Childlike faith

So I was wandering around outside the room, waiting for practice to start. I walked into the room beside ours, to see what's going on, cuz they were running around, making quite a bit of noise. Some kids were in there, having lunch. Apparently they were all part of Puppets, and were waiting for their practice to start too. I started talking to one of them (the only one I knew, out of what...7 that was there?) ... I guess, because one of them knew me, two others started talking to me as well. Eventually, this little 5 year old boy came up to me. He held out his arms. Not knowing what he wanted, I kneeled down to his height. One of the girls said he wants to be picked up...so I picked him up. Walked around a bit...he started squirming, so I put him back down again (in the midst of that girl saying, oh, he might throw up -_-)

I didn't realize what was demonstrated to me until much later. That room composed of 7 kids and me. Only one of them actually knew who I was. Yet without any effort on my part, I interacted with three of the kids with 5 minutes of being in that room. They trusted enough to let me pick them up...or randomly chat...etc. I was telling this story to a kindergarten teacher friend of mine...when I suddenly realized the significance of what I saw.

Childlike faith.

To trust in their friends (me knowing one of them). To trust in their parents (one of their mum was in the room when I came in, but walked out later..."trusting" me with them, thus implicitly the kids trusted me...does that make sense? lol). To trust in God (they were there to serve, after all).

Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

- Mark 10.14b-15 (NIV)

I think I have a little too much baggage to pull off the equalivent of what that 5 year old did. And I suppose really, this wasn't a new lesson. I knew very well I'm called to have that trust in my friends and family (cuz God gave them to me, and we're all one body in Him), and more important, in God Himself. Really, I was reminded of this when I was preparing for VBS this summer. But that time, the person giving the lesson was my age.

Funny how much you can learn from a 5 year old kid. With one simple gesture, I was told very simply...I'm not there yet.

Post Awesome Fellowship Environment Letdown

So I was chatting with Shelby the other day. I suppose, for a lack of more interesting topic, I was asked how home was. I told her I feel like a graduate ("ouch!")...but PAFEL indeed...

It's kind of funny, because I realize how stuck I am at the moment. Over the summer term, I'd drop random messages to grads I talk with, to see how they're doing...warning them AGAINST such things. PAFEL. That feeling you get when you're just going to work cuz you have to. When you get home, you really don't want to be doing anything but veg out in front of the TV (or playstation, in my case XD). When any other day at UW, I'd be doing homework (or at least trying to...), reading over some material I need for CCF, random chatting (okay I still do that alot), and generally more "on-the-ball". Strangely, now that I'm at home, and don't have to take care of my own food and laundry...when I have access to a car and relatively little amounts of school work to handle...I should be having TONS of time to do stuff. But it doesn't feel like that...

So I suppose this is what the graduates felt like when they returned to their respective "homes". Without the urgency of school...or CCF always in need of people to do things and whatnot (I'm sitting here in Calgary and I've already gotten so much "request to serve" that it feels like I'm in Waterloo sometimes -_-)...always tired from work and no sense of urgency. Way too easy to give into the urge and just slack off, until the next day rolls around. No wonder it feels so hard.

But supposedly this is an isolated UW thing. Because everyone else has "summers" and so experience this regularly. And so my first "summer" was much more difficult than I thought, after 6 terms of high fellowship exposures. More difficult, not as in things to handle...but just focusing on devos. Participating in ministries. Praying. Reading. Doing the type of stuff I'd normally do in Waterloo, but not so much here because I'm not putting the effort into it.

I think, Calgary is very different from London as well. I can't say Robarts was not intensive work, but...just having pray meetings and men cells to attend. Being so close to everything, locations like Taylor Library or the UCC, somewhere I need walk by everyday to and from work...makes it so easy to connect with people that are consistently trying to drag me out to ACF-ly events (a certain ACF event comes to mind...)...gives things for me to look forward to, I guess, for someone who don't tend to go out to seek for things. In a place where everyone has the comfort of "home", why would they run over to Summit...or stay overnight at the UCC...

lol. I now understand what it feels like to be a grad. Minus all the "oh no I'm getting old what should I do with myself" stuff. But I suppose I'd be there soon enough. It's gotten better, but there's still a ways to go before I'm at "ACF" level. lol. Funny how this post is coming just 4 hours before my first fellowship back at home. The "home church" fellowship. I wonder how much grads would laugh when they read this...

I suppose, it's one thing knowing the promises of the Word. I've read Joshua. I know exactly that He has said...

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

- Joshua 1.9 (NIV)

It means a little more when you're not at a place where you can feel His presence, like my UWCCF or UWOACF...and yet a little less, because of the same reason. But His promise is His promise. We all know that. It just means I gotta try a bit more harder to stick His words somewhere I'll keep them in mind.

Good guys are winning

Facing the HSci cafe is this large banner. On it is this green-tinted picture...apparently it's a scan of a cancer tumour cluster and branch off. This was caption on it:

This is a war photo. The good guys are winning.

I laughed. Not really wanting to get started at work yet, I flipped through a few Wikipedia articles...by popular vote, Terry Fox is quoted to be the second Greatest Canadian. Insulin is quoted to be the Greatest Canadian Invention. Cobolt-60 cancer treatment method was 11th (has no idea it was Canadian)...amusingly, poutine was 10th.

The other day, we had a doctor from the pediatrics ward come in to watch some demos being presented in our lab. He mentioned how our work would be handy in the Children's Hospital, since it's so hard to diagnose conditions sometimes...I was rather surprised to hear that kids can get aneurysms...or strokes (currently working on a project for a stroke doctor)...

