Watched a musical at Althouse (Faculty of Education). Seussical the Musical. At first I thought it was just a bit silly. A musical on a little kids thing? Please...
But it was good. It was really good. I've always believed music brings colour to life. The AV was a little skippy at times, but that's alright. Some of the chorograph was well practice. Singing was good, though I didn't manage to catch everything...wish I had the script, but it's not like high school I guess, where I'd be able to watch the same play 8 times over during practice XD
My reading today (should've been yesterday, but MenCell went long)...
"This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover." - Exodus 12.11
Some reason this stood out to me. Just has such a powerful underfeeling behind a single verse... Current events has driven me to wonder...will I still run the race even if no one is watching? Even if there is no finish line? No prize at the end of the day? No one to run with? Such is the demands.
As much as I want to say I'm done here, it's not that easy. As much as I want to say I've conquered it, it's not that easy. As much as I tell myself no, it's not that easy. I suppose I could just smile and keep on walking. It's hasn't been that good. But it hasn't been that bad either. He is merciful. I can't walk enough with you. But I can always pray for you. Prayin and prayin...
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Cognitive Dissonance
It's a funny thing, the cognitive mind. Somehow it has managed to defeat itself...
I was told I think too much sometimes. I tell myself I don't think enough. The way I see it, everything can be explained and placed into some framework...Piaget's schema theory, perhaps. Afterall, who would disagree with structure? Wouldn't everything be so much better if we could understand what's going on, the thoughts we have, the choices we made? If we could understand ourselves and the people around us? And what better way to do it then with something we can picture...imagine...and hold in our minds? What better tool to use but logic? I mean, one could argue that logic was granted to us...what a waste if we don't use it...check out what this guy said:
"My deeply held belieft is that if a God, anything like the traditional sorts, exists, our curiosity and intelligence are provided by such a God. We would be unappreciative of those gifts...if we suppressed our passion to explore the universe and ourselves." - Carl Sagan, 1979
Cool eh? I totally agree. I think because I can. Schemas? good. Structure? good. Understanding? good. Logic? good. It's all good. Good good good.
So why are we still screwed? Why do we still don't understand ourselves and others? It's kind of funny...the more I read about PSYCH101 last term, the more I realize how folly the mind is. How easily we can misremember...and misrecall... how easily we fall to assumptions and orders. How we can so easily look around the plank in our eyes... the mind is a powerful tool. Too bad a tool is only as useful as the skill of the wielder.
So using science, it pretty much defeated the hopes that the mind can understand itself fully. I came to that realization earlier today. I could only understand so much. I can only bend so much with scientific cognitive-ness. As good as it is...it's not enough.
But I don't want to believe that there are no answers to the curiousity. CS Lewis wrote about how if there's a desire, there's probably something that is meant to meet that desire. So we need to augment more stuff into the picture. This verse came to mind:
"...Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." - John 20.29
Do I have the answers? No. Will I ever get enough to be satisfied? Probably not, but that's not for me to decide. But that's what it takes to be faithful, I guess. To keep on walking, even when I don't know all the facts.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." - James 1.5
I was told I think too much sometimes. I tell myself I don't think enough. The way I see it, everything can be explained and placed into some framework...Piaget's schema theory, perhaps. Afterall, who would disagree with structure? Wouldn't everything be so much better if we could understand what's going on, the thoughts we have, the choices we made? If we could understand ourselves and the people around us? And what better way to do it then with something we can picture...imagine...and hold in our minds? What better tool to use but logic? I mean, one could argue that logic was granted to us...what a waste if we don't use it...check out what this guy said:
"My deeply held belieft is that if a God, anything like the traditional sorts, exists, our curiosity and intelligence are provided by such a God. We would be unappreciative of those gifts...if we suppressed our passion to explore the universe and ourselves." - Carl Sagan, 1979
Cool eh? I totally agree. I think because I can. Schemas? good. Structure? good. Understanding? good. Logic? good. It's all good. Good good good.
So why are we still screwed? Why do we still don't understand ourselves and others? It's kind of funny...the more I read about PSYCH101 last term, the more I realize how folly the mind is. How easily we can misremember...and misrecall... how easily we fall to assumptions and orders. How we can so easily look around the plank in our eyes... the mind is a powerful tool. Too bad a tool is only as useful as the skill of the wielder.
So using science, it pretty much defeated the hopes that the mind can understand itself fully. I came to that realization earlier today. I could only understand so much. I can only bend so much with scientific cognitive-ness. As good as it is...it's not enough.
But I don't want to believe that there are no answers to the curiousity. CS Lewis wrote about how if there's a desire, there's probably something that is meant to meet that desire. So we need to augment more stuff into the picture. This verse came to mind:
"...Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." - John 20.29
Do I have the answers? No. Will I ever get enough to be satisfied? Probably not, but that's not for me to decide. But that's what it takes to be faithful, I guess. To keep on walking, even when I don't know all the facts.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." - James 1.5
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Graduating year of 2007
University of Waterloo Chinese Christian Fellowship
Graduating from Undergraduates: Betty Chan. Connie Chan. Alexander Lam. Kevin Leung. Vanessa Li. Calla Suen. Karen Wong. Paul Yu. Pamilia. Kenneth.
University of Western Ontario Asian Christian Fellowship
Graduating from Undergraduates: Shelby Chung, Jonathan Tong, Enoch Tang, Theresa Wong, Eldon, Sheryl
Graduating from Masters: Justin Liu, Gloria Sham, Heidi Wu
Blah. Why did it have to be on the same day...
Updating list as I go...don't know everyone graduating or ppl's last names -_-
No, today at work hasn't been a productive day. lol
Graduating from Undergraduates: Betty Chan. Connie Chan. Alexander Lam. Kevin Leung. Vanessa Li. Calla Suen. Karen Wong. Paul Yu. Pamilia. Kenneth.
University of Western Ontario Asian Christian Fellowship
Graduating from Undergraduates: Shelby Chung, Jonathan Tong, Enoch Tang, Theresa Wong, Eldon, Sheryl
Graduating from Masters: Justin Liu, Gloria Sham, Heidi Wu
Blah. Why did it have to be on the same day...
Updating list as I go...don't know everyone graduating or ppl's last names -_-
No, today at work hasn't been a productive day. lol
Visiting from Waterloo
No. I really wasn't doing it for your sake. I stood there for my own sake...
I was just thinking of what I heard at Monday Men Cell. It's gotten to be alot unstructured after Justin canned the book. We just discuss random issues and whatnot. Not bad. Had a collision (good one this time...for once), of the occasional "good old days".
So really, I could talk about self-esteem, and not measuring yourself by other people's ruler...actually, until I talked to Alex today, I didn't even realize I was making the same mistake that I blasted Sam for...
So with Justin Liu at MC-Monday and again today with Alex Lam (Joanna and them were visiting Heidi, I guess. A lot of visiting going on these days. Alex tagged along. I had a 2.5hr lunch with him -_- will be work for a long time today...). Some reason, the issue of girls and relationship came up at both times. Even though the 722 sermon has already set firm my ideas, the things that were discussed were of other things...
