse background.
Breeding ground of thoughts.
Place where professionalism is nurtured

Campus today: Tough, adventurous, stressful, secular, competitive, rowdy
CCF today needs to be: united and have one voice
Vision of CCF:

University is not just a place to gain knowledge.
It is also a place to search for truth.
A place to train them to serve the church.
A place to evangelize.
A place to build up Christian character.
A place to network and build community.
CCF needs to be a city on a hill, not a ghetto.

Bring CCF back to home churches

MW (8.42p)

Rapped/poem

-- Break. Missed some people -_- --

GL (9.28p)

Bible memorization was good
Sometimes, it's 2 step forward, 1 step back...but it could also be 1 step forward, 2 steps back
Jeremiah [note: didn't catch the chapter reference]: People don't actually turn to God...except when we're in trouble. Would you treat a friend like that?
Are we cheapening God's grace? Don't do it. Don't take grace lightly. Reflect.
Colossians [note: didn't catch this one either -_-]: Don't settle. Keep walking. Keep pursuiting Christ

CM (9.39p)

School is boring and stressful
Dad is agnostic.

Always seems disinterested in his family.
Difficult to reach out to him.
Spontaneously told him about Christ.
You cannot claimed to have loved someone unless you've told them about Christ

Z (10.01p)

Transition to university has been okay
Made lots of friends. Burdened to share
Called to spread the Gospel

S (10.05p)

Overall, feels that God has a plan for him
Something special about CCF

MW (10.07p)

Originally disappointed with job
But it was nice to have co-op in Waterloo -> met lots of people
Was told that he lacked passion
So focused on mortal things, why don't we have passion on bigger things? "If you are not going to risk anything, you're not going to gain anything"
Find a passion in God

JQ (10.13p)

Continue to be used by God. God brought you to UW for a reason.
Learned and challenged lots in and by CCF
"As I have loved you, love one another" - 1 John
Jesus showed us the way to love: servant leadership (John 15.13)
Passion: "willingness to die for" in latin
Remember your leaders.

Sometimes it's good and we can see fruits and results.
But can also burn out and be burdened, and that's why we rely on God.

Encourage your leaders
After every storm is the sun

-- Break 2 --

JC (10.37p)

We're not the ones that make it happen. God is
God doesn't need us, He could've done it all Himself
Made it this way so we depend on Him
Committee...wasn't sure if he wanted to do it, but it came up a few times:

Sunday message: Harvest is many, but worker is few
Sunday school: Jesus sending out disciples
Youth group: 1 Timothy 3 (Responsibility of the overseer)
Wanted to do Bible studies, from upper year showing that there's a lot to get from the Bible

The fact that a 2000 year old message can still be powerful is compelling

Had passion, but no training. Those are times when you really need to depend on God

People lost the passion of living sacrificially for God over time

But came back in recent years
Want people to want to know the Gospel, Scripture

School and academic advancement is important
But so is using your talents for the Kingdom

D (10.49p)

Hard to get in touch with people from home (HK) due to time zone
School is hard

Realized that she can rely on God
Life can be frustrating at times
Was sent people to help her through hard times

His grace is enough

S (10.56p)

Want to be more discipline in chasing after God, else will become complacent
Got sucked into materialistic mentality of HK

Why am I storing treasure here instead of in heaven?

Discipline

L (11.01p)

Wasn't sure if she should come to Waterloo (exchange student)
Encouraged by sharing
4 months seems like a long time before coming, but it's been good

L (11.04p)

Wanted to get deeper with relationship with Christ -> joined a bunch of CCF things

But didn't feel any different
Was pointed to a book on legalism
God reveals Himself to who He wants to, not by our powers, but by His

B (11.06p)

People didn't challenge his faith when he was growing up
University is much more difficult than high school
We need God

H (11.10p)

CCF is humbling. Lots of people looking after each other
Got really involved. Learned lots

RL (11.20p)

See many professing Christians who don't act Christians
Liked Waterloo when she visited -> decided to go to Waterloo
HK friends made fun of her for wanting to go to Waterloo

Friendship here seems more real

J (11.25p)

How do I know that I love God?

Boundaries of apologetics

2010-12-15T02:33:00.000-05:00

Summer of 2010 started with an encounter with Mormons, which emphasized the importance of apologetics and knowing the details about my faith. It led directly to the start of NNC (or BBW, or just Apologetics cell, even though our premise isn't really just on apologetics). After several months of apologetics and a few presentations, I was a bit amused to note that the end of Fall 2010 was marked by a case where apologetics just didn't work.

I was working with someone on a project the other day, when he started talking about religion. He talked a bit about meaning of life, then proceed to note that the Christian God is insane. Curious, I asked him to expand a bit. He pointed to the Old Testament, and the purging of Canaan. Oyy...

As the conversation went on, I found out that he grew up in a Catholic school, taught by people who simply told him to ignore apparent contradictions between OT and NT, and that didn't make sense to him. After telling him that I agree with him, that one should think about their faith and be active in figuring things out, we launched into things:

God of the Old Testament
I pointed out that major destructions of people groups were not unwarned: Noah was warned and had a chance to tell other people (Genesis 6), Canaan's purging was also forewarned (Genesis 15.16). Sodom and Gomorrah's issues were described as an outcry...other people were complaining about how bad the situation in those cities are (Genesis 18.20)! To top it off, Abraham argued for the cities, saying that there must be some good people there (Genesis 18.22-33), where God agreed that He will not destroy good people. I brought up that God was ready to destroy Israel (but still want to give humans a chance) when they worshiped the golden calves in Exodus 32 but relented. God didn't kill anyone there, Moses did (Exodus 32.25-29)!

I pointed to the healing of Naaman, a general of the enemies of Israel (2 Kings 5.1-19) and Nineveh, a city that pillaged and burned Israel. (Jonah 3). I stopped around there, even though I had more examples still. My point has been made already, and I realized one fundamental assumption I've made here, in my interpretation of the OT: the sovereignty of God. And although I've placed examples of God being merciful to contrast his view of an angry God, our difference in fundamental assumption meant we could not meet at a common ground.

I was just told ignore things that didn't make sense. How could that be?
Ah. Apologetics. I explained to him what apologetics is, and that most people don't bother with it, but that's not the proper attitude. Just as we investigate scientific principles that we believe, we should also examine the what our faith says as well. We talked about dinosaurs. Young Earth creationism and Genesis 1-2. Big bang. Evolution. Archeological evidence of Biblical events. Philosophy behind translation of the Bible. I mentioned that I grew up believing science, and things had to fit together before I can whole-heartedly accept this. I admit, I have not been able to figure everything out. Evolution and big bang arin't exactly easy concepts to grasp. But I'm at an okay place right now in terms of that.

...but how can you believe all this?
He asked me, what if God was just a made up concept and all these things just happened to have fit together?

Well...Voltaire believed that. One quote attributed to Voltaire is "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." Enlightenment era philosophies. Sure. He advanced the principles of Locke (Tabula Rasa, "the blank slate"), in that we are fundamentally bad people, but society forces us to conform to become good people, and that we can shape people's behaviour. Later on, Freud reinforces that idea, with the id/ego/superego.

I subscribe more to Hobbe's ideas (the Social Contract). We agree that people are fundamentally bad, but it is rather difficult make someone good. Can we actually just colour in the blank slate and make someone good? Or do we need a central governance to make sure people behave, implying that people cannot be expected to be good when left to their own devices? It's evident what our modern society believes...communism failed (a whole different discussion altogether) and democracy, which is an implementation of the Social Contract, is widespread. Our own society believes people are fundamentally bad.

But this isn't what we disagreed on. We disagreed on the solution. He said he wouldn't mind becoming a Buddhist. Buddhism believes that the individual had the ability to become a good person and be perfect, on his own accord. I didn't believe that. My life experiences tells me that I need Jesus, because if we can be good on our own accord, humans would've all been good already. So I shared a bit of my own stories and how I got to this point in my faith.

Concluding
I think, even though we've hit a lot of different topics and (hopefully), I presented a decent case, I've been reminded the limitation of apologetics here. I cannot expect someone to believe just because I could answer all his questions. Apologetics allowed me to present my case in a intellectual, logical way, to lend creditability to the hope of my faith, and not be stuck with a "uhhh I dunno"

I'll point to Mikee for a discussion about apologetics and Jorge for further thoughts on how to properly use apologetics. We're called give the reason for the hope that we have. We can plant things with our arguments and logical debates, but God is the one that makes the seeds grow.

Post-modernism

2010-11-18T00:54:00.003-05:00

BBW just went though a section on post-modernism/relativism. Researching and thinking about this has got to be one of the harder topics we've covered in BBW. We don't often encounter groups like Mormons or JWs around. But post-modernistic ideas are everywhere. Chances are, I myself have some post-modernistic beliefs that I just absorb from my culture, and haven't really thought about...well. Until now, anyway.

Post-modernism is a tendency in contemporary culture characterized by the rejection of objective truth and global cultural narrative or meta-narrative. It emphasizes the role of language, power relations, and motivations; in particular it attacks the use of sharp classifications such as male versus female, straight versus gay, white versus black, and imperial versus colonial. Post-modernism has influenced many cultural fields, including literary criticism, sociology, linguistics, architecture, visual arts, and music.

- Wikipedia

So in our context, post-modernism is the belief that there is no such thing as absolute truth (i.e. denial of Biblical truth). Rather, what is true for you may not be true for me. What works for you might not work for me. That truth is relative and that everyone's point of view are valid. I was brought up to believe that tolerance is good. In fact, I've found myself pretty upset when I encountered situations of blatant intolerance.

I've gotten into a few discussions regarding religion and belief systems before. It's been a lot of sharing of what one believes in...and usually left at that. The rallying cry (verse, rather) of the apologist would most likely be the one from 1 Peter:

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect...

- 1 Peter 3.15

So we're called to present our opinions, but to do so in a gentle and caring way. I wouldn't enjoy it very much if someone just came up to me and told me how dumb I am for being an engineer, being in academia or having Christian beliefs. I would assume that the same goes for others. Be firm, but be loving.

My search in finding more about this topic and these thoughts has led me to two people, William Lane Craig (Professor of Talbot School of Theology) and Tim Keller (Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian), both of whom can say this much better than I can. I'll share their thoughts first, and write more later.

Tim Keller
About every other week, I confront popular pluralist notions that have become a large part of the way Americans think. For example, pluralists contend that no one religion can know the fullness of spiritual truth, therefore all religions are valid. But while it is good to acknowledge our limitations, this statement is itself a strong assertion about the nature of spiritual truth.

A common analogy is often cited to get the point across which I am sure you have heard - several blind men trying to describe an elephant. One feels the tail and reports that an elephant is thin like a snake. Another feels a leg and claims it is thick like a tree. Another touches its side and reports the elephant is a wall. This is supposed to represent how the various religions only understand part of God, while no one can truly see the whole picture. To claim full knowledge of God, pluralists contend, is arrogance. When I occasionally describe this parable, and I can almost see the people nodding their heads in agreement.

But then I remind the hearers that the only way this parable makes any sense, however, is if the person telling the story has seen the whole elephant. Therefore, the minute one says, 'All religions only see part of the truth,' you are claiming the very knowledge you say no one else has. And they are demonstrating the same spiritual arrogance they so often accuse Christians of. In other words, to say all is relative, is itself a truth statement but dangerous because it uses smoke and mirrors to make itself sound more tolerant than the rest.

Most folks who hold this view think they are more enlightened than those who hold to absolutes when in fact they are really just as strong in their belief system as everyone else. I do not think most of these folks are purposefully using trickery or bad motives. This is because they seem to have even convinced themselves of the "truth" of their position, even though they claim "truth" does not exist or at least can't be known. Ironic isn't it? The position is intellectually inconsistent.

From: The Supremacy of Christ and the Gospel in a Postmodern World (Desiring God Conference 2006)
(I actually copied this from another short article, found here, but Keller mentions this story, and most of the contents of the article I cited, in his Conference lecture)

William Lane Craig
Now I can imagine some of you thinking, “But don’t we live in a post-modern culture in which these appeals to traditional apologetic arguments are no longer effective? Since post-modernists reject the traditional canons of logic, rationality, and truth, rational arguments for the truth of Christianity no longer work. Rather in today’s culture we should simply share our narrative and invite people to participate in it.”

In my opinion this sort of thinking could not be more mistaken. The idea that we live in a post-modern culture is a myth. In fact a post-modern culture is an impossibility; it would be utterly unlivable. Nobody is a post-modernist when it comes to reading the labels on a medicine bottle versus a box of rat poison! You better believe that texts have objective meaning! People are not relativistic when it comes to matters of science, engineering, and technology; rather they are relativistic and pluralistic in matters of religion and ethics.

...

And as for the idea that people in our culture are no longer interested in nor responsive to rational argumentation and evidence for Christianity, nothing could be farther from the truth. If I might be permitted to speak from my own experience, for over twenty years I’ve been speaking evangelistically on university campuses in North America and Europe, sharing the Gospel in the context of presenting an intellectual defense of Christian truth claims. I always close my talks with a long time of Q & A. During all those years virtually no one has ever stood up and said something like, “Your argument is based on Western, chauvinistic standards of logic and rationality” or expressed some other post-modern sentiments. This just never happens. If you approach the questions on a rational level, people respond to them on a rational level. If you present scientific or historical evidence for a Christian truth claim, unbelieving students may argue with you about the facts - which is exactly what you want -, but they don’t attack the objectivity of science or history themselves. If you present a deductive argument for a Christian truth claim, unbelieving students may raise objections to your conclusion or premises - which is, again, precisely where the discussion should be -, but they don’t dispute your use of logic itself.

From: Christian Apologetics - Who needs it? (Reasonable Faith)

A bit closer to the other side

2010-11-05T15:50:00.003-05:00

I am more and more a grad student. This is how I know.

PHD (Piled Higher and Deeper) Comics
Link here. I've always like xkcd, with its Math/CS references and amusing stories and thought experiments. I used to read Dilbert, during my co-op days. Now it's been PHD. You know it's bad when you relate more to PHD comics than Dilbert.

Proctoring
I proctored two midterms. The closest word I can use to describe my proctoring experiences is "jailer". I walk up and down the exam room, trying to look intimidating. Glaring at students when they make too much noise and walk them to the bathroom. In 1.5 hours, they'll be gone, worried about the next exam. I still need to supervise another exam. There was a line that kept on running through my mind:

"You see? I will end up living in prison longer than you." - The governor/jail keeper, to Pu Yi, when he's being released from jail (The Last Emperor, 1987)

Hockey stars and...professors?
Friends of mine are getting published. Whew. I was looking around at related works and saw a name I recognized from a previous paper, a fairly big name in motion detection/motion segmentation research. I got excited, before catching myself. Perhaps the average person isn't excited by famous researchers as they would a hockey player.

Suits and other fancy dresses

2010-10-22T16:19:00.001-05:00

I don't tend to care too much about what I wear. I'm not into brands or expensive clothing. I rather my stuff be comfortable than fashionable. Warm rather than cool (literally). So I walk around in hoodies and jeans/khakis. Long-sleeves that I can roll up sleeves to so I can "adjust the temperature." I happily ignored years of people telling me to insert some colour into my life until I was forced to consider the opinion. The first time I've ironed a shirt is in 4th year. So it was a rather interesting experience for me to go suit shopping. Yes, I'm getting better. -_-

Suit shopping history
My mom bought me my first and only suit. This is the suit that I brought to Waterloo. This is also the suit to which the pants to I accidentally machine washed because it looked just like all my other dress pants. This is the suit I had to replace.

New suit shopping history
Being totally ignorant of suit culture, my "fine dressing for men 101" consisted of numerous trips malls, trying on more suits more times then I've worn my original one (thanks to everyone that convinced me that non-black/white colours are wearable =P). No, this isn't a post documenting my suit shopping experience. =P

Thoughts on dressing
I've come to realize that dressing is not entirely an individualistic thing. That when I dress to go school, no one really cares if I'm in a hoodie (grad students don't tend to dress any better than undergrads, I've noted). The purpose of my school clothing is to keep me warm (and decent).

But just like there is a season for everything, formal ware is important when the time calls for it. One is expected to "dress to impress" when it comes to situations like interviews and weddings. So if I'm going to spend the time and money to find a decent suit, I might as well finish the job and find a decent shirt and tie as well. And etc. The purpose of these formal situations is no longer just for myself, but for the event/company that I will be attending.

I recently came across this article (Why what you wear matters) and I think it reconciles fairly well my not wanting to spend much time/effort/money on clothing, but still have what is needed for the occasion. Perhaps I'm the only one in my age group that needs to realize these principles. I'm working on it -_-. The points from the articles are as follows:

Be conscious of clothing selection - Keep in mind of the situation and intent of dress. Going to a interview dressed all bummy draws negative attention. Social protocol is suppose to kick in at some point. And if nothing else, it reflects poorly on chinese people, students, christians, and chinese christian students
Don't draw attention to one's privilege - A while ago, three of us got involved in a clothing donation run. We ended up gathering a large amount of old clothing and donating it off, to the point that it wouldn't fit into the donation box that we found in the middle of the night. It reminds me that the ability to buy clothing is quite a privilege indeed, and some thought should go into things before picking up super expensive suit when a moderately priced one would do. Or number of clothing, I guess, for that matter.
Dress modestly, not sensually - I don't think I have any problem with this one. =P
Dress properly, use good judgment, don't be associated with evil - I guess I don't tend to keep this in mind much. There was this one suit that looked okay-ish and was within my budget, but when I went home and looked up the brand, I found that the company was associated with child labour. I already wasn't super happy about the suit, but that was the finisher for that particular suit
Spend wisely - Well. I could point out that I don't have much wealth, and is why I choose not to buy much clothing. But this idea should fit with the first point, so some balance is needed here

Yes, I'm learning. -_-

Religious Intolerance

2010-10-13T11:36:00.002-05:00

I was walking from my lab to RCH the other day, mentally reviewing my latest tutorial that I was about to deliver. Around campus, there's a bunch of "Is Jesus Relevant" posters for an event a while back, hosted by mCCF. On several of these posters in E2/E3, someone took a black Sharpie and wrote NO across the poster. I was shocked about the poster for a few reasons.

1) Walking around campus, I've rarely noticed poster defacement. I can probably count all the cases on my hand. I figure most people don't even pay attention to the posters (when I did NSR, only a tiny handful of people came due to poster advertisements). Even in terms of general grafftti, I don't notice that often (other than bathroom stalls, anyway). Either Plants Ops are very good at cleaning those up, or Waterloo students are generally well-behaving. Or maybe I'm not very attentive. Either works.

2) I was reading about how there are many Christian-based laws/events being repelled these days in the name of religious tolerance. I remember getting frustrated at that, since Canada was really originally found on Christian principles, by Christian settlers. You don't expect the Middle East or parts of southern Asia to suddenly repel their religious laws as well, do you? But okay. Democracy is built on freedom of speech (well. to a degree. hate propaganda will get you arrested pretty quickly).

I feel that society is more and more pendulum-like. A few decades ago, it was for women and minority rights and suffrage. Nowadays, I've had Caucasian male friends tell me that they're most marginalized. I noticed RIM job applications asks me if I was a visible minority (Are Chinese actually visible minority? Certainly not on Waterloo campus...). I've see other companies boast that they are equal opportunities employers and etc. But I'm not going to get into gener roles and if fair = equal here...

3) I'm don't think I'm being superly biased here. A few weeks back, a Florida pastor publically announced that his church was going to burn copies of the Koran on the anniversary of 9/11. He later canceled his plans. I've never read the Koran, but I'd be pretty unhappy if I found out some Muslim groups were out burning Bibles. Lets stick with the Golden rule here. If you don't want other people to tell you what to believe, don't tell them what to believe. I'm in the business of sharing my faith, thoughts and ideas, not shoving it down someone's throat.

It took a while for Joge and I to hammer out, but I'm happy with NNC/BBW/Apologetics' mandate. We research ideas and questions. Present the different point of views. We add a bit to what we believe in ourselves and why we do so. That's it. You decide what you want to believe in. If I just tell you what to believe, then your beliefs are mine, and that will crumble when push comes to shove. If you decide for it on your own, then your belief becomes yours, and you learn to take a stand, and that is much more important. Haha. Sounds like that Inception movie.

Intrinsic Motivation

2010-08-05T15:14:00.008-05:00

I was poking around the Internet today, trying to find some information on Subversion, to sort out my MATLAB romping and version control. Some searching got me this site. Not feeling a strong particular urge to work at the moment, I started skimming the recent article in this blog. I came across this entry:

The Vast and Endless Sea by Jeff Atwood
Talks about why he enjoys working on StackOverflow, a programming advice forum board, and how he doesn't do it for the money, but because he wants to make the Internet a better place.

It was an amusing read, but wasn't really thinking about it, until I saw the TED talk. Now, watching TED talks is a relatively recent thing for me. First exposed to me from Joses and Jacky, the Technology Entertainment and Design (TED) is a series of seminars (short! The few I've seen are all under 20 minutes) that has all sorts of interesting ideas. (Or, if you don't want to watch the 20 min TED version, there's a 10 min "whiteboard sketch" version by the same presenter that is linked on the blog). I'll quickly summarize the blog entry, but I suggest you read/watch the entry yourself. It is an entry on intrinsic motivation.

What Science knows vs what Business is doing
The speaker, Dan Pink, point to the 'candle problem', where you are given a candle, a box of tacks and a box of matches, and you are to attach the candle to the wall in a way that the wax does not land on the table. The solution is literally outside-the-box. You empty out the box of tacks, put the candle in it, and tack the box to the wall.

Princeton scientist Sam Glucksberg performed a variant of this experiment. He offered people money to solve this problem. Surprisingly, the control group did better. Hmm...

MIT's Dan Ariely did this experiment as well, where they offered several types of experiment (cognitive and mechanical) with rewards. The findings here are the same as Glucksberg. They found that rewards boosted performance only if the actions are mechanical. This makes sense, because rewards focuses the mind on just the task and little else. The subjects performed much worse when cognitive activities are required. It's hard to think outside the box or creatively when your mind is so focused. And just in case there is a cultural influence, they repeated the experiment in a rural town in India. Same results.

This is totally opposite to what the business model suggests, where bonus and raises are given to those with innovation and breakthroughs. Perhaps...really...these innovations occur in spite of the money-based pressures presented by companies?

And so Dan Pink presented his most strongest evidence. Perhaps some of you are old enough to remember a Microsoft digital encyclopedia known as Encarta. I had a copy of Encarta 98. It was pretty good. I did a lot of readings there. Encarta had the input of numerous experts, and is filled with good, professional thoughts, that Microsoft hired. However, this eventually faded as Wikipedia came into the picture. Why would experts and common folks alike put so much time into a volunteer-based, thankless project like Wikipedia?

Because it made the Internet a better place.

Pink noted 3 major concepts that gives someone intrinsic motivation:

Autonomy - The freedom to pursuit what you want. An example he cites for this is the Twenty Percent Time of Google, where 20% of the Google engineers' time are spent doing whatever they want, to produce whatever innovation they want
Mastery - People want to be known that they're good at something. Really good at something. Bragging rights, perhaps? Or perhaps this feeds into the third point, which is...
Purpose - Wanting to reform outdated systems. Make the Internet a better place. To help people. Materialistic comfort. Status and reputation.

I could take this concept and apply it to a various different locations, things that I, or people around me struggle with. Studying for school. Making Bible studies interesting. Staying with new year resolutions. Self-control. The idea is not to appeal with extrinsic motivation. Even PSYCH101 teaches you enough that intrinsic motivation is much more powerful than extrinsic ones. No one can really tell you to study harder, or be more focused. You need to do that. And sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's really hard. Which is why we were given Help, to do things that we cannot do alone.

Related papers and other links

S. Glucksberg, The influence of strength of drive on functional fixedness and perceptual recognition (1962). Journal of Experimental Psychology.
J. Heyman, D. Ariely, Effort for Payment (2004). Psychological Science.
D. Ariely, A. Bracha, S. Meier. Doing Good or Doing Well? Image Motivation and Monetary Incentives in Behaving Prosocially (2007). Social Science Research Network
Dan Pink on the Surprising Science of Motivation (TEDGlobal 2009): found here

Nostalgia

2010-07-28T12:43:00.000-05:00

I think I've came a long way since Calgary, 2005. The people that I knew way back in first year could attest to that. I sometimes think back to my old WatCard picture (which, unfortunately, got shredded when I got my grad student version) and my attitude when I first came in. Just another frosh, far away from home, and hating every moment of it. Today, Waterloo doesn't seem that bad.

I don't think it really was Calgary. I have several high school friends that continuously tell me how sucky Calgary is. One is in LA now. The other in Belgium. I think back to our struggles in jr high and high school and realize it really wasn't that bad. All the "end-of-the-world" events is just another memory. Vanessa was in Calgary for a month and was telling me about how people are (Dang. Matt's taller than us now?). Who's married to who (What?! TD got married?!). Who's working where (Wow, how did Noel end up in HK?). News of people that I once stood, walked with and was challenged by, but now just an acquaintance due to time and distance.

I resonate strongly with Jo Wong's post, of how "I don't hang out enough with them" anymore. With time a (slightly) more flexible commodity, I spent some time reading people's thoughts, flipping through Facebook, just to see where that entire crowd is. What people are doing. My CCAC friends. My IB friends. My family friends (actually, I can guess what they're doing...StarCraft II -_-). I think it's easy to be surprised and shocked at where people at home is. But those of us who left Calgary, we've made a few steps forward too. A bunch of us are doing grad school, in Ontario and Quebec. Kevin ended up in NYC. I constantly forget that Jon and Mel Lau are in North York. A few went all the way back to Taiwan/China/HK.

