Sorry, I seemed to have forgotten all the songs you've taught me...except this one. Is this one...enough? I should get this tuned up. Maybe I can play again for you, someday.
1. Why are you a Christian?
2. Who is your god?
3. Why do you do the things you do?
- Sermon on the Mount
- "Christianity is a relationship"...how well do you understand that?
- To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices. - Mark 12.33 (NIV)
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Winter Retreat
When I first accepted the position as coordinator for CCF's coming Winter Retreat, I had actually thought it was going to be okay. Sure, I know it's crazy and that the responsibility of 80+ Christians' spiritual life for those two days now rest in my hands. As I struggle with trying to come up with a solid focus to base the Retreat around...more and more I realize my inadequacy. More and more I realize that I'm much more further away than I thought I was. And the more I realize how much is REALLY at stake...it's a good thing I'm not training to be a pastor...
"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters.
"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
- Matthew 5.17-20 (NIV)
This early segment to Sermon on the Mount points out two things.
1. The OT is not invalid. The Laws are important, and are to followed. Whatever Christ and anyone else says, is to be built upon and understood with the Law. Understand the Law.
2. Just being like the Pharisees is not enough. A while ago, I was given some background on the Pharisees ("set apart")...this group of people rose after the Exiles returned to Jerusalem after the Babylonian conquest. Realizing that idolatry was what caused God's anger, these people vowed to never break God's Laws again, and set themselves and others to follow. Over time, they lost the meaning of what they were doing, and simply followed the rules, believing that it was enough. Following the Law is not enough.
Much of the Sermon on the Mount goes into explaining the meanings behind the Law...and what it will take to surpass the legalists. But here's a key...this Christian living that Christ is calling us...is attainable by non-Christians. Not keep grudges, avoiding lustful situations...not divorcing or swearing oaths...helping the needy, being humble about doing a good deed...it's HARD. But it's not impossible. And a non-Christian can do these. A non-Christian can surpass a Pharisee.
1. The OT is not invalid. The Laws are important, and are to followed. Whatever Christ and anyone else says, is to be built upon and understood with the Law. Understand the Law.
2. Just being like the Pharisees is not enough. A while ago, I was given some background on the Pharisees ("set apart")...this group of people rose after the Exiles returned to Jerusalem after the Babylonian conquest. Realizing that idolatry was what caused God's anger, these people vowed to never break God's Laws again, and set themselves and others to follow. Over time, they lost the meaning of what they were doing, and simply followed the rules, believing that it was enough. Following the Law is not enough.
Much of the Sermon on the Mount goes into explaining the meanings behind the Law...and what it will take to surpass the legalists. But here's a key...this Christian living that Christ is calling us...is attainable by non-Christians. Not keep grudges, avoiding lustful situations...not divorcing or swearing oaths...helping the needy, being humble about doing a good deed...it's HARD. But it's not impossible. And a non-Christian can do these. A non-Christian can surpass a Pharisee.
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
- Matthew 7.21-23 (NIV)
He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters.
- Matthew 12.30 (NIV)
I've often heard that there's no such thing as the lukewarm Christian. You're either all for Christ...or you might as well not bother. The full weight of the Matthew 7 passage is starting to dawn on me...everything in the Law are actions. The Sermon on the Mount builds upon the Law, and therefore as also actions. "Lord, Lord", prophesizing, driving out demons and miracles are all actions.
I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
- John 14.6b (NIV)
Actions are not what gets someone to Heaven. Christ stated that He is the only way. What does that mean?
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
- Luke 10.41-42 (NIV)
It is not action then, but "choosing what is better"...that is, to follow Christ. The very word "Christian", meaning Christ-follower, is what sets us apart from non-Christians. Actions can be imitated. Following Christ cannot. What then, does it mean to follow Christ?
Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
- Luke 14.25-26 (NIV)
...what?! Surly Christ didn't mean what He said. That's a direct violation of 5th Commandment! Of course He meant what He said. Christ would not lie. What He meant was...you must love Him so much that everything else...including your relationship with your own family, seems like hatred in comparison. He is NOT saying go hate your family.