Waiki said to Alex: No Relationship. Committee demands all the time one can spend on it...always so much to be done I guess. But Alex had a good point. We're only in CCF for so long. We're able to meet with friends who come from all these different places...different faculties...different people...only for so long...and relationships take up so much time (at least, they better be. That girl of yours deserves your time. Though I don't think I'll run into any of those cases in CCF...stupid high school...anyways)...we'll only be in CCF...ACF...university...for so long. When you have to choose, you know (at least, you better be!) you'd choose your significant other instead of CCF. And that's just how it works. To pick up a relationship, CCF must become less in your life. What I think? Issues like boys and girls, relationship and dating? They can come afterwards. But that's just my belief. Just in case dating people harp on me for blasting them. -_-
Don't serve out of a need? Maybe...but what if the need was shown to you by Him? I guess...it's difficult to apply someone else's paradigm to my own life. When I hear other people say "oh, God said this to me" and I'm sitting here, thinking to myself that I have no idea what they're talking about...I too am measuring myself with their ruler. Does God reach out to everyone the same way? Obviously not. Moses heard from Him directly. But Joseph was spoken to via dreams. Mary, through angels. Esther, though her friend. The apostles though Jesus and the Holy Spirit. David, though the prophet Nathan. Saul, through the prophet Samuel. Josiah, though...some other prophet. -_-. Etcetcetc.
But I heard this said the other day. The pressure of liking someone is so much that sometimes you just gotta let it out. Tell the girl. What happens after will happen. But just let it out. Really, I used to believe that. Those who know me well enough from back home would understand. I thought that if I had gotten that "no" from their own lips instead of just in my imagination, I'll be able to move on easier. But isn't that copping out? Arint you just pushing the weight to handle all that onto their shoulders? What did she do? She shouldn't have to handle your emotions. If you like the girl, shouldn't you be looking out for her? How selfish is it, to want to vent out on her, especially if you don't care or want anything to happen out of that? Suck it up. And if it's hard? Well, it better be hard...it just means the feeling is real. And if it's too hard? Well. That's why video games are invented. Be a man.
I've talked about a wide range of stuff with Alex today. And it was good. But I think I'm still as confused as I was when I first sat down with him. Trying to figure out things right now...I think, the biggest thing I can get out of today's talk with Alex is...
Have Faith.
And never cut God from the picture.
Random thoughts:
Need and passion. Truth and Spirit. Sitting together in silence. Worship and praise. Unity. Prayer. Alone and together. People who are dear to me, both in London/Waterloo...and everywhere else.
I was just thinking of what I heard at Monday Men Cell. It's gotten to be alot unstructured after Justin canned the book. We just discuss random issues and whatnot. Not bad. Had a collision (good one this time...for once), of the occasional "good old days".
So really, I could talk about self-esteem, and not measuring yourself by other people's ruler...actually, until I talked to Alex today, I didn't even realize I was making the same mistake that I blasted Sam for...
So with Justin Liu at MC-Monday and again today with Alex Lam (Joanna and them were visiting Heidi, I guess. A lot of visiting going on these days. Alex tagged along. I had a 2.5hr lunch with him -_- will be work for a long time today...). Some reason, the issue of girls and relationship came up at both times. Even though the 722 sermon has already set firm my ideas, the things that were discussed were of other things...
Waiki said to Alex: No Relationship. Committee demands all the time one can spend on it...always so much to be done I guess. But Alex had a good point. We're only in CCF for so long. We're able to meet with friends who come from all these different places...different faculties...different people...only for so long...and relationships take up so much time (at least, they better be. That girl of yours deserves your time. Though I don't think I'll run into any of those cases in CCF...stupid high school...anyways)...we'll only be in CCF...ACF...university...for so long. When you have to choose, you know (at least, you better be!) you'd choose your significant other instead of CCF. And that's just how it works. To pick up a relationship, CCF must become less in your life. What I think? Issues like boys and girls, relationship and dating? They can come afterwards. But that's just my belief. Just in case dating people harp on me for blasting them. -_-
Don't serve out of a need? Maybe...but what if the need was shown to you by Him? I guess...it's difficult to apply someone else's paradigm to my own life. When I hear other people say "oh, God said this to me" and I'm sitting here, thinking to myself that I have no idea what they're talking about...I too am measuring myself with their ruler. Does God reach out to everyone the same way? Obviously not. Moses heard from Him directly. But Joseph was spoken to via dreams. Mary, through angels. Esther, though her friend. The apostles though Jesus and the Holy Spirit. David, though the prophet Nathan. Saul, through the prophet Samuel. Josiah, though...some other prophet. -_-. Etcetcetc.
But I heard this said the other day. The pressure of liking someone is so much that sometimes you just gotta let it out. Tell the girl. What happens after will happen. But just let it out. Really, I used to believe that. Those who know me well enough from back home would understand. I thought that if I had gotten that "no" from their own lips instead of just in my imagination, I'll be able to move on easier. But isn't that copping out? Arint you just pushing the weight to handle all that onto their shoulders? What did she do? She shouldn't have to handle your emotions. If you like the girl, shouldn't you be looking out for her? How selfish is it, to want to vent out on her, especially if you don't care or want anything to happen out of that? Suck it up. And if it's hard? Well, it better be hard...it just means the feeling is real. And if it's too hard? Well. That's why video games are invented. Be a man.
I've talked about a wide range of stuff with Alex today. And it was good. But I think I'm still as confused as I was when I first sat down with him. Trying to figure out things right now...I think, the biggest thing I can get out of today's talk with Alex is...
Have Faith.
And never cut God from the picture.
Random thoughts:
Need and passion. Truth and Spirit. Sitting together in silence. Worship and praise. Unity. Prayer. Alone and together. People who are dear to me, both in London/Waterloo...and everywhere else.
More randomnessness
I could be sleeping I guess. Been feeling tired throughout the day. But since I just ate a extremely heavy dinner (kids, don't eat dinner at midnight. Not very fun). Besides, I have to finish my PDEng, type up some collected notes and do my devos, not to mention prepare tomorrow's lunch. Since I've spent the last half an hour or so, jumping through people's blogs (lots of ACF ppl blog eh...), I felt some urge to write myself.
For some strange reason, my name at work isn't Jon. It's Russell, of Russell Peters fame. One of my co-workers (I guess he just watched it recently...) started calling me that on the first day of work, and it caught on. I'm known to everyone in the lab as Russell. -_- Well...better then my CCF name I guess...ah...it's nice to be free. lol.
Of course. How can one not think of the now famous "Hey, be a man" Chinese thing? So really. A random thought...what does it take to be a man. Interesting...more notes to compile. A topical study! This will be interesting...
Recent battles has not exactly been fun. But that's why it's a battle, and not a cruise, right? I've met another listener yesterday (well technically I met this person already, but the discovery of this trait...yeah). For some reason, knowing I have a comrade like this makes me a little happier. Just the knowledge that someone with the same role is pwning somewhere out there.
Is it possible to achieve higher state? It very much is. I'm seeing it being achieved. Always room to grow. Always room to keep going. But sometimes...you need to take a step backward in order to take two of them forward?
