It's 3pm. I have around 10 hours to learn a course and review alot of another. By all logic, I should be starting right now. Instead, I seem to be thinking about today's occurances...
I think, maybe it's because I'm still a student, and haven't really left school (I have to constantly remind myself that I am indeed 20, not 17 -_-) and so really still see myself as a kid. With that premise, it always surprises me when adults treat me like an equal. These people definitely have my respects, and Pastor Tim Wai is one of them. I'm gonna assume anyone who's still reading this place is somewhat familiar with KWCAC and recent events...
I think...life goes on. KWCAC will survive (though...I'm not totally sure about the English congregation -_-). I'm asking the same questions that everyone else are. Why is there this need for such politics? No, this isn't a rant about this overly-discussed issue. This is more a rant on...
I was up till late last night, talking to a friend. Perhaps it was random venting, but during discussion, we touched briefly on the concept of "God's love"...and weither or not it is indeed His love that we show in our lives, especially now, in the face of difficulties and choices. My mind turned to the various different times this type of discussion came up...most recently, in Victor's blog, as things around us take us out of where we want to be into where we feel we have to be. The only thing I can think of is...God interacts with people differently, thus His love would be manifested differently in each of us? It's funny. Once in a while, I sit down a compile a Todo list, checking them off one by one. Once in a while, serving becomes just like that, things I need to do. After Retreat, I was asked why I think so much (I don't think that much, I don't think...)...my reply was, because if I don't do it, who will? And so, people like myself are constantly standing on the line between really wanting to do it, and doing it because no one else would step up. Yes, I know the arguments. I've had people tell me to never serve to solely fill a need. I've heard it countless times. But sometimes...practicality and faith doesn't quite align (I've had someone tell me I'm not very practical, when it comes to "seed sowing" related activities...I was like wow -_- if practicality had anything to do with seed-sowing, I'd be the reaper instead of the sower -_-)...people need to step up. If no one does, things don't happen. That's just how it is. CCF numbers are as strong as ever, yet we're just getting smaller and smaller...
I dunno. I don't really have an answer. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm just restless and wanted to type. Some stray thoughts in the middle of the afternoon of just another day.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Friday, February 08, 2008
Thoughts of a little girl
I recall walking with this family friend of mine, who was telling me how she isn't doing all that well in school, and that she doesn't really feel the urge to try hard. When I asked why not...her reply was...that she's waiting for something. Something will happen and change something within her and she'll become a great student and everything will be all good.
Sounds great. Two notes, that I suddenly realized as I was walking home from CCF:
1. It pushes the responsibility of action off of yourself, since you can just blame this "unknown event" for all your complacency. I believe I've written about this before briefly. By shifting responsibility, it's no longer your fault. Thus, you are not obligated to make the first move.
2. It's putting hope in the wrong place. You're saying that it's too difficult to trust in God, because that requires faith, something that most of us don't just get overnight. So you have trust in something a bit less. Somehow, some reason, it's easier to not trust in the God of the universe, and instead, in some vague reasoning or event. That you'll suddenly gain motivation. That you'll suddenly find your passion. That suddenly someone will come along and fix all your problems. That you'll suddenly connect and all the pieces will fall in.
Your heart is in wrong place. "We must obey God rather than men!" (Acts 5.29)...nothing will just suddenly happen. Not until you pray to the Lord your God. Not until you learn to stop running away, and listen.
Sounds great. Two notes, that I suddenly realized as I was walking home from CCF:
1. It pushes the responsibility of action off of yourself, since you can just blame this "unknown event" for all your complacency. I believe I've written about this before briefly. By shifting responsibility, it's no longer your fault. Thus, you are not obligated to make the first move.
2. It's putting hope in the wrong place. You're saying that it's too difficult to trust in God, because that requires faith, something that most of us don't just get overnight. So you have trust in something a bit less. Somehow, some reason, it's easier to not trust in the God of the universe, and instead, in some vague reasoning or event. That you'll suddenly gain motivation. That you'll suddenly find your passion. That suddenly someone will come along and fix all your problems. That you'll suddenly connect and all the pieces will fall in.
Your heart is in wrong place. "We must obey God rather than men!" (Acts 5.29)...nothing will just suddenly happen. Not until you pray to the Lord your God. Not until you learn to stop running away, and listen.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Vision Theory
Figures. Just after complaining about having nothing to write, I stumble upon a few stray thoughts in the middle of midterm seasons. Oh well, here I go.
I suppose I've done quite a bit of "leadership" roles in CCF; NSR, Frosh Cell, Communications. Winter Retreat. Without fail, the first thing we must establish is...vision. What is the purpose of this program/role? What do you want to see out of it? How would you gauge "success"? What is humanly achievable? What is achievable only by God? Premise and context. Target audience. I complained about this during Winter Retreat planning, since I spent a bit more than 3 weeks to hammer out exactly what we're suppose to do. Three weeks. Just on vision.
Why is vision so important? As an engineer, when I'm given a project, you won't hear from me for the first 20% of the project. Why? Planning phase. You have to systematically lay out all the angles and design premise such that you can stuff to go back to during construction and troubleshooting. Knowing and understanding the scope. It saves alot of time, and gives concise direction.
Why am I writing this? Surely people know what "vision" means for events. The point of all this is...people need vision for themselves. If "vision" is some list of guideline to compare the decisions regarding my events, then perhaps a "personal vision" could be in the form of a list of priorities. Maybe this is obvious to some people, but I've had several people tell me they don't know what they're doing or where they're going. When I ask them what are things they hold in importance...they reply "I dunno..."...no wonder they don't know what they're doing.