I've often heard that Christianity is not about following rules. Yet when we hear about people dating non-Christians...or premarital sexual relationships...or prideful boasting and verbose liars...we first instincts is to gasp. We have become the Pharisees. I've done my best to keep the 10 Commandments. But I have broken every single point of the Sermon on the Mount. I can't recall the last time someone accused me of being a bad Christian. Why would they? I've got enough biblical knowledge to back up my actions. I can pray long and elaborately. I've served as everything from a background AV techie to a member of the CCF Executive Committee. But as a Pharisee...when times are hard, I will falter. Just like how when I don't have my CCF, I will falter.
I hear these words so often that it has lost its meaning. No deeds of your hands will earn you Heaven. Or...it is by the Grace of God that you are saved. Or even In the name of Christ Jesus I pray...
And so here I stand, looking at this vast field. How do I even start? What does it mean to follow after Christ for me? Ignoring all the stuff about the parable of the talent and using what I was given...for that too is merely action. I can ask people to think. But unless we can change hearts...nothing will change. Even though I'm not there yet, I must teach.
CCF, this is your Winter Retreat Coordinator talking. I don't know what we're doing. I broke my Butterfly and need a new Eaglehorn. I've got my Quarterstaff, but an Eaglehorn is much harder to find. What do I do? What do I do...
I've often heard that Christianity is not about following rules. Yet when we hear about people dating non-Christians...or premarital sexual relationships...or prideful boasting and verbose liars...we first instincts is to gasp. We have become the Pharisees. I've done my best to keep the 10 Commandments. But I have broken every single point of the Sermon on the Mount. I can't recall the last time someone accused me of being a bad Christian. Why would they? I've got enough biblical knowledge to back up my actions. I can pray long and elaborately. I've served as everything from a background AV techie to a member of the CCF Executive Committee. But as a Pharisee...when times are hard, I will falter. Just like how when I don't have my CCF, I will falter.
I hear these words so often that it has lost its meaning. No deeds of your hands will earn you Heaven. Or...it is by the Grace of God that you are saved. Or even In the name of Christ Jesus I pray...
And so here I stand, looking at this vast field. How do I even start? What does it mean to follow after Christ for me? Ignoring all the stuff about the parable of the talent and using what I was given...for that too is merely action. I can ask people to think. But unless we can change hearts...nothing will change. Even though I'm not there yet, I must teach.
CCF, this is your Winter Retreat Coordinator talking. I don't know what we're doing. I broke my Butterfly and need a new Eaglehorn. I've got my Quarterstaff, but an Eaglehorn is much harder to find. What do I do? What do I do...
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
United we stand
In high school, I took IB Social, known more properly as World History. There, we learned about mobs who, during the French Revolution, would eventually storm the Bastille in 1789 and form the National Assembly that will lead to the 1st French Republic. It was this same mob who blamed the poor conditions of 18th century France on the unaware King Louis XVI. It was this mob who later collapsed and gave way to the rise of Napoleon.
In university, I took PSYCH101, Introductions to Psychology. There, we learned a mentality known as "groupthink", or the generalized "herd behaviour", where it was observed that 2 brains doesn't necessarily mean it's better than one. With things like Bystander effect, Asch's conformism and Milgrim's obedience at full swing, the "collective intelligence" mutes the voice of the individual.
This behaviour of blindly "following the leader" has caused many problems in the past...but also also been used to achieve great things. With this context established...I have a confession to make.
I am a member of a mob. The name of this mob is CCF. In times of intrafellowship conflict, I fall into the appropriate "correct" side, fighting endlessly over minor issues, whipping out my shiny biblical swords and destroy the shields of the dissidents. On group decisions and program directions, I stand eagerly for the best Christian sounding stuffs, and even openly participated in such behaviours such as prayer meetings and bible studies. God, Bible, Prayer. Great. Lets do it.
As older member graduate, myself and my year have ascended to leadership roles, effectively controlling this group. Over the years, we have learned to do what sounds best, and have begun to lose our original mission. The Bible, what once was an absolute article, is now referred to less and less as other, more sensational activities are suggested. It is now a textbook to be read from, used effectively as stated in 2 Timothy 3 to uphold perceived beliefs. In fact, I'll quote 2 Timothy right now:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
All is not lost, however. As time goes on, members of this mob have realized what has befallen them, and have taken upon themselves to return to the root of things. It is not the "educated" I am saying these things to.