For some strange reason, my name at work isn't Jon. It's Russell, of Russell Peters fame. One of my co-workers (I guess he just watched it recently...) started calling me that on the first day of work, and it caught on. I'm known to everyone in the lab as Russell. -_- Well...better then my CCF name I guess...ah...it's nice to be free. lol.
Of course. How can one not think of the now famous "Hey, be a man" Chinese thing? So really. A random thought...what does it take to be a man. Interesting...more notes to compile. A topical study! This will be interesting...
Recent battles has not exactly been fun. But that's why it's a battle, and not a cruise, right? I've met another listener yesterday (well technically I met this person already, but the discovery of this trait...yeah). For some reason, knowing I have a comrade like this makes me a little happier. Just the knowledge that someone with the same role is pwning somewhere out there.
Is it possible to achieve higher state? It very much is. I'm seeing it being achieved. Always room to grow. Always room to keep going. But sometimes...you need to take a step backward in order to take two of them forward?
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Reshifting...
I suppose that made sense...to recalibrate the equilibrium point...readjusting to fit the current condition is the best one can do. If you can't beat them, join them, as the saying goes. Readapting to a new point would mean I can reshift my priorities...but that won't necessary be a bad thing.
Now, instead of searching for building materials, I can focus on the ground I'm building on...use what I've got now till I get better stuff to work with. Changing the door is easier than changing the composition of the ground, afterall. I think, motivation and its two components (emotion and willpower) kind of remind me of the concept of stamina and chakra in Naruto...transferable between the two in order to achieve something. both stick has its unstable degree, but that's not an excuse to sit out on the race. I guess I'll quote Roger as well on this. "The avoidance of misuse is not no use, but proper use."
We've all made mistakes before. We've all stumbled. We've all been wounded and wounded others. If we're lucky, we were able to keep going with relatively little chaos in our wake. If not, we'll need to challenge the monster the past sometimes mutate into. That's just ho wit is. Something stood out from what I hear the other day...the difference between:
Justice - Getting what you deserve due to your screw up
Mercy - Not getting what you deserve, even though you screwed up
Grace - Getting something you didn't deserve, despite the fact you screwed up
We can see a bit of each if we look around us now and into our past...
I guess, at the end, the best one can do is the best one can do. Do the right things and give it all you've got. Give it your all, and the seeds will grow someday.
I've just been thinking...of how temporary things are. I've not even talking about the obvious stuff like money. I'm talking about the more innocent stuff, like pity food (ie sugar)...words of encouragement...even a simple hug for comfort. It's all so...temporary. It's like the battery and we're the machine. It can only provide 120V for so long. What we really gotta do is jack into a wall. Feel that 60Hz signal, coming straight from the Source. Batteries are cool and all, but...always good to remember where we gotta be pointing at, eh?
Friday, February 16, 2007
Pride
So I'm sitting here, slowly fixing my chmod -R mistake...what would I do without UNIX scripts...
I've been thinking about this thing we called pride. What is pride? Well...dictionary.com defines pride as...
- A group of lions (resist urge to start talking about animals...)
- Best of a group
- Something that causes a person or persons to be proud
- Pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself
- a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc (ie, in the state of being proud)
Pride is cited as one of the Seven Cardinal Sins, and is traditionally attributed (correct me if I'm wrong) as the cause of the Fall, back in the day. It blinds one to the Grace of God (believe it or not, I'm reading this off wikipedia. lol), and to the worth of others. In fact, pride is so...big, that I can't describe humbleness without first saying it's the opposite to pride.
Nowadays, we don't have apples that decides the fate of the human race...but we do have our things. Our marks. Our looks. Our intelligence. Our social status. Our economical status. Our skills. Our talents. Our..whatever. Some of these are obvious. Maybe some of the people with great amounts of physical substance would admit of being proud of it as well. Maybe they think it's okay. *shrug*
Dangerous stuff isn't the physical stuff, cuz everyone can see it and bring it up if the dude gets too out of hand. Dangerous stuff is head-pride. The subtle things. The thing that trips us up after the fact, and we don't even realize it sometimes. You know what I'm talking about. I'm as guilty of this as the next guy. When someone elects to go to someone else for help. When you're trying to drop a hint that isn't getting picked up, and getting annoyed cuz they can't see the "obvious". When you step into a group and believe you can single-handedly change things (yup...a bit of pride there too). It's one of those things that are different for everyone...yet the same at the same time...
Even so, I find it difficult to blast at all form of pride. Afterall, can't I be proud of my friends when they achieve something great? Can't I be proud of my church and fellowship when they're making an impact? I probably could. Providing that I remember a very simple fact. A very simple fact that I forget too often and take for granted:
God provides.
I've been thinking about this thing we called pride. What is pride? Well...dictionary.com defines pride as...
- A group of lions (resist urge to start talking about animals...)
- Best of a group
- Something that causes a person or persons to be proud
- Pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself
- a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc (ie, in the state of being proud)
Pride is cited as one of the Seven Cardinal Sins, and is traditionally attributed (correct me if I'm wrong) as the cause of the Fall, back in the day. It blinds one to the Grace of God (believe it or not, I'm reading this off wikipedia. lol), and to the worth of others. In fact, pride is so...big, that I can't describe humbleness without first saying it's the opposite to pride.
Nowadays, we don't have apples that decides the fate of the human race...but we do have our things. Our marks. Our looks. Our intelligence. Our social status. Our economical status. Our skills. Our talents. Our..whatever. Some of these are obvious. Maybe some of the people with great amounts of physical substance would admit of being proud of it as well. Maybe they think it's okay. *shrug*
Dangerous stuff isn't the physical stuff, cuz everyone can see it and bring it up if the dude gets too out of hand. Dangerous stuff is head-pride. The subtle things. The thing that trips us up after the fact, and we don't even realize it sometimes. You know what I'm talking about. I'm as guilty of this as the next guy. When someone elects to go to someone else for help. When you're trying to drop a hint that isn't getting picked up, and getting annoyed cuz they can't see the "obvious". When you step into a group and believe you can single-handedly change things (yup...a bit of pride there too). It's one of those things that are different for everyone...yet the same at the same time...
Even so, I find it difficult to blast at all form of pride. Afterall, can't I be proud of my friends when they achieve something great? Can't I be proud of my church and fellowship when they're making an impact? I probably could. Providing that I remember a very simple fact. A very simple fact that I forget too often and take for granted:
God provides.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Birthdays and such
I suppose there is alot of content I could write about. I've heard a talk on prayer at ACF last Friday. Seminar on Growing in Purity on Saturday. Heard a few interesting things at P&R, as usual. There'll be a Science vs Theology thing on Tuesday that I'm planning on attending. I could pull quotes from Great Divorce (interesting book. fairly easy read, except for this one part. CS Lewis). Or I could post about spiritual defense, and the things I thought of Sunday afternoon (context: Asked PT about a good translation to pick up. Instead of giving me a straight answer, he gave me a bunch of links...and yeah. Some of them turned out to be a bit sketchy...)
But I think I'll write about some current happenings. All the other stuff I more or less have on paper anyway. Can't believe I negliected my notebook at Waterloo...oyy...
