Shared wisdom

So I sat down at my computer again, fully intending on doing my PDENG45A2 Resubmit (cuz you know. PDENG likes to fail us for no good reason), when I randomly ended up on Alison Wong's blog (so much for PDENG...). There's something entertaining about reading though the thoughts of someone that you kind of know, but not really. I suppose part of this is due to the fact that I didn't have a chance to do my whole "words of the grads" like I did two years ago. But anyways, I skimmed her entries (all while making a running commentary to her on MSN...haha), and I guess it's always a good reminder that one does not face complete unique battles. That we usually only see so much of some given person...and really easy to brush off that they're like you, that they too fight the same battles against despare and pride. That they too found school and inter-personal issues difficult to handle at time. That although they've completed this chapter at Waterloo, and that although they seem like they've conquered their adversities with ease, that their battles were not fought unscarred.

Anyways. Stealing from Alison Wong's "...in the pink" (I don't think you can link MSN Space things properly, so...copy/paste!)

--- Haha. A few days ago, I was having lunch with Kevin (Western Ontario) Leung, and we talked about reaching out to people. Not so much random people via evangelical means, but just people within our own community. Fighting the whole "oh he/she is too busy" mentality that we seem to have surrounded ourselves with over the long busy years at university. Yes, it's true. I'm sure if I think really hard, there's something I SHOULD be doing instead of typing up this post...one can always be busy. But really, at this age, if you don't have time management, it's pretty GG. If they're actually busy...well. I'll illustrate this with Enoch's story.

Enoch (SCAC) was telling us about how one day, he realized he needed a mentor. And so he approached his senior pastor, Tim Quek, and asked him if he'd be interested in playing the mentor role. They setup a weekly meeting. Somehow, Enoch, a high school (I'm assuming it was back in high school) student, managed to net Tim Quek, the busy-est guy in the entire church as his mentor. That's pretty crazy. Who would've thought he would have the time? But unless you say something, you'd never know...

I'm also remembering another conversation...when I once said to Amy Wong that just because people don't say anything, it doesn't mean they don't care. Her reply: That's true, but if you do say something, then I know you don't not care. Indeed. ---

"Don't go a day thinking you don't effect the life of another...for there, you are mistaken. A long conversation, a short conversation, a hug, a hello...a nod, a nudge, snail mail...an email...a text message, an e-card...an airplane flying across the sky pulling a message behind it...a motion of eye contact, or possibly even an exchange of dirty looks...an act of friendship or hatred expressed to them or witnessed towards another person...your body language...how you present yourself...the way you stand your ground...the way you have hypocrisy written across your face...a quarter or a dime or even a bill or two...a cup of coffee...even a few skittles...sharing common goals...expressing opposing feelings...what you buy, how you shop, where you shop...the jokes you laugh at, the tears you find worth crying for...words exchanged, words unspoken...your treasures and your trash...a listening ear, an ignorant heart...the actions you take, or the actions you withdraw...

Life is what you make it.

Your life is God's gift to you...what you do with it is your gift to Him.

Life could never be more precious than this." - June 3, 2006

--- Kids are an interesting bunch. I've had the misfort...I mean privilege! to play caretaker to hoards of kids before. By far, the most unpredictable group of kids is pre-teen girls. When I was in Calgary, I was at CCAC, where in the time before sunday school and choir practice, I'd go hang out with all the pre-teen kids, since they have lunch in the room beside mine. Among my most memorable stories regarding that particular crowd was how this one 9 year old kid...I think I said something totally stupid that she took totally the wrong way. She started bawling. I was like, "oh crap" ... !! ... She stopped after a minute of that or so, much to my relief. Then suddenly started laughing! Talk about mood swing... anyway. Shortly, this same kid later orchestrated an coordinated assault on me. I suppose it would be every guy's dreams to be surrounded by girls...though I'm pretty sure its varients doesn't include 8 pre-teen girls with only the intentions of stealing my car keys and wallet. Resulting me chasing them halfway across the gym to get back. Resulting me getting in trouble cuz I was causing choas. -_- Kids. Seriously. A tricky bunch indeed. ---

"After working for a month and a half, then quitting for two weeks (and supplying every now and then, because they were short on staff and I was still unemployed), i'm working at the grace chirstian school/daycare full time again. It's like I never left, but took a vacation time. Since May and June we've had a lot of new summer kids show up. And so we have a fairly new girl at the daycare who looks like she should be named HELGA. for the first day, she cried for practically the entire day - atleast I was told, because that was my day off. But when i returned it seems like this Helga grew fond of me. She follows me everywhere! I always have to take percaution when i turn around, because she's RIGHT BEHIND my legs.

