I think one of the worst feelings one can have is self-pity. Just that sense of inner despair and self-punishment, wishing that one wasn't where she is and was someone else instead. That the burden isn't so heavy, that things could be easier to handle. I reflect on scenes like that, and can't help but wonder why bad things happen to good people.
The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine. Asked a little bit about Committee, and eventually we reached a point where we started talking about trial by fire. Trial by fire...probably one of the most difficult ways to learn. But learn one must, else screwed. Yes, it is among the difficult, but probably among the most effective.
I've realized, the closest encompassing analogy I can pull is one of hockey. If you can play hockey (or learning to snowboard actually, since I've PK'ed far more snowboarding then hockey) without falling down, you're uber. For the rest common folks, running into the boards, the ice, people and whatnots are a normal event. The best you can hope for is that your pants and helmet are placed right, and that you're not too dazed to stand back up and go at the game again. And if you're afraid of hitting something? Hockey's not for you. Go play badminton or something. XD
And so what would you say to a Coach that focuses on not falling? It's great that no one gets hurt but...would the other team really not check people? Not shoot pucks at our goalie? Not play aggressively and recklessly? Not being afraid to hit and fall? No. It's all part of the game. So falling is part of the game. But so's climbing back up. And so's stepping back onto the ice.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Hardening
"But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let the Israelites go." - Exodus 10.20
For a long time, I didn't understand this. God hardened Pharaoh's heart? It sounds like He just picked some random nation, lead Joseph to it, made it ownage, then blew it apart, just to make an example of. This issue came up last term in Apologetics during Frosh Cell, where I defended by saying that the thing that is manuplated is emotion: In anger, we could choose to take a walk or hit someone. One cannot say the person who choose to take a walk feels any less anger then the person who hits his friend. And so the "heart" was the emotions of the Pharaoh, and the fact he wouldn't let the Israelites go was his own choice. Perhaps God provoked him? But God didn't make the choice for him?
I wasn't too surprised to read that the hardening of hearts is closely associated with sin. In this commentary I was reading..."[in the NT] hardening [is protrayed in] a passive form, not as an act of the subjects themselves, but as a calamity which has come upon them as a terrible consequence of their sins"...sounds like the Law of Diminishing Returns. At some point, you become "hard" to the sins being committed...desentization.
However, it seems to me that this hardening is used in two different ways, yet similar in nature. OT has hardening -> action. NT has hardening influencing action. Had people gained more self-control over the years? I don't know.
What I do know though...something completely fine, innocent and pure...something simple like eating or reading...listening to music or chatting...thinking of people and planning out events...these roads are very narrow. Very narrow indeed...
Reference: Work of the Holy Spirit by Abraham Kuyper http://www.ccel.org/ccel/kuyper/holy_spirit.viii.ii.xvi.html
For a long time, I didn't understand this. God hardened Pharaoh's heart? It sounds like He just picked some random nation, lead Joseph to it, made it ownage, then blew it apart, just to make an example of. This issue came up last term in Apologetics during Frosh Cell, where I defended by saying that the thing that is manuplated is emotion: In anger, we could choose to take a walk or hit someone. One cannot say the person who choose to take a walk feels any less anger then the person who hits his friend. And so the "heart" was the emotions of the Pharaoh, and the fact he wouldn't let the Israelites go was his own choice. Perhaps God provoked him? But God didn't make the choice for him?
I wasn't too surprised to read that the hardening of hearts is closely associated with sin. In this commentary I was reading..."[in the NT] hardening [is protrayed in] a passive form, not as an act of the subjects themselves, but as a calamity which has come upon them as a terrible consequence of their sins"...sounds like the Law of Diminishing Returns. At some point, you become "hard" to the sins being committed...desentization.
However, it seems to me that this hardening is used in two different ways, yet similar in nature. OT has hardening -> action. NT has hardening influencing action. Had people gained more self-control over the years? I don't know.
What I do know though...something completely fine, innocent and pure...something simple like eating or reading...listening to music or chatting...thinking of people and planning out events...these roads are very narrow. Very narrow indeed...
Reference: Work of the Holy Spirit by Abraham Kuyper http://www.ccel.org/ccel/kuyper/holy_spirit.viii.ii.xvi.html
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Guardian Angel
I find it kind of funny that Enoch blogs about DOTA. I play DOTA once in a while, and I've never considered applying to life the elements of the game that he has. Today he referenced Guardian Angel, the ultimate spell of the Omniknight.