Today, Feb 12, is Michael Szeto's birthday. He's a second year student at UWO, pretty well known in ACF since he leads worship and has a very easy going nature. Now, I knew it was his birthday because I was talking to Michael Chan (of UW's Syde Engg) and apparently they were best friends in high school. Connections eh?
But anyways. I was asked if I wanted to play some DOTA, and I was like...why not? So I was over at Summit 16 after P&R. We seem to be waiting for someone, so I was sitting in a corner, reading a book (on Marvel superheros (y))...then suddenly, the door flung open, and the quiet house which held 4 or 5 of us, just doing our own things, came alive as 15-20 ACF people poured in. A random surprise party for Mike. The pure community-ness of it all. It was good to watch. Mike was taken totally by surprise. But it was good.
I think, what really stood out about last night's events isn't the random surprise party...or the 5 hours of DOTA that came after that...or the 5.30am breakfast at McD...or finally stumbling into work after 2 hours of sleep...
I think perhaps I was reminded a bit of CCF. It's not like this thing is unheard of there. Marianne got a surprise party too (where her bed collapsed, I heard. lol), but...
*shrug* I'm one of them people who didn't think much of birthday. Thoughout high school, birthday just meant I am forced to bake for myself. While others went clubbing, I ate cheesecake and hung with a handful of friends. Pretty good, I'd say. Last year, I escaped Waterloo just in time to avoid pieing, got sick at Stratford, but bought cake and celebrated myself anyway. I would laugh (and maybe cry) if I ended up with an exam on my 20th birthday, but I wouldn't be too surprised if that happened.
I don't need or want a party. *shrug* it really isn't that big of a deal. Just a simple email or phone call from people close to me to remind me I'm remembered is more then enough to make my day. I think...if any of a certain...three? people remember, I'll be happy. Last year, a handful of words was enough to level me. lol. I think, keeping it simple now will make it easy to keep it simple in the future. And really...it's not the number of people...or the cake...or whatever... it's really all about getting a line from the ones that are close to my heart.
Sometimes, even though I've taken to ACF favorablely and feel more or less integrated...I guess I still feel that isolation sometimes. But am I really? On my laptop, I have hundreds of CCF pictures. On my carrier case, a red ribbon from a friend at home. A short stick with some Chinese sketched into it, representing home. The sweater on my back, coming from a certain CCF-grad-led excursion to Winners. The Word that's somewhere at the bottom of my backpack, which came from another CCF grad. All these physical reminders of home. I told myself I shouldn't take on too much sentimentals while in University, but I can't help wanting little things I can carry with me that'll remind me of the people of ACF. Of CCF. Of the people I walked with. Ate with. Sang with. Prayed with. Studied with. Served with. Sat with. Lived with. Just like how a little Bible verse reminded me of someone from long ago...
Maybe I'm getting soft with age. lol.
Now. How would I avoid a pieing...oh well. UW is a big place. I'll just not study in SLC on that day or...something. (y) lol. oyy...
How did this whole birthday thing come up anyway? Connie was telling me how on Josh Lo's birthday, 9000 men in Japan get naked (okay. they wear a loincloth) and run down some street, as a traditional festival...or something. That's got to be...yeah I have nothing to say.
"Searching. Listening. Forgiving. Forgetting. Walking. Falling. Protecting. Defending. Hiding. Fighting. Losing. Examining. Refining. Standing. Readying...and one day, overcoming." - Summary of last time
But I think I'll write about some current happenings. All the other stuff I more or less have on paper anyway. Can't believe I negliected my notebook at Waterloo...oyy...
Today, Feb 12, is Michael Szeto's birthday. He's a second year student at UWO, pretty well known in ACF since he leads worship and has a very easy going nature. Now, I knew it was his birthday because I was talking to Michael Chan (of UW's Syde Engg) and apparently they were best friends in high school. Connections eh?
But anyways. I was asked if I wanted to play some DOTA, and I was like...why not? So I was over at Summit 16 after P&R. We seem to be waiting for someone, so I was sitting in a corner, reading a book (on Marvel superheros (y))...then suddenly, the door flung open, and the quiet house which held 4 or 5 of us, just doing our own things, came alive as 15-20 ACF people poured in. A random surprise party for Mike. The pure community-ness of it all. It was good to watch. Mike was taken totally by surprise. But it was good.
I think, what really stood out about last night's events isn't the random surprise party...or the 5 hours of DOTA that came after that...or the 5.30am breakfast at McD...or finally stumbling into work after 2 hours of sleep...
I think perhaps I was reminded a bit of CCF. It's not like this thing is unheard of there. Marianne got a surprise party too (where her bed collapsed, I heard. lol), but...
*shrug* I'm one of them people who didn't think much of birthday. Thoughout high school, birthday just meant I am forced to bake for myself. While others went clubbing, I ate cheesecake and hung with a handful of friends. Pretty good, I'd say. Last year, I escaped Waterloo just in time to avoid pieing, got sick at Stratford, but bought cake and celebrated myself anyway. I would laugh (and maybe cry) if I ended up with an exam on my 20th birthday, but I wouldn't be too surprised if that happened.
I don't need or want a party. *shrug* it really isn't that big of a deal. Just a simple email or phone call from people close to me to remind me I'm remembered is more then enough to make my day. I think...if any of a certain...three? people remember, I'll be happy. Last year, a handful of words was enough to level me. lol. I think, keeping it simple now will make it easy to keep it simple in the future. And really...it's not the number of people...or the cake...or whatever... it's really all about getting a line from the ones that are close to my heart.
Sometimes, even though I've taken to ACF favorablely and feel more or less integrated...I guess I still feel that isolation sometimes. But am I really? On my laptop, I have hundreds of CCF pictures. On my carrier case, a red ribbon from a friend at home. A short stick with some Chinese sketched into it, representing home. The sweater on my back, coming from a certain CCF-grad-led excursion to Winners. The Word that's somewhere at the bottom of my backpack, which came from another CCF grad. All these physical reminders of home. I told myself I shouldn't take on too much sentimentals while in University, but I can't help wanting little things I can carry with me that'll remind me of the people of ACF. Of CCF. Of the people I walked with. Ate with. Sang with. Prayed with. Studied with. Served with. Sat with. Lived with. Just like how a little Bible verse reminded me of someone from long ago...
Maybe I'm getting soft with age. lol.
Now. How would I avoid a pieing...oh well. UW is a big place. I'll just not study in SLC on that day or...something. (y) lol. oyy...
How did this whole birthday thing come up anyway? Connie was telling me how on Josh Lo's birthday, 9000 men in Japan get naked (okay. they wear a loincloth) and run down some street, as a traditional festival...or something. That's got to be...yeah I have nothing to say.
"Searching. Listening. Forgiving. Forgetting. Walking. Falling. Protecting. Defending. Hiding. Fighting. Losing. Examining. Refining. Standing. Readying...and one day, overcoming." - Summary of last time
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Aneurysm coiling
Watched an cerebral aneurysm coiling done today, over at the University Hospital. Everything was done via fluoroscopy/angiography, but I saw everything from the inserting of the catheter...to coil insertion...to application of closing device. All done on a computer monitor. The procedure went well. Plugged a fairly small aneurysm with two small coils. Procedure took about two hours.