Whenever people ask of my past, I always complain about Calgary. I complain about it being spiritually dead, and that I instantly feel "more spiritual" when I step onto Waterloo soil. I point out that I've grown more in the first 2 years of UW than I have all my life in Calgary. I lament about the lack of community that I've come to know as fellowship. What I don't talk about is those late night MSN chats with Sr Rock upperyears. Or the counselors that tried. The running around with the elementary kids. The joking around in choir practices. The bags of wet grass. The hours in the Industrial Arts shop. The talks in the parks and the malls. Scoffing down the noodles when no one is around to tell us to slow down while eating. Assaulted by mosquitoes at Edworthy park. Tripping on rollerblades at Edworthy park. Spraying water into wound at Edworthy park. Sharing my testimony at Edworthy park.

Calgary was just a set up for the foundations. It felt like an uphill battle, where I was young and foolish (now, just foolish). Where I often wonder "if only I knew what I knew now...". Where I remind myself that's what the upperyears tried to tell me. Calgary, with its environment and people, set the basis for later growth. I am no longer like them, eager for the next Halo night or bowling event, but I would not have grown without them. It was rather interesting then, when my family came over for my Convocation. A bit of a collision of worlds. A slight reminder that I can't maintain contact with everyone. That the stories goes on, with or without us. Waterloo has it's difficulties too. It's just easier to complain about Calgary.

Haha. I wonder how much Calgary people would see this. Funny how one can still get homesick once in a while, after 5 years. Thinking back, but always still looking forward.

Doing not-so-grand things

2010-07-13T23:34:00.002-05:00

Now Naaman was commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master and highly regarded, because through him the LORD had given victory to Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy.

Now bands from Aram had gone out and had taken captive a young girl from Israel, and she served Naaman's wife. She said to her mistress, "If only my master would see the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy."

Naaman went to his master and told him what the girl from Israel had said. "By all means, go," the king of Aram replied. "I will send a letter to the king of Israel." So Naaman left, taking with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels of gold and ten sets of clothing. The letter that he took to the king of Israel read: "With this letter I am sending my servant Naaman to you so that you may cure him of his leprosy."

As soon as the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his robes and said, "Am I God? Can I kill and bring back to life? Why does this fellow send someone to me to be cured of his leprosy? See how he is trying to pick a quarrel with me!"

When Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his robes, he sent him this message: "Why have you torn your robes? Have the man come to me and he will know that there is a prophet in Israel." So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha's house. Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed."

But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage.

Naaman's servants went to him and said, "My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!" So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

- 2 Kings 5.1-14

Interesting passage. Commentators note that...

Naaman was only awesome cuz God made him so
The girl in v2 was a captive Jewish slave, but still advertised for the benefit of her master, thus is an example of outreach
The king can't do anything. Haha.
Elisha didn't feel like coming out to meet the general

And now getting to the parts that caught my attention. Having read though all sorts of strange ways that Jesus chose to heal people, the instruction to jump into the local river didn't seem that out of place. Naanman getting angry is also understandable. He's some high up, important official. Yet here, a normal civilian wouldn't give him the respect he feels that he deserves. But the thing that caught my attention was in v13...

Naaman's servants went to him and said, "My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!"

- 2 Kings 5.13

If the prophet had told you to do some great thing...

I feel that we're constantly expecting to be handed some great thing to do. Somewhere between exposed too much science fiction and action anime/movies/books/games, and all the epic stories we read in the Bible, one might come to the conclusion that we're all called to do "great things." In fact, it might even be easier to do great things. To have something worthwhile under your belt. Just so I can say "yeah, I did this."

Last weekend, I assembled my first CV (I'm totally sold on LaTeX now. No more Microsoft Word spacing ugliness). CV, short for curriculum vitae, loosely translates to "the course of my life," and essentially is a resume without page limits. It was a mildly entertaining 3 hours while I thought about random things I can stick here (to make up for my lack of publication count). At the end, I had 2 pages worth of volunteering experience. Quite proud of myself...until I started removing all the irrelavent ones. -_-

We live in a society of accomplishments. When I meet someone new, "what do you do as a living?" is a typical first question. "So...what exactly are you researching?" is probably the question I get the most often. We're constantly doing things...and all the better if they happen to be great things. Nothing like a good ego/pride boosting to get one going.

But more often than not, the stuff we do arin't all that great. Especially so in research. In fact, one of the early papers I read was about the importance of stupidity in research (no worries, there's no math or proofs...I'm extremely amused that someone cited it). In real life, great things arin't that easy to come by, because they tend to be hard to pull off, and sometimes you just gotta be at the right place at the right time.

In God's kingdom, great things don't come that often either. Paul sheds some light on why:

Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

- 2 Corinthians 12.6-10

It's more about God then it is about us. And so when we're sent to do the littlest of tasks, the great things that are achieved are not by our hands, but by God's.

Random conclusion note

Ungrateful people. Aram attacks Israel in chapter 6. -_-

Roles of political leadership

2010-06-30T01:17:00.000-05:00

A law...

When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you and have taken possession of it and settled in it, and you say, "Let us set a king over us like all the nations around us," be sure to appoint over you the king the LORD your God chooses. He must be from among your own brothers. Do not place a foreigner over you, one who is not a brother Israelite. The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the LORD has told you, "You are not to go back that way again." He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.

When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel.

- Deuteronomy 17.14-20

And a warning...

...they said, "Give us a king to lead us," this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the LORD. And the LORD told him: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you. Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do."

Samuel told all the words of the LORD to the people who were asking him for a king. He said, "This is what the king who will reign over you will do: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. Your menservants and maidservants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the LORD will not answer you in that day."

But the people refused to listen to Samuel. "No!" they said. "We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles."

When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the LORD. The LORD answered, "Listen to them and give them a king."

Then Samuel said to the men of Israel, "Everyone go back to his town."

- 1 Samuel 8.6-22

I found it interesting that the provisions for a king was already outlined when Israel was still in the desert. I tuned in on this part as I was reading a friend's blog earlier, where he is talking about early Chinese emperors and how the early kings avoided extravagance and instead opted for a simple life style. A life of servitude. The modern government is also designed to do that; centralizing power and serving the people. Although I'm, in general, tempted to bash our governments for endless bickering and finger pointing (as oppose to actually solving problems), I will refrain. Having been in leadership roles, I recognize that it's hard to draw a compromise and meet everyone's ideas. It leads to a greater question of...should a governmental leader let his own beliefs and biases colour his political decisions?

Who do we elect?
The current Canadian Prime Minister, Steven Harper, is a Christian (denominational Alliance, actually. I was a bit surprised. I thought Alliance people were all Chinese, haha). We've already established that the government's job is to serve the people. Do we elect governments that will listen to the public and implement changes are appropriate? Or do we elect a person because we want certain agendas to be met in the country?

Most people would probably reply the latter, but with expectations that the former would happen (especially if your particular needs are not being met by the existing platforms). Are these two ideals not contradicting?

Political leader of another kind
It is expected that Harper would behave "Christianity" while he's in office, and table bills and appoint others with Christian ideals. People rant when that does not happen. So what if we ended up with another type of leader? What if we had a pro-communist leader that was elected in because not enough people voted? Or a fifth column effect occured? Surely, we would protest and break windows and firebomb police cars (you knew a G20 reference was coming) and complain that democracy is being destroyed.

So now...you WOULDN'T want the political leaders to implement their beliefs. So then...what should these people do? As a leader, you're often stuck with trying to set up the system so that it meets the needs of the maximum amount of people. If the people are unhappy, you're simply removed from power, and can't influence the system anymore. A very real case of how you can't please everyone.

Okay. So what?
Not really trying to advance any agenda. Part of this post came from the amusing Bible passages, where God laid down the rules before a king came into the picture, as if He already knew it'll happen. Part of this post came up from the annoyance at the knee-jerk reaction commentaries (and the knee-jerk reaction to these reactions) I tend to find on CBC when the government does something stupid. Part of this post comes from lack of voter turnout and how many people choose not make informed votes. Another part came from the frustration at the G20 protests. As another friend noted, I'm a loss to where these anarchists came from. Sigh...

Verses on Marriage

2010-06-12T17:25:00.006-05:00

A non-Christian friend of mine asked me to assemble the passages of the Bible that talks explicitly about marriage/relationship/etc. While I was thinking about the meaning of marriage in Christian context, it occurred to me that it is difficult to talk about marriage without talking first about Christ. So I set out to write about Christ first, but then I was asked to find marriage passage for another friend who is getting married this August. So now I have a document full of marriage verses. So...lets see what we can do with this...

Genesis 2 - God created marriage

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
- Genesis 2.18-24

This here is the first marriage. Even though all the animals were around, God specifically said "it is not good for the man to be alone." Adam knew about all the animals. He named them all. But no suitable helper was found for Adam. So God had to make one. So when Christian folks talk about how marriage is between one man and one women, this is it here.

Matthew 19 - Divorce?
One will note that polygamy is fairly common in the Old Testament. Although God did not explicitly forbid polygamy (or divorce, for that matter), it wasn't part of His original plan. What God wanted was marriage to be one-on-one and long lasting. Jesus was challenged about the OT divorce laws (Deuteronomy 24.1), so He interpreted the Law properly, as follows:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
- Matthew 19.2-12 (emphasis mine)

Why adultery? Marriage is a contract ("covenant", in Christian lingo). It is an agreement between a dude and a girl. The marriage vows that are cited, "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." It is an agreement to take care of each other regardless or what happens. In modern day, most contract/agreement are finalized by a signature. Or the transfer of money. Handshake. Handing someone else your shoe (I am totally serious). For marriage, the contract sign is sexual intercourse. Sex was intended to be shared only between a husband and his wife. So adultery means that the contract has been breached, thus divorce is allowed. Of course, adultery is also forbidden, in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20.14). Marriage is serious stuff.

This is why Christians are against no-fault divorce. What about abusive relationships? I'll comment on that later on.

1 Timothy 3 - Arguments against polygamy

Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.
- 1 Timothy 3.1-7 (emphasis mine)

So a leader in the church is a good thing. Paul says it is a noble task. We are called to be leaders, so these words, we should pay attention to. One wife, eh. Though, this isn't too hard to convince, given that Canadian society has anti-polygamy laws.

Leviticus 18 - What's wrong with homosexual marriage?
Bibically speaking? Nothing. Sort of. The Bible defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman. So anything else should not be called a marriage. But that's just a definition. I suspect that the reason why the average Christian is against homosexual marriage and call it a sin stems from this passage:

Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.
- Leviticus 18.27

So the Law is against homosexual sex, and not necessarily against male-male union/relationships. But read this verse in context with the rest of Leviticus 18. Leviticus 18 is against all sorts of sexual relationships, like don't sleep with your mother, or your aunt, or your brother's wife. Or a woman having her period. Or with animals.

Don't have a lot of thoughts about this field, so I can't comment too much about it, but as a scientist, I don't know if homosexual attraction is genetic or a choice. Based on what I've read, I'm more inclined to say that homosexuality is a choice, and will liken "struggling with homosexuality" similar to "struggling with pornography"...

But before anyone attacks homosexuals for their lifestyle, I will point out that there are very few verses against homosexuals (others include Romans 1.26-27 and certain translations of 1 Timothy 1.9-10 and 1 Corinthians 6.9-11), as oppose to the many, many verses against fornication, adultery and divorce. Be mindful of one's planks (Matthew 7).

EDIT: Adding a bit more thoughts, after getting some comments about my post being ambiguous. It is very clear what God had intended marriage and sexual union to be. It was designed to be shared between a husband and a wife. Anything else and everything else is sin. As noted in above passages, that includes incest, bestiality and yes, homosexuality. The point I wanted to make was...the church has many issues of it's own. Divorce and issues with child-raising, for example. Be quicker to tend to the issues within the church before groups outside.

Ephesians 5 - Relationship in a marriage

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
- Ephesians 5.22-33

Okay. Fun passage. But before we can dig into that one, we'll have to outline what Christ did, to understand how Christ relates to the Church. A quick recap, then, of the Gospel message...

As you may have noticed from Jesus' Matthew 19 re-interpretation of divorce laws (Jesus is full of these re-interpretations of the Old Testimant Law, ie Sermon of the Mount of Matthew 5-7), Jesus' entry into the world also served as a re-interpretation of the meaning of marriage. Jesus came as God's servant (Isaiah 42.1-9), to "proclaim freedom for the captives" (Isaiah 61.1). That is, the wages of sin is death (Romans 6.23), and that man cannot earn his own salvation because he will ultimately fall short of the perfection demanded by God (Romans 3.9-20). So Christ came to preach repentance (Matthew 4.17) so that people will be aware of their depravity. In order to pay for the wages, Christ dies on our behalf to turn aside the wraith of God (Romans 5.12-17) so that we can live a transformed life in righteousness (Romans 6.16-18).

So Jesus died for the Church (Christian believers) so that they don't have to. He died, taking the punishment of our wrong-doings so that God will see us as holy and righteous (Ephesians 5.25-27).

In a marriage, it is expected that the husband be the "head" (lead) of the marriage. It does not mean that the man is better (wrote about this before, see here). Just that he is responsible for the marriage. If his family screws up, God will hold the husband responsible. The husband is expected to love his wife as Christ loved the Church (that is...be willing to sacrifice everything for her, even death on a cross). He must love his wife as he loves himself. He is expected to look to Christ as the example: love, caring and obedient to the Word of God (Philippians 2.1-11). He is not to abuse his headship, and certainly no abuse is permitted.

In response, the wife is called to be submissive. Once again, this does not mean the wife is worth less or has no say. The wife's first duty is to God, not to her husband. If her husband screws up, it is her job to know that he screwed up and to confront him about it. She is to submit only if her husband is godly and bibically sound. The point of all this is to arrange some form of order in the family. The husband will lead, as long as he maintains the qualifications to lead.

At the end of the day, the marriage union is an analogy, representing Christ and His Church. The analogy is limited in that Christ is perfect and man is not. But a good marriage is designed to glorify God, which is the Christian mandate. It all goes back to God.

A few other notable verses
Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 talks about how "it is good for a man not to marry" (1 Cor 7.1b), since there are less distractions for the man/woman so they can serve God without reservation. Paul also talks a bit more in Romans 7.1-6, relating the marriage union to our relationship with Christ. There are many comparisons between Israel's rebellion against God in the OT (idol worship), and God typically accuses Israel of adultry. An example of this is though the prophet Hosea. Lastly, in Malachi, God says this:

Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
- Malachi 2.15-16 (NLT)

More resources
Much of what I've written here, I've heard from other resources. Mostly sermons or conference recordings, but also some books as well. Those speakers are much more capable than I, and I would point to them. I've read/heard about half of these, whereas the others were recommended by others.

The 722 series on Love and Marriage (Voddie Baucham) - very excellent series, let me know if you're interested
Peasant Princess series, MH Blog series (Mark Driscoll/Mars Hill Church) - heard only a few sermons from the PP series. I've heard other Mark Driscoll stuff on this topic (like this one and this one), and he generally agrees with Voddie
A guy/girl's guide to marring well (Boundless) - a good read. not too long
Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, This Momentary Marriage and Sex and the Supremacy of Christ (John Piper) - haven't read, but suppose to be good. John Piper also has sermons on this topic, but I haven't listened to any of his stuff on this yet
God, Marriage, and the Family (Andreas Kostenberger) - haven't read this either, but it's endorsed by Driscoll, so it should be decent
Boy meets girl (Joshua Harris) - interesting ideas. don't totally agree, but...most of it is not bad
Wild at heart/Captivated (John/Stasi Eldredge) - agree even less with this one than Josh Harris. but John Eldredge has some interesting ideas that's worth considering. don't know anything about Captivated, except for it is the girl version of the book

C4C iCrave Seminar - The Solution

2010-06-10T21:38:00.001-05:00

This is the minutes to a Campus for Christ seminar on the existence of evil, suffering and God. The seminar was presented by Dr. Kirk Durston. I went to listen in hopes to pick up some apologetics material for the NNC workshops. He recommended that I check out William Lane Craig's website for apologetics questions.

Definition of God (by philosophy)

A being that is so great that it is not possible to be any greater. Maximally excellent.

Could it be that there is no God?

CS Lewis' (Christian apologist) arguments, summarized in Mere Christianity

Universe seems to be cruel and unjust
But how did I get the idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of what a straight line is.
So evil is real? Evil is only real if there are objective moral law that are being broken. These moral laws must transcend societies and civilization. Where do these moral laws come from?

Richard Dawkins: We are born selfish. To create a society of kindness and altruism, it must be taught, for human nature will not naturally lead to that. It is easy to see this, by looking at the news or following people around and listen to their thoughts.

If there is no moral law, than evil is just a made up concept in CS Lewis’ mind
Moral law is only useful to minds capable of performing moral deliberation, therefore a mind. You must also must be able to make decisions (free agent - ability to make decisions that is not influenced by other agents). Moral law must transcend time, so the consequences of breaking the law needs to be known in advance. But the only way that we would know the consequence ahead of time is if it’s from a being that transcend time. This being, then, must be perfectly good. Because if we say someone is not perfectly good, then there must be a perfectly good person that we are comparing any given person against. This is God.

He must be all powerful (draft the law without influence) and all knowing (know the consequence of evil)
The existence of moral law means God is interested in the moral behavior of humanity. But we all have violated the moral (God’s) law, we are all enemies of God. With this context, the message of Christianity makes sense (Jesus Christ)

So atheism is too simple to explain all this. God must exist.

What should God permit?

Evil which God could have prevented without forfeiting some greater good or permitting some evil as bad or worse than the instance of evil being examined

- William Rowe (Atheist Professor of Religion)

Plantinga’s Free Will Defense

The world contains free agent who can make decisions that are not determined by any antecedent conditions and who, for any decision, could have decided otherwise
The actualize of a world “W” containing moral good is not up to God alone; it is also depends upon what the significantly free creatures of “W” would do if God created them and placed them in the situation “W” contains

Rowe’s argument

God might exist, given evil exist. But assuming that God probably doesn’t exist, considering the following:

Situation 1: Fawn trapped in forest fire and undergoing several days of terrible agony before dying
Situation 2: Young girl raped, beaten and murdered

No good we know would be justified permit these situations. So Rowe argues that since we can’t think of justifications to permit these events, a good that could have prevented these events, must not exist.

We tend to ignore events that do not have direct moral value. But these events could lead to events that could lead to moral events. Ie how Churchill’s mother fell asleep during Winston Churchill’s pregnancy, which lead to the creation of Churchill, who made major moral decisions in WW2.

Worries from the above conclusion:

Worry 1: Utilitarianism - happiness for the greatest number of people at the expense of the individual (so net moral value is positive). The solution would be the necessity of a ‘Judgment day’ that God would balance things out at the end and put a final end to evil
Worry 2: Moral indecision - not sure the consequence of a moral intervention of someone else’s situation. The solution is that a free agent is only obligated to act on the basis of what that agent could reasonably be expected to know. We’re not omnipotent.

Should read:

Butterfly Effect (apparently it's a book)
Journal article: Kirk Durston, "The consequential complexity of history and gratuitous evil", Religious Studies, v36, pp. 65- 80

What is the point? If God knew we were going to mess up so badly, why even start the show? Or...if so much evil is the result of us misusing our freedom of choice, why does God permit it? Why not to erase free will so we do good all the time?

God created us in His own likeness for the purpose of an eternal relationship. This requires that we have free will for the relationship to be meaningful. In example, I don’t want to program my computer so that it tells me it loves me regularly. That is meaningless.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

- Revelations 3.20

We massively underestimate the power and capabilities of humanity (Kirk Durston)
We are created in the image and likeness of God, so nothing is impossible for us (Matthew 17). The world is where we determine our own eternal destiny
A metaphor: AI androids

Say we want robots with a lot of power, but also autonomous
But what if they go bad? We’ll set up a training realm (with limited robotic abilities, so they don't do too much choas) for them and recommend them to follow a given moral code. They all go bad, but some decide that there is some merit in the code and reprogram their AI to follow the moral code
So you collect the robots, deactivate all the robots that didn’t go for the moral code, and keep all the robots who follow the moral code and allow them to have their maximum potential

The earth is defiled by its people; they have disobeyed the laws, violated the statutes and broken the everlasting covenant. Therefore a curse consumes the earth; its people must bear their guilt. Therefore earth's inhabitants are burned up, and very few are left.

- Isaiah 24.5-6

If you made the mess, you need to clean up your own room. It is not your mom’s job to pick up after you or to clean up your room
So what if this world is training for the next one? Given the immense human suffering we have inflicted on one another in this world, in our mortal form, what would we be capable when we’re in our immortal form?

Q/A: How can God be omnipotent but humans still have free will?

Omnipotent: Such a being is able to do that is logically possible (not necessarily impossible) to do
It’s impossible to create a free agent where God can decide what he will do prior
But since God is omnipotent, He can simply erase free will...

Q/A: Cause of evil could be from either God or the free agents in the world that God created. If God created the world to begin with, how could the creatures in it conceive evil?

What is free will decision? There is generally rules governing a universe/thing. For example, if I buy a laptop, there is a proper way to use it. You generally don’t want to throw a laptop across the room or drop it in a puddle and still expect it to work.
So a free agent in the world can chose to violate the rules. So is there a flaw with the free agent? But the definition of free agent is that any cause of the free agent’s decisions is completely from the free agent and not from prior influence
One should note that evil is the absence of goodness (by Christian def)

In Eden, why does the tree exist?

In chemistry, we use catalyst to speed up reactions. The reaction will occur anyway, but the catalyst will help
Durston suspects that the tree itself was not special. The tree was to test if humans would obey or disobey God or not. The tree was there to speed up this test. If the tree (catalyst) was not there, then the “Fall” event could’ve easily been something else, since if humans was going to be disobey, it could’ve been anything

Q/A: Existence of moral code

If all humans are wiped out by aliens, is the purging of humans a bad thing? There must be a moral code that is higher than humans to enforce/endorse this code, since there is no more humans to defend against the purging of humans. This code must come from a higher being.
But there is no logical argument that will prove God. The final step is a leap of faith. It is a two-layered thing.

Q/A: How could anyone justify events like 9/11?

You and I are not in the position to know if God should/shouldn’t have prevented that event. We experienced the event, but don’t know the total impact of it. We would need to look at the impact of the event till the end of history and all the branches/consequences of event. We have no way of predicting how the net moral value would change if the event did not occur.
Emotional problem of evil: You don’t want to explain this to someone who just had evil done to them. Even if God explained it to us, we might not be able to understand. As a result, Christians must take a leap of faith and have hope for the greater purpose.
Conversely, for the atheist, the only reasoning is that “crap happens”.

Q/A: How can we compare different moral systems?

There are certain principles that seems to be universal. Stealing, murdering, sleeping with your friend’s wife. If there is no objective moral law, some other society could just not think murdering or stealing is bad and you can’t do anything about it, as it is their culture. But if there is objective moral law, we can tell them that they’re wrong

But the northern pike has NO moral law. They eat their young. Yet they thrive.
Do you feel that there is an objective moral law?

Q/A: Do the free agents have inherent moral value?

What if the world got together and nominated you as “the loser”? But God came up to you and told you that He loves you? Then that matters more, since God is maximally perfect and valuable. So that matters more.

Spiritual snipers

2010-06-09T00:15:00.003-05:00

Was listening to Mark Driscoll, during the Desiring God 2008 Conference, delivered this talk. It is a strong-worded sermon, talking about feeding sheep, rebuking the swine, shooting the wolves, criticize the dogs and praying for the shepherds. He addresses the good Christian. The bad Christians. The false teachers and hypocrites. The religious self-righteous. The leaders. It's long, but worth listening to.

My thoughts
It's hard to not fall into one of these extremes. It involves continually examining yourself and figuring out where you stand. It involves knowing the Scriptures and what you believe in and not just repeat what you hear on TV, at church or from your peers. It involves keeping Romans 14 and 2 Timothy 3 close at hand.

I don't necessarily agree with where you were, sometimes I wonder where you at...but I am hopeful about where you are going.

-John Piper

Growing and supporting your close ones involves love and gentleness. But also with firmness. It involves teaching and encouraging. And most importantly, hope in their future. Refining a metal is a multi-step process. Sometimes the desire for God will come easily. Sometimes it's hard and we'll need to examine ourselves.

As I mentioned during the NCC (the workshops, "no-name cell"...yes, it's a sucky name. We're still thinking -_-) introduction night at CCF a few weeks back, one of the more inspiring quotes I've heard in recent times is something I read from someone's gtalk tag:

Christians are just sinners that get back up.

We're not that different than everyone else. We just happen to have reason for hope.

Encountering mormons

2010-05-22T22:26:00.005-05:00

Over a span of two weeks, a few of us met with Mormon missionaries. That was an interesting experience.

Crash course on Mormonism
So Mormons are a group of self-proclaimed Christians who claims the Bible is not complete and that they have additional materials that "completes" the Bible. Research into the Book of Mormon has shown that their book do not agree with the Bible, thus most Protestants don't recognize Mormonism as a branch of Christianity.

Previous encounters
I'm guessing most people have had some form of Mormon encounter. I remember meeting them first on the road to school, in high school. They gave me a pamphlet, which I ended up using as a bookmark in a textbook. Hopefully the next person that got the textbook didn't actually follow up on that. Haa...I didn't know anything about them, but didn't think too much about it.