In my own ways, I could relate to what he's saying. I'm sure in the Word somewhere it says "have no favourites." I'll admit it. I'm far from putting those words in action. There's a handful of people I'd try my best to check on. When I look into a crowd, if I don't see my friends, I tend to just sit around on my own. I've even contributed to the cliques once in a while, forgetting how damaging such things are. But it happens.
Perhaps it's more easier for him, since he knows exactly who he wanted to watch over. And he is able to actively do that, with the confines of his limitations against the situation. The best I can do? Offer myself. But *shrugs*...what can I say? Trust isn't something easily earned. If it was...wouldn't be worth as much, I guess.
There has been two things on my mind today. One is the state of myself compared to before. The other is the state of CCF compared to before.
I was reading some of my old journal entries from 2003...4 old years ago. Don't feel like explaining the context, don't want to get into it (I'm pretty sure no one familiar with my Calgary-side history would know of this place...but in case there is, I'm refering to the whole drama in grade 10). All I can really say is...God is good. To be able to bring a completely shattered soul back like that...pretty sweetage. Don't take God lightly...He aint letting you go that easily. Trust me on that one.
As for CCF...yesterday I was just chatting with a few ppl from CCF. Didn't want to get to work and though I try to catch up with a few people. It was alright. Didn't talk to these people for 3 mth, so it was good to hear from them. Though what they did choose to tell me surprised me.
When froshes enter CCF, there's always that concern that they'd get cut out of things. At last count, we've retained about 30% of the froshes that signed with us at some point. Supposely this is typical values. Ya know. Froshes might not feel as fit in and not get support...that's why we break out things like Frosh Cell. Unity among the first years. Exposure to CCF. All that good stuff. Cools.
Heidi said something to me the other day. I should've realized this earlier...basically it had to do with the people who were quiet. The people who are most "okay" usually are not. Enoch reminded me of that too, yesterday. Assume that no one is 100% okay. Yet I was a little taken aback when the people I spoke to...and these weren't new people either. These people I've worshiped with, prayed with and studied with...these people have (and currently are) serving and active throughout the fellowship. Yet they're struggling. It's not the struggling I'm concerned about. We all struggle with crap.
It is the fact they're not being supported. Maybe it's all this academic busyness, taking away from our time to really connect with each other. Maybe it's the sheer size fellowship. Or maybe it's just that everyone is too busy fending for themselves, trying to stand on their own.
I'm reminded of that sprinting stretch. Where you take one leg and push it against your butt. It sounds funny to describe, but all you sprinters should know the one I'm refering to. When I'm warming up, I can typically do that standing up, without any support. I'm good, ready to go. But when I'm cooling down from the 100m...or the treadmill...I can't do that. I'm too out of breath, too tired to perform that stretch without one hand against a wall...a tree...or a shoulder.
So when we're okay, we're good. We can stand on our own. We can battle it out. But when we're tired and sore...weary from it all, how could we hope of standing on one leg?
It doesn't matter if you're a frosh, new into the fellowship...or a fourth year, serving on Committee. If there's one thing you need to remember, it's that you don't have to walk alone.
In my own ways, I could relate to what he's saying. I'm sure in the Word somewhere it says "have no favourites." I'll admit it. I'm far from putting those words in action. There's a handful of people I'd try my best to check on. When I look into a crowd, if I don't see my friends, I tend to just sit around on my own. I've even contributed to the cliques once in a while, forgetting how damaging such things are. But it happens.
Perhaps it's more easier for him, since he knows exactly who he wanted to watch over. And he is able to actively do that, with the confines of his limitations against the situation. The best I can do? Offer myself. But *shrugs*...what can I say? Trust isn't something easily earned. If it was...wouldn't be worth as much, I guess.
There has been two things on my mind today. One is the state of myself compared to before. The other is the state of CCF compared to before.
I was reading some of my old journal entries from 2003...4 old years ago. Don't feel like explaining the context, don't want to get into it (I'm pretty sure no one familiar with my Calgary-side history would know of this place...but in case there is, I'm refering to the whole drama in grade 10). All I can really say is...God is good. To be able to bring a completely shattered soul back like that...pretty sweetage. Don't take God lightly...He aint letting you go that easily. Trust me on that one.