As someone who have been far from the comfortable confines of the University of Waterloo Chinese Christian Fellowship, I'm effectively a one-man mob. Cut off from my sources, I could do little. This fact has lead me to question...if Christianity is merely a group mentality, a collective community...what is it outside of Waterloo? Where we don't have scores of like minded people, spurring us onward? Where I can't walk into SLC and expect someone to have saved a seat for me? Or able to just stroll into someone else's house, looking for a latenight chat or the answer to my latest theological crisis?
For those of you who have recently spoken with me, I've said over and over...this term, it felt like I've done much in His name, but not necessarily for Him. Indeed, serving in the Choir, attending fellowship...all these were because they seemed like the right thing to do. When met with difficulties, in particular, having to speak to Christians and non-Christians alike with non-bibical terms...the sense of security comes crashing down. I no longer can relentlessly beat down dissidents with "absolute truth"...no, I must now adapt to their language, and reach them on their terms.
This was not meant to be an attack on the establishment. I call CCF my home. This was more of a reflection...at CC last year, I heard about the concept of the "empty lighthouse", where the original missions of the campus christian fellowships, naming to learn and to grow, and to reach out, are losing their original purposes, and are utilizing "new and innovative" ways to achieve its mandate, ignoring the fact that we ourselves are not able to answer more, once we bring them in. Judge for yourself. When was the last time you've thought hard at a CCF event (I know at least one ex-PC is reading this...not an attack against the programs =P)? When's the last time you believe in prayer? Think back the last time you held the door open for someone you didn't know...then ask yourself this popular saying: WWJD?
If your answer to that was "shove 50 pounds of theology down the person's throat", I'd suggest you try again. To the best of my recall, and correct me if I'm wrong, Christ did not force anyone to believe His words. CCF's winter theme verse is this:
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
In university, I took PSYCH101, Introductions to Psychology. There, we learned a mentality known as "groupthink", or the generalized "herd behaviour", where it was observed that 2 brains doesn't necessarily mean it's better than one. With things like Bystander effect, Asch's conformism and Milgrim's obedience at full swing, the "collective intelligence" mutes the voice of the individual.
This behaviour of blindly "following the leader" has caused many problems in the past...but also also been used to achieve great things. With this context established...I have a confession to make.
I am a member of a mob. The name of this mob is CCF. In times of intrafellowship conflict, I fall into the appropriate "correct" side, fighting endlessly over minor issues, whipping out my shiny biblical swords and destroy the shields of the dissidents. On group decisions and program directions, I stand eagerly for the best Christian sounding stuffs, and even openly participated in such behaviours such as prayer meetings and bible studies. God, Bible, Prayer. Great. Lets do it.
As older member graduate, myself and my year have ascended to leadership roles, effectively controlling this group. Over the years, we have learned to do what sounds best, and have begun to lose our original mission. The Bible, what once was an absolute article, is now referred to less and less as other, more sensational activities are suggested. It is now a textbook to be read from, used effectively as stated in 2 Timothy 3 to uphold perceived beliefs. In fact, I'll quote 2 Timothy right now:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
- 2 Timothy 3.16-17 (NIV)
All is not lost, however. As time goes on, members of this mob have realized what has befallen them, and have taken upon themselves to return to the root of things. It is not the "educated" I am saying these things to.
As someone who have been far from the comfortable confines of the University of Waterloo Chinese Christian Fellowship, I'm effectively a one-man mob. Cut off from my sources, I could do little. This fact has lead me to question...if Christianity is merely a group mentality, a collective community...what is it outside of Waterloo? Where we don't have scores of like minded people, spurring us onward? Where I can't walk into SLC and expect someone to have saved a seat for me? Or able to just stroll into someone else's house, looking for a latenight chat or the answer to my latest theological crisis?
For those of you who have recently spoken with me, I've said over and over...this term, it felt like I've done much in His name, but not necessarily for Him. Indeed, serving in the Choir, attending fellowship...all these were because they seemed like the right thing to do. When met with difficulties, in particular, having to speak to Christians and non-Christians alike with non-bibical terms...the sense of security comes crashing down. I no longer can relentlessly beat down dissidents with "absolute truth"...no, I must now adapt to their language, and reach them on their terms.