Anyway, so i was talking to Kim, who is my co worker, and we were discussing why she looks like a HELGA. And i suggested it was her eyebrows, which are more like ONE eyebrow...they arch inwards and sorta join together in the middle. hahaha - you're probably reading this and saying how I'm totally mean...but you shoulda heard what KIM said!! She said her face looks SMASHED! not only did she emphasize the "SMASH" verbally, but she slapped her hands together to really help you understand the meaning behind her words. She often grabs my hand, or atleast reaches for my fingers to hold on to.

She's not a dumb girl, this Helga...but like most kids - when they start to cry they usually get what they want. So when she cries, it's because she DOESN'T want to be with the other teachers. Whenever it's time for a washroom break...she never goes with the other teachers without a fight. There's crying, yelling, and running...with a WHOLE load of resistance. Haha...sooo..for the past couple of days I've sort have tricked her to let go of my hand, so that I could leave - when the end of the day comes. It seems like I need to be trickier though...since she still cries tons when I'm not there. And that results in loud yelling and a lot of bawling. I don't really know how to be slick...she's starting to pick up that after snack time, is the time i leave. She holds my fingers harder and with a really firm grip. And when i finally get an opportunity to break away - I don't seem to leave fast enough...i gotta work on a better getaway.....hrrm....but kids are smart...sooo manipulative....this is what i've learned." - Oh, Helga, August 6, 2006

--- Upon finding out that one of the Women Studies courses counted as a List A course, me and Jorge have joked that the WS course must be the hardest course in existence (must be much harder than ECE370!)...I remember reading this article that outlines the differences in body language between dogs and cats, and how that leads to mixed signals being portrayed, which leads to conflict between the two animals. Same thing with culture differences. Herman was telling me how his hand shaking offended some chef in Italy. It was very amusing to hear. Haha. Anyways. I sometimes really think that I don't understand girls at all because I make the basic assumption that they're not understandable, and thus they must not be. Psychology. Hmm...or maybe not. Girls are just hard to understand. ---

"I saw two guys exit a building together. I suppose they were friends who hadn't seen each othe in a long time. They both walked out, and took a few steps into opposite directions. They both paused - I guess this was the moment that they realized that they were heading to two different locations, and their journey together was being cut short. They looked at one another, and one of them initiated the so-long by saying "so...i guess I'll see ya later, buddy", and the other replied quickly with a nod "ya, take care of yourself". They both spoke with an almost non-chalant tone; keeping their cool - being well composed. It wasn't their tone, but their body language and facial expressions that did most of the communication. They took a few steps towards each other and gave a nice firm hand shake...and they were off. It wasn't dramatic... theses pauses weren't like some sort of emotional pause you see in the movies - it was REAL. It was a guy-time pause (Guys and girls have different ranges of 'pause' time before it's awkward - guys have a much shorter pause period than girls, before awkwardness is sensed). It was really interesting... and I thought to myself... girls can be so dramatic in comparison to guys! And then I corrected myself...not dramatic - just expresses emotions more overtly than guys typically do.

