Tracing...

Thoughout my random convos with people these days, someone said this to me...

but just don't be afraid
don't think you'll never be ready
don't think you don't deserve it

I found myself staring at those words for a while. They seem simple enough, words of encouragement. It's really easy to assess one self and become so fixuated on the flaws of self that it can be hard to see ourselves from someone else's point of view...each of these three lines reminds me of more things...retracing lessons I've learned before...

don't be afraid...
Joshua 1 quotes God, as He tells Joshua...

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

- Joshua 1.9

This is a passage I quote alot. A passage I pray occasionally. It's so straightforward... don't be afraid. Why not? Because God is with you. I dunno about you, but that sounds like a pretty awesome promise. God is with you, wherever you go...

don't think you'll never be ready
The LORD said to [Moses], "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

- Exodus 4.11

I once heard a very deep meaning of humbleness. Humbleness is about being open-minded to listen to the opinion of others. It's not so much saying "oh, I'm no good at this."...Moses told God that he's not good enough to do the tasks he's being called to do. Is he not, then, imposing his opinion over God's? Obviously, from here, God says it's okay. God says Moses is ready. Even when Moses himself doesn't think he is up for the calling.

don't think you don't deserve it
The more we deal with people, the more difficult it becomes. The people we give advices to, the people we teach. The people we assist, the people we wave to. The tourist asking for instructions, the cashier you smile at when you leave...people are hard to deal with. We're called to sow seeds, often without seeing the results of it.

I dunno. This one is a hard one. The sentence merely suggests against absolutes, that it may be within your right to ask for afterall...There are many things I don't deserve (ie salvation) that I got anyway. There are many things I feel like I deserve (ie common sense in cooking) but I don't really feel that I have. As a seed sower, I dunno if it's my place to say I deserve to see some of the results of what I'm doing. But God's got a verse for this too...

[People mentioned in the Hebrews "hall of fame"] were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised...

- Hebrews 11.39

No, perhaps I don't deserve to see the results. Moses, when he failed to follow orders, was denied entrance to the Promised Lands. Yet...at the end of Deuteronomy, the LORD showed him the whole land (Deut 34.1b). Really. At the end of the day, this point isn't really for me to say. It's all Him.

Random thoughts

I think, alot has happened in the last few days, but has been too busy to really sit down and think about it...

Exams ended a few days ago. It also happened to be my birthday, so inevitably I got pied. I knew it was coming. Blah. A very interesting thing also happened...I got a random phone call...from people in London. I was like "wha?! Kim?!" but yeah. Apparently it was arranged that I'd get random phone calls from ACFers from 7 to 9...it was definately an unique experience. lol. I would have been perfectly fine if I didn't get the calls...but I think it's these little gestures that makes everyday living just a little more enjoyable. Thanks guys...

VBS also ended yesterday. I kind of want to launch into a "kids are the future" speech, but I'm much too tired to do something like that...

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Just came back from Toronto. It's been a fairly good trip, I got to meet with most people I was intending...I think though, those arint so much the stuff I'm remembering now, cuz it was basically alot of CCF stuff.

lol, you know those times when you just ask for little things from God? Some random thoughts, a passing wish...things like running into random CCFers in the middle of Downtown Toronto or to be able to sit in front a fountain and feeling the wind...

Just these scenes of calmness. Moments when it'd be totally awesome if it would last forever, just staring at a piece of God's beautiful creation, without a care in the world...

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Training in patience. Had to do a lot of explaining and talking and listening over the last two days. It was good and all, but it was a test of patience (such as...not getting superly annoyed when I got lost in DT TO... -_-). Shows that you could always grow...or that I'm actually not as good as I thought I am -_-. Oh good, my legs arin't sore anymore...

Random thoughts

Lost for words, when I saw the age in your eyes...no time to chat, cuz I'm on the run too...

I dunno. Maybe I was just tired myself. You know how people say eyes are the window to the soul (or something weird like that)...or did I pick that up cuz I already knew people were tired and stressed and whatnot.

I was flipping through old pictures the other day. From UWCCF. From UWOACF. Looking for things I can use for FX Slideshow. As I look at how cheerful these snapshots are, and think about how well they are doing now...some are uberly stressed. Some are happy that school is done. Some are pushing themselves onward on raw willpower. Some are worried. Some are bored. Some are tired.

Sometimes, I can't help but feel ... jealous ... of those with higher degree of socialness. At least to the degree that I see my fellow comrades exhibit. It's like...the only way I could tend to people (in the way I do, anyway) is if I knew them. And the only way to know them is to communicate and interact with them. These days, the only real way I walk out of what I've got already is if He puts someone in my mind. Can't seem to randomly lance these days. I was listening to someone share about other people the other day...I was thinking...I've spent the same, if not more, amount of time with these same group of people. How is it that you're able to get so much more out of it all...

As people graduate and move on...or get bogged down by school or boy/girlfriends...as things from the left and the right take up more attention, we just gotta live with it. Yes, I realize my priorities isn't shared by everyone else. We're claiming ownership of our fellowship, yes. And we're trying to keep in mind to stay away from the "we've always done it this way" mentality, yes. But...

Of all the visions that has been handed down to us, a few still sticks out in my mind. These...are probably the hardest ones to fulfill...

Eric: Go out and get your own story.
Ada: Set the campus on fire.
Elaine: Be the change you want to see.

Day n of summer cramming

Urg...12 years is too long.

Finally reached Psalms in my readings. Forced myself to slow down since there's so much more substance here...ones that stood out to me so far...

Psalms 8 - What is man that you are mindful of him...
Psalms 15 - Who may dwell on your sanctuary...