Of course, you could say that you know what your priorities are. I remember one Men Cell exercise we had to do..."How do you know if that girl is what you're looking for?" ... well. Make a list. A list of the characteristics you are looking for. When you're busy being all emotional about some girl, you're not gonna be thinking very straight. Write it down. Make a list.
For myself, I guess my priorities are simply stated. A handful of words on a piece of paper, ordered in importance. Its something to be updated over time, but it's something to hold onto when I lose myself. I was once told..."don't do anything rash. You're emotional right now. [Engineering] made sense to you when you applied way back when. It still make sense now, you just don't see it because you're emotional."...questions that attacks who you are as a person isn't something that one can just rebound from. Things like this are helpful...to make you think about where you are and where you wanna go. What you care about and what you don't. Who you are and what you want to be.
I suppose I've done quite a bit of "leadership" roles in CCF; NSR, Frosh Cell, Communications. Winter Retreat. Without fail, the first thing we must establish is...vision. What is the purpose of this program/role? What do you want to see out of it? How would you gauge "success"? What is humanly achievable? What is achievable only by God? Premise and context. Target audience. I complained about this during Winter Retreat planning, since I spent a bit more than 3 weeks to hammer out exactly what we're suppose to do. Three weeks. Just on vision.
Why is vision so important? As an engineer, when I'm given a project, you won't hear from me for the first 20% of the project. Why? Planning phase. You have to systematically lay out all the angles and design premise such that you can stuff to go back to during construction and troubleshooting. Knowing and understanding the scope. It saves alot of time, and gives concise direction.
Why am I writing this? Surely people know what "vision" means for events. The point of all this is...people need vision for themselves. If "vision" is some list of guideline to compare the decisions regarding my events, then perhaps a "personal vision" could be in the form of a list of priorities. Maybe this is obvious to some people, but I've had several people tell me they don't know what they're doing or where they're going. When I ask them what are things they hold in importance...they reply "I dunno..."...no wonder they don't know what they're doing.
Of course, you could say that you know what your priorities are. I remember one Men Cell exercise we had to do..."How do you know if that girl is what you're looking for?" ... well. Make a list. A list of the characteristics you are looking for. When you're busy being all emotional about some girl, you're not gonna be thinking very straight. Write it down. Make a list.
For myself, I guess my priorities are simply stated. A handful of words on a piece of paper, ordered in importance. Its something to be updated over time, but it's something to hold onto when I lose myself. I was once told..."don't do anything rash. You're emotional right now. [Engineering] made sense to you when you applied way back when. It still make sense now, you just don't see it because you're emotional."...questions that attacks who you are as a person isn't something that one can just rebound from. Things like this are helpful...to make you think about where you are and where you wanna go. What you care about and what you don't. Who you are and what you want to be.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Reflection on Retreat
It's been a week since UWCCF Winter Retreat ended. I got a few people asking me...how did Retreat go? To be honest, I really haven't thought about it. When I was there, it just felt like...some event. When I left...it was just another CCF event, coming to a close. What? I organized it? Seemed like a strange concept, when I left. They say that some Olympic athletes wake up the next day, after wining a gold medal, all sad and depressed, because they've trained so long and hard and finally achieved their goal...and now that they've done that, they have no goals. lol. Maybe that's what this was. Denial. 3 month of planning. 2 day event. Done. Life returned back to what it was before, and I'm behind 3 weeks worth of school.
I had alot of people tell me Retreat was good. Well organized. Good speaker. Logistically, things went alright. I did not hear of any major crises. No one got seriously injured. I didn't even have a Situation 3, even though I was totally ready for someone to scream "peanuts!! peanuts!!" The food was pretty good and the weather was nice. We've had a few "situations", but it seems like things are okay, from what I last heard.
I suppose there alot of things I should be thankful for. Such as God producing a speaker totally randomly, with 2 weeks left. Or letting me fail PDEng so that I can bring another person with me to Retreat the next day. Or pulling together an awesome team which carried Retreat to success (totally was my team. I delegated good XD). During sharing, these were the things I shared about. Yet...
lol. I think, if someone were to come up to me and asked me if I had any part in Winter Retreat 2008, I'd probably say no on reflex. It doesn't really feel that I'm the main coordinator for the event. Maybe I did get something out of it all. I just don't know what it is yet.
I had alot of people tell me Retreat was good. Well organized. Good speaker. Logistically, things went alright. I did not hear of any major crises. No one got seriously injured. I didn't even have a Situation 3, even though I was totally ready for someone to scream "peanuts!! peanuts!!" The food was pretty good and the weather was nice. We've had a few "situations", but it seems like things are okay, from what I last heard.
I suppose there alot of things I should be thankful for. Such as God producing a speaker totally randomly, with 2 weeks left. Or letting me fail PDEng so that I can bring another person with me to Retreat the next day. Or pulling together an awesome team which carried Retreat to success (totally was my team. I delegated good XD). During sharing, these were the things I shared about. Yet...
lol. I think, if someone were to come up to me and asked me if I had any part in Winter Retreat 2008, I'd probably say no on reflex. It doesn't really feel that I'm the main coordinator for the event. Maybe I did get something out of it all. I just don't know what it is yet.
Flight mode
A really weird feeling, when you really want to think, yet no thoughts. When you really want to walk, yet no destination. When you really want to talk, yet no words. When you really want to sing, but no notes. When you really want to seek, yet nothing to find. When you really want to know, but no wisdom can be found. When you really want to pray, but you're just not there. When you just want to take off and see the sceneries again, but the wilderness, long gone.
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