Heard about vasospasm and vasoconstriction. Some minor mentions of atherosclerosis and stroke. All these big words. Well, if an engineer can use them, can't be that impressive now, can it? lol...
What can I say? Doctors simply have the most dramatic showing. But we all walk down these roads sometimes, asking ourselves if we could do it...it'll take a while to convince someone to take a tube and stick it into an artery and push it all the way into the brain...but how much would it take for a drunk guy to get behind the wheel? Cause and effect, I guess.
All the sudden, I realize how unready I really am...
Heard about vasospasm and vasoconstriction. Some minor mentions of atherosclerosis and stroke. All these big words. Well, if an engineer can use them, can't be that impressive now, can it? lol...
What can I say? Doctors simply have the most dramatic showing. But we all walk down these roads sometimes, asking ourselves if we could do it...it'll take a while to convince someone to take a tube and stick it into an artery and push it all the way into the brain...but how much would it take for a drunk guy to get behind the wheel? Cause and effect, I guess.
All the sudden, I realize how unready I really am...
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
6 Lessons for Handling Stress
By Christine Gorman
Friday, Jan. 19, 2007
Take a deep breath. Now exhale slowly. You're probably not aware of it, but your heart has just slowed down a bit. Not to worry; it will speed up again when you inhale. This regular-irregular beat is a sign of a healthy interaction between heart and head. Each time you exhale, your brain sends a signal down the vagus nerve to slow the cardiac muscle. With each inhale, the signal gets weaker and your heart revs up. Inhale, beat faster. Exhale, beat slower. It's an ancient rhythm that helps your heart last a lifetime. And it leads to lesson No. 1 in how to manage stress and avoid burnout.
NO. 1: REMEMBER TO BREATHE
EVOLUTION HAS BEQUEATHED TO OUR BRAINS A variety of mechanisms for handling the ups and downs of life--from built-in chemical circuit breakers that shut off the stress hormones to entire networks of nerves whose only job is to calm you down. The problem, in the context of our always wired, always on-call world, is that they all require that you take regular breaks from your normal routine--and not just an occasional weekend trip. You can try to ignore the biological need to periodically disengage, but there's growing evidence that it will eventually catch up with you. Insurance claims for stress, depression and job burnout are now the U.S.'s fastest-growing disability category.
Making matters worse, Americans tend to cope with stress in all the wrong ways. A November survey by the advocacy group Mental Health America found that we frequently deal with chronic stress by watching television, skipping exercise and forgoing healthy foods. The problem with these coping mechanisms is that they keep you from doing things that help buffer your stress load--like exercising or relaxing with friends or family--or add greater stress to your body. Indeed, using many of our most cherished time-saving gadgets can backfire. Cell phones and mobile e-mail devices--to give just two examples--make it harder to get away from the office to decompress. Working from home may, in some cases, exacerbate the situation because it isolates employees while simultaneously blurring the line between work and leisure.
We also have a lot of misconceptions about who gets stressed out and why. Twenty years ago, psychologists almost exclusively blamed job stress on high workloads or lack of control on the job. More recent studies, says Christina Maslach, a pioneer in burnout research at the University of California, Berkeley, show that unfairness and a mismatch in values between employees and their companies play an increasing role in triggering stress. "Probably one of the strongest predictors is when there's a vacuum of information--silence about why decisions were made the way they were," Maslach says. "Another is having to operate in conflict with your values. Do you need to shade the truth to get authorization from the insurance company? Are you selling things that you know people don't really need?"
NO. 2: STRESS ALTERS YOUR BLOOD CHEMISTRY
FOR YEARS PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE concentrated on the behavioral symptoms of burnout: lost energy, lost enthusiasm and lost confidence. Now, thanks to new brain scans and more sophisticated blood tests, scientists can directly measure some of the effects of stress on mind and body--often with surprising results.
You are probably familiar with the signs of an adrenaline surge (racing pulse, hairs on the neck standing on end), which evolved to help us fight or flee predators and other immediate dangers. And you may have heard of cortisol, another stress hormone, which is produced more slowly than adrenaline and lingers in the bloodstream longer. But did you know that too little cortisol in your bloodstream can be just as bad as too much? Or that tucking into comfort foods, while soothing in the short term, can sabotage your long-term stress response by increasing the number of inflammatory proteins in your body?
What's emerging is a complex picture of the body's response to stress that involves several interrelated pathways. Scientists know the most about cortisol because until now that has been the easiest part to measure. "But when one thing changes, all the others change to some degree," says Bruce McEwen, a neuroendocrinologist at Rockefeller University who has spent decades studying the biology of stress, primarily in animals. So just because you see an imbalance in one area doesn't mean you understand why it is happening. "We're learning that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), burnout, chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia are all related in some ways," McEwen says. The next step is to figure out if there are any genetic predispositions that tip the response to stress toward one set of symptoms or another.
NO. 3: YOU CAN'T AVOID STRESS
EVEN GETTING OUT OF BED CAN BE TOUGH ON THE BODY. SEVERAL hours before you wake each morning, a tiny region at the base of your cerebrum called the hypothalamus sends a signal that ultimately alerts your adrenal glands, which sit on top of your kidneys, to start pumping out cortisol, which acts as a wake-up signal. Cortisol levels continue to rise after you become conscious in what is sometimes referred to as the "Oh, s___! It's another day" response. This may help explain why so many heart attacks and strokes occur between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m.
Because cortisol is a long-acting hormone, you can dally under the covers a bit without losing any steam. But your brain is already taking steps to protect you from the shock of starting a new day. Rising cortisol levels signal the hypothalamus to stop sounding the alarm. Other parts of the brain chime in, and eventually the adrenal glands ratchet down their cortisol production. In other words, the brain's stress response contains its own off switch.
Most people's cortisol, as measured by a saliva test, peaks a few hours after waking. Levels then gradually decline during the course of the day--with a few blips scattered here and there. That pattern typically changes, however, in people who are severely depressed. Their cortisol level still rises early in the morning, but it stays high all day long. It's almost as if their hypothalamus has forgotten how to turn off the stress response. (Intriguingly, people who are sleep deprived also exhibit a high, flat cortisol level.)
Researchers figured something similar had to be happening in burnout victims. But rather than finding a prominent cortisol peak, investigators discovered a shallow bump in the morning followed by a low, flattened level throughout the day. Intriguingly, such blunted cortisol responses are also common among Holocaust survivors, rape victims and soldiers suffering from PTSD. The difference seems to be that people with PTSD are much more sensitive to cortisol at even these low levels than those with burnout. "We used to blame everything on high cortisol," says Rachel Yehuda, a neurochemist and PTSD expert at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. "Now we can blame things on low cortisol as well."
NO. 4: STRESS CAN AGE YOU BEFORE YOUR TIME
SCIENTISTS HAVE LONG SUSPECTED THAT unremitting stress does damage to the immune system, but they weren't sure how. Then two years ago, researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, looked at white blood cells from a group of mothers whose children suffered from chronic disorders like autism or cerebral palsy. The investigators found clear signs of accelerated aging in those study subjects who had cared the longest for children with disabilities or who reported the least control over their lives.