Next encounter occurred in Waterloo in first year, where they tried to convince me to go to their church. Given the things I've heard about this group, I ducked out, and turned down any of their attempt to meet up further. I didn't know my theology enough. It would've been a bad idea.

Latest encounter
Now, in fifth year, I was still a bit weary. However...

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
- 1 Peter 3.15b-16

So I went along. After thinking, reading, listening and praying. I went along. And they sound very similar to what I would've said, if someone asked me about what I believed in. I realize now why Jesus sent His 72 in pairs of two. Because it would've been too easy for one person to stray...

But differences between what we believed in and what they believed in ultimately arose. We shared our perspectives. They shared theirs. When it became evident that we wouldn't budge from our beliefs, they stopped calling to arrange for meetings. But it sounded very similar to what we believed in.

Some questions I walked away with
Whenever one's belief system clashes with someone else's...questions will inevitably come up.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
- James 1.2-3

These trials and testing of faith includes clashes with the faiths of other people. The questions that I am forced to struggle with...

How do I know that the Bible that I believe in is true?
Why is salvation by works so attractive?
Do I need to be able to explain everything in the Bible? Is everything suppose to make logical sense?
How well can I explain my faith? And how important is it?

I'll follow up on these questions on a later post. Also, one of my friends who was with me, his thoughts are documented here.

Cost of freedom

2010-05-14T01:22:00.003-05:00

For my thesis work, I need a crash course on HCI (Human-Computer Interface), since I need to do some interface design. Having shaken my head at some of the poorly designed interface that I've encountered in the hospital, I figure the easiest way to do this is to take a course. Thus, I sat in on the first two lectures of this course. (Course website, if you're interested in the readings, is here)

It was interesting. Although the course touches a bit on HCI, it is not the focus. Rather, the focus is on the concept of Open Source code. Free code, if you will. Free as in freedom, not as in no cost (the quote they use is "Free as in free speech, not free beer"). As an user of various open-source software (OSS), such as...

Mozilla Firefox - Internet browser
Google Chrome - Yes, I have two browsers installed. 3, if you count IE8.
Mozilla Thunderbird - Email client. Not so much anymore, too much CCF reply-all spam -_-
Pidgin - Multi-purpose chat client (MSN Live was too much)
Launchy - Command-line launch prompt (if you're lazy, you'd like this)
GIMP - Graphics editor
Audacity - Audio editor
Notepad2 - Notepad replacement
7zip - Compression client
Cygwin - UNIX emulator. Sort of. I "ls" more than "dir". (installed for school needs)
Eclipse - Java IDE (okay, this is for work, but I use it anyway =P)
TexnicCenter - LaTeX IDE (okay, this is also for work)

Haha. Listing and linking all the OSS was probably unnecessary. Anyways. The CS course is ran like a discussion. The focus is more on the philosophy behind the Free Software movement, spearheaded by characters like Richard Stallman. They'll also look at various OSS licenses and applications. A CS philosophy course. Never would've thought.

Richard Stallman is a computer programmer who started the GNU (GNU's Not Unix) project, which was to create an "free OS" that will run a collection of "free software". So what is free? The idea is very simple. Consider the following:

Say I buy a car from Toyota Corolla (yes, I still believe in Toyota...hope it's not misplaced =P). I then drop in a new engine, lower the frame, install a NOS injection system...Toyota would not stop me. In fact, Toyota might be happy to hear that I've put a lot of TLC and won a few street races. Okay. maybe they wouldn't appreciate THAT, but...I can improve my car, I can customize and personalize it, and they wouldn't care.

Or...say I buy a vacuum cleaner, and I use it. Then my housemate needs to vacuum his room. So I lend it to him. And he use it. GE probably isn't going to care. Probably. I can lend out my Corolla and Toyota wouldn't care.

Yet, I cannot do this with software. I cannot just lend my neighbour my copy of MATLAB or Starcraft without risking getting into trouble. I can't hack Windows Vista in the event there is something super-annoying that I really want to change myself, in the event that Microsoft doesn't want to change it. No, Windows Vista has anti-reverse engineering clause that you agree to when you click "I agree". As a programmer, I can't soup up Vista like I can soup up my Corolla. I can't even lend it to my friend without getting nervous of getting into trouble.

Stallman first encountered this when he was still in school. The company that sold his lab the printer refused to release the printer control program. The previous printer came with open source control program. They modified it as they needed to. They couldn't update the new printer. Shocked at the repression from the printer company, Stallman (an OS programmer) decided to create a new philosophy to oppose the closed software. All computer needs an operating system before it can run software. So he started the GNU project, which eventually grew to Linux. Linux is now in competition with more established OS companies like Microsoft's Windows and Apple's MacOS. A new OS was created to oppose an existing similar system, Unix. In fact, Linux is a combination word between Linus (for Linus Tovalds, the creater of the kernal) and Unix. All in the name of open software and user openness. All in the name of freedom.

Freedom in Christ
This word, freedom, is one that is often thrown around. As I've understand it, the concept of being "free in Christ" means to be free from sin. That, of course, is only achieved by saving grace. Appropriately, our response is to rise above our natural selves. I often hear...and I myself have said that Christians are different and that it should be seen in our lifestyles. But a criticism I've often heard is...what is the difference between Christian-living, and a non-Christian (but a nice guy)-living? After all, I can think of a few non-Christian friend of mine that live very moral/ethical lives, and are probably a lot nicer than I am.

"So how are you going to be a witness, Jon? What about your living style? How are you different than some random nice guy down the street?" I had no answer, when I was faced with that question, back in first year.

Gradual change
It is often the little things. In class, we talked about how Stallman is so fixed to his visions...even little things like calling the OS GNU/Linux, instead of just Linux, in order to remind people of the "openness" ideals of the project...of how everyone will never fully understand what GNU was intended to achieve, but by making stances on little things, the world slides towards what the vision is intended. Most people probably think Stallman is crazy.

That's how we're suppose to be. We are suppose to slide towards Christ. We'll never reach Christ, but we make every effort. We're suppose to be seen as crazy. A few little life examples stands out in my mind...

Pirating software
I'll admit it. I was very into this. I've never paid for my own copy of Windows. It either came from burnt CDs...or more recently, from the school's MSDN site. I've never paid for my own copy of Office either. Also pirated...or more recently, the license I have is paid for by my lab. It's funny. I never used to care where my software come from. But as I start to perform my own programming (all 6 co-op terms), I gain a better appreciation of software and the time it takes. I can't say I'm perfect, I'm sure I still have something illegal somewhere, or something I've rationalized my way though...but my conscious no longer allows me do something like this without thought.

Bus pass
And I thought I was doing pretty well. All my software is legit now. I stream most of my music, from grooveshark or youtube (I still have all my music, for Fair Use purposes, but I don't really listen to them anymore). I make more effort to buy CDs, because I want to support the artists (NOT because DRM won. Stupid DRM...). Or the studio (I am totally buying Starcraft 2 within the week of release, even if it's ridiculous -_-). And whatnot. So yeah. I'm pretty good. Pretty righteous. But my latest, and probably most convicting experience regarding this topic came recently.

Last week, a bunch of us were scheduled to go watch Iron Man 2. Like a bunch of fan boys, we decided to line up at the threatre and watch it on opening day. So we were coordinating rides when one of my classmate suddenly told me that he needs a ride. What? What happened to your bus pass? Did you lose it? Thew it away? Come on, we've only graduated for like, a week man. But I realized what his response was before he said it. "I don't have a bus pass". He's not a student anymore. He's technically not suppose to use the U-pass anymore.

When I lost my WatCard last year and got a new one, I noted that they updated the expiry date. Cool, I thought to myself. I can take the bus longer. I can "maintain" my student status, even after I'm done. No biggie. A lot of other people are doing it. People who "lose" their cards and get a new one, right before they graduate. Not a big deal.

But it is a big deal. The small deals are big deals. And so I was convicted. One more unquestioned behaviour was questioned. To follow Christ means we have to be different. Rising above the pressures of society. Questioning conventional behaviour. Free from society in order to do what is right. For Stallman and the GNU team, their freedom meant they had to build a OS from scratch. For us, it means we have to do what is right instead of what is popular.

I was talking to another friend about this afterwards. A friend that did what I would've done, using their expired IDs to get on buses. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'm cut out for this Christian thing. Because I know what is 'good' and 'right'...but it is easy to just ignore it." Of course. But that is part of learning and growing. To notice the little things we do. To notice the little things our peers do. To guide, teach and rebuke. I saw a quote in someone's gtalk tag a while ago, and that is the line I quoted for my friend:

Christians are just sinners that get back up.

Without question, we will fail. Moses failed. David failed. Solomon failed. Elijah failed. Peter failed. Paul failed. But they were challenged. And they got back up. And us too.

I've read this verse many, many times, but I now have a better understand what Paul was saying...

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

- 1 Corinthians 10.12-13

Nerdy bling

2010-04-23T21:41:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, when I was at Westcourt, I had my USB key hanging around my neck. We were making a joke about the USB being nerdy bling: "yo, check out my 32GB, yo!" (sadly, mine was only 256MB. haha. I'm mildly ashamed. It has served me well over the last 4 years). It reminded me of my actual nerdy bling...

My Iron Ring is probably one of the more interesting possession I have. Beyond being a noise maker and something that I play with when I get bored. I was talking to Karen Wong about it. To some, it is just something that came with their degree and lighter wallet. To others, the Ring is a symbol of pride, that they've survived the rigour that is [Waterloo] Engineering. We were instructed to wear the Ring with pride, and most of us do.

Of course, the Ring (or the "Calling of the Engineer") itself is similar to the various other ethics/morality pledges and oaths that other professions, in particular the Hippocratic/Nightingale Oath, Lawyer's Oath (and apparently Canadian scientists and MBAs will soon have their own ethics pledges as well). Having read a medical ethics books and lawyer ethics articles, I have some idea of the difficulty of these other profession. In contrast, engineering (although first year Ethics course has done much to scare me) doesn't tend to hold as much of an impact. There probably isn't too much other major engineering ethical concerns. You don't tend to have too much people who can't wait to hand you millions of dollars so you can award a design contract to their company (or any ridiculous TV drama situations). It's usually the little things. In fact, the biggest errors we can make as engineers that can get use sued is probably negligence.

In school, I think one of the biggest danger is to assume that real life is like labs. That life is ideal, or there is a given, correct answer to the problems I face. When I'm still in school, this is called ignorance. In the real world, this is called negligence. Today is the last day of 4B for many of us...but there is still a long ways to go. I think, the process of realizing that there isn't a correct answer to a given answer (rather, only a "best" answer exist) is currently my biggest deterrent at doing better at research and grad school.

Hypocrisy

2010-04-18T15:32:00.001-05:00

I read an amusing story the other day, regarding Mahatma Gandhi:

A lady brought her son and said he ate too much sugar. She wanted Gandhi to tell him to stop. Gandhi said to bring the child back the next week. The next week she brought the child and Gandhi said “Stop eating sugar, child”. And the child did.

A month later the lady came back and said “My child has done what you asked, but why could you not have spoken to him the first time I came?”

“Lady”, said Gandhi, “a week earlier I was still eating sugar”.

Elements of encouragement - CCF Sharing Night (W10)

2010-03-27T11:29:00.008-05:00

Last official CCF Sharing Night. It has been a short 5 years.

JC (8.00p)

Places with natural disasters, crying out to help
Wonder what we as Christians should do
Personally feels that he should enter higher education
God doesn’t need you for His glory’s sake, but make use of what you are given
Keep an eye out for the hunger and the sin. When you’re aware, the burden is very great
There is a lot of alternative beliefs that causes people to feel self-righteous
God uses the weak to humble the strong
God doesn’t need short term missions. People near by needs Christ too

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light

-Matthew 11.30

CY (8.11p)

We are all unique
Can be very harsh/judgmental on self and others
Applied to Optometry, God said no
Thought about a 4^th year thesis, asked some people about it
Was told by a TA who remembered him and told him that [the TA] was just thinking of recommending him for the thesis position
God works in many ways
Avalon – Stay lyrics

SH (8.18p)

Have been with CCF for 5 years
Stick with this family, great to see faces that you recognize continuously
Continue to be part of this family
God is funny
Be specific in your prayers
Pray that you will be used
Be bold in all situation, you don’t know what kind of difference you are making in others

DM (8.21p)

Christianity is not a joke
Was very good at playing Christian at the appropriate times
Easy to compromise Christian principle, and live Christianly on the side, instead of upfront
Non-Christians tends to think that Christianity is easy, but it really isn’t
God will lead you. Do you believe that He has your best interests in mind

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

- Philippian 3.12-14
Looking back, would you say that you wished that you were bold for God? Don’t want to regret your time here. Want to be able to say to God that you lived for Him, everyday, and that you gave it your all

AE (8.31p)

Can’t believe that I’m here, the last sharing night
Search actively and participate in a fellowship
It’s possible to be in a fellowship but not really. Have to connect with people and make it your home. Don’t settle with shallow conversations
University is hard. A lot of different opinions around you. Need to have a foundation, that you can come back to.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Exchange to Singapore: first time was away from any spiritual home
Very hard to live Christianly without any support. Get Christian support, so you don’t falter easy. Chord of 3 strands is not easily broken
DG is pretty good. Get into one

MN (8.39p)

Money management and tithing
What happens when you set goals and reaches it?
Seems meaningless without God. Materialistic-based goals tends to feel useless, at the end of the day

JC (video)

Didn’t get into optometry in third year
Came back for fourth year, got to do frosh cell and various servings
Life is like a video game. You don’t know what’s coming up. There’s a lot more to level up in
Realized that he needed to know more, to hunger more for God. Can’t hide real hunger of God from the world

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
- 1 John 3:18-20

If it’s in His will, it will be done

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"
- Hebrews 13.5-6

JN (9.19p)

Motivation and goals

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
- Hebrews 12.2

Very important to be able to preach the Gospel to yourself every day. Reflect and remember what Jesus did.
Jesus was suffering and stressed and scared, and was fully human, but kept on going because His goal, His love for us
Matthew 13 – Are you giving up everything to focus on God?
Keep the Gospel central. Don’t lose sight of it
Weak without God

M (9.24p)

Relationship with people (ie parents) have been getting better
Once started working, become more appreciative of parents
Gotten closer to CCF also, thanks to DG
Only have a certain amount of time, so spend it with people that would better you

EW (9.29p)

A year or so ago, I noticed that every time I hit a low, it was very sucky
What to do in these situations?
Was essentially living by herself in Hamilton
How could her, a Committee member, be going through such hard times? Whereas hearing about how God is working awesomely through people
Who is God to us? Do we really believe that God is love, peace, salvation and comfort?
How do we live that out? Remember that there will be good and bad times
If you are seeking out God daily, there is no doubt that He will meet you, because He has promised you
If you believe that God died for you, then you have no excuse not to worship in all situations

VN (9.35p)

Want to say thank you to CCF
Has been a blessing

KC (9.36p)

CCF has been great
Learn to live uncomfortably. We are challenged to do so as Christians. Look to Moses or Gideon; they didn’t want to do what they were called to do, but as we know, God led them to do great things. Talk to people. Expand out of your circle

CM (9.38p)

Spiritual high from fall retreat -> but crashed afterwards
Love you God, love your neighbor
Tend to judge a lot
Romans 2 – Only God can judge
Not just about loving strangers. It’s much harder to love the people you know and don’t like

JC (9.45p)

Give up frustrating things up to God
Strive to not complain. Learn to see the good and the bad. God teaches us many lessons through these things.
“A person who is all smiles is most beautiful”
God has a plan for you. Whatever path you take, He has a way to make it beautiful

AM (9.48p)

We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.
- 2 Thessalonians 3:11

Praying is important. Think about your parents and their constant prayer for you
Enjoy time with your parents. They won’t be around forever. Get to know them.

MW J. (9.53p)

Know that he has changed, but not sure what caused it
Theme of WR: Actively live out your faith
Was happy that WR was set so early -> set the stage for the term
Being challenged about discipline
What does it mean to live out your faith on your day-to-day life
Didn’t feel connected with what he was reading in the Bible
Forcing time to spend time with the Lord in prayer and what not made him feel better
Was changed. Wasn’t instantaneous. A little every day.
Whatever you shift up over God becomes your idle

JL (10.37p)

Remember Lifesong, CCF is capable of some pretty awesome things
Failing 3B
Sucks to fail a term
Left behind
Don’t give up, no matter how bad things got
In desperation, God is always there
But somehow avoided the recession
Failure comes at us from all directions
In success, we might forget about God. Don’t forget God
CCF Theme Song

W (10.50p)

Got oil anointing at Urbana
Thought about doing ministry work, but under parental influence, entered engineering
Felt like he betrayed God, but was told that it’s okay
What God really wants is a response. Here I am, send me
Prayed for signs regarding a girl and got them
Started going out with the girl, but they broke up because she wanted to focus on God
Burned out after that, but learned and grew
Our ultimate test: praising Him even in the hard times. Especially in the hard times
Psalms 42 – verses of encouragement

AT (11.06p)

Pray to be broken down and reconstructed again
Voddie Baucham: Brokenness is necessary in the Christian life. Brokenness is when you realize that you need God
CTI: Going to Asia

M (11.09p)

Had a close Christian brother who fell away from each other
Conflicts, misunderstanding
Move to solve conflicts. Don’t ignore them
Didn’t feel good, but started meeting with him regularly. Felt fake at first, but got better with more and more sharing
DG was helpful and supportive
God is good and faithful, and grants amazing joy
James 1

SD (11.18pm)

Isaiah 40
Easy to lose focus of how great God is
Get too caught up in thinking that God is our friend and whatnot, and not that He is the Judge of the universe
Everything in this university emits light, reflects light or only absorbs light. God is the emitter. What are we?
Had issues with girlfriend -> prayed and lifted it to God -> realized that it doesn’t really matter, and seemed very small once put into perspectives with God

ML (11.26p)

Went into ER, due to chest pains -> panic attack -> faints
Doctors don’t know what the problem is
Withdraw from the term? What should she do? Doesn’t know -> praying about it
Thank you for the support

JT (11.36p)

In 1B, wanted to keep scholarship, but got sick during exams
Westcourt (Bily, Jon Lo and Jorge) took care of them over the time period -> felt community
This led to him doing the same when he took over Westcourt
Matthew 25.31-46 – Sheep and goats
If I have inspired you with any sort of caring, carry on the same thing

RB (11.41p)

Nothing really epic, except for FF13. And DG, I guess
Verses against complaining -> but how much of what we talk about is complaints?
Complains about doing very little at work, but really should feel to be thankful, since she actually has work
Stop complaining for a day and see what difference that would make

SH (11.45p)

God brings you though many things
WR was a highlight, serving with the worship team -> was intense
Recognizing that Christians don’t have it all together necessarily
Expanded out of comfort zone -> led a Bible study group
But started thinking about worries and difficulties and past failures
Didn’t feel that he can lead properly -> Exodus 3 (Calling of Moses)

A (12.04a)

Don’t sit around and do nothing
Realized how much God blesses us, amazing opportunities

T (12.06a)

At WR, realized that this is a special group -> feel that they really care about God
Thought about the Tower of Babel...if unity of people who didn’t care about God could cause God to worry, what would a united Christian group be able to do?

JK (12.09a)

Upperyears serving is inspiring -> felt love received from them
What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

JL (12.10a)

God loves this fellowship, and God shows His love through this fellowship
Just tonight, there was many examples and stories shared that backs that up
How should we respond to a faithful God?
Back in the day, his dad’s Winnipeg CCF has the Christian Soldier car (only goes forward)
As a Christian, there is only one direction to go, and that is forward
God will continue to work as long as you continue to seek Him
Be strong. Be courageous. Go forward

SC (12.22a)

Haven’t been doing so well this term, about academics, parents and emotionally
Don’t know where she is being led, even though she used to be really good at hearing God
Usually, a lot of people around you are going through similar things that you are. Even if there isn’t, God understands
Seek God in prayer and worship and sermons
Thankful for sisters that she can be transparent with
Romans 8.28-39 – even in hardship, God is working
He who began good work will bring it to completion

MMC (12.35a)

Struggling with “love the Lord with all your heart, with all your strength, with all your might”
When you act in love, the other person can feel it
Are you really giving your all to God? Are you really focused on Him?
If He asks you if He is everything, and you reply with “uhh...maybe”, then you’re not doing it
If you truly understand God’s love, then your answer wouldn’t just be “uhh maybe”

AW (12.42a)

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
- Hebrews 12.7-11

This life isn’t about you
Sometimes wish that we only have to learn lessons once and be done with it
Put all your efforts into eliminating sin, or else it will eliminate you

KW (12.47a)

Talking about worship at Westcourt
Is reading the Bible or praying during musical worship still worship? Yes, of course
What about having normal music mixed in with worship songs?
Are you only a Sunday Christian? That’s just a foolish sacrifice
Do you only sing because everyone else is?
When you are worshiping, are you only thinking about God? What is worship? Who are you worshiping?

MW (12.52a)

What God do you worship? How well do you know Him?
Do you praise Him in both your highs and lows? When you have nothing else, would you still hold onto God?
Job: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away
If you lost everything, would you still onto God? Do you worship a God that serves you? Or do you worship a God that is glorified in everything?

JH (12.57a)

Thought she had a solid foundation, but faltered totally after coming to university
Felt that she conformed to the world -> too ashamed to stand before God
Other people who saw her do these things questioned her Christianity
Urbana showed that she was being a passive Christian
Parents are quite a blessing -> new years resolution is to honour your parents more
If you love your parents, let them know
Look past little personal things and don’t be selfish
Don’t lose sight with who is the slave and who is the Master
Prayer is important. Need to pray with faith
Ecclesiastes 5.2 – Let your words be few

HL (1.08a)

After reading the Gospels, you Act it out
CCF in the 1980s: they had 300+ members, with Saturday preaching fellowships. CCF is declining, and the older generation (previous CCF generations) was not happy
Forgave the people (prof/coordinator) who failed them in first year
Last year at Food Cell, no one showed up. Was asked, why do you serve? It is a thankless job, and suppose to be. It is not about us. It is about God
Pray for everything
If God is for us, who can be against us?

PC (1.20a)

More detailed post, found here
Double check everything with Scripture

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

- 1 John 2.15-17

A worldly tone has been set in the Christian environment
Christians are suppose to be set apart and different from the people around them (Deuteronomy 4.1-14)
But Israel failed to be set apart
Are we just doing the same type of things as non-Christians are? Are we different?
A newcomer to CCF: “members of CCF can be seen plastered all over Facebook, acting like drunkards, players and sluts”
“In the world, not of world” -> Daniel stood apart, even though he was in a foreign environment
The only real difference between now and the past is that their idols are physical and ours are not
What you take in, watch, think about (you are what you eat)...maybe that’s why our prayer life is in shambles
Don’t justify sin. The stuff taught in the Bible is not optional
“Are we Christians?”

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?
- 2 Corinthians 13.5

May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

- Galatian 6.14

Has your faith cost you anything? Reputation? Etc. It should be.
What are the fruits you are producing?

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
- Matthew 7.21

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

- Matthew 7.13-14

JQ (1.39a)

CCF has been transforming
As eldest in the family, takes on the role of the duty achievers
Doing little things doesn’t really matter. What is your motivation?
Why do you do devotions?
Do we focus too much on logistics and the event?
Aim to grow into the likeness of Christ
Invest in people
Be sensitive to the Spirit
Life is tough. Learn to rejoice.

Thoughts

2010-02-25T12:38:00.004-05:00

Haaa. A going rate of 1 post/month. Sighs. School has been time consuming, to say the least. A few quick thoughts about Jesus, before I run off to CIVE460.

What is the difference between Jesus-minded and being Christianly-minded?

Theoretically, it should be the same thing. But as I realize more and more, there are a lot of confusion about Christians. But only a handful of thoughts about Jesus. You either think He's God...or He's crazy. Even historians thinks He existed. I've been encouraged to think more about Christ-ly things and less about Christianly things.

It is very hard to tell the difference between the church (man's implementation) and the Church (how it should be). But what people see is the church. They're not reading our book to tell us why we're screwing up. WE have to read our book and tell us why we're screwing up.

Matthew 7

I recently heard a sermon on Matthew 7. It wasn't anything new. I know very well there is a chance that I will stand before Him and be told "be gone". The passage into Heaven is not a right. It is a privledge. A privledge that is decided by Christ alone. You don't argue with Christ about passage into a sinless realm unless, of course, you are also sinless. But I'm not, so at Christ's mercy I must stand. The sermon surprised me not because the pastor told the audience that Matt 7 is a hard passage...but because he said many people feel that Christianity is about praying the prayer once, and go on with their lives as if nothing has happened.

Now...an encounter with the Spirit isn't something I can say that has happened too much with me. Certainly nothing dramatic, like running into a logging truck. But wouldn't common sense itself tell you that a life-changing event like conversion into another faith would have to change more than...nothing? That was upsetting to hear.

Reading the Bible

It's one of those things where "oh, I know I should do more" but don't. I've been there. I'm still there. I'm a student. Life is busy. We're always on a rush. But if we call ourselves scientists, and take pride in our understanding of organic chemistry, human physiology and quantum physics...if we call ourselves mathematicians (even applied ones!) and take pride in our ability to integrate over fields and complex planes...if we call ourselves [insert 'anime-watcher', 'chef', 'board-game player'] and am proud of our abilities and knowledge...why is it that we care so little about the Word?