This was not meant to be an attack on the establishment. I call CCF my home. This was more of a reflection...at CC last year, I heard about the concept of the "empty lighthouse", where the original missions of the campus christian fellowships, naming to learn and to grow, and to reach out, are losing their original purposes, and are utilizing "new and innovative" ways to achieve its mandate, ignoring the fact that we ourselves are not able to answer more, once we bring them in. Judge for yourself. When was the last time you've thought hard at a CCF event (I know at least one ex-PC is reading this...not an attack against the programs =P)? When's the last time you believe in prayer? Think back the last time you held the door open for someone you didn't know...then ask yourself this popular saying: WWJD?
If your answer to that was "shove 50 pounds of theology down the person's throat", I'd suggest you try again. To the best of my recall, and correct me if I'm wrong, Christ did not force anyone to believe His words. CCF's winter theme verse is this:
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
- Revelation 3:20 (NIV)
I won't ask you if you've been knocking. I'll ask you...do you know how to open the door? And do you know the Person who is knocking? I'm sorry Lord, for the things I've made this. It's quite true, in unity we stand. I'm all for unity, as I consider myself a member of two different fellowships. But even when we're united, we're not strong...imagine how weak we are when we are divided...
There comes a point where no theological theory will help you. When you are standing at a place, where there is no CCF leader to tell you to check out some said passage and defend yourself with it...I've blasted the situation pretty hard, and I'm guilty of all these too. I didn't memorize those verses or know their context. I've just read them before and they sound like they fit here. I'll sign off with this thought...
Faith comes from God. But to approach God, one needs faith. What's the answer to this chicken-and-egg situation? I don't know, and don't tell me if you do, because there's no one magic way to interact with God. Just as I speak to everyone a little differently, God will speak with everyone a little differently. No church or fellowship can truly hand you an answer. To be a Christian, you must be a Christ follower. Everything else...the seat saving, the door opening, the fellowship parties, the Bible studies, the prayer meetings...have no meaning until you understand that. Do tell me if you're there...because every Christian is instrumental to bring the "Christians" to Christ.
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
There comes a point where no theological theory will help you. When you are standing at a place, where there is no CCF leader to tell you to check out some said passage and defend yourself with it...I've blasted the situation pretty hard, and I'm guilty of all these too. I didn't memorize those verses or know their context. I've just read them before and they sound like they fit here. I'll sign off with this thought...
Faith comes from God. But to approach God, one needs faith. What's the answer to this chicken-and-egg situation? I don't know, and don't tell me if you do, because there's no one magic way to interact with God. Just as I speak to everyone a little differently, God will speak with everyone a little differently. No church or fellowship can truly hand you an answer. To be a Christian, you must be a Christ follower. Everything else...the seat saving, the door opening, the fellowship parties, the Bible studies, the prayer meetings...have no meaning until you understand that. Do tell me if you're there...because every Christian is instrumental to bring the "Christians" to Christ.
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
- Matthew 7:21 (NIV)
Monday, November 26, 2007
Empathy
I think I've said this before, that empathy and ability to relate ranks among my top tools when I'm playing the listener and giving advice. Tonight I got in a discussion where I had to reach into some of my older, more sensitive stories. Stories that involve other people and places I've been. Of the damage I've done and the choas I've rendered. From the reaction, I wonder if I've done the right things, placing trust in someone that I want to trust, but don't know all that well, in my attempt to help this person deal with her problems...
Am I too naive, to believe that it will always end well? Or am I just being paranoid, that I must stop this river once again...God, I can't tell if you're telling me to throw these seeds here...or me, in my pride, have chosen to throw them here...in hopes to gain a foothold in this place I call home.
These thoughts reminds me of the sermon I heard this morning, about this little part of Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5.21-32) ... of how past conflicts will need to be resolved one day, that we should "leave our gifts at the alter" and run to fix broken relationships. It could be something simple like a 10-year-old stealing a really cool chapstick...to a guy trying to find his place in life, slashing and burning his way through. Of all the damages I've left with these hands, with my words, with my lack of thought and my insensitivity...I wonder how much of them are fixed? How much of them are still fixable? And how much of them are forever out of my hands, just between them and the God who picked me off the side of the street at one gr4 morning...