I laughed to myself when I pictured two females in the same circumstance as these two gentlemen. This is how it would happen: Two girls would walk outof the building, chatting away. They would both walk a couple of steps into separate directions, as they were heading towards two locations opposite of each other. After realizing they were heading separate paths, they would walk back towards each other. One would ask where the other was heading, and after one would reply, the other would also mention where they were heading. The two would talk about how it sucks that they haven't seen each other in forever - and they shoulld definitely figure out a time so that they can sit down to chat and catch up with everything that's been going on. Then one will have to interupt their reminiscing and say they have to get going. There will probably be a melodramatic series of different ways to say 'bye' (i.e. "awww...i'm gonng miss you!"; "we'll get together soon!"; " okay, we'll have lunch!"; "I'll call you"; "Call me!"; "it was really good seein you again!"; " i'm really glad we bumped into each other - we'll do it again sometime!"). And finally, a nice tight hug would probably be thrown in, just before they wave so long to one another as they walk further apart. It's interesting how the equivalent message can be transmitted through guys and guys with such fewer actions and words, than with girls and girls. It's funny how guys and girls communicate differently. No wonder there's always so much mis-communication between sexes! gosh!!! haha... " - Men and women - communication, November 19, 2007

--- I've been thinking about what Vivian said last week at Summer ACF, about how children having nothing to hide, that when they're hurt, they cry, that when they're happy, they smile. And that somehow, for some reason, as we grow older, we lose that purity, hiding our tears and emotions, to put up white-washed walls and pretend nothing is wrong, hoping for help and comfort but our pride getting the better of us. Making mountains out of molehills, before remembering that you can get though it. Before remembering it's not how much time you crash that matters, but the number of times you retake flight... ---

"*ugh* you know that feeling when everything just seems to be going wrong...or not even wrong - but just not going anywhere?!?!? like when you're in a hole and it's just way too deep for you to get out. In a frantic you find yourself scraping at the sides only finding yourself just making the whole wider and wider and more things just fall down in with you making everything seem much tighter in this hole you feel like you can't get out of. A hole of no return. You look back up from the way you came down - and notice the opening seems like it's getting smaller, or you're getting smaller. Or you notice the light that you once saw seems to be getting dimmer, and your world just feels so much darker. A hole of no return. You try calling out for help and when you don't hear anything call back you start imagining the worst things that could happen. A sense of hopelessness overrides your every thought. You think of all the ways you could have avoided the situation you are currently in. Then you start making promises to yourself and to God, hoping that if you're given another chance, than you'll make things right - and you won't disappoint. Then floods of emotions take their turn, if they haven't already...a hole of no return.

I hate that feeling. And then...*revelation*...*light bulb*...the saying "light at the end of the tunnel" comes to mind. You're not in a hole of no return...you're just in a tunnel that needs to be dug out and finished. I mean, where's the excitement in going back to where you already were. That's worst than being stuck in a hole - that's voluntarily remaining stagnant. Move foward...press on...

*sighs* ... at least trying to. But it's getting hard to breathe." - April 6, 2008

Haha. This was kind of fun.

Prince Caspian

Random thoughts from the last day or two...

NTCBC: Bible Study
We did a study on idols, when Wayne mentioned a really good point. We often cite that our idols are things like fame and money and schoo...yet our true idol, most often, seems to be time. That totally threw me off, but I realized the truth behind that statement. We eat McDonalds because we don't want to spend the time cooking. We buy fancy PDA phones (read: iPhone) and use integrated email/calendar (read: GMail and Google Calendar), rely on RSS feeds and the microwave because it brings us what we want sooner. I've heard that we've gotten really good at making things more efficient...yet we simply just jam more things into the time we did free up at making things more efficient. We're more busier now, more than before. Always rushing here and rushing there...

NTCBC: Family Fun Fair
There was a Family Fun Fair. As promised, I went to check it out. I guess it was cuz I was helping them prepare for the event the night before (Friday), before Josiah (High school/University fellowship), one of the Aunties recognized me. So she got me to pour tea into cups for people. While I was doing that, I looked around me...I guess alot of these people were parents of kids that attended NTCBC's chinese school. So I was taller than alot of them. Yet when they came up to me (cuz I was pouring tea and all), I seemed to have naturally reacted like I would around adults. I guess University doesn't really make you feel like you're an adult.