The changes took place in microscopic structures called telomeres, which are often compared to the plastic wrappers on the ends of shoelaces and which keep chromosomes from shredding. As a general rule, the youngest cells boast the longest telomeres. But telomeres in the more stressed-out moms were significantly shorter than those of their counterparts, making them, from a genetic point of view, anywhere from nine to 17 years older than their chronological age.
NO. 5: STRESS IS NOT AN EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER
IN 1995, IN A NOW CLASSIC EXPERIMENT, SCIENTISTS AT THE University of Trier in Germany subjected 20 male volunteers to a situation guaranteed to raise their stress levels: participating in a mock job interview and solving arithmetic problems in front of strangers who corrected them if they made mistakes. As expected, each subject's cortisol level rose at first. But by the second day of the trial, most of the men's cortisol levels did not jump significantly. Experience had taught them that the situation wasn't that bad. Seven of the men, however, exhibited cortisol spikes every bit as high on the fourth day as the first. Only by the fifth day did their stress reaction begin to disappear.
More recently, researchers have found that subjects with low self-esteem are more vulnerable to stress. Jens Pruessner at McGill University in Montreal believes that the hippocampus, a finger-size structure located deep in the brain, is at least partially responsible. It turns out that the hippocampus, which helps you form new memories and retrieve old ones, is particularly sensitive to the amount of cortisol flooding your cerebrum. So when cortisol levels begin to rise, the hippocampus sends a set of signals that help shut down the cortisol cascade.
Using several different types of brain scans, Pruessner has shown that people who test below average on self-esteem also tend to have smaller-than-average hippocampi. The differences become clear only when you compare groups of people, Pruessner notes, so you can't look at any single person's brain scan and determine whether he or she has low self-esteem. But when you look at overall results, they suggest that a smaller hippocampus simply has more trouble persuading the rest of the brain to turn off the stress response.
Still unclear is how the body goes from having repeated activation of the stress response to showing the typically blunted cortisol levels of someone suffering from burnout. "We are still studying this," says Samuel Melamed of Tel Aviv University in Israel. "But if there is no relief and the cortisol stays up for long periods of time, the body stops responding and readjusts the level."
NO. 6: THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO RELIEVE STRESS
THIS IS PROBABLY THE TOUGHEST LESSON TO INTERNALIZE BECAUSE when stress overwhelms the system, your choices often seem more limited than they are. Behavioral scientists have a name for this psychological reaction. They call it learned helplessness, and they have studied the phenomenon closely in laboratory rodents, whose nervous system bears striking similarities to that of humans.
Here's how the experiment works: if you provide mice with an escape route, they typically learn very quickly how to avoid a mild electrical shock that occurs a few seconds after they hear a tone. But if the escape route is blocked whenever the tone is sounded, and new shocks occur, the mice will eventually stop trying to run away. Later, even after the escape route is cleared, the animals simply freeze at the sound of the tone--despite the fact that they once knew how to avoid the associated shock.
Obviously, humans have more intellectual resources at their disposal than mice do, but the underlying principle remains. When too many of the rules change, when what used to work doesn't anymore, your ability to reason takes a hit. Just being aware of your nervous system's built-in bias toward learned helplessness in the face of unrelieved stress can help you identify and develop healthy habits that will buffer at least some of the load (see box).
But the one thing you should not do is ignore the risks. Animal research has shown that there is a relatively small window for reversing the physiological effects of chronic stress. Studies of people are starting to produce similar results. Once a person's cortisol level gets completely blunted, it seems to stay that way for years. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones not to let that happen.
--
This article was sent through the Robarts Internal "Chat" mail. I suppose lots of scientists and grad students get stressed. It'd probably be good for us undergrads to keep in mind too. lol.
Reference: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1580401,00.html
Friday, Jan. 19, 2007
Take a deep breath. Now exhale slowly. You're probably not aware of it, but your heart has just slowed down a bit. Not to worry; it will speed up again when you inhale. This regular-irregular beat is a sign of a healthy interaction between heart and head. Each time you exhale, your brain sends a signal down the vagus nerve to slow the cardiac muscle. With each inhale, the signal gets weaker and your heart revs up. Inhale, beat faster. Exhale, beat slower. It's an ancient rhythm that helps your heart last a lifetime. And it leads to lesson No. 1 in how to manage stress and avoid burnout.
NO. 1: REMEMBER TO BREATHE
EVOLUTION HAS BEQUEATHED TO OUR BRAINS A variety of mechanisms for handling the ups and downs of life--from built-in chemical circuit breakers that shut off the stress hormones to entire networks of nerves whose only job is to calm you down. The problem, in the context of our always wired, always on-call world, is that they all require that you take regular breaks from your normal routine--and not just an occasional weekend trip. You can try to ignore the biological need to periodically disengage, but there's growing evidence that it will eventually catch up with you. Insurance claims for stress, depression and job burnout are now the U.S.'s fastest-growing disability category.
Making matters worse, Americans tend to cope with stress in all the wrong ways. A November survey by the advocacy group Mental Health America found that we frequently deal with chronic stress by watching television, skipping exercise and forgoing healthy foods. The problem with these coping mechanisms is that they keep you from doing things that help buffer your stress load--like exercising or relaxing with friends or family--or add greater stress to your body. Indeed, using many of our most cherished time-saving gadgets can backfire. Cell phones and mobile e-mail devices--to give just two examples--make it harder to get away from the office to decompress. Working from home may, in some cases, exacerbate the situation because it isolates employees while simultaneously blurring the line between work and leisure.
We also have a lot of misconceptions about who gets stressed out and why. Twenty years ago, psychologists almost exclusively blamed job stress on high workloads or lack of control on the job. More recent studies, says Christina Maslach, a pioneer in burnout research at the University of California, Berkeley, show that unfairness and a mismatch in values between employees and their companies play an increasing role in triggering stress. "Probably one of the strongest predictors is when there's a vacuum of information--silence about why decisions were made the way they were," Maslach says. "Another is having to operate in conflict with your values. Do you need to shade the truth to get authorization from the insurance company? Are you selling things that you know people don't really need?"
NO. 2: STRESS ALTERS YOUR BLOOD CHEMISTRY
FOR YEARS PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE concentrated on the behavioral symptoms of burnout: lost energy, lost enthusiasm and lost confidence. Now, thanks to new brain scans and more sophisticated blood tests, scientists can directly measure some of the effects of stress on mind and body--often with surprising results.
You are probably familiar with the signs of an adrenaline surge (racing pulse, hairs on the neck standing on end), which evolved to help us fight or flee predators and other immediate dangers. And you may have heard of cortisol, another stress hormone, which is produced more slowly than adrenaline and lingers in the bloodstream longer. But did you know that too little cortisol in your bloodstream can be just as bad as too much? Or that tucking into comfort foods, while soothing in the short term, can sabotage your long-term stress response by increasing the number of inflammatory proteins in your body?