It's such a funny feeling. Sometimes one sees situations so clear that he can no longer say "I don't know"...I'm at that place again. Would I rather to be able to blame ignorance? No, of course not. I will always hesitate with the insight I've been given...complain about the ones I'm not...and wonder where I'm standing now and how it relates to where I once was...to where I will soon one day be.
Am I too naive, to believe that it will always end well? Or am I just being paranoid, that I must stop this river once again...God, I can't tell if you're telling me to throw these seeds here...or me, in my pride, have chosen to throw them here...in hopes to gain a foothold in this place I call home.
These thoughts reminds me of the sermon I heard this morning, about this little part of Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5.21-32) ... of how past conflicts will need to be resolved one day, that we should "leave our gifts at the alter" and run to fix broken relationships. It could be something simple like a 10-year-old stealing a really cool chapstick...to a guy trying to find his place in life, slashing and burning his way through. Of all the damages I've left with these hands, with my words, with my lack of thought and my insensitivity...I wonder how much of them are fixed? How much of them are still fixable? And how much of them are forever out of my hands, just between them and the God who picked me off the side of the street at one gr4 morning...
It's such a funny feeling. Sometimes one sees situations so clear that he can no longer say "I don't know"...I'm at that place again. Would I rather to be able to blame ignorance? No, of course not. I will always hesitate with the insight I've been given...complain about the ones I'm not...and wonder where I'm standing now and how it relates to where I once was...to where I will soon one day be.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
cold...
I wonder if Calgary was always this cold. Maybe being able to walk from building to building via tunnels and bridges in Waterloo spoiled me. =P Bah...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Medicine by design
A friend of mine has the words "Quest for Immorality" in her MSN name. I started laughing. She was one of those people who read Harry Potter and thought alchemy was cool and whatnot (if you're not familiar with your Pb-to-Au stories...=P). But since Saturday, those words took a slightly different meaning...
This weekend, we attended a seminar series based on vision loss and the current research progress. I wasn't planning on going, but she listed off a few of the seminar topics, one which caught my attention immediately. The research into the mind-machine interface.
I think I'm really fortunate to have a set dream like I do. This weekend, as I was listening to Dr Syed go on about brain cells growing on Si chips and how they're probing from signals to and from the cells...I was like wow. This is biomed engg (BME) at work...the stuff I want to be doing! And so at the end, he gave us a inspirational speech about research and doing stuff not for money but become immortalized through your work like the great scientists in the past...
I think, between my random visits up to Unit 100 and seeing the stroke patients just sitting in beds...or reading of stories of how BME devices like the pacemaker or the heart-lung machine helped many many people...I realized we really still have a long way to go. A long way before we can produce a mechanical replacement for the human heart. Before we can regenerate a spinal cord.
To many, the heart is something that's there. You don't think much of it, it just works. To others, it's a fully automated pump, pushing thousands of litres of blood around. To others, it is a critical piece that's keeping them alive. This is the mechanical description of what it takes to replace a human heart (my explanations in brackets):
The device had to be durable enought to beat 40 million times a year, for at least two to three years (I have no idea how much punishment a car takes...some mechie needs to help me here). It had to be nontoxic and made of materials that could survive the corrosive saline environment of the human body (salt and water, which is what saline is, rusts common metals, destroying the machine). It had to pump blood at a velocity and volume roughly similar to those of a normal heart, which averages between 6 to 10 liters per minute (a toilet moves around 6 litres per flush. Imagine flushing a toliet every minute. lol). It had to pump blood without damaging delicate red blood cells (I've never stuck my hand in a toliet before, but I'm pretty it's pretty turbulent there...). It had to have an ample supply of power and, perhaps most critical, had to sit in the body and do its work without causing blood clots, which could be fatal (traveling bloodclots gets stuck in smaller arteries, which could cause strokes).