As for CCF...yesterday I was just chatting with a few ppl from CCF. Didn't want to get to work and though I try to catch up with a few people. It was alright. Didn't talk to these people for 3 mth, so it was good to hear from them. Though what they did choose to tell me surprised me.
When froshes enter CCF, there's always that concern that they'd get cut out of things. At last count, we've retained about 30% of the froshes that signed with us at some point. Supposely this is typical values. Ya know. Froshes might not feel as fit in and not get support...that's why we break out things like Frosh Cell. Unity among the first years. Exposure to CCF. All that good stuff. Cools.
Heidi said something to me the other day. I should've realized this earlier...basically it had to do with the people who were quiet. The people who are most "okay" usually are not. Enoch reminded me of that too, yesterday. Assume that no one is 100% okay. Yet I was a little taken aback when the people I spoke to...and these weren't new people either. These people I've worshiped with, prayed with and studied with...these people have (and currently are) serving and active throughout the fellowship. Yet they're struggling. It's not the struggling I'm concerned about. We all struggle with crap.
It is the fact they're not being supported. Maybe it's all this academic busyness, taking away from our time to really connect with each other. Maybe it's the sheer size fellowship. Or maybe it's just that everyone is too busy fending for themselves, trying to stand on their own.
I'm reminded of that sprinting stretch. Where you take one leg and push it against your butt. It sounds funny to describe, but all you sprinters should know the one I'm refering to. When I'm warming up, I can typically do that standing up, without any support. I'm good, ready to go. But when I'm cooling down from the 100m...or the treadmill...I can't do that. I'm too out of breath, too tired to perform that stretch without one hand against a wall...a tree...or a shoulder.
So when we're okay, we're good. We can stand on our own. We can battle it out. But when we're tired and sore...weary from it all, how could we hope of standing on one leg?
It doesn't matter if you're a frosh, new into the fellowship...or a fourth year, serving on Committee. If there's one thing you need to remember, it's that you don't have to walk alone.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Encouragement
1. the act of encouraging.
2. the state of being encouraged.
3. something that encourages.
- Ref: www.dictionary.com
I had no idea how difficult random exhortation is until I'm attempting it. The question of Lent came up the other day, which I thought was interesting. Although Catholic in nature, the effort of putting aside something for God and spend that time in prayer or other things instead...I mean, both self-disiplin training and quiet time, all mixed together. So I thought, why not. I'll do it.
But then. What do I really want to give up? I don't really have a favourite food. Anime or gaming isn't a problem for me. Then I was talking to Shelby (lol. I got referenced on her blog. Gotta watch what I say now...oyy...) and she was telling me how I can do things for Lent instead. Interesting.
So I was walking in that field between Summit and my place...can't remember why. Grocery shopping maybe? But I go this interesting idea. What about mass exhortation? Locate someone on each day...surely I have 40 walking Christian friends. Sure, it's totally random, but meh. The only time I've let that stop me is irrational fear. In what really? Encouraging my brothers and sisters is pretty good. So now I'm 8.0/40.6...about 5 people behind schedule. It's alright, considering I started almost a week behind...gotta catch up soon.
But I ran into difficulty rather quickly. I'd sit down and think of random people...and start writing to the first person I think of. About what though? Beats me. It's rather difficult, on a few counts:
- Some people I have been keeping up with. These people I could refer to their current events and battles (though I haven't been doing that...other things came to mind during writing...a little too freeflowing? I dunno). Others I haven't talked to in a while. It becomes more of a catching-up session then an exhortation effort...
- To bring focus, I stick a verse into every email I send out. Except for my knowledge of the Word is pitiful at best. Like, how am I suppose to write to someone with more Bibical knowledge then myself? Doing best with what I've got...
- I guess there's always that uncertainty factor. Is what I'm doing actually helping? Can I actually encourage someone with my random random emails? I dunno. I really don't. Encouragement is far from my strongest point. Weither it's helping or not, that's for Someone bigger then me to know. Best I can do is to just do it. God can use anyone, but that doesn't mean you can just sit around and do nothing.
"Each of us should please his neighbour for his good, to build him up." - Romans 15.2
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." - 1 Thessalonians 5.11
"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first." - Hebrews 3.13-14
2. the state of being encouraged.
3. something that encourages.
- Ref: www.dictionary.com
I had no idea how difficult random exhortation is until I'm attempting it. The question of Lent came up the other day, which I thought was interesting. Although Catholic in nature, the effort of putting aside something for God and spend that time in prayer or other things instead...I mean, both self-disiplin training and quiet time, all mixed together. So I thought, why not. I'll do it.