I once attempted to read through the Bible cover-to-cover. I got through about 2/5 of the OT. I can assure you that the OT isn't just a collection of dusty old laws. It is an epic about how God pushes people to certain places, to do certain things. It is about God moving in lives of ordinary people (trust me, Moses was super-ordinary), to do big things. Yes, it is sometimes hard to relate directly, due to cultural differences...but we can be encouraged by their testimonies too. I've started again. Somewhere in Lev. Don't steal sheep, guys. You'll have to pay back an extra sheep.

Where is God in my life

I often ask that. When I'm scurrying around from class to class, meeting deadlines after deadlines. Trying to get all the logistics to work together and talk to all the people I need to talk to...it's often easy to lose track of ourselves. This is what you can do:

1) Take some breaks. Strangely, I now find grocery shopping and dish washing relaxing. Maybe it's cuz it's away from my eternally-on LCD monitor, and my "Gmail (1)" window.

2) I was once challenged with..."instead of asking that, why don't you ask, 'where am I in God's plans'"? Shift the focus off of us, and onto God. I'll pull from a Relient K song, and say that changing perspectives can change much.

Living out your faith

2010-01-23T21:00:00.006-05:00

One of my biggest struggles has always been converting knowledge into application. I've written about this a few times, but it keeps coming up (so I guess I just gotta keep writing about it).

Engineering
The very definition of engineering ("the application of science and mathematics...") is one of application. We learn (often what appears to be useless) mathematics (give me one useful real-life application of linear algebra...or vector calculus...) and science...the concept of how components fit together and what theory to apply where...endless amounts of textbook reading and practice problems. I was told that 3A/B would be the hardest terms of my electrical undergraduate career. That wasn't quite right...

Fourth Year Design, where we are quite literally thrown into the fire, is one of the most difficult things I had to attempt in Engineering. Here, I had to dip into resources that I found on my own (first fray into journal articles), make assumptions and attempt to justify them...in fact, our FYD adviser told us that as long as we realize that 1) reality is not as straightforward as theory and 2) sensors are not ideal, we would've gotten alot out of FYD. I think we're doing pretty good. FYD is living proof that Murphy's law is true...

So even though I do decent at school (somehow...), the leap to application is nevertheless rather difficult.

Psychology
I could apply the same thing to psych. I enjoy psychology. I took both undergrad social psychology courses offered at Waterloo. It's one of the few textbooks I didn't mind reading. Yet, the people who interact with me on a regular basis will tell you that I could definitely use a bit more tact, and a bit less social awkwardness.

The other day, in the midst of a CCF event, I lashed out (spoke in a rather angry/serious tone and used some pretty harsh languages) at a friend, a Psychology major, because of some logistical issues. Being focused on the logistics, I wasn't thinking about interpersonal conflict resolution techniques or the fact she's stressed about running the event. Nor, I bet, she was thinking about my obvious narrow-minded focus on logistics and irrational comments. And so, even though we both had alot of theoretical psychology under our belts, the confrontation still ended badly (no worries, things are okay now). Theory didn't help all that much.

So...what's your point?
Don't get me wrong. I value knowledge. I think it's really important to learn about theories and to be able to explain things. I like learning about biology and physics. But knowing that insulin causes sugar uptake into cells does not help me with real life very much...unless I'm helping a Type 1 diabetic administering his insulin shots. Knowing that epinephrine will cause vasodilation (expansion of blood vessels) isn't very useful either...unless I'm helping someone find his Epipen.

Living your faith
UWCCF's theme revolves around living out my faith. What does that really mean? It means that, at some point, reading commentaries and listening to sermons doesn't cut it. The other day, I was listening to Mark Driscoll talk about the necessity for discipline and reading John MacArthur write about the origin of pain and evil. Yes, God disciplines His children and has greater purposes than we can imagine...but I can promise you that if you said "God is sovereign" to a Christan who just lost his dad to cancer, you're not helping . You'll be taken aside and lectured about being insensitive.

But...my theory tells me that "the truth set you free"...

And yes. Yes it does. But we're called to be loving as well. Belittling one's pain with a strong-arm answer is not very loving. Offer your prayer. Say that you're sorry. And stop there. Because "God needed him more than you did" is a very poor thing to say to a grieving person, no matter how close that is to the truth.

The importance of reading the Word, listening to sermons and partaking in discussions cannot be understated (this is coming from a guy that listens to sermons as he walks to school. haha). But what I am given is useless if I'm not bringing the good news (or, teaching...*hint hint* to all you potential bible study leaders out there). To bind up the brokenhearted (Caring ministry, anyone?). In spirit and in truth. To set the captives free (and of course, outreach).

It's difficult, because it means I need to get deeper than "yo, what's up" with the people I see everyday. Or to admit that I don't know everything, and must look up and learn. Or to question people when they walk by on Clubs day, when they say "oh, I'm not religious". It means I'm not number one. It means I must learn (and re-learn) to be humble. It means I need to pray more.

Because living out your faith isn't just about reading and thinking. Nor is it only about being considerate and a nice guy. In order to live out one's faith, one must understand the multidimensionalness of Christianity. The full extent of what we're called to do. To seek discipleship. And to bring others to seek discipleship. And to bring Him glory.

Significance of Apologetics

2010-01-10T00:16:00.001-05:00

Apologetics, Greek for 'in defense', is a branch of theology dedicated to defending the Christian faith. Knowledge of apologetics is of utmost importance, because we have two groups of people that we must defend our faith against: ourselves, and everyone else.

Defending myself against me

Doubt is a very powerful force. I am my loudest critic. It is evident that we are commended for our faith. In fact, Abraham is often cited as the first use of the word righteousness in the OT:

[God] took [Abram] outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.
- Genesis 15.5-6

This citation is repeated a few more times by NT authors, such as Paul and James. Doubt plays against faith. Without faith, why would one be obedient? Now, I am not advocating blind faith. The concept of blind faith plays directly against the Parable of the Talent (yes, knowledge and ability to think is a talent), giving rise to the importance of knowing your faith and what you believe in and the implications of what science is discovering.

What is truth?
- John 18.38a

Indeed, commentators note that Pilate was ignorant of the fact that Truth was right before him. Blind faith implies that you don't know know if you're chasing after a truth or a lie. How would know if you don't look into the circumstances, the assumptions and the background of the stories that you read? Apologetics is not about memorizing stock answers to stock questions. It is about knowing what I believe in. Important life questions like "why is there pain and suffering?" and "what is the meaning of life?" is easy to read on paper, but difficult to answer when you yourself are suffering. I must be able to defend myself against myself.

Defending Christianity before others

This could come in all sorts of forms. Elijah's account on Mount Carmel isn't quite what I have in mind, but I guess it could work...

We are called to spread the Word. The stigma of Christianity is quite heavy at times, as we need to bear the burden of the people that came before us. What might this include?

Catholic priests and sexual assault cases (recent news articles)
Hypocrisy of the modern church (personal ancedocial examples) and other failings of the institutional church
The Jesus Seminar (first heard of it from Case for Christ by Lee Strobel)
The common misassumption that Christans blatantly disagrees with science on major theories such as evolution and thus are ignorant of scientific development and evidence (YEC definitely leaves much to desire) and are backward and old-fashioned
The assumption that Christians "projects" people and only has conversion on their agenda when conversing with non-Christians
That Christians are a bunch of crazies that doesn't believe in blood transfusion

And the list goes on. At least we don't have an government that'd accuse us of burning down the city...but yes. It becomes our role to overcome these stigmas and prove that yes, we're logical and normal human beings.

But questions would come. Whether it's about...

morality (CS Lewis' moral compass)
rationale for stance of policy, such as homosexual marriage
rationale for living style
thoughts about current events
historical accuracy of the Bible (largest stash of intact manuscripts vs other ancient historical documents)
scientific theories
religious beliefs

"I don't know" is generally not very impressive. People seems to be surprised that I have first aid training, that I have general biology/psychology knowledge and that I like baking. I've gotten a few "wait, what program are you in again?" ... the point is that I like biology/psychology (I may have very well opted for medicine or a psychology major had I decided against engineering) and thus took steps to learn about them. Granted, the average Christian dude isn't going to care about the Big Bang Theory, but perhaps he should care if he believes in a literal vs figurative translation of Genesis 1-3 (and all its implications). Or why he should disagree with homosexuality (is it actually bad?). It has been raised in BC that, since same-sex marriage is allowed, why shouldn't polygamy be allowed (is THAT bad?)?

Or why he thinks he is saved?

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
- Matthew 7.21-23

Probably one of the harder verses in the Sermon on the Mount (recall that the Sermon on the Mount is delivered to Jewish believers, not random Gentiles). If even Christ would say this about people who thinks are Christians...well. One would need to be very sure that he's in the right place...

Some Apologetics Materials

Mere Christianity by CS Lewis is an excellent first-read for anyone mildly interested in anything apologetics related. Materials by Ravi Zacharias (RZIM) is also very good. I've read a few things by Lee Strobel (ie Case for Christ), which was an interesting read.

Cats

2010-01-02T14:10:00.005-05:00

So over the Christmas break, I offered to take care of the Lester boys' cat, Schrodinger. Even though I've never owned a pet, I was told that cats are fairly low maintenance. How bad can it be?

Cat-sitting 101

Assuming that all the materials are there already, I was told about three things:

Food - Schro is fed this combination of ... supposedly dried up pork and various other meats. Sounds a bit sketchy, but cat food companies know a whole lot more about cats than I do. He goes through about a bowl a day. I was told that cats never overeat (unlike stupid humans at all-you-can-eat sushi bars). Interestingly, they really shouldn't drink cow milk, since, you know, it's from a cow and cat stomaches doesn't like that too much, even though we see it on TV all the time. One could note why humans can drink cow milk and be okay...mmm...but then, humans eat everything. Come on. Just look at Chinese people...

One deviation I did make for Schro's catfood diet is I fed him haddock. I saw some cheap haddock on sale (and after checking with the cat's extensive 'do-not-feed' list), I went ahead and gave him some. He took three bites, and promptly fell asleep. Talk about itis...

But when I woke up the next day, he ended up eating all fish I gave him. Maybe he's shy. But (see section about litter)...

Water - Fairly straight forward. I give him a bowl of water. I add more when it's low. I rinse it. Maybe I should've tried giving him orange juice...

Litter - Perhaps the most 'interesting' part of cat-sitting technology I was introduced to. Cat litter, which appears to be small little rocks (the label claims it's advance technology) that Schro can sit in and take a nice #1 or #2, whichever suits his fancy. My job regarding this involves...walking Schro's litterbox over to a garbage can, and using a pooper-scooper, dump his crap into the garbage can. Now...somehow, his catly by-products sticks to the litter, making large rock-like objects that I need to remove. I guess cats can't be trained to use toilets.

I've noticed that, whenever Schro is extra jumpy or extra affectionate, it's not usually because he hasn't seen people around for a while...because as soon as I change his litter, he does his business. Now, I'm sure parts of his urgent purring whenever I open the door has to do with wanting other animate objects moving around in the same spatial region, but given that he reverted back to his hand biting ways right after I scoop his poo... well.

What have I learned?

Physical Interactions - The cat likes to claw, and he likes to bite. And be purring while he's at it. So he ENJOYS biting people. You know life would be bad when the first question I got from his owners the day after they left was "have you been bitten alive yet?"...so gloves are rather beneficial. I've also observed that the cat likes dangly things, and have clawed long hair, scarfs and stray shoelaces. I've had a bit of fun, throwing threads across the room and watch him bolt after it. He, however, doesn't like to bring it back.

Cat Hair - It sticks to everything. I think if I lost hair at that rate, I'd be bald -_-

Sleeping Cycles - He sleeps alot. He seems to have taken a liking to shoulder bags, because I see him curled up on Keith's and my shoulder bag quite often.

Conclusion
The cat is certainly alive. I probably wouldn't mind a cat in the future, if it wasn't for all the cat hair on my stuff. Certainly one that is less anxious to get his claws and fangs into my arms.

More on dependency

2009-12-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

Discipline seems to be a recurring subject in my recent weeks. On work terms, I tend to collapse into a more undisciplined self, opting for pre-made (McDonalds)/quick-to-make (instant noodles) foods instead of actually cooking out a meal. Leaving things a mess and say I'll clean it up later (my living room). Life converges into a state of rushing in and out of the house, meeting deadlines and trying to get work done. Especially since GS tends to pile alot of reading and projects on you. Yay.

Dependency on God
Several thoughts has dominated my thoughts lately. One was posed as a question.

Why is it that people feel okay depending on substance (ie coffee) or people (ie professors) or other such things (ie Wikipedia and...okay, just Wikipedia), and have no problem with it, but freak out when they are asked to depend on God?

I depend on people all day long. Uncle Mikey to feed me at Mikey's. The grocery store shelver to stack the groceries. Rogers workers to give me Internet and cell phone coverage. The janitor to take out the lab garbage. Jacky to lend me equipment from his lab cuz mine doesn't have much yet (lol. That's my shout-out for the day). I say thank you to all of them (or at least, my wallet does, if I forgot)

Yet I never give God a second thought, when I finally found the short in my circuit, avoided bad drivers on Westmount (Geez. How did some of these people pass their G?), getting my OGS application to Lisa just in time (with almost no line up!) or not getting sick from our Plaza adventures...but I digress.

Why is it more natural for one to depend what can be seen, yet breaks promises (we are depraved, after all)...but not on the One that doesn't?

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
- Hebrews 11.1

At the same time, we're not called to a blind faith. There is no love in blind faith. We're called to understand. It is quite difficult to love someone you don't know. In learning and thinking about such things, we become steps closer to 'loving your God with all your heart, soul and mind'

What is anime?

2009-12-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

We live in a world full of distractions. If I don't want to study, there are many other things I can do to entertain myself. People watch movies, TV shows, video games. I read manga. To a lesser extent, I play video games. On several occasions, I've 'lented' this combination as it took me away from my studies and work. I found myself, upon all instances of frustration, to turn to things like that to get me through the day. However, it is important to recognize what that does...

Addictions

This word is thrown around fairly easily these days, but it is essentially something that one relies on to get through. Yet some addictions are deemed better than others. No one thinks too much about someone stuck on anime, drama or video games as ways to 'escape' from the blandness of normal life. I was once faced with the possibility of purchasing a Nintendo DS. Why not? Long commutes in Toronto. I can entertain myself while waiting for the bus. Why not?

But I was convinced to reconsider. If life is exciting all the time, where would real-life fit? You'd rather withdraw into your DS world (or MP3 player. or iTouch. etc). Isn't this why we watch movies? I commented briefly on this on an earlier post. But everyone else is doing it...movies and video games are huge industries these days. Why not?

Generally, society disapproves people who relies on alcohol and other substances to escape from the mundaneness, blah and the pain. So...what is the difference between drugs and anime? Of course, it is obvious that drugs have more of a health implication than anime does...but the bottom is...what do you depend on? What can you live without? As Christians, we're called to be dependent on Him only. But in our daily living, what else are we depending on? What something does to us is as important as what it is.

God of empty spaces

2009-11-29T13:36:00.005-05:00

People should be aware of what they do and what they believe in. As a scientist (applied scientists are scientists too!), my profession requires me approach life with a critical eye (perhaps not critical enough)...I read a book by a Christian physician/biologist who talked about evolution and how many scientific concepts that we know today were once simply explained as "God". Or "because the Bible said so". I have here a very good example...

Example: Defeat of the geocentric model
People, at one point, sincerely believed that the Earth stood at the center of the universe. The "heavens" of the Bible was understood as physical sky and space and thus must be perfect. Perfection meant perfectly circular orbits. Earth has to be the center because God paid special attention to us. When the telescope became available to astronomers, they realized that their data doesn't quite fit...so instead of addressing their assumptions (ie Earth is at the centre, and all orbits are perfectly circular), they introduced "epicycles" (circles in circles) to explain orbital movement. Way to throw Occam's razor out the window...

...each planet had been provided with from 40 to 60 epicycles to represent after a fashion its complex movement among the stars. Amazed at the difficulty of the project, Alfonso is credited with the remark that had he been present at the Creation he might have given excellent advice.
- Wikipedia, from Encyclopaedia Britannica
supposedly of Alfonso, an European king
who commissioned the mapping of orbital bodies

Several big names in physics history colour our understanding of the world in this subject...

Nicolaus Copernicus (heliocentric model)
Tycho Brahe (empirical observations of astronomical movement)
Johannes Kepler (laws of planetary motion)
Galileo Galilei (Attempted to prove heliocentric model, with the publishing of 'Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems', 1632, which was the climax of the 'Galileo Affair').

Most of you would know that Galileo's works was not well accepted, and that he was under house arrest until his death. The Catholic church did not accept heliocentric theory until the 1700s.

The purpose of the Bible
It is stories like this that propels the belief that science and faith cannot coincide. However, I could also point to the inherent system of science as a point of issue. When photon was discovered to be quantized (thus disproving Newton's classical mechanics), scientists were skeptic.

My deeply held belief is that if a God, anything like the traditional sorts, exists, our curiosity and intelligence are provided by such a God. We would be unappreciative of those gifts...if we suppressed our passion to explore the universe and ourselves.
- Carl Sagan
Agnostic, astronomer

I appreciate this quote. It's like the Parable of the Talents. I was handed curiosity to learn (though, I admit, I can only read so much on EMG...when will this KIN course end?!). Events like the Galileo Affair arises from a misunderstanding of the purpose of the Word.

It is important to remember that the Bible is not scientific textbook. It doesn't tell us how rainbows happen (light refraction in rain droplets). Why the Jews shouldn't eat pork (sanitation). How wind can blow the Red Sea apart but not the people that's walking through it (How could the wind stop the upstream water...and the downstream water doesn't drain away and form "wall of water on their right and on their left"?! Exodus 14, if you're interested).

Instead, the Bible is designed to reveal the character of God. It is to teach us morality. It gives us stories of the people before us. I'm pretty sure that most of us will not be building a stone wall around a city (Nehamiah). Or work 14 years to get a wife (Jacob). Or lead a 300-men charge (Gideon). These stories do not directly apply to us and must be read in context (actually, off the top of my head, Nehamiah's life is probably most similar to us in modern life).

It is important to be reminded that if God wants something done, it'll get done. There is no moral difference between a career profession as an engineer or as an physician (my advice to those people: what do you like more? Commitment counts a bit more here. Not saying callings doesn't exist, but that's another topic). The Bible talks about morality. Right and wrong. It was not designed to be a science text.

God of empty spaces
It's easy for us to attribute things we don't understand to God. Indeed, God is sovereign. Ultimately, all things happen because He allows it so. But whether or not I believe in the Big Bang or evolution does not change my belief that God stands behind it. Whether or not I believe that First and Second Timothy is actually written by Paul does not change my belief in the inerrancy of the written Word.

But what happens when our understanding of science furthers a bit? For instance, if I fell ill and was hospitalized. People came over and prayed and the illness left. I would probably be quick to say that it was God. But lets say they discovered that I was exposed to the illness before but the antibody is just slow acting. Would I say "It was the antibodies"? Or would I still say "It was God"? If I changed my mind and say it was only the antibodies (ie I would've recovered regardless of God's intervention), what have I just done? God no longer has a hand, and I've just lost a bit of reputation as a Christian, because I was so sure it was God...but now I'm not so sure...

There is nothing wrong with asking questions. If I was a Young-Earth Creationist and it turned out that Big Bang was actually the correct answer...the problem was with my understanding of the world, and has nothing to do with God. Thinking about these things are not trival. One must know what he or she believes in, before they can talk to anyone else about it, including themselves.

Reiteration

2009-11-25T20:22:00.004-05:00

(There is like, 3-4 posts sitting on the backburner...I just need to find the time to pump them all out -_-)

I think about the mistakes I make sometimes, over the last 22 years (yes, I will count on the time I threw up on my grandma when I was little)...many of these were little things. These are things that I note and laugh about when I look back, like using strawberry milk for KD or when my car got towed from the [Calgary] Culture Centre parking lot because the licence plate expired. Some are a bit more serious, but thankfully wasn't...like that time I set the toaster oven on fire. Or got a concussion during hockey practice because I wasn't careful (or maybe I just suck at hockey...). Some are the really big things, and I wonder how I can make up for it. Like when I neglected friends and family. People I said are important to me. When I'm not there when I said I'd be.

One thing that I almost take for granted at times is the sheer amounts of second+ chances I get. From my friends (particularly the Calgarians reading this...=P) that I don't talk to much. From work (never experiment with the production database). From school (fail the midterm, ace the final. Sounds familiar?). From God (this list will run far too long).

What is the point of a second chance? Is it that my mistake was insignificant? My friends forgives me for ditching. We repaired that production database. I passed all my courses. Christ still died for me. The thing about forgiveness is...that although I got off for free, someone else didn't. Someone had to pay for my mistakes. Example? My (hypothetical) car gets T-boned. I can forgive the other driver for totaling my car, but I still have to pay for the repairs, at the end of the day.

Forgiveness. Mercy. Grace. These are big concepts that are really hard to understand, and even harder to explain. It is exactly because we don't deserve it that makes it such a big deal. It's hard to give, and hard to receive. It is in us, willing to set the big (and little) things aside, that we're able to learn and grow. I've hurt and been hurted. I forgave and been forgiven. You'd need to go through it to understand. It's a lesson that you learn and relearn again.

But that's what's so amazing about grace. Thank you.

First steps as a grad student

2009-09-10T14:37:00.003-05:00

It's kind of weird, having to seriously worry about my GPA instead of just passing. About sitting beside a guy that was my TA two terms ago in a workshop. Emailing profs for advice for something non-academic. Having career-advice chats with profs. Having small-talk with profs (wow. haha) Walking into segments of the ECE office that I've never been to (got my keys and payroll). Having a discussion about using PubMed vs Google Scholar (peer-review journal archives ... if never heard, no worries. Journal reading gets tedious rather quickly. no one reads journal for fun -_-). It's all a bit surreal. And I'm technically not a grad student yet. Haha.

Don't take the easy courses. That's what undergrads do. In grad school, you really get some idea of how much more there is to know. If you don't know something, go take a course. Don't avoid it. You're not here just to get by anymore. You're here to learn how to learn.

Someone walked up to me earlier when I was standing just outside of DC library with a bunch of CCF people. "Do you know where the Davis Centre is...?" Um. you're in it, ma'am. Oh froshes. I'm officially old.

Things of regret

2009-08-26T13:01:00.004-05:00

I was sent a set of survey result, of where they surveyed large amounts of 60+ year old seniors, with the question of "what do you regret"? From that, they distilled these following results (loosely translated):

年輕時努力不夠，以至事業無成
Didn't work hard enough, didn't achieve enough things
75% cited this as a regret.

年輕時錯誤地選擇了職業
When young, selected the wrong career
70% cited this as a regret.

對子女教育不夠或方法不當
Did not educate their children enough, or didn't like the way they raised them.

62% cited this as a regret.

沒有好好珍惜自己的伴侶
Took their spouse for granted too often.

57% cited this as a regret.

鍛鍊身體不足
Did not train/exercise the body enough.

49% cited this as a regret.

沒有賺到更多的錢
Did not earn enough money.

Only 11% cited this as a regret.

It was fairly obvious what this set of survey result was suppose to show. Probably not news to many people. But I thought I post it up anyway.

Re: God can make use of...

2009-08-06T11:47:00.005-05:00

I originally was just going to comment on Victor's latest entry, found here. But I kind of got long winded so I decided to just post it here

---

This search for faith is a long-standing one. I've been told many times that it's to be satisfied with the outcome of any given event. That, of course, leads to the question of complacency. How do you know what to fight, and when to fight it?

What is faith? It's trusting that we're equipped to handle the situations we're placed in (even though that EM exam Friday looks mighty scary right now). That even if research sucks, that I'll learn something useful from grad school. That I'd be okay without knowing the big picture.

I suppose this is common knowledge. And these are familiar stories. Praying for growth is something I've hesitated on doing...because I've seen God break other people down. No one wants to face their own brokenness.

A warning against complacency...a big deal to me right now, I guess, because of what I noted about complacency earlier this month:

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And god is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. - 1 Corinthians 10.12-13

I've noticed that growth, challenge, motivation and facing our weaknesses are a common theme of some of my fellow CCF bloggers these days. It's a good thing. These are things you cannot do without faith.

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet,"so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. - Hebrews 12.7-13

I'm trying to learn to listen better...it's difficult to demands the rights and respect of an adult when one is still a child inside. Right now, He takes my hand and leads me. But there must come a time when He calls, and I answer, stepping out instead of being pushed by someone else.

Taking heart

2009-08-02T11:16:00.005-05:00

Take heart, young one.

The quote was probably taken from somewhere else, but I first heard it from Carine Bloodhoof, a character from Warcraft III and has been ringing in my mind over the last few days. In some ways, the last few days has seen some of the quickest major decision-making I've ever had to make. But if all goes well, I will be in Waterloo for another year (at least =P), as a Masters student under ECE.

It's funny, how I've spent the entire term, searching for a job. I've had a few interviews, each with biomedical companies or hosptials. Although I've worked at all the right places, I quickly realized that my co-ops hasn't been providing me with alot of engineering-related knowledge. As such, I became aware of the gap between myself and my classmates, many of them whom have worked as engineering consultants, hardware specialists, software designers, project management, etc... at some point during the term, I found myself wondering why I'm still doing this. Do I really want to do research? Do I still want to do biomedical engineering? Maybe I was wrong...just a silly high school dream, that I'd be able to build tools for doctors. That I'd be able to contribute towards patient wellbeing. That I'd be a healer one day.

So I began to look elsewhere too. Management consulting. Hardware design. Control systems. Eventually...as the term started to wind down...software design. Database management. Technical support. Quality Assurance. Yet the only interviews I've ever gotten was two biomedical firms, and one hosptial.

