Discipline

Joyce is a friend of mine that works as...something to do with business analysis...in...somewhere. Haha. Her tag was "...bored...at...work..." and since I'm taking a break from slacking off at work cuz I can't find my boss once again...

me: it's that bad, eh?
Joyce: it's not that bad
I'm not that bored today
it's just become a little too mundane for my liking I think

me: work is becoming too routine, joyce?
Joyce: well i mean my learning curve has drastically slowed down
and things are just... I guess... fairly routine
and when hiccups happen, I mean they just happen, nothing new

Discipline has been a topic that wandered in the back of my mind over the last few months. It's easy to become complacent. I probably can't count the amount of time complacency comes up as a topic...especially when we talk about co-op, going home tired after work, and just not wanting to do anything. A friend of mine from Calgary recently left on co-op to Montreal, and was asking me the type of food that I eat while on co-op. I told him that while it's good to have some emergency food on hand, watch out for dependency on them. Supposedly MSG isn't healthy. Haha. Neither is McDonalds. Hmm...I guess I need to correct my coop-ly habits.

Spiritual disciplines. Among them, things like regular prayer and Bible reading times. When conversations stray to this point, I typically tell people that my fondest term would be when I was in my 2A co-op in London. No, not because of the stories that came out of that place. But because I was disciplined. Because I was submerged in a strong Christian community. Because I served much.

It was the term a few of us attempted to read through the Bible, cover to cover, 3 chapters at a time. It was the term that I prayed when I woke up, before going to work (even if I was late...but I suppose that says more about my attitude towards work than anything...haha). And yes, while I still struggled with the same things I've struggled with before (particularly with pride, in the whole UWCCF Committee Elections episode), the term felt okay. It felt like He was close, and pointed out my problems. Led me to grow. And I was advancing in my walk.

Sweet.

Enter 2B, 2B coop and 3A.

2B - Summer 2007 in Waterloo
Somewhere between being ripped from an environment where I can more or less submerge myself in a strong Christian culture that is Western ACF, back to Waterloo where I had to deal with logistics (Committee, as Communications), a moderately stressful academic term (ECE 209, 241, Calc 4, etc...), I lost the discipline I had when I was in London. Blaming the environment and busyness for my now apparent distance from God, I hoped for the best for my return to...

WKTRM3 - Calgary (Foothills Hospital)
It was here that I had hoped to find my 7000 in a church that will be difficult to change. But without the proper support, being my first real term out of CCF/ACF, it never took off. It was good, to see old friends, to see what a Stroke Ward was like, to be with family...but spiritually, this is difficult. And so as I suited up as Winter Retreat Coordinator for 2009, I sprang back to...

3A - Winter 2008 in Waterloo
The single most painful EE term. But you know what they say. Desparate people commit desparate prayers. And as the Winter Retreat team struggled to find a speaker, madly assemble bible studies...as my classmates and I fend off midterms and labs...as we rushed through the various CCF things that happened, I had no choice but to pray for help. It's easy to surrender everything when you have little going for you. That was this 3A term.

... -> WKTRM5 - Waterloo (Department of Kinesiology)
One recent interesting conversation I had with my fellow DLs brought attention to discipline once again. When I lamented about the my lack of desire to perform Biblical readings when I'm not trying to prepare for a Bible study or answer questions, because, perhaps, I feel more distant from Him, they pointed out that perhaps my lack of discipline is to blame. Perhaps, it is not some piece of God-given discipline that will cause me to want to read more...but my own discipline that will draw me to God.

A slightly different approach: should we pray even when we don't feel like it? Is there some mentality that I should have before entering into prayer? If prayer is simply the time we spent in dialog with God, attitude alone should not dictate this. Would you not greet a close friend, even if you're busy? Would you not complain to a friend that you typically do, just because life is busy? Would you not report in good news, just because that friend isn't physically around? The time-old question of...is your God a relational God...or a vending-machine God? If we're able to walk forward to meet Him, doesn't that say alot more about our attitude than if we don't (but could've), and just expect God to magically give us the motivation to do it all?

I once asked PT how I would know if I love God. In typical PT fashion, he pointed me to a book (which I couldn't read, because the first chapter confused me to no end -_- Four Loves by CSLewis). But I've realized...if love between people (me towards my family and friends, for example) is not simply a result of emotions, but also a decision made to love this given person, then my desire to come before Him in prayer and reading should not be focused on wither or not I feel His presence around. That really, should just be a bonus.

me: joyce has conquered her workplace?
Joyce: haha I don't think so
but it is getting better

I'm often told that the fact that we recognize that there are alot more to grow is a good sign (it's also a good idea to recognize that you've grown too!). After all, knowing is half the battle. However, good intentions without action isn't worth very much. Another warning against complacency. In a setting where God has your spiritual growth and progress tracked and controlled, the least we can do is say "here I am, Lord."