But then. What do I really want to give up? I don't really have a favourite food. Anime or gaming isn't a problem for me. Then I was talking to Shelby (lol. I got referenced on her blog. Gotta watch what I say now...oyy...) and she was telling me how I can do things for Lent instead. Interesting.
So I was walking in that field between Summit and my place...can't remember why. Grocery shopping maybe? But I go this interesting idea. What about mass exhortation? Locate someone on each day...surely I have 40 walking Christian friends. Sure, it's totally random, but meh. The only time I've let that stop me is irrational fear. In what really? Encouraging my brothers and sisters is pretty good. So now I'm 8.0/40.6...about 5 people behind schedule. It's alright, considering I started almost a week behind...gotta catch up soon.
But I ran into difficulty rather quickly. I'd sit down and think of random people...and start writing to the first person I think of. About what though? Beats me. It's rather difficult, on a few counts:
- Some people I have been keeping up with. These people I could refer to their current events and battles (though I haven't been doing that...other things came to mind during writing...a little too freeflowing? I dunno). Others I haven't talked to in a while. It becomes more of a catching-up session then an exhortation effort...
- To bring focus, I stick a verse into every email I send out. Except for my knowledge of the Word is pitiful at best. Like, how am I suppose to write to someone with more Bibical knowledge then myself? Doing best with what I've got...
- I guess there's always that uncertainty factor. Is what I'm doing actually helping? Can I actually encourage someone with my random random emails? I dunno. I really don't. Encouragement is far from my strongest point. Weither it's helping or not, that's for Someone bigger then me to know. Best I can do is to just do it. God can use anyone, but that doesn't mean you can just sit around and do nothing.
"Each of us should please his neighbour for his good, to build him up." - Romans 15.2
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." - 1 Thessalonians 5.11
"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first." - Hebrews 3.13-14
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Dare You To Move
Switchfoot Concert
March 1, 2007
London, Ontario
Was it worth it? I dunno. The bass was pretty overpowering. The few songs I did know was good though. Escaped the floor just when things got pushy. All good. Now I'm craving more Switchfoot songs...
With each event, I get a little firmer. A little more today than yesterday, a little more tomorrow than today. Not by my hands, but by Yours. I can't even meet You at the halfway point, but then, do I really have to? Arin't You already here? I'm still far from ready. But I know You'll keep leading. Cognition will never cease to be a defense, but waiting for higher stuff...I'm here again. God, How do I blow down this wall?
I chose not to pick up anything from the concert, though it was a bit tempting. I've been reminded of the path I've set out to walk. No, my mementos will not be Tshirts or CDs. It'll be my testimony. It will be the testimonies of my friends. The people we walk with. My fellowship.
Of course you're not ready. I sure aint. All the more reason to give it up to Him. I suppose I am on a bit of a concert high. God is good, nevertheless. God is good. Not enough time? All the reason to keep going. We still got a lot of work to do.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." - Proverbs 27.17
Dare You To Move by SWITCHFOOT
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here, Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next? What happens next?
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Welcome to the fallout, Welcome to resistance
The tension is here, The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?, Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
March 1, 2007
London, Ontario
Was it worth it? I dunno. The bass was pretty overpowering. The few songs I did know was good though. Escaped the floor just when things got pushy. All good. Now I'm craving more Switchfoot songs...
With each event, I get a little firmer. A little more today than yesterday, a little more tomorrow than today. Not by my hands, but by Yours. I can't even meet You at the halfway point, but then, do I really have to? Arin't You already here? I'm still far from ready. But I know You'll keep leading. Cognition will never cease to be a defense, but waiting for higher stuff...I'm here again. God, How do I blow down this wall?
I chose not to pick up anything from the concert, though it was a bit tempting. I've been reminded of the path I've set out to walk. No, my mementos will not be Tshirts or CDs. It'll be my testimony. It will be the testimonies of my friends. The people we walk with. My fellowship.
Of course you're not ready. I sure aint. All the more reason to give it up to Him. I suppose I am on a bit of a concert high. God is good, nevertheless. God is good. Not enough time? All the reason to keep going. We still got a lot of work to do.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." - Proverbs 27.17
Dare You To Move by SWITCHFOOT
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here, Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next? What happens next?
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Welcome to the fallout, Welcome to resistance
The tension is here, The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?, Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
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