Amusingly, I know better the biological aspect to this than the mechanical or electrical aspect. It's crazy how complicated this 0.35kg piece of muscle is. But then, that's cuz God is a crazy engineer. We've done much to advance medicine. But we still have a long ways to go. As I write this, I'm remembering that poster I saw in the BHSc cafe...People are warzones. And no one said this is going to be an easy war. Somewhere, this Book tells me I need to be fighting for people's hearts. Wouldn't it be crazy if we can offer them new ones in exchange for their broken ones?
lol. Having worked in the lab for almost two terms now, I know the field isn't this glorious. But the reward is great. It's great indeed. I wonder how much Christian BMEs, doctors, nurses, researchers, physiotherapists, psychiatrists, councilors...etc...are out there...knowing that we're trying to not only fight for their physical and mental life, but also their spiritual ones too.
This weekend, we attended a seminar series based on vision loss and the current research progress. I wasn't planning on going, but she listed off a few of the seminar topics, one which caught my attention immediately. The research into the mind-machine interface.
I think I'm really fortunate to have a set dream like I do. This weekend, as I was listening to Dr Syed go on about brain cells growing on Si chips and how they're probing from signals to and from the cells...I was like wow. This is biomed engg (BME) at work...the stuff I want to be doing! And so at the end, he gave us a inspirational speech about research and doing stuff not for money but become immortalized through your work like the great scientists in the past...
I think, between my random visits up to Unit 100 and seeing the stroke patients just sitting in beds...or reading of stories of how BME devices like the pacemaker or the heart-lung machine helped many many people...I realized we really still have a long way to go. A long way before we can produce a mechanical replacement for the human heart. Before we can regenerate a spinal cord.
To many, the heart is something that's there. You don't think much of it, it just works. To others, it's a fully automated pump, pushing thousands of litres of blood around. To others, it is a critical piece that's keeping them alive. This is the mechanical description of what it takes to replace a human heart (my explanations in brackets):
The device had to be durable enought to beat 40 million times a year, for at least two to three years (I have no idea how much punishment a car takes...some mechie needs to help me here). It had to be nontoxic and made of materials that could survive the corrosive saline environment of the human body (salt and water, which is what saline is, rusts common metals, destroying the machine). It had to pump blood at a velocity and volume roughly similar to those of a normal heart, which averages between 6 to 10 liters per minute (a toilet moves around 6 litres per flush. Imagine flushing a toliet every minute. lol). It had to pump blood without damaging delicate red blood cells (I've never stuck my hand in a toliet before, but I'm pretty it's pretty turbulent there...). It had to have an ample supply of power and, perhaps most critical, had to sit in the body and do its work without causing blood clots, which could be fatal (traveling bloodclots gets stuck in smaller arteries, which could cause strokes).
- Medicine by Design by Fen Montaigne
Amusingly, I know better the biological aspect to this than the mechanical or electrical aspect. It's crazy how complicated this 0.35kg piece of muscle is. But then, that's cuz God is a crazy engineer. We've done much to advance medicine. But we still have a long ways to go. As I write this, I'm remembering that poster I saw in the BHSc cafe...People are warzones. And no one said this is going to be an easy war. Somewhere, this Book tells me I need to be fighting for people's hearts. Wouldn't it be crazy if we can offer them new ones in exchange for their broken ones?
lol. Having worked in the lab for almost two terms now, I know the field isn't this glorious. But the reward is great. It's great indeed. I wonder how much Christian BMEs, doctors, nurses, researchers, physiotherapists, psychiatrists, councilors...etc...are out there...knowing that we're trying to not only fight for their physical and mental life, but also their spiritual ones too.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Shishihadouken
A squad of Protoss Scout units pulled in loosely in delta formation, hovering slowly over the twilight planet of Sharkuas. On the ground, a platoon of Protoss Zealots marched on, weary of any hidden Zerg threat. It was all quiet, except for the hum of the engines and the footsteps on the rock...then...
The air exploded into action, as a swarm of Zerg Mutalisks appeared. The Scouts scatted formation, and began to bombard the incoming swarm with its powerful Antimatter missles...On the ground, the Zealots were greeted by countless amounts of Zerglings and Hydralisks. For Auir! The Zealots powered up and ran towards the Zerg. Before the first of the Protoss touched the first of the Zerg, three Protoss Reavers, hidden by some rocks, fired. Scarabs exploding everywhere, the Zealots leaped into the fray, unconcerned with the overwhelming Zerg numbers. They were right to be confident, for the Scouts have held off the Mutalisks long enough for the reinforcements to arrive: several powerful Archon units disembarked from a handful of Shuttles. With a flicker of their powerful Psionic shockwaves, the battlefield was quiet again. Protoss victory.