Then, as project deadlines approached, I began to focus on those. Three week straight of FYD. A few more days for 438. Wasn't too atypical to get home at 3, 4am. But that's what student life is like sometimes. Just gotta get it done. Last friday, we demo'ed our FYD project. A posture detection system that we hacked together and somehow worked. I slept the weekend away...

On Monday, a new job posting went up. A UW prof wanted a student to build a lower body postural detection system. Mildly amused, I applied. 48 hours later, I was asked if I wanted to do a Masters degree. Because of the way Jobmine worked, I had 24 hours to decide. Hurray for technology as I scrambled to consult people from Waterloo. Toronto. Montreal. Calgary. New Jersey. Taiwan. ...

I think, it's a bit humbling to think about how it all played out. I applied for the position Monday morning. On Tuesday, I had an interview as a business analyst in Calgary. Knowing that if I get offered, I'm locked in, I prayed for direction.

Okay God. I don't know if I want to do this biomed stuff anymore. Research...maybe it's not for me after all. If I go back to Calgary...I'm quitting. I'll go back and do conventional engineering. Controls. Circuits. Consulting. Something. Research...You should save that for someone who's a bit more capable than I am.

8pm Tuesday. I was ranked.
10am Wednesday. I didn't get matched.
3pm Wednesday. I was offered a Masters student position.
3.30pm Thursday. I got officially pulled from Jobmine, to take this position.

As I sit here, fretting about housing...or the high average I need to maintain...or about not being smart enough to handle research...or the fact that I have so little control over things like this...I kept on thinking about my first co-op term, when I was placed in Stratford. How I didn't get my job until just a few days before finals began. Of how I realized that employment is really an act of God. I find myself thinking about that event all term...I guess this is why. I'm really...once again, reminded that He's got me covered. Even though all my despair. That I'm not forgotten. I guess I'm doing biomed after all. Not only did my short term concerns been met (lack of co-op job), but a bit of my long term ones too (some direction post-grad). Things just came together.

Yesterday, someone messaged me and asked about my tag, which was Carine's line that I opened this post with. "Who are you talking about?" I laughed. "Myself." As a fourth year student, I guess I'm among the older ones on campus. But compare to my Guide, 22 years is nothing.

Take heart, young one.

Despair

2009-07-26T18:42:00.003-05:00

After one ECE 488 lecture sometime last week, I hung around to talk a bit with one of my FYD groupmates. Our FYD adviser, Dr Wang (who also teaches us ECE 488) came up to us after the students that were talking to him had left. He told us how, in his 20 or so years of being a professor, he's never seen such despair in his students. I had laughed. Despair was a good word to use. His course was very conceptual, difficult to grasp at times. It was FYD crunch time, since we had 3 days left before prototype demo. With labs and other project courses breathing down our necks...and for some of us, the lack of a co-op job...the next few weeks didn't seem all that pleasant.

So we spent about half an hour, talking about UW's latest attempt to look good (why anyone would approve of UW's new logo is beyond me...), talking about the problems from ECE's lab structure (how we don't really learn anything), and how much ECE graduates would leave this place and recommend other people to go through what we had to. Issues behind PDEng (to be fair, I recognize what PDEng is suppose to do, and some of it is mildly beneficial... most of it, however, is plain useless). The professor suggested that, if the department focused on making students happy (yes, most of us did once-upon-a-time indeed enroll in UW to learn...now, why is it that most of us just wants to be done?), we'd probably make better advertisement than a simple logo change. What a novel idea.

But the sentence that keeps ringing in my mind is what he said about despair. I felt a twinge of despair as we rushed through our FYD project, hoping that things will magically work (or that our local miracle worker Wallace would pull through...=P). Another right now, as I flip through all my 488 notes, trying to cram as much as I can for the midterm tomorrow. Or think about the lack of hope for a co-op placement for Fall 2009. Or wondering how good my ECE438 Cadence project wil turn out. Or even something simple like when to buy the new laptop I've been eye'ing...I think it all cumulated this morning, as I woke up at 9am to my alarm clock...and pushed it away. Maybe if I shut my eyes long enough, all the issues will go away. I was called at 9.30A...and again at 11A (yes, I'm still alive. Some people know me a bit well =P), but I went back to sleep. As I drifted between alertness and sleepyness all morning, I found myself praying. Because if the despair sets in, it's over. As I struggle with school, my academic prides are taken from me. As I wonder about co-op, my pride at being able to get jobs (relatively) easily in previous terms is also taken from me. The ability to be self-reliant. The ability to determine what will happen. As I struggle with health (ie last entry), my lack of presence in CCF this term or what to do post-grad... it's hard not to fall into despair.

I find myself humming "Before the Throne of God Above" ... yes, the Law does a good job pointing out my pride. And He did a good job taking my pride from me. And yes, I fell into the temptation of despair. And as I struggle with that (I guess it really only was over 3 hours that I missed church for...)...as I wonder about whether or not I've grown over the last 3 months...last two terms...or ever the last 4 years...I think I'm starting to realize what it feels like to be nothing without God. What a life without discipline (if I can wake up for 10.30 lectures, why can't I get up for 10am service?) feels like. Of how you can't stand still your faith, and that complacency really only means you're backtracking and not walking forward.

I guess this constitutes as my CCF friday night sharing, which I missed most of cuz the aftereffects of 5 coffees didn't go down well (nts: never pull 2 all nighters in a row again). -_- The people that have been checking on me this term, thanks. I do appreciate it, however ungrateful I appear at time. Faith will never get easier. Just when I thought I understood something, it becomes important for Him to break it down to again.

Where is God in my life? He's everywhere. I just need to be still. And know that He is God.

Dependency

2009-07-13T16:06:00.009-05:00

I woke up this morning with a headache, a sore throat, and a runny nose. Bah. As someone who gets sicks fairly easily, I'm not too surprised that I'm once again, sick. I quickly stepped into the shower, since it's already 9.50am and I gotta make class soon. In the shower, I found myself complaining to God and praying that I would get healed and hopefully be strengthened so that I don't get sick as easily! Sounds reasonable. Nothing I haven't prayed for before.

Yet, as I stepped out of the house, the Lord's prayer rang in my mind.

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
- Matthew 6.9b-13

I realized that Christ did not ask for strength. He asked for dependency. A handful of praise. Receiving our nutrient from God. Forgiven our debtors...but Christ didn't ask for strength here. It sounds like the prayer already assumes we have the ability to do it. Temptation...that too, is a dependency statement. The Lord's prayer is one of dependency...

Wait. Does that mean that my prayer this morning for stronger immune system was bad?

A bit of thoughts got me...it's not wrong to ask for strength. In fact, Joshua 1 shows God commanding Joshua to be brave and courageous (and the best way for Joshua to get that is via God...). Judges 16 shows Samson asking for physical strength to defeat his enemies. It's not wrong to be asking for supplication. Moses and Jeremiah both asked for strength/words/etc to perform their respective ministries. But just a quick reminder that my strengths and weaknesses (as much as it seems like it sometimes, I don't imagine God in Heaven to be like..."oh crap, I screwed Jon's immune systems. Oops.") are designed and anticipated (Though, I'm hard-pressed to figure out how I'd possibly benefit from having a crappy immune system...except maybe to be reminded that I need God. =P), and that I'm called to be dependent on God. A lesson I forget much too often. Pride does that.

Then I got a sudden urge to blog about it. So here it is. Haha.

V = int(E.dl)

2009-06-29T14:47:00.002-05:00

They say University is a big learning experience. For most people, the education is only a part of what they gain here. Being at University exposes you to all sorts of different ideas. Pushes thoughts and raises questions. What am I willing to try? Pushing comfort zones and complacency...I'll pull a few random examples that comes to mind...

Steak -> Eating
Before University, I always have my steak medium/well done. Not really understanding that cooking time is related to the tenderness of the meat, this fact was probably one of my biggest turnoff about beef: it's hard to chew. And so even though I come from Calgary, the land of cows, I find myself favouring chicken and pork over beef. That is...until my "aunties" found out. In first year, I drew quite an adverse reaction from Elaine Ho (which was kind of amusing, for the people that knows Elaine...she generally doesn't get that worked up. Haha) when she found out that I've never eaten red meat. Karen and Ada then plopped a piece of rare meat on my plate..."eat!" ...

Oh. Hmm. That wasn't so bad. I learned that rare steak is actually pretty good. But...old habits die hard. I still order chicken when I'm at a steakhouse. Haha. I tried something that was easy to enjoy, and learned from it. Good stuff. I've never made steak before. But this event set me up for...

Steak -> Making
One random afternoon, while trying not to fall asleep in the middle of a hot sunny day, PT sent me this link:

How to Turn Cheap "Choice" Steak into Gucci "Prime" Steak

After laughing at the cheesy illustrations and the surprising easy-to-understand food sciences behind it, he instructed me to try it. "Even you can't mess this up." Well...okay...you can eat beef raw, I reasoned. There is literally no way I can screw this up. So I found myself a few victims, and armed with PT's website, some advices from Alexis, and a trip to the local Loblaws, I produced a piece of steak. Vanessa ate it and survived. Wow. I made steak. Making and eating steak...things I wouldn't have done normally...

Living in North York
A few terms ago, I landed a job with Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre. A bit anxious (since everyone knows that Toronto is uber-polluted, even without the civil workers strike going on right now =P...and big. and unfriendly), I found that I was able to find housing, transit and groceries fairly easily. North York became one of my more enjoyable terms, with a Zoo trip, dual-welding chickens after several games of Settlers with SCBC people, running around downtown during Doors Open, mosying in the ROM and watching Canada Day fireworks (which really wasn't worth it -_-) down at the Habour-front, as well as meeting up with random London people I haven't seen in a while (which, interestingly, included an earring shopping trip at the Pacific Mall...as well as regular lunches with some of the UWO guys at Sunnybrook)...NY was one of the more enjoyable workterms.

But it was something really out of my comfort zone.

Oh...why not. CS Lewis (and reading in general...and Christian literature in genearl)
I used to read alot as a kid. Moving out of picture books rather quickly (Magic School Bus. Haha), I started looking at elementary books, then random teen series, then ventured into adult-level scifi from late elementary to early high school. Once I hit university, leisurely reading more or less ceased, as my bookshelves became filled with textbooks. One work term, I was handed the 722 Love and Marriage series (completely not applicable to me, at the time), and CS Lewis' Mere Christianity (a moderately thick book from someone who writes elementary fiction??). Not wanting to post-work time doing stuff other than playing video games and watching anime, I reluctantly watched and read what will become one of my most endorsed sermon series and a favourite Christian book.

Okay...what's the point?
I've been thinking about the potential to grow. One of my more enjoyed passtimes is discussions and debates (in fact...I was recently in a discussion about the lack of discussions in CCF...but that's another post for another day). I once asked PT why he likes student ministry...and he said that it is because we are teachable. I walked away a bit confused...how is that a good point? Isn't everyone teachable? In said discussion about discussions, I mentioned that I've been avoiding this type of discussions (and many CCF-related issues, in general) since these are things that comes up all the time in Committee meetings, members meetings, etcetcetc...and there's never really any solutions for it. But I suppose, in a way, I've become closed-minded, precisely what I was warned against doing...

Learning and growing
Over and over again, I find myself doing tasks at work that I'm not trained for from Waterloo. I've been a database programmer. A web programmer. IT support. Data collection. Robot operation. 3D image reconstruction. A researcher. For 5 minutes this one time, a baby sitter. Never have I applied circuit theory, 3-phase transmission, electron flow speed, or triple integrals. And so my greatest asset isn't how fast I can solve drain current in MOSFET circuits, but how quickly I can learn and pick up new things at the workplace.

Adopting to change is probably shown most readily via co-op. Co-op forces one to be able to pack one's life in a suitcase (or two. or three) and move to a different city for 4 months. Some of us have learned to be able to figure out our surroundings and fit in. Some of us have learned to just get by. Where's the local grocery store? A church to attend? Transportation for weekend visits?

A bit more hypothetical questions. The topic of parenting came up a few times over the last few weeks (kind of interesting to have several girls mention that they want kids, but too bad they'd need a guy for it...says something about the quality of guys these days, I suppose -_-). Parenting would be a situation unlike any other situation we've been in. One would argue that it'd be easy to take care of your wife. You could talk to her and she'll tell you what she needs. Your kids wants all sorts of stuff (ie eating a pound of heavenly hash ice cream is within what they want...but you really shouldn't let them do it). I have an auntie who majored in psychology in university. She told me that, even though she took every course in developmental, it did not prepare her enough for her two kids.

So in this way, being ready for here and now isn't enough. Ability to learn and grow continues to be important. I guess this is one aspect of 'student living' one should strive to keep. Haha. Figure out what you're getting into. Is it okay? Pros and cons? Consult resources. Keep asking questions.

Introspection

2009-06-28T17:09:00.006-05:00

I look at myself and where I said I want to be. The goals and visions I've sat out for myself. Once in a while, I'd ask myself where I am and where I'm going. I don't reflect often enough, but once in a while.

I try to ask questions, and encourage others to do the same. When people present their ideas, goals and dreams, I ask them questions. I take the situation apart. I try to understand things and where people are coming from. I ask questions. Out of good intention, trying to see if they've got their angles covered. Sometimes they've got an answer, and I give them my best wishes. Sometimes they don't, and I inevitably break their model, and they have to return to the drawing board. I've encouraged ideas. I've destroyed dreams.

It's typically out of good intentions. But we all know where that leads. I wonder how much damage my tactlessness has done...I forget that not everyone likes it straightforward like I do...

Now I find myself asking...should I question, if I have no answers?

Pranking - CCF's current state of affairs

2009-06-17T21:21:00.003-05:00

A few weeks back, Summer 09 CCF saw its first girls' sleepover. A majority of these girls went home to find their rooms to be several rolls of toilet paper richer, and a few balloons more fuller then when the left it. The rest of the girls were spared simply because the...instigators...were unable to obtain their keys. If memory serves, Elena, Jenn Wu and Clarissa all posted pictures on their Facebook. A random event I thought I mention.

A few weeks ago, I went into Toronto with the primary goal of visiting Vanessa Li, who's been going through some rough times. I figured, since I still have time early in the term, I might as well get out of Waterloo. Having already spent 3B, WKTRM5 and now 4A in Waterloo (wow...by August, I'd be in Waterloo for 12 months...), I should take the opportunities to see the outside world when I can. Then she told me that her best de-stress method is shopping. I hesitated...I mean, I hear horror stories about shopping with girls. Perhaps I should pass...then she said that my wardrobe needs reworking. Something about me wearing a black dress shirt, black tie with black pants displeased her. So she decided that the best thing to do was to take me shopping for more colorful things. So I resisted twice as hard...I mean, I like my black, grey and white shirts.

After trying to defer attention of shopping to Alexis and other sources...and failing miserably, I caved and made plans to go shopping. Which consisted of 6 hours of walking around at Fairview. And Vanessa giving me a detailed breakdown of material quality, style and pricing at various stories, as well as the shopping habits of some people I know. Kind of interesting, Except for the parts where we went into stores, Vanessa taking a bunch of colored clothing (and glaring at me whenever I gravitated towards something that was more my style...), and instructing me to try it on. I've never seen neon teal...till the day I had to try it on. Anyways -_-. I ended up picked up 5 shirts for 60$. Not too bad. Can't complain. I'm now 4 colors (red, blue, green and orange, for people keeping track) more richer then I was at the start of the weekend. Yay. After promising Vanessa that I will indeed wear the clothing that I bought, I went home.

The next day, I, as promised, wore one of the shirts. It being a cold day, I also slipped on a black (I only own black hoodies. haha) hoodie (now the only black upperbody clothing in my possession), and set off for class. When I came back, I was a little surprised to find a pair of shorts on my table. I looked around my room, but didn't notice anything...decided to set aside the shorts and ask my housemates when I see them. Within the hour, I got a phone call. It was a girl in CCF. For some reason, she felt the urge to call me and ask me if I noticed anything different about my room. Now I'm worried. "Wait...what do you know about my room?!" "...nothing. Forget I called. Bye!"

Totally wierded out, I went back and looked around my room with more attention. My pile of clothing on my bed is gone. Then my closet caught my eye. Wait. I didn't have this much color...I started flipping through my closet. Hmm. I seemed to gained alot more colored clothing. Furthermore...all my black, white, grey and brown shirts were gone. I stared in shock...how did this happen?! I already went and got colorful stuff...

Over the next few days, I managed to piece together some information. Apparently there was an email thread out there that planned this. Someone had access to my schedule (which isn't that difficult, I suppose, considering the ECE schedule is published publically). Was quick and efficient. Allison claimed credit for coming up with the idea (but then, she's been saying that she'll do it for years now -_-). As for now, my monotone wardrobe is still a bit more colored then it once was. I'll find my clothes again some day...

It's kind of a wierd occurrence. On one hand, it technically is a prank. But I can't really complain, considering I sort of benefited from the situation. Very mixed feelings about this state of events. The other day, a bunch of us (ie ~14 people in 2 cars) went to lunch. They took a "colourful clothing" picture. Felt rather strange to be included as part of that.

And apparently, I'm just the first of a series of retaliatory pranks. I guess CCF is slowly bringing pranking back. Ha...

What is Caring?

2009-06-07T12:53:00.009-05:00

I've been spending a bit of time reflecting on the question of...What is caring? Seems like an important question for someone co-leading Caring Ministry to consider. What is caring indeed...

My 'What is Caring...' tag got a few responses (and an email! haha). A few references to Care Bears (which, amusing, has an ultimate attack of "Care Bear Stare"...), so I went an read through the Care Bear Wiki (yes, I did it. In the name of research!), and found nothing useful. A few other things I did get, however..

Caring is sharing

Hmm. When probed further, no one had specific details to offer. I thought about...sharing food? Sharing ideas? Sharing time? Sharing knowledge? Sharing movies? Sharing living space? Sharing burdens? Sharing resources? Sharing life? But...isn't that what community is? Just sharing things?

In my Social Psych textbook, research showed that two strangers has a higher tendency to like each other if they spent 45 minutes answering meaning questions like their stresses and worries about life...verses...45 minutes of casual small talk. It is also well-known that Mere Exposure effect and physical proximity increases the likelihood of people becoming friends. So by sharing stresses and burdens...as well as time and space...people make friends.

Caring is about food

Haha. How Chinese. But I remember how people mentioned that one of the most caring thing they've felt is when they're included in CCF SLC food runs...or that time when people brought food to SJU...or how when we've got no ideas for a CCF unofficial program, we default to potlucks...or even the fact that I've probably washed more dishes at Westcourt then my own house. Or that the Turducken is still one of the more epic things I've participated in. CCF is all about food.

Selflessness

This theme came up a few times, in conversations and in a sermon. Of how we can be so absorbed in our own stuff that we don't think about God (and associated things...such as serving, which includes caring for each other). Not saying that it's bad to be address one's own issues...we're still students. We need to think about careers and co-op. How to pay rent or feed ourselves. It becomes a matter of priorites. The story that Mikee cites says it much better then I can.

So...what is caring?

The most difficult aspect about tackling a ministry like this is...no two people care in the exact same way. I'd probably reference Five Love Languages here (an interest book, though I have no idea where my copy went). And so I can't teach someone how to care, because I really only know how to care my own way (which, tends to be a bit obtuse at times, in a very tactless kind of way. I'm very much a work-in-progress too =P). People provide and recieve care differently.

Caring is the emotion you get when you know that something matters to you, and you act upon that emotion with utmost consideration for the individual or situation.

It is an emotion. An acknowledgement. A decision. An action.

It is about you and so is personal. And the individual/situation, and so is an social interaction.

Praying

And so if it's difficult to teach...especially since one can't teach emotions or motivations...I was reminded a few times over the last few days: if lack of caring is because people don't know how, we can teach them. If they're unmotivated, or don't care, then it's out of our hands. As with all ministries, this is where faith comes in. That's always a lesson that needs constant re-learning.

On co-op, life and fourth-year effects

2009-05-19T13:54:00.005-05:00

I suppose myself, like many others in my age bracket, are struggling with the questions of...'What am I going to do with the rest of my life?' Jobmine opened this weekend, and as I lazily scrolled through the 501 ECE jobs listed...many of them for Software. Some IT. A few power jobs. Nothing really stood out. I think, if I wasn't looking for a job for my WKTRM6, I wouldn't be as picky.

I remember, when I was in grade 12, applying for university, I was told that half of the people in my year will eventually change their program. That people often go into university not knowing what they want...and they leave university, not knowing what they want. I felt miles ahead of the crowd, with my firm conviction to do biomedical, a general desire to build tools that doctors will use one day to help diagnose patients easier. Save lives. Who wouldn't want to leave behind a big-shot device like the MR imager or pacemakers? What they don't tell you is...how long it'd actually take for you to get something out there. 7 years to perfect a single MR coil. 7 years spent testing a wire. Wow. Times like this, I forget that I was once convinced that biomed was my career calling. I find myself entertaining thoughts of dropping into normal electrical streams, play with things like Controls. Though, manufacturing has been on a downturn these days...

I think, as I spent the last 4 terms in medical research labs...you realize how little you actually learn in school. How much more there is to learn. How little we're exposed to in our cement windowless rooms, endlessly copying equations. I'm taking my 4th circuits course right now (ECE 100, 241, 332 and now 438, for you 'loo elecs that read this), and I think I'm finally starting to get circuits. Maybe.

I noted earlier today, as I scroll though job descriptions (and laughing at how complicated they're trying make an easy job sound), I still remember how idealistic people like myself walked into university were. Someone was asking me about medical research this weekend. I told them that they should be ready to spend ~10 years, researching and refining a single product. Now that I think about it, I probably would've been better off if I just opt'ed for general jobs and apply them to biomed later on, instead of attempting to spend all my time in biomed already, for co-op. Oh well.

Connie: yeah
all these hard decisions when you graduate
welcome to the real world
enjoy your last yr in school

Fourth year effect is kicking in at full swing. Can't really put off thinking about life anymore. You would think that, as one grows older, he gets a better idea of what he wants to do. I think the last 4 years did just the opposite. Is there actually such a job that you'd want to wake up nice and early and be eager to head into the office for? I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that, while a plan sounds really good on paper, with all the ideal assumptions and whatnot...but the unidealness of life does much to cross things out.

Sometimes, I kind of feel like a kid, being shoved into the real world soon. I certainly don't feel like an adult. But I guess 21 (-> 22 soon, haha) years of existence makes me as adult as the next guy. Thinking about real-life things like financial future, job security, where to live for the next 5, 10, 15 years...all a little too much sometimes. I wonder how much more difficult life would be if I didn't have any sense of security that I get attention from Him?

Discipline

2009-04-21T13:42:00.003-05:00

Joyce is a friend of mine that works as...something to do with business analysis...in...somewhere. Haha. Her tag was "...bored...at...work..." and since I'm taking a break from slacking off at work cuz I can't find my boss once again...

me: it's that bad, eh?
Joyce: it's not that bad
I'm not that bored today
it's just become a little too mundane for my liking I think

me: work is becoming too routine, joyce?
Joyce: well i mean my learning curve has drastically slowed down
and things are just... I guess... fairly routine
and when hiccups happen, I mean they just happen, nothing new

Discipline has been a topic that wandered in the back of my mind over the last few months. It's easy to become complacent. I probably can't count the amount of time complacency comes up as a topic...especially when we talk about co-op, going home tired after work, and just not wanting to do anything. A friend of mine from Calgary recently left on co-op to Montreal, and was asking me the type of food that I eat while on co-op. I told him that while it's good to have some emergency food on hand, watch out for dependency on them. Supposedly MSG isn't healthy. Haha. Neither is McDonalds. Hmm...I guess I need to correct my coop-ly habits.

Spiritual disciplines. Among them, things like regular prayer and Bible reading times. When conversations stray to this point, I typically tell people that my fondest term would be when I was in my 2A co-op in London. No, not because of the stories that came out of that place. But because I was disciplined. Because I was submerged in a strong Christian community. Because I served much.

It was the term a few of us attempted to read through the Bible, cover to cover, 3 chapters at a time. It was the term that I prayed when I woke up, before going to work (even if I was late...but I suppose that says more about my attitude towards work than anything...haha). And yes, while I still struggled with the same things I've struggled with before (particularly with pride, in the whole UWCCF Committee Elections episode), the term felt okay. It felt like He was close, and pointed out my problems. Led me to grow. And I was advancing in my walk.

Sweet.

Enter 2B, 2B coop and 3A.

2B - Summer 2007 in Waterloo
Somewhere between being ripped from an environment where I can more or less submerge myself in a strong Christian culture that is Western ACF, back to Waterloo where I had to deal with logistics (Committee, as Communications), a moderately stressful academic term (ECE 209, 241, Calc 4, etc...), I lost the discipline I had when I was in London. Blaming the environment and busyness for my now apparent distance from God, I hoped for the best for my return to...

WKTRM3 - Calgary (Foothills Hospital)
It was here that I had hoped to find my 7000 in a church that will be difficult to change. But without the proper support, being my first real term out of CCF/ACF, it never took off. It was good, to see old friends, to see what a Stroke Ward was like, to be with family...but spiritually, this is difficult. And so as I suited up as Winter Retreat Coordinator for 2009, I sprang back to...

3A - Winter 2008 in Waterloo
The single most painful EE term. But you know what they say. Desparate people commit desparate prayers. And as the Winter Retreat team struggled to find a speaker, madly assemble bible studies...as my classmates and I fend off midterms and labs...as we rushed through the various CCF things that happened, I had no choice but to pray for help. It's easy to surrender everything when you have little going for you. That was this 3A term.