There are two mangas I quite like, except they don't come out all that often...Team Medical Dragon and Godhand Teru. Maybe cuz they show doctors pull off the impossible and drag a doomed patient back to life. Too cool.

I think, coming to realize that the works I'm doing may indeed, in the larger picture, help a doctor analyze a patient easier...makes it easier to handle some of the more mindless work I'm asked to handle...after hearing numerous stories of people being lost to cancer...and now infant stroke cases...I dunno. I had a few people ask me how work has been...I've typically been complaining about the same thing...that work is long and tedious. That there is alot of work to do. That I stay long hours and whatnot.

But then...what is on the line? In CCF, I poured over that 1 Kings 18 study, in hopes to squeeze every detail I can out of those handful of words, so that people will understand. Isn't it the same here? There's alot on the line here as well...lol. I think my coworker put it very straightforward.

We'll handle the [database, computer, programming] implementations. That's not what doctors should have to worry about. They got more important stuff to deal with...like fixing brains. You don't see me fixing up brains, do you?

I must not be stupid

I popped open a programming guide today at work. This is the first paragraph I read...

I used to have a boss named Rock. Rock has earned a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech and had never had a job where he used his knowledge of the heavens. Once I asked him if he regretted getting the degree. "Actually, my degree in astrophysics has proved to be very valuable," he said. "Some things in this world are just hard. When I am struggling with something, I sometimes think 'Damn, this is hard for me. I wonder if I am stupid,' and then I remember that I have a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech; I must not be stupid."

- Cocoa Programming for Mac OSX (Aaron Hillegass)

lol. I wonder if we'd be able to say that. "I have a degree in Electrical Engineering from UWaterloo; I must not be stupid." ...but then, how much is a EE degree worth these days? =P

Anyways. That was just a random warning against situational emotionalism. After all, UW...or UA...or UC...whatever university accepted you. You must not be stupid. We could even expand that. Your friends...your fellowship...your family...accepted you. (lol can you see where this is going?) That thought reminds me a song...not quite along the same line, but good enough. lol.


More Than Useless by Relient K...
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it

Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like He would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

Lyrics - If Everyone Cared by Nickelback

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
confusing stars with satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

And I'm singing
A, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
would show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...died...!
We'd see the day when nobody died

Music Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-QfLJbEN3k

Defending Your Honour

you'll be my anchor,
I'll be your kite;
you'll keep me from leaving the ground
I'll keep you connected to the sky

Random night. Not wanting to sleep yet, blog leaping like I always do. Came across Shirley's blog, where I read that.

I've pretty much forgotten 85% of what I read from Wild at Heart, but if there was one thing I did remember, it was the concept of defending. About how guys were built do defend things. Ideas and ideals. Places and things. Friends and family. Guys that have played video games...or read comics...or play pretend...people who play hockey...

Games by Blizzard are awesome. The one unit's saying that's stuck in my head has been the Knight from WarCraft II. His acknowledgement saying was...

Defending your honour.
For the king.

He says that even if I send him to take on armies of Grunts. Even if I send against Orge Mages. Against Juggurnauts. Against Dragons. Over and over again...Defending your honour.

Maybe it's easy when you're a 30 by 30 pixel. Just...relentless halbering. Maybe it seems like it's easy for those "uber" Christians. It's never easy though. And I suppose...when it gets hard to say those words, we gotta try harder, to perform the roles we were built to do. I want to say, give me a bit to get prepared, I'm not ready. But You're telling me, every moment gone is another one lost. I'm as ready today as I will be for today.

Defending Your honour. For the King.

Highlight of the day: "You are a biscuit" -CL

Day eight, Calgary

Week one of Calgary finished. Doesn't really feel it's been that long. But with UC and UW both starting today, I guess that marks the official start of school term. I thought I could put things off longer than this, but it seems like I can only run for so long. It has been an okay week. Getting stuck somewhere between where I was to where I am. It's funny...I have more control of what's around me away from home than at home. I guess that realization is cue...Fall term starts now.

Calgary

So here I am again. After two years, I'm back in Calgary, Alberta. For those of you that don't know, I'm here for my coming work term (no, not London -_-), starting tuesday. Fairly long, but eventless flight. Alot of thinking time...

Earlier today, I was faced with a question. The question was...

Is God in your plans...or are you in God's plans?

That stopped me. Cuz I was totally ready to blurt out that God is totally part of my plans. I'm planning on getting involved in fellowship...mentoring the kids I left (man...some of them are in university now. Getting old). Isn't all this...ministry?

I think, over the past few month, I've gotten so used to just doing things...attending committee meetings, generating action items, and just getting at it all...that I've forgotten what I'm fighting for...it really does look like God is at the centre of all this...BUT...is He really?

I've made a general assessment of the situation...some of it is worse than antcipated. Some of it is the same. Looking out the window right now, it's a bleak and cloudy day. The term doesn't necessarily feel any easier to take on, but the knowledge that even though I'm in "foreign" land, I'm still thought of, is quite reassuring.

And if God is bigger than CCF...then He's bigger than anything that Calgary can throw at me. Calgary CCF. CCAC. Family. Friends.

Lets do this. Whoever sees this, do me a huge favour and message me...remind me to pray occasitionally. Remind me the life is not just video games and work. PDEng and sleep. Remind me to pray...and I'll do the same.

Apparently the older I get, the more prideful and anal I will become. Oh joy...