I must not be stupid

I popped open a programming guide today at work. This is the first paragraph I read...

I used to have a boss named Rock. Rock has earned a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech and had never had a job where he used his knowledge of the heavens. Once I asked him if he regretted getting the degree. "Actually, my degree in astrophysics has proved to be very valuable," he said. "Some things in this world are just hard. When I am struggling with something, I sometimes think 'Damn, this is hard for me. I wonder if I am stupid,' and then I remember that I have a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech; I must not be stupid."

- Cocoa Programming for Mac OSX (Aaron Hillegass)

lol. I wonder if we'd be able to say that. "I have a degree in Electrical Engineering from UWaterloo; I must not be stupid." ...but then, how much is a EE degree worth these days? =P

Anyways. That was just a random warning against situational emotionalism. After all, UW...or UA...or UC...whatever university accepted you. You must not be stupid. We could even expand that. Your friends...your fellowship...your family...accepted you. (lol can you see where this is going?) That thought reminds me a song...not quite along the same line, but good enough. lol.


More Than Useless by Relient K...
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it

Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like He would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

Lyrics - If Everyone Cared by Nickelback

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
confusing stars with satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

And I'm singing
A, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
would show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...died...!
We'd see the day when nobody died

Music Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-QfLJbEN3k

Defending Your Honour

you'll be my anchor,
I'll be your kite;
you'll keep me from leaving the ground
I'll keep you connected to the sky

Random night. Not wanting to sleep yet, blog leaping like I always do. Came across Shirley's blog, where I read that.

I've pretty much forgotten 85% of what I read from Wild at Heart, but if there was one thing I did remember, it was the concept of defending. About how guys were built do defend things. Ideas and ideals. Places and things. Friends and family. Guys that have played video games...or read comics...or play pretend...people who play hockey...

Games by Blizzard are awesome. The one unit's saying that's stuck in my head has been the Knight from WarCraft II. His acknowledgement saying was...

Defending your honour.
For the king.

He says that even if I send him to take on armies of Grunts. Even if I send against Orge Mages. Against Juggurnauts. Against Dragons. Over and over again...Defending your honour.

Maybe it's easy when you're a 30 by 30 pixel. Just...relentless halbering. Maybe it seems like it's easy for those "uber" Christians. It's never easy though. And I suppose...when it gets hard to say those words, we gotta try harder, to perform the roles we were built to do. I want to say, give me a bit to get prepared, I'm not ready. But You're telling me, every moment gone is another one lost. I'm as ready today as I will be for today.

Defending Your honour. For the King.

Highlight of the day: "You are a biscuit" -CL

Day eight, Calgary

Week one of Calgary finished. Doesn't really feel it's been that long. But with UC and UW both starting today, I guess that marks the official start of school term. I thought I could put things off longer than this, but it seems like I can only run for so long. It has been an okay week. Getting stuck somewhere between where I was to where I am. It's funny...I have more control of what's around me away from home than at home. I guess that realization is cue...Fall term starts now.

Calgary

So here I am again. After two years, I'm back in Calgary, Alberta. For those of you that don't know, I'm here for my coming work term (no, not London -_-), starting tuesday. Fairly long, but eventless flight. Alot of thinking time...

Earlier today, I was faced with a question. The question was...

Is God in your plans...or are you in God's plans?

That stopped me. Cuz I was totally ready to blurt out that God is totally part of my plans. I'm planning on getting involved in fellowship...mentoring the kids I left (man...some of them are in university now. Getting old). Isn't all this...ministry?

I think, over the past few month, I've gotten so used to just doing things...attending committee meetings, generating action items, and just getting at it all...that I've forgotten what I'm fighting for...it really does look like God is at the centre of all this...BUT...is He really?

I've made a general assessment of the situation...some of it is worse than antcipated. Some of it is the same. Looking out the window right now, it's a bleak and cloudy day. The term doesn't necessarily feel any easier to take on, but the knowledge that even though I'm in "foreign" land, I'm still thought of, is quite reassuring.

And if God is bigger than CCF...then He's bigger than anything that Calgary can throw at me. Calgary CCF. CCAC. Family. Friends.

Lets do this. Whoever sees this, do me a huge favour and message me...remind me to pray occasitionally. Remind me the life is not just video games and work. PDEng and sleep. Remind me to pray...and I'll do the same.

Apparently the older I get, the more prideful and anal I will become. Oh joy...