... -> WKTRM5 - Waterloo (Department of Kinesiology)
One recent interesting conversation I had with my fellow DLs brought attention to discipline once again. When I lamented about the my lack of desire to perform Biblical readings when I'm not trying to prepare for a Bible study or answer questions, because, perhaps, I feel more distant from Him, they pointed out that perhaps my lack of discipline is to blame. Perhaps, it is not some piece of God-given discipline that will cause me to want to read more...but my own discipline that will draw me to God.

A slightly different approach: should we pray even when we don't feel like it? Is there some mentality that I should have before entering into prayer? If prayer is simply the time we spent in dialog with God, attitude alone should not dictate this. Would you not greet a close friend, even if you're busy? Would you not complain to a friend that you typically do, just because life is busy? Would you not report in good news, just because that friend isn't physically around? The time-old question of...is your God a relational God...or a vending-machine God? If we're able to walk forward to meet Him, doesn't that say alot more about our attitude than if we don't (but could've), and just expect God to magically give us the motivation to do it all?

I once asked PT how I would know if I love God. In typical PT fashion, he pointed me to a book (which I couldn't read, because the first chapter confused me to no end -_- Four Loves by CSLewis). But I've realized...if love between people (me towards my family and friends, for example) is not simply a result of emotions, but also a decision made to love this given person, then my desire to come before Him in prayer and reading should not be focused on wither or not I feel His presence around. That really, should just be a bonus.

me: joyce has conquered her workplace?
Joyce: haha I don't think so
but it is getting better

I'm often told that the fact that we recognize that there are alot more to grow is a good sign (it's also a good idea to recognize that you've grown too!). After all, knowing is half the battle. However, good intentions without action isn't worth very much. Another warning against complacency. In a setting where God has your spiritual growth and progress tracked and controlled, the least we can do is say "here I am, Lord."

Pre-dating Analysis of Asian Christian Dating

2009-04-04T02:15:00.005-05:00

So this article is suppose to be food for thought, arising from yet another late night conversation (and set in my draft box for like a month). Seriously. Why does all the good conversations like to start at 11pm?! But yes. When this theory was developed, it was rather groundshaking for me because if it's true, it means I give crappy advices. That, and I like to write about random stuff, apparently. I'm not saying that most people are like this, just at the least, I'm like this, so it was alot of thinking for me here.

"Nice Guy" Theory of Dating
I once read in an article that examined "nice guys" in dating situations. The article was talk how "nice guys" don't like insisting on things, and rather have the girl take the initiative on things. Now, given that 1) the guy tends to be the initiator and 2) girls can't read minds (hint hint...neither can guys -_-), chances are that nothing will happen. And so the guy gets disappointed, frustrated and angry. Causes a rift in the relationship, all cuz the guy refuses to say anything. Fail. This is why communication is important.

So I thought about this article and realized that it's just a case of communication. With my friends, if I need something, I just ask for it. Isn't that the environment that CCF tries to encourage? So if we can be straightforward with our friends, why not with someone who's suppose to be even closer than friend? On numerous occasions, people have pointed out that Asian guys are non-confrontational (guys words for it) and/or wusses (girls words for it). This increases the chances that asian guys will fall to this situation, and forms the basis of ACD-Backdooring.

Premises of "Asian Christian Dating" (ACD)
So the typical chinese guy are wusses. In this context, I can say that it takes alot of guts to confess and express emotions (especially since traditionalism puts the weight of leadership on the guy. No, the Bible doesn't say anything about it. Bible talks about husbands and wives . A dating couple is no where near a married couple. Go listen to some 722 if you need clarification). But that's how it seems to be. Given that we face the pain of rejection and the stigma of social isolation from the said person (because we totally become a different person once they find out, you know? -_-), why would one willingly walk into a situation like this?

So guys would rather choose not to say anything, and put effort into getting to know the girl first. Why is that...

The act of confession is a tremendously scary task, with a ride range of possible consequences (positive or negative). At worst, the guy would have lost a (potential) friend. A person that would cause attraction would probably have positive attributes that the guy admired (common interest, physical attraction, personality...read Theories of Interpersonal Attraction), so losing that potential is not cool, even from a strictly platonic point of view.
Given that conservative Christians view dating as "courtship", implying the intent of marriage will be assessed during dating phase. This means that they would not want to make snap judgement on who to date, and only get into a dating relationship if they have a decent idea of how much they want to marry. This means that they would need to know each other sufficiently well. If this can't occur during dating phase (because it would be "too late" by then), it must happen in friendship phase. Dating becomes a method to discuss, share, connect, understand, and perhaps somewhat of a placeholder and declaration of intentions.
We assume that heartbreak due to a breakup is always most painful, and that if we practice sufficient heart guarding, we can prevent the other person from getting into an emotional mess and handle all the thinking and worrying ourselves. The intention is good; these things are there to protect the girl. We like honour and chivalry. This means we continuously engage in a balance between wanting to keep the girl close (so I can get to know her, and she can get to know me) but not too close (to prevent emotional attachment before one is "ready", whatever ready may mean. I will reference 722 here. Or it could be a self-protection mechanism. What if the girl isn't that attractive after all...?). All this is amplified by the fact that traditional Christianly upbringing will tell us that girls are like delicate flowers or something absurd like that, and the weight of relationships and marriage that is placed by the Christian culture.

Well. All these sounds pretty good. Why not, right?

Backdoor Hypothesis- possible scenario

Acquaintance phase - Boy meets girl. random encounter!
Friendship phase - Gets to know her, through some given means.
Attraction phase - Notes enough attributes about the girl to be attracted. I am assuming that the concept of "love at first sight" is ridiculous. Enough said. The guy now has enough reasons to get closer, in the name of "getting to know her better," in order to assess his and her position better. Would this work out? Would this not? External consult, massive praying, endless nights of thinking...all occur at this phase.

The guy will now suffer from self-serving bias. He will begin to look for hints that the girl reciprocates his emotions. Unless he doesn't think the girl likes him, in which case he will look for hints that she doesn't like him, making life a bit more painful than it has to. Heart-guarding for girls typically sit somewhere in this area.
The girl is none the wiser. She just sees a guy acquaintance making the effort to get to know her better. As far as she knows, nothing has changed, and the guy is just acting like a good friend. Who doesn't want a good friend?
Given this, chances are, the guy will sit here at this stage for a while. Complacency is a powerful inertial force to overcome. Lets keep it safe. Why not?

At some point, he sees enough evidence that she likes him, or he can't hold it in anymore... "the heart wants what it wants!" -> confession event

The girl is absolutely floored. Given that she did not have the same assumptions, she did not consider him in that fashion at all. Off the top of her head, not being prepared for this outcome, her reply is no. Or that she needs time to think about it. But we'll say it's a typical girl...and she says no. Rejection isn't something easily taken, nor delivered, especially between friends.

The guy is devastated. He pulls back, because obviously, it'll be too painful to be near her. He now have several options. Ignoring that he just totally confused this friend of his, he can...

Pretend he never said anything. Push aside some emotions. Attempt to keep the friendship. If he got this far, they should be decent friends by now. Set aside himself for the girl he had pledged to heart-guard. There'll be some adjustment periods, and this process will be long and perhaps a bit ackward, but the two of them would've kept a good friend at the end of the day. Yay. Happy ending. Not quite. Emotional attachments takes a while to overcome, especially if the girl starts to date some other guy.
Get mad and frustrated. After all, wasn't she responding properly?! Totally thought she liked me back...darn that self-serving bias. Confused? Probably leads isolation...wants recovery time. Fair enough. In the maintime, both people lost a friend. Adjusting to losing a friend is often an emotional process, giving rise to more confusion. Possibilities such as the pressure to date (in order to maintain the friendship) may become a concern.

Conflicts

The people described in these premises have a tendency to date for courtship. That means the process of getting to know each other better has been pushed more more into friendship phase instead of dating phase. Given that some people closely relate courtship with marriage, one logically would want to know the potential partner as well as possible before proposing anything. However, by moving the "get to know" stage into the friendship phase, "dating" sometimes becomes a general acceptance that the couple is married. This is a problem. The attachment, commitment and emotions attached to a married couple cannot be transfered to a dating one..."dating" is not a biblical state. I think that's something people forget often...that dating != married (lack of commitment), that passages like Eph 5 (wife, submit to husbands...) don't apply here. Remember...she is not responsible to the guy. She is responsible to her father.
The alternatives then, is to date to "get to know" someone. However, point 3 of "Why get to know the girl first" states why this is hypothetically a bad idea. If people just started dating to see how things go, in a closer-knit environment like CCF, breakups tends to lead to ackwardness, people leaving the fellowship, etc. This is why they suggested us not to date classmates, back when we first started Engineering, because we'll see the same set of people day in and day out...

Solutions

There is no real, clear solution. This entry describes a general situation, in a very general way.

The best one can do is probably step in before one suffers from self-serving bias too much. Any given friendship/relationship must be firmly rooted in mutual trust. Thus, by keeping something significant like this from them, in a way, you've told them that you can't trust trust them with this (perhaps you can't, but that's another issue). It is probably a good idea to make sure both people are on the same page (prevent point 3 in "Backdoor"), in trying to figure all this out. Supposely, "knowing is half the battle."

But be ready for the consequences of your actions. Let your yes be yes, and no be no. Consider not pitying the guys you reject, because that'll just make things harder for him on the long run. I believe that if two people want to maintain a friendship badly enough, they can work though anything...hopefully even the ackwardness of a rejection.

What should you have gotten out of this?
No, I'm not saying confess like mad. One should keep in mind of the fact that we suffer from self-serving bias. That if the girl doesn't know what's going on, it is easy for her to write things off as a "brotherly" thing, and thus approach the entire situation with a very different basis. And that something like this is definitely as difficult for you as it is for her.

[Edit] Videos...
So I was just shown a series of Wong Fu shorts that fits somewhere into this general realm of things. It was amusing to watch, and I'm sure many people who'd be reading this would relate, so linking...
Wong Fu - Just a Nice Guy: Part 1 (Problem), 2 (Lesson) and 3 (Risk).

Winter 09 - Term reflection

2009-04-03T11:06:00.005-05:00

Wow. Haven't written for a while. Lets see if I can pull together some coherency.

I remember during Summer 08 term, I found myself filled with a sense of disappointment. I found myself focused on the fact that, once the current grads of this year leaves CCF, CCF will cease being the same as I know it. I guess, it has to do with the fact that most of people I talk to comes from this year. Things that I strongly associate with CCF, like Westcourt and Mcdougall, have traditionally been of this year. Contrasting all this upperyear focus with the fact that there seems to be an absence of the lower years. The fellowship feels smaller. There's less people around. Where are all the people stepping up? Although I had a chance to chat with a past alum (Dave Tse) about this, it didn't do too much to reassure me, at the end of the day. As I went through last Fall (3B) and this winter (WKTRM5) watching the people in CCF...as a DL, I saw this the most: our bible study leader count is terrible. There were days when no one showed to prestudy (1 John 4 study). Cell group attendance, while never consistent, has never dropped below 1 person showing up (Women cell last term). It's over. How would this fellowship last, if it's so distance from each other and so separated?

Perhaps the biggest thing that changed my view of all this was my work on Caring and Subcommittee.

Being on Caring brought me in contact with many people. In my attempt to figure out how they see the fellowship and if they're being provided for or not, I generally start off things with a handful of questions, asking them how they are and what fellowship is to them. When I took on Subcommittee as well, my question list extended fairly easily. And so although I can easily spend a few hours chatting with a given individual, it was worth it.

Where do you stand right now? Where do you want to go? How do you want to grow?
What is fellowship/CCF to you? What do you get out of it? What do you want out of it?
Are there people you can go to for advice? Is CCF a safe place for you to share your struggles without fear of being shut down?
Where do you want to see CCF in the future? What is your vision for it?

Sometimes people didn't have an answer ready. That's fine, I didn't really expect these things to be stuff that people think about all the time. But I threw these questions out there. Make them question themselves. Make them question where they are. Gotta work against that complacency. This entire process was actually quite fun, partly because I was somewhat familiar with the handful I was assigned. Didn't have to work to the topic with too much small talk or anything. Just alot of sharing, about what they want to see in the next little bit in their walk in this fellowship

And even though the majority of the people I talked to were second years, the response of some of these people were crazy. They're more advanced with their walk at this point than I was myself, in 3rd year...I was talking to someone heading in 2B...to find that they've already discovered things that I started learning in WKTRM3...this person is more ahead than I was when I was that age... These kids are more mature than I gave them credit for.

I remember that, during Sharing last Friday (which I wasn't totally awake for all of it...but there's at least two copies of minutes floating around, I'll get to it soon -_-), someone said something along the lines of..."Your ceilings becomes our floor." Idea being that as we pour our knowledge downwards, towards the incoming people, they start equipped with that. The knowledge that CCF is slowly growing, surpassing what we are capable of, simply because we existed and is building the future generations, was encouraging. Perhaps there is still alot of work to be done...but I'm a bit more reassured that as the current grads move on...as my year prepares to move on...CCF is in good hands. There really is alot of potential in these kids.

Realizing this, I started to look for evidence for the rising loweryears. I look at something like Outreach...and realize that it's composed entirely of froshes. Of all people who ran for Committee this term, half of them were second years. During Discussion night, the people that asked the most amount of questions were the second year people. The various components of Grad Dinner was saturated with first and second years. When I brought all this up during Committee meeting this week, as we did our own end-of-term sharing, it lead to a flurry of agreements. Perhaps CCF isn't in that bad of a shape after all. It's not as how I see it. But people are still growing. And so CCF lives on. Passing on the torch...

Atlas

2009-04-01T01:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if the decisions and the surrounding thought processes around it are difficult and painful because it really is a bad idea and we're better off quitting while we're ahead...or it is simply a preview of what is to come and we're being told to gear up for it...

Things like career and what to do with ourselves, as we approach graduation. Things like where to call our home base, the place where we'll live and grow. Things like deciding what is important, and pursuing it.

Things like who, out of the hundreds of people we've met, that we'll keep maintaining an effort. Things like who do we stand with, and pour time into. Things like ministry and who you want to be serving with.

It seems to be just a matter of where and who. Everything else is details.

A mind of its own

2009-02-22T02:03:00.006-05:00

There was this one time, I was at church, sitting idling in a room somewhere. A kid ran in and stopped somewhere near me. He looked at the candy he was holding...then he looked at me. I laughed, then offhanded told him that candy was good for him (obviously unthoughtful on my part). He blinked a bit, then ran off. I wonder how that kid is doing. Haha. Okay, so I guess I'm the bad guy of this story.

Or the time when I was in elementary. A bunch of kids on my block decided to create a bike "jump" with a small wooden ramp propped up, and were biking into it fast enough to get some air time. I came wheeling along, looked fun, so I went off the ramp too. Unfortunately for me, my sense of bicycle balance isn't as great as theirs, and I wiped out upon landing. A bleeding, crying little kid ran home, dragging his little bike as best as he could then.

I've heard that the reason why kids these days get so much allergies is because parents are over-protective. Don't want them to get out to the playground, in case they trip and inhale some dirt. In case they decided that ramps were cool and they come back crying. In case some guy decides that it is a good idea to tell them that candy is a good thing. Pain and bad influence. Can't have that. So their immune systems don't adjust to the environment properly. No dirt to attack...so I guess some of them decide to turn on random legit substances...hence food allergies. In trying to protect them from one danger, they encounter another.

Like probably many people out there, one lesson I have to learn constantly is the ability to let go. Not forget about it. Let go. Because the situations we get into, the people we know, the things that happen...sometimes, many times, it's just not something we can do much about. Sometimes it's okay, a deadline coming. Sometimes it sucks, PDENG workshop on the day of CCF Winter Retreat. Some day, its just plain bad, a sickness in the family. These situational things are the fires we have to tend to. They never really stop appearing, you just need to choose which of them are important enough for to you tend to and put out.

As someone who works in a ministry that deals with people, I find myself asking why alot. Why don't you have the motivation to work? Why can't you set aside your differences? Why wouldn't sacrifice a little bit of your time to do this? Why are you so bent on getting 100%? Why can't you chill for a bit, and reassess the situation? Why don't you want to think and ask questions? Why do you insist on doing it your way? Why don't they get it?

It's because each of these people have a mind of their own. I was at the ECE FYDP Symposium this year, and I saw an automatic foosball playing machine. I was like wow. If they get their programming right, no human can beat this...each of the rows of players would be synchronized. They'd all have one controller. Not like normal, when control is spread over 2 people...

But then...isn't the point of a team-game like foosball designed so many people can have fun at once? I sometimes wonder how much easier Caring would be if only everyone thought like I did. All those questions earlier? All gone. At worst, everyone would have the same type of problems I do. But then, with everyone unified in thought, we bound to figure out solutions, right?

I've always cognitively known why God gave us free will. He doesn't want robots to be serving and worshiping Him. Where's the fun in that? People would all be the same. We'd be flat and boring. Predictable. Nothing but a single PDE.

Diversity makes this work a bit more interesting, I suppose. If I didn't have free will and the ability to question and challenge things, I wouldn't be generating this thought about why God granted us free will. I would've just accepted it, because it's matter-of-fact. And thus people become unpredictable. God could've just protected us from everything. Pre-program everyone so we avoid danger and free from pain. But then...we probably would be plagued by some personality allergy or something crazy like that.

So He "get us go" such that we can make our own decisions. I guess He doesn't really want the kids that just sit at home all day and dully obey commands and don't move unless told. He wants people that would explore life and run around on this planet He constructed. To search and discover. To teach and learn. And along with that, all the bad stuff. The destruction and the greed. And pain and the suffering. And the ability to decide that God doesn't have it all together. The ability to disown your Family.

I suppose, just like how every parent, when they have to watch their kids leave home for university, away from their careful watch and influence, they have to hope that the kids have enough of their values and whatnot so that they won't be destroyed by the pressures of life, or succumb to the temptations of the world. That they won't forget their family and squander their time. That they'll come back victorious and not broken.

I guess God worries that we will falter. Just like any good parents would. But in order to let something go...the implicit factor is that you have faith that the situation will be alright. Is this heretic to say? That God has faith in me...such that I can walk back home one day, telling Him not to worry, that I'm safe and sound and home.

Current theory on love

2009-02-10T21:47:00.020-05:00

I was chatting with one of my co-workers about this. I can't even remember how it came up. I was once told that the person that can figure out what love would be the wisest man on earth. Well...I'm far from that, but I'll throw my two cents into the mix.

People who's thought about this would be quick to catigorize this into the four types of love:

Four loves
Reference: CS Lewis' Four Loves

Philia (Friendship love) - Aristotle separated this into utility (how one can benefit myself, the "acquaintance"), pleasure (share in common interest/hobbies, the "friend") and good (appreciation of the other's characteristics, the "low-maintenance friend"). So in philia, commonality is what brings people together; lack of commonality will break this apart.

Eros (Romantic love)- Love between a guy and a girl. Most emotionally based...when we have our like-vs-love separations, this tends to be the love we talk about. I'm sure everyone's familiar with this one. I remember a talk I had in a group, where someone tried to convince me thall male-female relationships are eros in nature. Yes, I'm sure they are. Just like how you are attracted to your mother, right? -_-

Storge (Family love) - Built-in love among family members. Stable and emotional, this love exists without any existing draw, because you are close to these people, regardless of any "valuable" reward from it (as oppose to philia or eros love).

Agape (Unconditional love) - Altruistic love of others. Unconditional, regardless of circumstances. The commands to love your God and to love your neighbour falls under this category of love. When describing God's love for us, this is also the word that is used. The concept of Charity also falls into this category.

Theory of love != 100*like and "the one" theory
So really, the theory that love and like are distinct entities has its roots here. Eros, the most emotional of of the four, vs storge and philia.

Like is a very emotion based thing. Like all emotion-based thing, it is very temporal in nature. I could like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day, but not like it on a hot day. I could feel crappy cuz I didn't get enough sleep, feel okay after breakfast, be happy cuz I passed a midterm, then feel crappy again when I do have to do PDENG. Emotions change.

The so-called honeymoon stage (of any given relationship...I've heard this applied to both romantic relationships, and the conversion to Christ) relies on this emotional component. If love was simply a stage of extreme likeness, then it'll collapse quickly, when the emotion disappears. "The one" theory, according to society, plays on this. If she is "the one", then the emotions must come easily. Now, since we've already established that emotions varies rather easily, the danger in believe that fate will bring you "the one", which by definition is so PERFECT for you that you don't need to work at the relationship at all, the slightest argument can make you doubt the validity of the one. "What if she is the ... wrong ... one?" All relationships needs work. There always something to disagree about.

The heart wants what it wants
Dr Voddie Baucham makes a very good point, in his 722 Love and Marriage sermon series. If emotions was the only thing that holds a marriage (indeed, even things like a friendship) together, it is not safe. In the face of difficulty, it is often easier to run away or give up, thus there is no logical motivator to convince someone to attempt to resolve it. You eat at a crappy restaurant and you never go back. There are many other restaurants around. You suddenly decide ice creams suck and never eat it again. Or that some dog drolled on your shoes once too oftne, and you don't like dogs anymore. Etc.

Intrinsic motivation once again trumps things here. Yes, other people can tell you perform conflict resolution, but ultimately, it is your own decision wiether or not to resolve a conflict with a friend. This intrinsically motivated decision to go through with conflict resolution can be considered philia.

Social psychology has some things to say about this one.
- A good reason to maintain friendship is because it's been there. You are comfortable and "used to" someone. Change is too much of a hassle. Might as well go with something you know.
- The idea of best availablity (yes, there is an economic theory of attraction). I can't give the theory justice, and I can't seem to find the wiki for it.
- High on philia level. Obviously we want philia'ed people. Philia is PDG.

Absence from society

It was weird when I first started, but [saying 'I love you' to her mother] eventually gets easier. It's something we in this Chinese society don't say enough to each other.
- Some random Auntie of mine

As something that is part of the theme of No Regrets, I thought I tried to live life, interacting with people, telling them just what they mean to me. Just in case one day one of us gets hit by a bus and recalled back to God. I was reading about a family that always leave each others presence with the words "I love you". I'm like wow. Always leaving each other's presence on a good note. That's pretty crazy.

I think, the idea is, we make the assumption that other people know what we think of them (I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time I've ranted about this topic). But sometimes we can't make that assumption. For Connie, her way of greeting a guy is a swift punch to the shoulder. Most girls don't have that. I needed to have understood that she does that, before realizing that she's not actually angry at me.

But I quickly realized that telling a close one your emotions is rather difficult. A few counts against me...as a guy, one doesn't tend to learn to express your emotions and affections easily. As a traditional Chinese, stoicism is generally encouraged. As an engineer, we have to be cold and calculating. Okay, I made that last one up. It just feels...weird. I mean, these are people at the good philia stage. There's nothing to fear...right? On a few occasions, I attempted it...

I couldn't do it. I probably still can't do it. So I can't really encourage this behavior without being hypocritical, but it's food for thought.

Five love languages
Reference: Gray Chapman's Five Love Languages
I read this book under the "strong encouragement" of Vanessa, who believes I'm absolutely dense about these things (she's not that far from the truth =P). Go read the site, I'm just going to copy the "types" here. The idea being...some of these things speak to us more than others. And we show our appreciation and affection via one of these channels. I suppose this can be liked to a hit point bar. You can do nothing and heal very slowly. Cast regen and heal quickly. Cast cure and instantly heal. Something like that.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Why do we seek such things?
If love, by definition, forms the backbone of our relationship to our family, friends and spouse, then it is the solution for many core human needs, such as sense of belonging and human insecurity. It helps to keep friendship going (social theory of excuse making) and indeed forgives a multitude of sins. It keeps people together in shaky times. What's there not to want? (I will refrain from launching into associated negatives, such as jealousy, on this post)

A complicated thing...or a simple thing?
I feel like I attempted to shallowly touch upon many aspect of a very big topic here. Because of its multifacet nature, love is a very complicated thing. Yet, if I can define my interactions between friends and family as this, then perhaps it is not that complicated of an idea after all.

Cause and effect

2009-02-09T10:04:00.002-05:00

Someone complained to me that Chinese guys are very nonconfrontational and wussy. That is probably true...

Cause
I've come to note that people complain about very little things. My housemate once parked in the gargage, and the person upstairs yelled at him, telling him that she's had that spot for 3 years. Umm...no you haven't. Between myself and Karen, CCF has held our house for ~5 years...she parked there all the time. There 5 other spots in the garage, calm down.

I don't think it'll ever stop to amaze me how things that doesn't matter to me invokes such a strong reaction in people. Me, I cook choy in "sand tea sauce" (translate to chinese). When people found out, it invoked alot of reaction (ignoring the fact that they ate like half of it before saying anything...)

But I suppose this is a matter of personal priorities and values. I'm sure I irrationally defend something absurd myself. I can rant all I want about how people should be a little more considerate and take an alternative point of view, instead of doing stuff like parking on the line or leaving their stuff in the public laundry machine for three days. But that ventures into the realm of heart changing, which is really God's domain there.

Effect
Most people have a very "don't rock the boat" mentality. It's dangerous. It's risky. People don't like being wrong. The consequences of their actions might be too much. Perhaps it is a friendship on the line. Or reputation. Personal safety, perhaps. Maybe people are just plain lazy.

I was once told that people act tough and scary because they're scared of the people around them. Not sure how much I believe that, but I can see how that works. If you can keep people away, they can't do anything to you, right?