This is really contrasted with the environment I'm used to. Where I have the ability to shape my fellowship. Where I've taken "high-ranking" positions like Committee and Retreat Coordinator. lol...I remember during Frosh week, they were telling us how we're the "best of our high schools" and that the stardards are higher and whatnot. And some people had to adjust from that. I never really felt that, since I was a slacker and did poorly (so my adjustment was having to actually work to get my marks...haha). I suppose this indicates to me that my adjustment will have to come after University...when I actually have to keep my pride in check and realize that I'm but one vote, instead of among the leadership board.

I think it stood out a bit when we noticed that there was a shooting range station (someone brought a BB rifle -_-) and Rika was commenting on how there's no way any of us with that type of idea would make it by the deacon board...but since it was an adult that did it...oh well. I suppose adults knows better. I suppose. But I suppose I'm also still naive.

Empress Walk Theatres: Prince Caspian [Spoilers]
It was a good movie. Having not read the book, I can't comment on how closely they sticked with the plot. One comment stood out from the movie though. There was a point in the movie where Peter Pevensie (the "high king" back at the end of the first book, being the oldest of the Pevensie siblings) complains about being treated like a kid (he was an adult by the time he left Narnia...go read the book -_-) and gives a general feeling of discontent with the "real world", having been a king in Narnia. I was reflecting on that when the movie ended, wondering if I'd have the guts to take on Miraz in a one-on-one duel...or charge into a massive advancing army...and even a bit of what life was like back when things were just just swords and shields, where knights and the like were the the norm. This then lead to thoughts about being discontent with normal life, like Peter was. I suppose that's why things like fictional books, manga and video games are so popular...they serve as an escape from the mundane life. This directly reminded me of a conversation I had with Victor, regarding the merits and downfalls of owning a portable gaming device (the Nintendo DS). "With it, every moment is exciting" ... why would you want to live as a regular employee, where you go to work 9-5, 5 days a week, doing the same type of stuff over and over again...when you can be Prince Caspian, running straight into battle, beating up hundreds of soldiers, saving the day against all odds, and bring crowned king.

How would programming 8 hours a day in MATLAB compare to something like that?! And so people feed their discontentment with normal life with such things. Wanting more and thus turning to things like movies, but ultimately unsatisfied with the temporal nature of it all.

Random rambling on relationships

I found it amusing that in the post CCF time period, I've got two different people came up to me, telling me exactly the same one thing: "I got over it!" I laughed. This world seems to be obsessive with relationship and its many issues. I turn on the radio and you hear love songs. I stand at the bus stop and I read about dating ads. I'm on the subway and there's a poster about Lavalife.com. The list goes on. People spent countless amount of time trying to figure this out. The latest gossip, the hottest news...all seems to be connected to the stories of who just broke up with who.

This is simply by design. God saw fit to create Eve and thus Adam did not have to labour alone. God totally could've made humans produce asexually. We'd end up with a species of engineers. That can't be that bad, can it...? (another discussion, another time). So as something that was meant to be fulfilled, no wonder people are so focused on it. And as with all things good, we find ways to perverse it all. Arin't humans just so cool?

So what exactly am I trying to say? As I think about current relationship status of the people around me right now...I know a couple that just had a kid (Timothy Lee, son of Jackson and Rebecca Lee). Another couple that just got engaged (Joseph Wong and Emily Law). A few weddings coming up (Dawn Chu and Jonathan Hensen; Enoch Tang and Shirley Yip). A couple that just got married (Joanie Tang and Dave Chin). A few more that I'm just waiting for the proposal (Vanessa Li and her big shiny rock... =P...I mean Alexis Kwong). A few people that just started dating. A few that broke up. Don't know anyone who just started liking someone...there is a few people who's trying to get over someone. And as I opened this entry with, a few others who just got over them.

Relationship issues is always a big deal. But it's not the end of the world either. I'm not a believer in that there is only one person for you out there, but I do realize that God's got you sitting somewhere on His massive hands. I figure, if He'd bother chisel me from birth and know my name before my parents did, if He'd bother to led me though failures and successes, He'd do something about this marriage business that is all the rage these days. God created the concept of the family. I think we can trust Him to know what He's doing.