The Protoss band has finally reached their destination...one of the Scouts landed, revealing that its pilot was none other than the Praetor Artanis. He ran into the Xel'Naga temple, just to see he was not alone. Zeratul was already there, the Khalis was already in position. They nod to each other, then Artanis took out his own precious cargo. The Uraj Crystal. He tapped into his psionic link to Command Core, and felt a nod from the Executor, an indication that he is listening.
The Uraj is secure. We are ready.
Those of you who plays StarCraft would have no doubt recognize this as the last Protoss mission in Brood Wars, where the Remnants of Auir and the Warband of the Matriarch hide in the Xel'Naga temple and torches all Zerg lifeforms. No Zerg even got near the Temple, with my thick Cannon and Carrier defense. I even took out two hive clusters in that 20 minutes. Feels pretty good.
Why am I writing about a videogame? Cuz SC2 is coming out (hopeful for a workterm release...I can pretty much write off a month of that workterm if that happens =P) and it looks pretty sweet. But that's just the gamer side of me showing itself.
Sometimes, the battles and situations we deal with is just that straightforward. There is a clean-cut problem. We get a solution. We implement it. It works...or not. Then we go at it again.
Sometimes, the battles and solutions we deal with is just not straightforward. The problem is hard to isolate, if isolate-able at all. Because of that, we can't derive a straightforward solution.
Some days, it's crystal clear. Some days, it's just heavy fog. On a rainy day like this, don't you wish you had bankai too?
lol. I was reading a blog of a programmer, commenting on how project managers get paid loads. He said he wouldn't want to be a PM though. Code (usually) does what you tell it to do. People arin't predictable like that. haa...maybe I'm just rambling about nothing. It's been a long day.
The air exploded into action, as a swarm of Zerg Mutalisks appeared. The Scouts scatted formation, and began to bombard the incoming swarm with its powerful Antimatter missles...On the ground, the Zealots were greeted by countless amounts of Zerglings and Hydralisks. For Auir! The Zealots powered up and ran towards the Zerg. Before the first of the Protoss touched the first of the Zerg, three Protoss Reavers, hidden by some rocks, fired. Scarabs exploding everywhere, the Zealots leaped into the fray, unconcerned with the overwhelming Zerg numbers. They were right to be confident, for the Scouts have held off the Mutalisks long enough for the reinforcements to arrive: several powerful Archon units disembarked from a handful of Shuttles. With a flicker of their powerful Psionic shockwaves, the battlefield was quiet again. Protoss victory.
The Protoss band has finally reached their destination...one of the Scouts landed, revealing that its pilot was none other than the Praetor Artanis. He ran into the Xel'Naga temple, just to see he was not alone. Zeratul was already there, the Khalis was already in position. They nod to each other, then Artanis took out his own precious cargo. The Uraj Crystal. He tapped into his psionic link to Command Core, and felt a nod from the Executor, an indication that he is listening.
The Uraj is secure. We are ready.
Those of you who plays StarCraft would have no doubt recognize this as the last Protoss mission in Brood Wars, where the Remnants of Auir and the Warband of the Matriarch hide in the Xel'Naga temple and torches all Zerg lifeforms. No Zerg even got near the Temple, with my thick Cannon and Carrier defense. I even took out two hive clusters in that 20 minutes. Feels pretty good.
Why am I writing about a videogame? Cuz SC2 is coming out (hopeful for a workterm release...I can pretty much write off a month of that workterm if that happens =P) and it looks pretty sweet. But that's just the gamer side of me showing itself.
Sometimes, the battles and situations we deal with is just that straightforward. There is a clean-cut problem. We get a solution. We implement it. It works...or not. Then we go at it again.
Sometimes, the battles and solutions we deal with is just not straightforward. The problem is hard to isolate, if isolate-able at all. Because of that, we can't derive a straightforward solution.