I suppose you can view it as two different path of growing. Don't challenge the guy putting random seasoning into the food and get a stronger stomach. Or be confrontational and get your way, and so boost your social esteem. Just another thing of personal priorities and values.

Hmm...
I guess this is nothing but musing out loud, resulting from an event that happened earlier today. There are many things that I just shrug off, that seems to bother people alot. There are also things I'm adamant about that other people just shrug off.

What do I want to say? I dunno. Be considerate? Stand for what is right? Everyone has these cliche sayings in their back pocket. It's weither or not you live it, that sets you aside from the crowd.

Fallacy of programs

2009-01-26T21:32:00.006-05:00

So I realized that this is one of the few days I went straight home after work. I was asking myself why I'm so sleep-deprived, even though I'm on workterm. Hmm. Lets see. I went to see a friend off. Played board games till late. Saw friends from TO visiting. Chatted on MSN. Wrote emails. Hum...Committee and school takes up very little of all that, I've realized.

We had our first Caring meeting the other day. People talked about their stuff. We talked about last term. Caring stuff kind of sat at the back of my head over the last few days, until a conversation today brought it back up again. Some of you may have heard my Caring team speech. You know. The one where I ask you about CCF. If it's a safe place for you to share your struggles and weaknesses. If you feel that people will give you the time to chat and untempered support.

Maybe it's because I'm fourth year now. But the concept of passing on the torch is ringing a little louder than it was before. I find myself asking questions like...what do you want out of CCF? What do you want to see? Vision casting questions...

The conversation I had was regarding the new ministries in CCF. Namely, Caring and Outreach. Those people involved in Caring would know it kind of collapsed at some point, because people involved didn't keep it going. Outreach had its events, which drew some attention. Since I'm not involved in Outreach at all, I will only comment on Caring.

I came to the realization that perhaps, CCF is in a bad place. During the first Fall Caring meeting, it was said that the eventual goal of Caring is that it will one day cease to exist. It shouldn't exist. It only does because a need was observed: the people in CCF are not getting enough attention. People are not being taken care of. So, now there is a need to facilitate an organization in order to address this concern, because although the community is suppose to be caring to one another, it is not happening enough. This means two things...

1) The existance of Caring means we're now trying to treat the symptoms (people burning out/falling through the cracks) and not the problem (the community not caring/unified enough).

2) The facilitate and systematic nature of Caring/Outreach may further this problem. People see these ministries and join them, because we all know that we're called do these things. The danger is that we might become dependent on these programs to motivate us to care. "Oh, someone is sick, congee team has gotta manufacture congee now" vs "Hmm, someone is sick, I want to make them congee" ... extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation. Given extrinsic motivations, would I still want to rely on intrinsic motivations?

In other words...would a taxi driver go home, after a long day of driving people everywhere, and bust out his RX7 and enjoy a ride?

Because really, we should haven't to regiment a Caring team. We should inherently want to do that. If Caring/Outreach didn't exist (because it is only a faciliated channel, nothing more), would you still care/outreach? Yes, I realize that most people are on teams like Worship, Caring and Outreach because they want to do it (thus intrinsic). But this question can be expanded to questions like...why do you attend CCF? or church? (I almost said "or lectures?" but I'd own myself there haha). Ministry is only a chore when it is solely extrinsically motivated.

This is where passing on the torch comes in. By considering and developing one's vision, one realises what motivates him/her. By realizing what grants you intrinsic motivation, it reduces burnout rates and fatigue. For if you consider your vision and dreams something God-given, there's few things that's more powerful than the simple knowledge that the Lord your God has anointed you to have it.

Haha. I just spent a page tell people to serve in the area they want to. But the implicit message here is...I was once told to not serve to solely fill a need. If I don't care for a ministry, I would not give it my all. Because the ministry isn't mine.

Knowledge limitations

2009-01-24T19:17:00.005-05:00

There are days where I wish I could just leap into the air, and scream Bankai at the top of my lungs. Then I'd be endowed with some unparalleled weapon. Then I can obliterate whatever problem is around. Because I just can't figure it out.

Alas, it's not that easy.

The other day, I got into a conversation regarding intelligence. The concept of being smart. The state of having all the answers. What is...smart? We shared how many of our ideas are not actually original. And that the fact that it seems like we've got answers is simply because we've read it somewhere, or encountered someone else with this issue, and have learned from them. One could argue that "intelligent" people are predisposed to want to seek literature and value the importance of knowledge. But the idea I'm pushing is that no one actually have all the answers. No one can actually figure it all out. No one can predict what will happen. Some things just doesn't make sense. Maybe this entry is one of those things that just doesn't make sense.

Sometimes, knowledge only gets you so far. There comes times...more often that I first realized...where I have to throw my knowledge to the wind, and hope for the best.

Maybe I worry too much. Maybe I do.

CCF Sharing night (F08)

2009-01-01T05:19:00.003-05:00

Jonathan Lin

I often run into situations where I'm like...what the heck God?! Why would You give me these visions...these ministries, these directives...why would you give me such things, if not for me to serve You better? CCF is very much a ministry of people; people with physical illnesses, people with emotional stresses, people with spiritual slumps. People who needs time for you to walk and talk with them, to pray and stand with. This ministry of inreach is important to me, yet I often find myself devoting time to my academics (because I can't just sit down and just get the material)...or logistics/paperwork (stupid Jobmine...), or any number of other things (time-consuming prelab/lab/postlab comes to mind), instead of devoting my time to tending to people (or CCF serving in general).

And each time when I want to serve in something, but unable to, due to school strains and whatnot...I ask...why can't You just give me the intelligence to understand my school stuff? Give me the words to fill in my lab report. Arrange my work term and whatnot so I don't have to worry about it at all...so I can go perform my calling? Inherent in this, two struggle arises: one is trusting God with my academics...the other is complaining about my inadequacies.

God in my school life
Waterloo 3A Electrical Engineering is easily the most painful term in my academic career. My professors didn't speak English well. The courses were difficult. Lab work took a while to archive. Yet, I took up the role of Winter Retreat coordination, my most stressful CCF serving position ever. After surviving a close brush with PDENG and midterms, I proceeded to serve as Grad Video coordinator. By the time I hit finals, I was rather behind. I crammed like mad and...

...somehow, made it through.

I rank among the people whom, if you asked me to perform a vector field integral, or calculate Bayer probability, or figure out the dopant concentration in some silicon sample, I can't do it. I honestly can't tell you how I pull off the marks I do, just that I do. At the end of each term, as I check my QUEST, I'm convinced that the only reason I get those marks is cuz He lets me.

Judges is a interesting book, with many colourful heroes. In its pages, it tells of how Israelites receives guidance and protection...just to forget God a few generations later. Then they get attacked and owned...and in their cries, God raises a leader to see them through things. I've always laughed at the Israelites...I mean, seriously. It's obviously God at work here. Why don't you guys get it?

Seriously.

But I've realized I'm the same. Each passing term, during finals, I'm scared witless. Yet I get through. A few month later, I find myself in the same position again, unwilling to trust Him that school will turn out okay. The Israelites held out for a few generations. I held out for a few weeks.

His grace is sufficient
So what about these weaknesses? What can't You just...give me all I need? It's all for Your Kingdom anyway, no?

I am a 21-year-old university student. My ministry reach at the moment is not even comparable to Paul. All I've got is CCF. Paul had 7+ churches. In a letter to the Corinthians, he mentions a few things similar to the stuff I'm moaning about right now:

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh ... Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me...
- 2 Corinthians 12.7-8

And that's about the time where God said "too bad. =P"... If Paul's ministries were less effective because of this thorn...God didn't seem to care all that much. Because if His goal was solely to advance His kingdom, then He would've "taken it away from him". But His goal isn't just to advance His kingdom, is it?

more engineering - a few more cents

2008-12-27T00:27:00.002-05:00

Those of you who have heard me blab, you may have noted that I try to use a story (either one I've experienced myself, or something that someone has related to me) in order to show that I can relate, or to emphasize a point. For a listener...indeed, for anyone chatting in general, there's nothing quite as empathetic as a well shaped story. We watch movies, read novels, chat on the phone, in order to obtain a story. My high school mentor once told me that...no one has a boring testimony. I think, until you believe that for yourself (ie believe that you have worthwhile things to share), it would be rather difficult for you to apply that mentality to other people. After all...we are called to love each other as we love ourselves. Does that not suggest that we should learn to accept ourselves and know thyself? (okok, I'll stop with the cheesy quotes).

Anyways. I got the chance to chat with another electrical engineer about career decisions and what is to come. Being in Controls, he talked alot about theory vs application. About how this field only has a handful of theories I must know, and the rest is just applying it to a variety of different environments. Of how PIC programming and block diagrams are only so interesting, and how Controls engineers can branch out beyond PID controllers and learn about the plants (such as motors, for example) to become more well rounded. Of how Controls is all about staying on top of the current technology. Of how we must be willing to continously learn about the changing technology, in order to apply them. After all, controls is about integration.

He challenged me to think about the future. Am I willing to relocate? Do I want to go for management type positions? Do I want to travel? Stress on family? Stablity? Am I willing to work for someone younger than myself? Less qualified than myself? Can I handle project management? Do I want to deal with other engineers, or be management? I have no idea. I suppose I never though too much about career...but considering that it's something we'll be doing for a long time, it deserves more thought.

Its funny, how topics like this don't tend to come up on CCF circles. People typically like to talk about spiritual stuff. Or school things. Or relationship, boy/girl issues. Very here and now type of stuff. Not saying that's bad. But life isn't that compartmentalized.

Haha. There's something amusing about hearing PID controllers and other nerdy things from non-Waterloo people. I guess that officially makes me a nerd. =P Call it...professional interest. Haha.

More engineering - thoughts from the real world

2008-12-22T02:45:00.004-05:00

So I was at a party for a ministry I used to be part of (obviously not anymore, since I'm not in Calgary these days, haha), where I found myself chatting with the ministry co-director (I also found out that his wife was childhood friends with my Fourth Year Design adviser. Small world, I guess. Haha), who I found out, was an electrical engineer. Naturally, I hopped on this opportunity to ask questions.

What did you think of Engineering (school)?
Too general. I guess it's not just us who feel that we don't really learn all that much at school. The designation of "specialization", something we get with just a handful of courses (ie 2 or 3) doesn't really mean we know enough to do something. Theory is rather different than application, something some of us figured out on co-op.

But he emphasized the learning skills (ie how to cram in very little time), problem solving (maybe I should go find some arties and see how they engage in problem solving...I still don't get the whole engineering vs non-engineering thinking thing) and ability to project/time manage (ie 4 lab courses), and operate under stress (ie no sleep).

Yeah okay. That's pretty good stuff.

How did you end up doing your current field of work?
I suppose I'm like most people in that I have very little idea of what I want to do. Yeah, there's Biomed Engg. But BME is a rather general degree. He shared with me how he couldn't get into the field he wanted too, and eventually ended up with a job that had little to do with electrical engineering. Switched jobs after 10 years. Hopped a bit. Eventually ended up at his current job, a field he had no initial interest in. Totally enjoys it (I guess jobs that are fun actually exist. Haha) now.

So coming out all directionless and confused is normal. Or...at least...rather common. Good thing to be reminded, after seeing many of my classmates having already decided what they want to be heading into.

Where does God fit into all this?
His theory is that God uses little things ("oh, this Communication course sucks. I aint taking this no more"), job market and whatnot to set us on the road towards His plans. Keep an open mind and keep praying. Cliche, but that's how it is. Our lines will converge into His.

I think, our unwillingness to accept uncertainity had led rise to many theories about God's hands in our decision making. I can think of three just offhand.

No matter how hard you mess up, you can't mess up God's plans. God created all things, including me. Since we're only a small piece of His creation, He is "bigger" than all things, thus I cannot mess Him up. However, we've see many cases, even from the Bible (Jonah is a good example), where people tried to run, but God chased them down and convinced them to perform their task of calling anyway. But at the end of the day, it's in your own free will that decides what to do. God won't force the point.

You can't mess up God's plans, because God would've seen it happen from His outside-of-time-ness. Is it possible to surprise God? I'll refrain from getting into this one, because it'll lead to a predestination-freewill debate. The Christian in me says who cares, God controls it all regardless. The apologist in me tells me that it's not a good enough answer. I've got nothing right now =P. Should research/think about further later. In any case, this school of thought would suggest that freewill doesn't really exist, and that we only have precieved degrees-of-freedom, and doesn't actually have any.

Or...some combination of the two theories. Holy Spirit could present ideas that you precieve as your own and you carry it out, thus eventually leading you to God's plans, but you don't actually have total free thought without interference. But you could still choose to reject the ideas.

Umm. Just watching and praying isn't exactly that practical...
Perhaps not. For many, the desire to have direction and works one can carry out sometimes conflict with the concept of faith. But...can I not study and expect a good mark? Can I not attend interviews and expect a job? At what point am I thinking too much, and just need to give it up to Him?

Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.
- Saint Teresa of Avila

Keep at it. Watch and pray. Because when we're promised wisdom...

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
- James 1.5

...the wisdom that James is descibing is directions in decision making. So keep asking questions.

Individual

2008-12-20T03:52:00.004-05:00

So I was chatting with Amanda Tang the other day, and she shared with me how, because her and Joanna typically introduce themselves as twins, people have a higher tendency to confuse the two of them (even though they don't actually lookalike). The solution seemed obvious: introduce yourselves as individual people, not as twins. "But we naturally introduce ourselves as twins..."

We have a tendency to introduce ourselves in relation to other people. When people know who my brother is (because he's more popular than I am, haha), I'm "Jackson's brother." When it's to CCF people, I'm "Jorge's classmate." "Phil's hockey team." "Herman's committee." "Dr Dickerson's student." Sometimes it is the organizations we belong to that identifies us. UWCCF. NTCBC. UWOACF. CCAC. Something about having these associations connects us with other people faster. Provides us with a sense of belonging. Etc.

I think one very important point that we sometimes forget is that...we are not saved collectively. The offer of Salvation is an individual one; weither or not I'm saved has nothing to do with the state of my fellowship or church, that God is about personal relationships. So...while it's awesome that I'm part of many fellowships, membership in these fellowships will not, for a second, tell me anything about my Salvation.

If we're removed from all the social relationships we're associated with...all the clubs and fellowships. All the friends and family. What does that leave you? How are you defined? If we took away the 2nd year Biomed Sci student, how would the twin define herself? (Or...if you don't happen to have a twin, you can replace that with whatever people/organization you've got. Haha). Because to Him, we're not just a face in the sea of faces.

Generalizations

2008-12-11T00:45:00.001-05:00

So I was sitting in the SLC the other day, trying to get in some good time for my Circuits course. The SLC was noiser than the usual mouse clicking and paper rustling; there was a group of brown people that were talking rather loudly. A few of us had to go tell them to keep it down, and eventually they left; the whole time, I was thinking...those inconsiderate brown people! Don't they know this is the QUIET study room? Sheesh...

I then started thinking about all the times CCF people caused a disturbance...well. We always try to keep it outside, right? We're better than these people...random crowds of Chinese people...like sure, we have a tendency to stand at the most crowded places possible and laugh uncontrollably, but...we're rather considerate people, right?

The stereotypical Christian. Why do we have such bad image with non-Christian people? Among my non-Christian friends, I've had to reassure some of them that I'm not trying to convert them with my every move, and I try my best to live a non-hypocritical life. I tell them, just because they've had bad experiences with Christians before, it doesn't mean we're ALL like that. Some of us are trying to live the life we're call to...really. But when I try to work with people, the barriers raised by the people before me are things I must overcome.

Recalling that, I began to think about my brown friends and classmates. Some of them are rather nice people. They're considerate. They're respectful. They're cool people. But our readilness to clump people in categories and overgeneralize a few bad example to the larger public was a bit alarming.

I guess I'm just as quick to judge as everyone else.

Element of encouragement – CCF Sharing Night (F08)

2008-11-30T13:02:00.020-05:00

Friday’s program ran for almost 6 hours. Yes, it was long. A lot of people had a lot of things to say. As some of us grumbled at how long the night went, in many ways, it was a good thing. People feel comfortable enough within the walls of CCF to be sharing about their struggles and successes. About how they’ve ran away and how He has chased them down.

Another good thing I noted was the amount of Scripture quoted. It feels like, as a whole, many of the fellowship is reading more. I haven’t had a chance to pause and think to consider context and whatnot, but Scripture is good stuff.

Sometimes, I wonder, for many of the thoughts and stories shared on Friday...were they the first time that these people have had a chance to share with someone these ideas? These testimonies? We often get an outpouring of sharing and bondforming during these times, the end of term and SLC CCF studying. Why is that? Why can’t we spread the goodness throughout the term?

I think, everyone’s got something to say. Just a matter of them working up the courage, and us, giving them the time to do it.

I didn’t manage to catch everyone’s sharing, so if I missed someone, sorry =P. If I've misinterpreted what you've said, let me know and I'll correct it. The tags in the people's names are my addition, as I format my notes into a legible format, the things that came to mind as I think about what they've said. I'll write about what I shared about later.

Program start time: 7pm
CCF – Serving and Ministries
AW - Women Cell

Touched by the bookmarks (made by Men Cell, for all girls of CCF)
May not have been "successful" in Women Cell (low attendence) by world views, but knows that God is at work
Might not be as united as the guys in CCF, but want to encourage that the girls of CCF to reach out to the other girls. Be bold!
CCF is a great fellowship. But...your walk is your own. Don't neglect it, don't depend solely on others for it. It is between you and God

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
- Colossians 1.9-14

AL - Frosh Cell

Are you really loving the people around you? Love your God...Love your neighbour...because everything hangs on those
Even if something seems like it's got alot of people in a given ministry, but if that's your thing, go do it

Thank you for helping her through her transition stage
Thank you, Frosh Cell Leaders! and upperyears of CCF that made this transition period good. woot.

AE - Fall Retreat

Was really scared for Fall Retreat preparation > learned to rely on Him, but how Retreat turned out was greatly beyond what he had imagine

Starting to see the importance of having love as motivation
Saw a lot of great things start up in CCF
But don't neglect your relationship with God in replacement of your ministry. It is your connection with God that gives the purpose and push for the ministry:

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.
- Matthew 12.35

Have Him as first in your life. Should be good. It will be good.

SH - Outreach

Outreach ministry > was good. Brought a lot of different people with different background and skills to it
Coffeehouses went well

Find your passion! Turn that into your ministry
If you want to do something, support within CCF is definitely there. There is no idea that's too small or too insignificant. Trust God

VL - Men Cell

Men cell theme was "doing hard thing"

Went to OASIS
Go for something that you can't do on your own > must rely on other people to achieve it
Going out of your social norm.

Looked at 1 Peter
Not really here to promote Men Cell...here to promote fellowship and meeting together under common interest. It's good stuff
For sharing night, have a clear message to the fellowship
Tending to your neighbours. Girls ministry seems to be weakening over the terms > tend to the sisters of CCF
Build relationship with people and with God

CCF - The Fellowship
AS – to the apostles’ teachings

Been in spiritual stagnation for a long time
Be around with other Christians more > can absorb more knowledge and bounce ideas

Herman: Knowledge isn't everything
Elena: need to invest before you can get out of it
Just do some readings once in a while. You never know when He's trying to speak to you

EY – put God first

When you put God first, He surprises you with things that you don't expect
During certain time segments, felt distant from fellowship. Stopping coming
But was called back during Urbana. Giving fellowship another shot

Joined Welcome team: expected to bless others...but was also blessed by it
Encouraging people to talk to people. Instead of expecting service, serve instead

Wanted to go for OT since second year, but now feel called to go in medicine
Putting God first in career choices has given her new motivation

When dating a nonChristian: Must count the cost. Might end up pushing people away from Him

Put God first, attack your brothers and sisters with kindness

HL - !hermit

We're the best at dealing with our own suffering. Sometimes its difficult for other people to understand
God uses our struggles for His glory

Don't be a hermit > Balance
Don't over-obsess. Over school...or any other thing
Was out of CCF for a while, but once he came back, felt good to be in the community
Transformed a term of just his books to...books, but with people too!

JT – growth in fellowship

Fear of speaking...
Wasn't always the greatest Christian
But since CCF, definitely grew lots. CCF was encouraging
God doesn't give up on you

JW – not for granted

Good job to the old people in CCF
Don't take people for granted

MC – blessings of people

The one that laughs at things easily
Easy to laugh...but also really easy to hide behind the laughter
In trying to handle certain issues, this hiding seems to keep her at a distance from people
Just last term, she went into the Word alot, and felt totally ready for the term, but things came up, and it felt like retrograde action
Perhaps felt that she couldn't talk to people about it? But after praying and sharing with people like her DG group and close people, she realized that it's because she's got too much people she can turn to

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Corinthians12.9

MT - sea of faces (Kutless)

Came from a small church. Waterloo kind of reduces you to a number. But CCF helped against that. Good stuff

N - hands of CCF

Not Christian. Doesn't really come out. Why would he want to ditch tennis to come to CCF?
First found out about CCF via NSR. Went for a while. People were friendly
So was looking for a job in first year. But had a crappy resume so couldn't get jobs. But CCF people helped him edit resumes into late at night, even though he never really done anything for them

R - Fellowship support

Before Waterloo, was very introverted
CCF and God help him to open up and become more confident

R - Fellowship support

Amazed at all the blessing poured out by God
Was happy that she was able to find fellowship

R - came to serve

Prior to starting university, was told repeatly to keep up church and stuff
Came into CCF with the mentality of being served...
But Christ came to serve, not to be served
Thus, we're not here to be served, but to serve

Health and mind
SF

Had early morning classes (not a morning person), regularly attended CCF and first Men Cell (good support).
Really focused on school work...sometimes didn't do as well. But there's more to it. Don't sacrifice your health, for...

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.
- 1 Corinthians 6:19

God over all
GL - stand up under it (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Psalms 88
Father recently passed away... > received peace -> but has been really difficult
It's one thing being the encourager...but really another to be on the other side of it

JQ - will not leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Really like the book of Philippians
Typically read the book when he's struggling
Feels like sometimes that he puts alot into CCF, but never really gets much back

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold ou the word of life — in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.
- Philippians 2.14-16

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.
- Philippians 3.7-8

It's all for Christ. Even if you don't get anything back.
God's got your back

JL - do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3.20)

Job applications > at start of term, looking for oil/gas, or consulting, and early in the term
3B chem engg has the lowest employment rate right now. Tied with nano. Haha
All exp has to do with lab or manufacturing > not really in Toronto...
Ended up with Colt Engineering (Ada, are you still reading this? haha)
Even though things seems stacked against him, God ended up giving everything he asked for

SC - shall have no other Gods before Me (Exodus 20:3)

Challenging term
Always thought school was hard, never really knew how she did it...but knew that this term, His hands was in it
Choose not to sacrifice her relationship with God over the term
Relied on God's peace to get her through
School is important, but there is more than just school. Do you show that God comes priority over everything?

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4.4-7

Walking the Way
CY - [they have] rejected Me as their King... (1 Samuel 8.6)

Being Worship coordinator has been a big blessing
Was a little hesitant, didn't know people in CCF well... but it was alot of fun. Committee, Worship and AV was good encouragement
Had school with CCF people. That was cool

Always worship. No matter what you're doing. At all times, you're worshiping something or someone...take a step back. Are you worshiping God?
Was challenged at Fall Retreat to search for core support, friends that you can share 80% of your life with
Noticed that, in his BIOL courses, that alot of things were being integrated together and overlapping...
And saw similar themes in life. Ideas and lessons overlapping
Don't isolate environments. CCF isn't just for spiritual feeding. School isn't just learning. God is everywhere, so seek many things in all things

Perhaps relies on first impressions too easily. Perhaps they're too good (but they're human too), or made a bad impression (but never really given a chance to see more of them)
Be there to listen

Attitude is important. If you focus on God...on school...on people...that's what you'll get out of it.
Who is your king? You can really only have one. Who is it? Does it change? By who's name and who's power do you act?