What's emerging is a complex picture of the body's response to stress that involves several interrelated pathways. Scientists know the most about cortisol because until now that has been the easiest part to measure. "But when one thing changes, all the others change to some degree," says Bruce McEwen, a neuroendocrinologist at Rockefeller University who has spent decades studying the biology of stress, primarily in animals. So just because you see an imbalance in one area doesn't mean you understand why it is happening. "We're learning that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), burnout, chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia are all related in some ways," McEwen says. The next step is to figure out if there are any genetic predispositions that tip the response to stress toward one set of symptoms or another.
NO. 3: YOU CAN'T AVOID STRESS
EVEN GETTING OUT OF BED CAN BE TOUGH ON THE BODY. SEVERAL hours before you wake each morning, a tiny region at the base of your cerebrum called the hypothalamus sends a signal that ultimately alerts your adrenal glands, which sit on top of your kidneys, to start pumping out cortisol, which acts as a wake-up signal. Cortisol levels continue to rise after you become conscious in what is sometimes referred to as the "Oh, s___! It's another day" response. This may help explain why so many heart attacks and strokes occur between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m.
Because cortisol is a long-acting hormone, you can dally under the covers a bit without losing any steam. But your brain is already taking steps to protect you from the shock of starting a new day. Rising cortisol levels signal the hypothalamus to stop sounding the alarm. Other parts of the brain chime in, and eventually the adrenal glands ratchet down their cortisol production. In other words, the brain's stress response contains its own off switch.
Most people's cortisol, as measured by a saliva test, peaks a few hours after waking. Levels then gradually decline during the course of the day--with a few blips scattered here and there. That pattern typically changes, however, in people who are severely depressed. Their cortisol level still rises early in the morning, but it stays high all day long. It's almost as if their hypothalamus has forgotten how to turn off the stress response. (Intriguingly, people who are sleep deprived also exhibit a high, flat cortisol level.)
Researchers figured something similar had to be happening in burnout victims. But rather than finding a prominent cortisol peak, investigators discovered a shallow bump in the morning followed by a low, flattened level throughout the day. Intriguingly, such blunted cortisol responses are also common among Holocaust survivors, rape victims and soldiers suffering from PTSD. The difference seems to be that people with PTSD are much more sensitive to cortisol at even these low levels than those with burnout. "We used to blame everything on high cortisol," says Rachel Yehuda, a neurochemist and PTSD expert at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. "Now we can blame things on low cortisol as well."
NO. 4: STRESS CAN AGE YOU BEFORE YOUR TIME
SCIENTISTS HAVE LONG SUSPECTED THAT unremitting stress does damage to the immune system, but they weren't sure how. Then two years ago, researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, looked at white blood cells from a group of mothers whose children suffered from chronic disorders like autism or cerebral palsy. The investigators found clear signs of accelerated aging in those study subjects who had cared the longest for children with disabilities or who reported the least control over their lives.
The changes took place in microscopic structures called telomeres, which are often compared to the plastic wrappers on the ends of shoelaces and which keep chromosomes from shredding. As a general rule, the youngest cells boast the longest telomeres. But telomeres in the more stressed-out moms were significantly shorter than those of their counterparts, making them, from a genetic point of view, anywhere from nine to 17 years older than their chronological age.
NO. 5: STRESS IS NOT AN EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER
IN 1995, IN A NOW CLASSIC EXPERIMENT, SCIENTISTS AT THE University of Trier in Germany subjected 20 male volunteers to a situation guaranteed to raise their stress levels: participating in a mock job interview and solving arithmetic problems in front of strangers who corrected them if they made mistakes. As expected, each subject's cortisol level rose at first. But by the second day of the trial, most of the men's cortisol levels did not jump significantly. Experience had taught them that the situation wasn't that bad. Seven of the men, however, exhibited cortisol spikes every bit as high on the fourth day as the first. Only by the fifth day did their stress reaction begin to disappear.
More recently, researchers have found that subjects with low self-esteem are more vulnerable to stress. Jens Pruessner at McGill University in Montreal believes that the hippocampus, a finger-size structure located deep in the brain, is at least partially responsible. It turns out that the hippocampus, which helps you form new memories and retrieve old ones, is particularly sensitive to the amount of cortisol flooding your cerebrum. So when cortisol levels begin to rise, the hippocampus sends a set of signals that help shut down the cortisol cascade.
Using several different types of brain scans, Pruessner has shown that people who test below average on self-esteem also tend to have smaller-than-average hippocampi. The differences become clear only when you compare groups of people, Pruessner notes, so you can't look at any single person's brain scan and determine whether he or she has low self-esteem. But when you look at overall results, they suggest that a smaller hippocampus simply has more trouble persuading the rest of the brain to turn off the stress response.
Still unclear is how the body goes from having repeated activation of the stress response to showing the typically blunted cortisol levels of someone suffering from burnout. "We are still studying this," says Samuel Melamed of Tel Aviv University in Israel. "But if there is no relief and the cortisol stays up for long periods of time, the body stops responding and readjusts the level."
NO. 6: THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO RELIEVE STRESS
THIS IS PROBABLY THE TOUGHEST LESSON TO INTERNALIZE BECAUSE when stress overwhelms the system, your choices often seem more limited than they are. Behavioral scientists have a name for this psychological reaction. They call it learned helplessness, and they have studied the phenomenon closely in laboratory rodents, whose nervous system bears striking similarities to that of humans.
Here's how the experiment works: if you provide mice with an escape route, they typically learn very quickly how to avoid a mild electrical shock that occurs a few seconds after they hear a tone. But if the escape route is blocked whenever the tone is sounded, and new shocks occur, the mice will eventually stop trying to run away. Later, even after the escape route is cleared, the animals simply freeze at the sound of the tone--despite the fact that they once knew how to avoid the associated shock.
Obviously, humans have more intellectual resources at their disposal than mice do, but the underlying principle remains. When too many of the rules change, when what used to work doesn't anymore, your ability to reason takes a hit. Just being aware of your nervous system's built-in bias toward learned helplessness in the face of unrelieved stress can help you identify and develop healthy habits that will buffer at least some of the load (see box).
But the one thing you should not do is ignore the risks. Animal research has shown that there is a relatively small window for reversing the physiological effects of chronic stress. Studies of people are starting to produce similar results. Once a person's cortisol level gets completely blunted, it seems to stay that way for years. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones not to let that happen.
--
This article was sent through the Robarts Internal "Chat" mail. I suppose lots of scientists and grad students get stressed. It'd probably be good for us undergrads to keep in mind too. lol.
Reference: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1580401,00.html
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Network vs Community
Cognition has ceased to bring me benefit and relief on this topic. It has very much become the person behind the glass door...I've found I'm still highly defensive when it comes those probes...especially since it's even easier to hide here then when I was in Calgary...I could keep on telling myself I'm just anti-social, but wouldn't that make me hypocritic? Funny. I haven’t questioned that fact for the last four years. I’ve forgotten the challenges from the people close to me, yet yours is the only one that is still stinging and shook me..