Growth and learning
BL - Finding Him

First term to have felt God in his life in university

90% of his home fellowship is in a different country
Always went to fellowship. But when his friends were not at fellowship anymore, lost motivation to go
Even if he's at SLC, eating, sleeping or watching stuff, it felt good to have brothers and sisters around you
Have checked out other places, but really. Nothing seems to match fellowship (and SLC. haha)

The other thing He took away was his capability to serve
Couldn't serve worship team, since had class during practices
Took a step back. Saw the passion of other people in their serving
Played piano at Coffeehouse...but...it was in the SLC Great Hall...everyone can see you -> challenged serve outside the church building (the safe environments)

The last thing taken from him was his goals
Can't do PT anymore since marks seems to be an issue. But...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3.5-6

CL - chilling with the Father

Family conflicts > things she didn't share about with many people, but she felt okay to share with Women's Prayer group
Now chills with family on the phone. If God loves [her] so much, it should overflow and extend to other people
So God, and the support of her Women's Prayer group, helped her to reconcile
Share and pray with each. That's when God will change you
Take the higher road. Forgive first, as God has forgiven you first

EW - Perseverance

Came from a solid church (NTCBC!)
Thought she was pretty solid, but was really inconsistent in fellowship in first year
Too easy to use the church as your support, have them to push you along in things
Didn't have that here. Harder to push yourself along
Was really encouraging to see the people in Women's Prayer group grow
Was scared to return to Waterloo, since first year didn't go that well
Realizing that her walk wasn't going that well > has to actively search for Him

Be the change you want to see
Joined Welcome team
You're not here to be spoonfed

Been seeking and searching, for no good reason sometimes would feel terrible
Will always be struggles

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, wehave peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
- Romans 5.1-5

MT - Love and logic

Playground bullying. Things wasn't cool
Family was fairly traditional. Didn't really show love to each other
Love didn't draw him to Christ. Logic did. Christ's actions made logical sense
Logically, it didn't make sense, the "love overflowing" bit
Over time, began to note about the little expression of love from the people around him

PC - Every little detail

Didn't make early admission to Med school...wasn't too happy about that
Was called to attend Winter Retreat 08 > asked for more faith

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
- James 1.6-8

Grown alot since...would not have traded this for Med school admission
He's got a plan for you:

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will
- Ephesians 1.4-5

S - Pray pray pray

Sometimes, you don't feel God's peace and joy. Pray anyway
Have conversations with God, where-ever you go
Knowing God is more important than knowing what will happen
He's there, no matter what

Food for thought
BX - Changing the world

Reflections and testimonies are good stuff
Conversion stories tend to sound more epic
But it's important to hear how God is real in your life everyday
Take all opportunities to exhort and encourage each other

The latest things he's been thinking about: Changing the world
Do we grasp the vision of changing the world?
We think about the campus sometimes...but the world. Man...
What gives what pushes you? It's you. You're uniquely you

Where does school fit?
It's important. It might not be for everyone, but it's still important.
There is so much life change here. It's developing you so you can go out and do something
It's not about keeping things awesome at the university, but carrying that for the rest of your life (ie bring the experience here to other places)

What is your legacy? How to change the world?
Life is not always epic. It's the little things
Think big. But always do the small things as well

DY - Passion

It's always a blessing to talk to the people of CCF
Definitely have grown from CCF, thanks to everyone who has served alongside with me
For the frosh: God’s definitely blessed you, keep this passion/enthusiasm, life and university will throw a lot your way, keep challenging yourselves, and the others around you. Think critically about everything, including (and most importantly) your Faith.

For the last little while, it's not the Christian side of his life that has been challenging him, but the non-Christians
Feel that he can truly say that there are non-Christians that want to do good things
Heard from "Save the Children" -> people can't get out of underdeveloped nations because they lack the education, you are in an educational institution – the power to change the world lies in the people around you.
If you truly want to impact the world, reach out to the people around you. Your peers will be the ones changing the world
everyone wants to change the world in their own way – talk to classmates/peers find out what they are passionate about – tell them about Christ.

what do you dream? - live that, pursue it. God's given you your passions.
how about your peers? do you know your classmates, have you really spoken to them?
how do you balance your life?... maybe its about “balancing the right amount of imbalance”. The imbalance is your focus, it’s the thing that drives you. In short, don’t neglect your needs/responsibilities, but don’t be afraid to jump in deep into initiatives that you are passionate about.
keep your passions real. Pursuit what has been given to you
what kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

PC - Not everyone who says Lord, Lord...(Matthew 7.21)

Some of you may have grown up in the church. But might not feel that your faith might not mean much to you.
There more than just going through university, chase a career, attending church. There's much more than that
Christianity, just saying you're a Christian, doesn't cut it
Or...if your life is going well and you don't feel like you need God, it's a bad position to be. Always needs God
2 Peter

TL - Focus

God is sovereign. He created everything. Ephesians 1.
God is becoming more dominating in life. Little problems are insignificant in light of God

Focus on things that will give you eternal worth
The Bible is eternal. So is God. Your options are pretty limited

VL - Purpose and variety

Sat through a lot of sharing nights in the past
Hear all about good stuff, all the struggles of people, kind of the same trends
The words that we say can have an impact on anyone in this room
Sharing on the second round has its disadvantages...everyone else already said what you want to say

The "invincible upperyears" really aren’t that invincible
Every term that pass, lose a little more of self. Find himself distracted by school and relationship > lose a lot of time, where did the time go, etc
Just happen to have a different "date of entry" than everyone else. You have the same issues that we have/had. We just happen to have been there already

Impact of CCF
CCF is excellent
Want to challenge people, especially frosh. CCF is good, but there is alot of other stuff out there too. Take control of your life, and what you want to do
It's okay to do a lot of CCF stuff, but there is alot other stuff too. Figure out what you want

Outside the CCF

DAW - Scholarship

School is important. You're here as students
Christ was a scholar. He was learning the stuff He needed starting from the age 13. Didn't start to ministry until He was 30
Scholarship is an attitude. Not everyone has the aptitude to do well in school, but the attitude is pretty key
Story: One day, there was a nice sunny day outside...and sitting in front of him was a partial differential equation. Sigh... -> couldn't study well. So prayed. Was told that school was preparing him for the ministry to come

Reaching beyond

DT

Most exciting year in her life (wow)
CCF was encouraging
Was a really closed person, due to family background
The church environment was full of caring people. Wanted to know more and more
God pulled her through, in all the ups and downs
Amazing to be able to rely on God. Know that she never has to go through things alone again
Did coffeehouse because, if it wasn't for her friends that reached to her, she wouldn't be here right now

Read from his Insight article (link here)
Boasted of having the latest set of information
Impressed by creation and the hands of God
Good to be in wonder and awe of God

The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it;
for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters.
Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ? Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false.
- Psalms 24

The tendency of people to want to share what they think is awesome
Why we want to tell people to take PSYCH101 with Ennis or ECON102 with Smith?
So that's how we want to tell people to go to God
Do you wonder why we lack outreach and evangelism?
First ask about your relationship with God. Are you in awe of God?
First and foremost, seek the Lord

Scary to enter first year and not knowing people
But He's got plans, down to every little detail. Even when things are looking crappy
Strongly felt for outreach. Wanted people to experience Christ
The passage that he feels strongly for was the Great Commission...then found that CCF's focus of the term was on that
Opportunity to do Coffeehouse was good. Confirmation that God is with him

Its easy to get caught up in fellowship...but remember that your walk is your own. Prayer. Readings. Devotions.
What's it all for? Why do you come to fellowship?
Ultimately, it should be all to know Him more
If He's not number one in your heart, it's easy to feel empty inside. Meaningless, even

Jack of all circuits, master of none

2008-11-26T22:01:00.003-05:00

For my Electrical Circuits 3 course, my class has the fortune of being taught by Professor David Nairn. The man knows his stuff. He can write and talk about circuits faster than anyone can copy them down. There has been few professors in ECE that 1) spoke good English and 2) cared enough for students to want to participate for random socialization, but Professor Nairn is definitely up there in my books.

I think one of the biggest things I appreciate is his patience. A few of us were complaining about how the TAs were holding the tutorial ("Here, check the circuit with this shortcut. What, you don't know it? Just take it by faith that it works...") and how there's a large gap in understanding. Basically, there is the normal (but time consuming way...small signal modeling for those of you that speak MOSFET), but there is also a handful of shortcuts that you can take to quickly return the voltage gain of the model (that collector/emitter resistance thing...shaves at least 20 minutes off analysis time, if you're slow like me). Whereas most profs would've just told us it's easy and do more questions, this is how Nairn replied:

I don't expect you to be able to pull stuff that off by the final exam. Once you've done this often enough, you'll start seeing things like that. There is nothing wrong with using the small signal model. In fact, there was a man I used to work with (at another university)...he must've retired by now...but when I took a look through his coursenotes, small signal (the long way) everywhere. Just keep at it. Circuits isn't suppose to be easy.

Then he threw in some remarks about eating, sleeping and exercising (of course, we all know students don't get enough of all three...but that's another story). I blinked for a bit, trying to comprehend what he had just said.

Right now, it's okay to be "inefficient" - Probably the most realistic thing any of our teachers have said to us to date. Not it's easy (yes, we know you think it's easy). And that even circuit masters (hey, retired circuit profs must be masters) take it nice and steady. Yes, I want to be ownage at designing and solving circuits...but there's finite understanding time between my level of understanding...and that of my circuits professor's. Until then, it's okay to be slow. It's okay to be inefficient.

Growth isn't achieved overnight. Understanding doesn't always come rapidly. This is a lesson often forgotten.

Neighbours of Christians

2008-11-24T16:49:00.001-05:00

I had an interesting conversation the other day. I wouldn't have given it a second thought, if it wasn't for another conversation I had shortly after the first one concluded. And thus leading to this extremely long rant that you're about to read.

Christian vs non-Christian...
So a friend and I started discussing the concept of dating relationships between a Christian and a non-Christian. People who were around during certain CCF'ly events would know that I stand strongly against this concept. I've thought much about this, and has all the textbook answers. And so when this topic was brought up, I was ready to beat it down. But just before I was able to launch into my first argument, I was cut off. "But there are Christian guys that treat their girlfriends alot worse than non-Christian guys." I couldn't reply. It's true. I can't deny it. I do indeed have non-Christian friends that have stronger moral values then people that I know who claims to be Christian.

Marriage and Divorce rates
I've always wondered about the 50% divorce rate that is spewed at us. I've been told that Christian marriages' divorce rate is almost as high as the 50% non-Christian divorce rate. I took a quick spin on Google and came up with...

Religious Tolerance website: Protestants (25%), Baptists (29%), Non-denominational (34%). Not quite the 50%. Whew.

Another source, compiled from a series of surveys: Non-Christian (48%), All Christian (41%), "frequent" (people that attend church at least once a week) Christian (32%), "frequent" Protestants (32%). Okay.

So we're looking at values in the 30s percentile. 1 in 3 marriages ends in a divorce. Hmm. Still not cool...yes, we're lower than non-Christians, but shouldn't we? Considering we've got passages like...

"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

- Matthew 5.31-32 (Sermon on the Mount)

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel...

- Malachi 2.16a

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

- Matthew 19.8-9

Back to that conversation...
I wasn't able to say much. I myself had issues against the Church during my High School years due to hypocracy issues. Still. Christian guys have to be good for something...right? Of course, a handful of Christian isn't representative of all of Christ (but...unless they see Him through our actions, how would they know? Faith without works is worth nothing...). I left the conversation, wondering what the Christians of our world are doing, and how it came to that topics like this is even worth discussing. We're held to higher standards...yet it would appear that some people doesn't care.

Annoyance amplified
Within an hour, just via random discussions, I found myself trying to convince someone else that not all marriages end in failure. I was astonished to hear her opinion...from things like TV drama and whatnot, she has the opinion that all men will want to leave their wife at some point. ALL men. That all marriages will end in divorce.

...what?

You know things are bad if someone believes something like this as a fundamental fact. At first, I thought it was just that she's making a bad sweeping generalization (dangerous in itself, but not too difficult to refute)...but as I talked to this person, it became apparently she truly believed this. All marriages. Including Christians. All these seems to have arisen from Chinese TV drama that portrays people in this type of situation. I was tempted to write this off as a random blip, that this person was just disillusioned, but with the principle of the self-fulfilling prophesy, I proceeded to attempt to alter this person's point of view. Surely...there is some hope, right?

Often, in CCF, I feel that we're encouraging the bubble mentality. We speak as if we're isolated from the world, because we're called to be apart from it. We don't discuss the impact of how we are and behave due to things like our Chinese upbringings and culture, or the impacts of the modern consumerism mentality, or the influence, as I've briefly mentioned here, of mass media. Benefitial or not, we're physically here, and thus are very much influenced by the world.

Eric's talk, the things we learn
A few weeks ago, Eric came and gave a talk to CCF. He talked about learning from his non-Christian neighbours. Of how he's understanding fear of God from Hindu people. Of how he's learning charity from Sihks. Of how we as Christians, wither we realize it or not, have a self-righteous attitude.

I've never really thought too much about this stuff, except that they form the extreme of my arguments on points like Sermon on the Mount. I've got non-Christian friends who's far more compassionate and friendly than I am. Who's more devote to their faith (Islam classmates) than I am to mine. Etc.

Okay, what's your point?
This post is so all over the place...I apologize for my incohernet ranting. I'll try to summerize.

My point is that we're here. That we need to test what we hear (the whole divorce rate thing). That we're observed as we live our daily lives (working against hypocrasy). That we're influenced by our surroundings (cosumerism and media). That really, just cuz we're Christians, doesn't mean we're all that great of people (learning from our neighbours). Yeah so what if we know what to do? The difficulty in our lives has always been the translation of theory to application. We're not great because we follow Christ. Christ is great, so we follow.

Little, big things

2008-11-15T19:57:00.002-05:00

Some time ago, I decided to embark on a campaign. "How little I know," I said, as I flipped to Genesis 1, "so I must read." And so I decided to read through the Bible, 3 chapters a day. It would take roughly 1.5 years to get through, but it's only 3 chapter a day. And I realized that, over the next 8 month, as I went from dedicating large amounts of time to reading and asking questions and looking up commentaries...to just reading and looking at commentaries...to just reading...to eventually, stopping reading all together, as life got more and more busy. As school and assignments and labs got to me. As work left me too exhausted after work to do anything but chillaxe and TV.

As I said, "God. I'm doing your work. I'm serving here. I'm tending to Your people. Surely it is enough..."and never really thinking about when I put down the Word and picked up the latest serving task, all in the name of God, that I have put down something far more important than the things I picked up afterwards.

And so as I lamented against the spiritual immaturity of the people around, bashing the Bible study leaders for not having prepared sufficiently, or how people would rather have fun at fellowship than talk about something serious...all while ignoring that sense of hypocrisy rising...

It's funny, how I had no idea that the sense of reservations I've had when I took up the biggest CCF serving position I've done to date and my reluctance to pray, hidden behind my knowledge of the Sciences, of Psychology. Of the Bible and its contents. That blinded by my self-righteousness and pride, held back by thoughts of constantly fighting in His name, that I've left behind the Book that gave any of this meaning...and thus the God that saves, any meaning.

Today, I was reminded all these lessons. I don't find cooking all that interesting, so I listen to music while I scramble the eggs and fried the noodles. Once in a while, I'd replace that with a nice dose of Ravi Zacharias. In the sermon I was listening to, he said that he'd have no problem studying the Bible everyday (4 chapter a day!), no problem serving. No problem doing the things he needs to do, except for praying. And that setting time apart for prayer to God was the most difficult thing he does in a day (cuz prayer is powerful, so of course the enemy wants to distrupt it). Well, that make sense. In prayer, you have to slow down. You have to stand against the rush and busy day. I guess even Ravi Zacharias is affected by our "rush rush" society. You're missing the point...what? I am?

And that's when Ravi drove the point home. He cited this passage as his case point example (Yes, I'm totally taking the wrong points out of his sermon, but that's okay). Gehazi had a front-row seat to Elisha's miracles. He should know right from wrong. Yet he took what wasn't his and he lied about it. He should've known better. If someone so close to all these things could screw up...if a man as knowledgable in Christianity as Ravi Zacharias need to constantly read and pray...how much more an ignorant one like myself? Elsewhere in the sermon, Ravi mentioned that...unless your own personal devotions are well, you would not be able to raise your family to be well either. Dang.

It's kind of funny. I used to be on the recieiving end of talks like this. Now I'm on the delievering end. I've only begun to ponder the possibility that...when I was listening to speeches like this, perhaps the deliverer isn't really some super Christian who's got it all covered and is walking awesomely...but someone like me now, having to be reminded over and over again, to not stray and wonder what would Jesus do...but actually pray to Him and ask Him what He would do.

Haha. Yesterday, I was chatting with Tim Li. There is this character in the Bible, a phophet named Nathan. King David's loudest voice of conscience. Do you know why Solomon fell? The wisest man in history, such that his name became synomonous with wisdom...you'd think that he would be awesome. He fell because he had no Nathan, to remind him of all these things. The big...and the small.

Inreach and teaching

2008-11-11T03:08:00.001-05:00

Hahaha. I feel that I should throw in my own two cents. CCF has had a larger focus on Evangelism and outreach ministries this term. Not being a part of that, I'm not really sure how well those outreach attempts are working, just that I hear about their works once in a while. I've been part of too much "should we have Lifesong?" discussions to really want to get into outreach projects...haa.

I found it kind of interesting that, of all initiatives to start, the two newest ministries is Outreach (outward) and Caring (inward). And after listening Mikee talk about the importance of evangelism and outreach, in taking the Word to the people and being a lamp on campus, I feel that I should do a bit of the same for the ministry that I represent.

Lets start with the classic passage:
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

- Acts 2.42 - 47 (Fellowship)

It's a good passage, describing to us what the first church is like. There is actually alot one can get out of this. But just in case, I'll write them out.

Devotion to the Word (so the Bible was important to them) and to the fellowship (so was each other), to breaking of the bread (significance of Christ) and to prayer
Wonders and miraculous signs...yes, the Holy Spirit was very visual in the time period.
All the believers were together...well. They obviously hung out together. This one took a little more insight. Matthew Henry suggested that they separated themselves from the nonbelievers and poured the time into each other instead. Yet he also mentioned that they spent time with the Jews (recall that this is all happening in Jerusalem)
Everything in common...There was alot of communal stuff. Sounds like Westcourt. Hahaha.
Lord added to their number daily. Hmm. This entire paragraph talking about the early church, and this was the only reference to any form of outreach. From reading just this, one would think that the people didn't really even do anything. Just stuck to taking care of each other and teaching and praying and whatnot...and God did all the heart-tugging and pulled people in.

...he asked [Jesus], "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

- Matthew 12.28b - 31 (Greatest Commandment)

Love the Lord your God...the first 4 Commandments has something to do with this. Gotta be important.
Love your neighbour...which pretty much encapsulates the remaining 6 Commandments. Assuming, that is, you don't steal or lie to people you love.

I think, ultimately, this is the point I want to get at. We can get so focused on the Great Commission's call for outreach, that we sometimes forget people don't know as much as we do, or are as connected in the church. "Seeker-friendly" environments may get people in, but if there is no followup, there is no growth. Oops. The environment we fellowship in must be one that is conductive to growth. For many (and I confess, myself included), CCF Friday nights is a time to hang out with people. I recognize the difficult for us to generate a program that will absolutely floor everyone. For many, the growth we obtain from CCF isn't in its Fridays...but from cell group discussions and non-official meetings, such as the Acts Bible study that's going on. But many people don't go to those things. How much do they grow then? Love your neighbour...yes, that means feeding them bread (or contextualized to Waterloo...hmm. It'd probably be Mikey's)...but shouldn't it include spiritual feeding too? And so if we can't take care of the people around us...and indeed ourselves either, how can we hope to rise up new followers of Christ?

"Not everyone who says to me, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?" Then I will tell them plainly, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evil-doers!"

- Matthew 7.21 - 23 (Sermon on the Mount)

Jesus has spoken. This will happen. And the thing is...these people believed they were followers of Christ...my pastor once told me that this is the passage that he fears the most. It is his job to figure out who are "Christians"...and who are Christians.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not downplaying the importance of outreach. Ultimately, Christ came to die on our behalf. But in all His spare time, He was performing outreach. He was adding to His number of disciples. He was teaching. If we say that baptism or communion are things we do these days cuz Christ did it first, then we can't discard evangelism as something insignificant.

Perhaps, we should take a look at our general call for outreach:
"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

- Matthew 28.18-20 (Great Commision)

All authority...Jesus is in charge. Awesome. I serve Someone ownage.
Go and make disciples...it has been pointed out to me that this chunk doesn't say "go and convert"...but "go and make disciples". What's the difference between a disciple and a convert? The same difference between people who only come on Friday nights and people who attend random Bible studies. The same difference between people who want to be spoonfed, and people who serve. The same difference between people who reach out, and the people who stay within their circles. What is the cost of discipleship?
Baptizing...name of the Father...Son...Holy Spirit...and so we're instructed not to do this on our own powers. My blab is only so effective. It's really God at work here.

At the end of the day, Mikee could rant about outreach and I can rant about inreach, but seriously. We're only university students, nothing we have to say is really all that new. Our ideas are all at least two thousand years old, when Christ walked on this Earth. Our words are simply that, a bunch of words. A few references to the Bible. Alot of hand waving. All this is meaningless with the His conviction in you to drive you to want to tend to your neighbours, both inwardly and outwardly. Building His kingdom in the ways we've been called to...one person at a time.

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.

- 1 Corinthians 12.7-11 (Spiritual Gifts)

This is a large chunk of the Bible study passage that will happen at CCF this week. A few remaining things...

Although this passage is often cited as one regarding Spiritual Gifts, it actually talks more about Unity instead. If you keep reading in Chapter 12, the "One Body" passage is found. Things like inreach vs outreach. Charismatic vs Evangelistic. All these things are good and Biblical stuff. But without balance, without that unity, then they are pointless.
And just as how the Spirit grants very crazy (tongues, prophecy, healing) gifts...He also grants some rather ordinary gifts (knowledge...in other passages, administration, mercy). Are any of these gifts better than others? No. They're all from the same Spirit. Same God. Each of them have their own place and purpose. And same goes for this inreach vs outreach bit.
Actually. I take that back. There are actually three gifts that are better than the rest.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

- 1 Corinthians 13.13

Gears of the engineer

2008-11-04T01:52:00.000-05:00

A few of us got talking about how engineers think differently than non-engineers. I've never really understood that. I figure that all the other engineers out there are getting the same type of education that I am. A bunch of calculus. Some circuits. Block diagram reduction. Some imaginary values. Throw in a few microvoltage IC boards and megavoltage motors. In terms of design, we're pretty much left to our own devices. So it doesn't really feel that much different than high school, where it's just massive amounts of knowledge jamming, and figure-out-your-own-application type situations.

Apparently, I'm so submerged in the Waterloo culture that I assume everyone in the outside world is like this. After all, I fit in rather well when I was in Western. I didn't really stand out when I was in Calgary. So when I generate my random analogies (latest: a dime of focus...quite a bit of focus, I'd say) and goes off on my tangents like I always do (woot. non-linear thinking. haha), or pull knowledge that I thought was common (WHAT?! You don't know Euler's formula?!), it always suprises me when it's not easily understood.

I also got to rant a bit about communication. One of the most annoying thing about being Communications back in my 2B was the fact that I had to go make announcements. Planning NSR was okay, the speech was hard. A few days ago, CCF had a QA session, where I had make a few comments. I think, as poor as my stage articulation skills are, it's alot better then what it was before. When I shared this with a second year who told me that she really doesn't like public speaking, she was surprised. After all, I had, earlier that week, answered a handful of questions over a microphone in front of about 60 people. Hmm. So I did.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is...we often speak of growth. People who are focused on physical growth. People who focuses on mental growth. Spiritual growth. Sometimes you don't know that you're growing. Sometimes the situations are too mundane, or the battles are too insane. Sometimes, all you're focused on is to hit the next checkpoint. I was told that, since we're poor assessors of ourselves, we should look to the people around us to tell us how much we're growing. That, even if we can't tell ourselves, we would know when we're not growing at all. That's pretty much when complacency sets in and we all get gg'ed.

Hmm. Perhaps this molding process is too slow. But I suppose one shouldn't ever rush an Artist at work, however tempting.

Haha. I still don't quite get it. What exactly is it that we engineers think about that is different than everyone else?

Mars Hill - Loneliness

2008-10-19T10:15:00.005-05:00

So I slept a bit late last night and decided that I'm just going to fall asleep if I attend service, so I took an extra hour then fired up Mars Hill when I got up (yes yes I know I know. I could've gone to Elevation, but I wanted some quietness). Looking through the list of possible sermons I could've loaded up, my eyes got attracted a sermon on loneliness. As someone involved in Caring, I thought it'd be a good idea for me to refamiliarize with this stuff. The following is the notes I made.

Mars Hill Church - "Rebels Guide to Joy in Loneliness" - Mark Driscoll

- There is a decrease overall in hanging out, making friends, and unwilling to make the first move. Within just the context of CCF, one can see that. The sheer size of CCF was a deterrent for me when I first came in, and is still a deterrent for many in our group.

- Even within Christian circles, a survey showed that 40+% of the people feel lonely constantly. Make no assumptions that people are covered.

- God is Trinity -> the three aspects can fellowship with each other -> from this, we want to seek company. "It is not good for the man to be alone." I suppose that verse could be taken to mean more meanings than just wives.

- Sin caused distrust in God and in people...thus we're lonely

- Friendship isn't the solution. It's often invoked by physical proximity or affinity (like similar things) -> but when proximity and affinity change, the relationship changes too. The roots weren't there. Time and distance tests friendship; this is why.

- Paul proposed a Gospel-based relationship -> the sin that causes mistrust and distance between people needs to be addressed, by God, so that people can come together. Give and receive.

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

- Philippians 1.2-11

- Note that Paul opened this with "grace to you"...that we're expected to give grace to each other as God gives grace to the repentant -> this leads to peace in the relationship

-Paul talks about joy...considering that he's in jail, have no family, friends arin't anywhere near by -> Joy is not an emotion. It's a state of mind. The understanding that Christians should be happy leads to people faking it all. Paul put his joy in the forward movement of the Gospel, thus he is able to a very bad shape, but still feel joy

- God is at work. Even if we can't see the seeds grow sometimes

- Remember that grace isn't pivotal on what we're doing. You can't wear out Christ's grace. Recognizing this will make you want to share this grace, thus you end up praying for them, and this type of connection (sharing of grace and prayer) is firmer than proximity and affinity. He will carry the rest

- Christ's renewing abilities will transform. Preserve, and keep your eyes focused. He will equip you with what you need.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.

- Hebrew 4.15

- Would Jesus understand loneliness? He was isolated for 40 days of temptation. His family denied him. His friends ditched Him. Hey...even..."My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?" ... what do you think?

System errors

2008-10-18T19:17:00.000-05:00

I don't like incompetence. Especially when it's on my part. The more often you try, numerically, the more often you'll fail. Some things are just difficult to grasp or perform. But I still don't like incompetence. Especially when everyone else gets it, but you.