Support Network theory. There is no way I can proceed with that unless I introduce a double standard. My justification is that people’s roles are different. Paul, in Romans 12, slapped a few down on the table. I’ve heard a decent interpretation of the Gifts of the Spirit passage just the other day.
Prophets: Guide people to behave in ways that is already in line with our existing confession, conviction and values.
Servants: Too much talk, not enough action. Attentive to the needs around us.
Teachers: If people could understand, they would know and live in the Truth...
Encouragement: Boost morale through words and environmental enhancements.
“Needs of others”: Financial stuff and generosity
Leadership: This is a trippy one. The author refers to administrative leadership, but I don’t quite agree with that…leadership isn’t that narrow, but everyone has their own opinion I guess.
Mercy: Stands with the people who needs to be stood with, empathetic identification as a tool.
So with this, each person’s place in a support network is different depending on which attributes (sounds almost like one of those personality tests. lol) they have from this list I guess. But my defense seems to falter before your argument…
In order to encourage sharing and break the silence, someone has to be willing to stand against the river first. Once someone triggers it all, others feel more comfortable to share. The whole atmospheric trust factor is still in play, but this is a pretty big thing.
“Concerning [Paul’s thorn] I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians12.8-10 (NKJV)
When Paul talked about his struggles, it is so that when he overcomes it, he knows for sure it is not his own abilities that he overcame it. So that when people look at him, they will also know it was not Paul that overcame it. But if people don’t know about the struggles…you meant this to be a community thing, didn’t you? To encourage sharing, to build group trust, to pray together and to praise, all in one motion. We're targetting different things, intending different things, with different kinds of people. But whereas when I cheer, it is only myself, and at best my network. But when you cheer, it is with your group and your community.
“I have seen that kind converted, when those would think less deeply damned have gone back. Those that hate goodness are sometimes nearer than those that know nothing at all about it and think they have it already.” – The Teacher Spirit, in reference to the Lost that mocked Heaven (Great Divorce, by CS Lewis) ... Luke 7.40-43
Support Network theory. There is no way I can proceed with that unless I introduce a double standard. My justification is that people’s roles are different. Paul, in Romans 12, slapped a few down on the table. I’ve heard a decent interpretation of the Gifts of the Spirit passage just the other day.
Prophets: Guide people to behave in ways that is already in line with our existing confession, conviction and values.
Servants: Too much talk, not enough action. Attentive to the needs around us.
Teachers: If people could understand, they would know and live in the Truth...
Encouragement: Boost morale through words and environmental enhancements.
“Needs of others”: Financial stuff and generosity
Leadership: This is a trippy one. The author refers to administrative leadership, but I don’t quite agree with that…leadership isn’t that narrow, but everyone has their own opinion I guess.
Mercy: Stands with the people who needs to be stood with, empathetic identification as a tool.
So with this, each person’s place in a support network is different depending on which attributes (sounds almost like one of those personality tests. lol) they have from this list I guess. But my defense seems to falter before your argument…
In order to encourage sharing and break the silence, someone has to be willing to stand against the river first. Once someone triggers it all, others feel more comfortable to share. The whole atmospheric trust factor is still in play, but this is a pretty big thing.
“Concerning [Paul’s thorn] I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians12.8-10 (NKJV)
When Paul talked about his struggles, it is so that when he overcomes it, he knows for sure it is not his own abilities that he overcame it. So that when people look at him, they will also know it was not Paul that overcame it. But if people don’t know about the struggles…you meant this to be a community thing, didn’t you? To encourage sharing, to build group trust, to pray together and to praise, all in one motion. We're targetting different things, intending different things, with different kinds of people. But whereas when I cheer, it is only myself, and at best my network. But when you cheer, it is with your group and your community.
“I have seen that kind converted, when those would think less deeply damned have gone back. Those that hate goodness are sometimes nearer than those that know nothing at all about it and think they have it already.” – The Teacher Spirit, in reference to the Lost that mocked Heaven (Great Divorce, by CS Lewis) ... Luke 7.40-43
Sunday, February 04, 2007
CCF - Looking Ahead
Could that be consider collision event? This method of catigorizing is starting to fail a bit...
Yesterday, I had the oppotunity to chat with three different people, all about S07's CCF...In the wee hours of the morning, we've decided we need to do something. At noon, I have a better idea of the things I need to do. By night, I more or less received a "GO!" order...I think over the day, I covered alot of territory, but not much seems to come to mind now, except for a few abstract thoughts and notions...
I've been wondering about this whole support network thing. It seems like such an important concept, but of the people I want to extend into, it seems so...not there. And they're getting along...fine-ish I guess...is it really necessary? Have I been yapping about an incorrect theory? Can't seem to figure out an answer for this one...
ACF plays intermural volleyball, similiar to how CCF has intermural hockey. One person was telling me that how she plays volleyball is how is she is in life; sometimes hesitant, but when she goes for it (doing something that she sees needs to be done), it all turns out alright. I guess I got thinking about hockey...watching ACF play is the closest thing I can get to team sports, so... I think the collectivist mentality is getting to me. It's probably an Asian thing...
I dunno. I've managed to draw lines between hockey and life as well. Like if you stop training, you lose all the muscles you've built. Or how scoring could be either skills or fluke. Or how I can't pass or recieve. Oyy...
Hundreds of thoughts. No words. Makes blogging a little difficult. I guess I'll end with a verse that's been on my mind lately...
I can do all things, through Him who gives me strength - Phil4.13 (Some hybrid mix between NIV and NKJV...)
Kind of looking forward to Summer term. Kind of not. Wondering...will we learn enough to stand when our time comes? Or...is our time now already, and we're doing nothing more but playing catch-up?
Yesterday, I had the oppotunity to chat with three different people, all about S07's CCF...In the wee hours of the morning, we've decided we need to do something. At noon, I have a better idea of the things I need to do. By night, I more or less received a "GO!" order...I think over the day, I covered alot of territory, but not much seems to come to mind now, except for a few abstract thoughts and notions...
I've been wondering about this whole support network thing. It seems like such an important concept, but of the people I want to extend into, it seems so...not there. And they're getting along...fine-ish I guess...is it really necessary? Have I been yapping about an incorrect theory? Can't seem to figure out an answer for this one...
ACF plays intermural volleyball, similiar to how CCF has intermural hockey. One person was telling me that how she plays volleyball is how is she is in life; sometimes hesitant, but when she goes for it (doing something that she sees needs to be done), it all turns out alright. I guess I got thinking about hockey...watching ACF play is the closest thing I can get to team sports, so... I think the collectivist mentality is getting to me. It's probably an Asian thing...
I dunno. I've managed to draw lines between hockey and life as well. Like if you stop training, you lose all the muscles you've built. Or how scoring could be either skills or fluke. Or how I can't pass or recieve. Oyy...
Hundreds of thoughts. No words. Makes blogging a little difficult. I guess I'll end with a verse that's been on my mind lately...
I can do all things, through Him who gives me strength - Phil4.13 (Some hybrid mix between NIV and NKJV...)
Kind of looking forward to Summer term. Kind of not. Wondering...will we learn enough to stand when our time comes? Or...is our time now already, and we're doing nothing more but playing catch-up?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)