Some days, it's crystal clear. Some days, it's just heavy fog. On a rainy day like this, don't you wish you had bankai too?
lol. I was reading a blog of a programmer, commenting on how project managers get paid loads. He said he wouldn't want to be a PM though. Code (usually) does what you tell it to do. People arin't predictable like that. haa...maybe I'm just rambling about nothing. It's been a long day.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Nonlinear regression
I have realized that I've been thinking about certain issues in too much of a linear fashion. Sometimes, things are revealed as you reach a point where you both care enough for it, and are at the cognitive level to understand it. A slightly shift in perspectives makes one a little more patient to annoying habits.
So I was skating this weekend while listening to my MD. I don't actually remember putting this song on, but "Awesome God" from VBS (a rather tribal remix of "Our God is an awesome God", complete with hand actions and stomping, which I almost started doing on reflex in the Oval -_-) started playing. Which was pretty cool, as that moment, the setting sun was positioned in a way that massive amounts of sunlight came pouring through the highwall windows onto the ice. Plus the ice was recently flooded, so it was all good. (y)
It's been a good reminder...of how I'm only capable of thinking inside the box. But God doesn't live in this box, does He? My linear extrapolations in a 3D world tells me a great deal of things to assume. But only a handful of them are true. At the C4C apologetics seminar on saturday, the speaker pointed out that there are still many things that cannot be proven by nonchristian sources. Many things are...but many are not. Those remaining segments requires a leap of faith. And if you've managed to extrapolate that our God indeed is an awesome God, I think that may be among the few handful of assumptions we can accurately make.
So I was skating this weekend while listening to my MD. I don't actually remember putting this song on, but "Awesome God" from VBS (a rather tribal remix of "Our God is an awesome God", complete with hand actions and stomping, which I almost started doing on reflex in the Oval -_-) started playing. Which was pretty cool, as that moment, the setting sun was positioned in a way that massive amounts of sunlight came pouring through the highwall windows onto the ice. Plus the ice was recently flooded, so it was all good. (y)
It's been a good reminder...of how I'm only capable of thinking inside the box. But God doesn't live in this box, does He? My linear extrapolations in a 3D world tells me a great deal of things to assume. But only a handful of them are true. At the C4C apologetics seminar on saturday, the speaker pointed out that there are still many things that cannot be proven by nonchristian sources. Many things are...but many are not. Those remaining segments requires a leap of faith. And if you've managed to extrapolate that our God indeed is an awesome God, I think that may be among the few handful of assumptions we can accurately make.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Snow in Calgary...
My name is Jonathan. I'm in 3rd year, Engineering.
Suddenly remember the introductions we made back at the start of the term, at fellowship. That is what I would've said, if I was at CCF...or ACF or whatever. However much difficulty we're subjected to, however much I tell people I feel no urge to advertise for my school, being a student is just so ingrained into my life right now. It feels odd to just go around the circle and just saying your name. How are we able to make a connection with just a name?
---
This body is my house - it is not I.
In triumphant faith, I live and die.
While on break, I went strolling the other day and ended up at the Cancer Centre. I wandered into the library, where a Chicken Soup book caught my eye. Well, reading other people's stories is a form of listening, right? With the people who had recently suffered cancer loses in mind, I started reading. I don't think I really got much out of it, I suppose it was meant to be emotional and it was a little too late in the day to be emotional. But I did come across that quote, which stood out for some reason. For someone who gets sick easily, I guess it's good to be reminded that this form here really isn't mine, but just another asset granted to me...
-- -
No, that wasn't what I did...
So I asked someone about a particular ill-informed (read: stupid) decision he made a few weeks back. When I heard about it, I thought it was stupid. All members involved thought it was stupid. He pretty much got everyone involved mad, so I just wanted to know what he was thinking.
Not much, apparently. His version of the story was totally different, and he was convinced he didn't do anything wrong. I remember getting annoyed at my PDEng A2 because the marker, who obviously understood my paper, which was really straightforward, yet pointed out random bits like "what argument?" and "what research", when I was referring to it in the sentence above and below. He said that just because it may be obvious to you (the writer), doesn't mean the readers will understand it the same way. I guess my marker's point was totally proven here. lol. I learned something from PDEng. What do you know...
Frustrating? Yes, very. We're both stuck thinking the way we do and assuming that everyone else thinks the same, not for a moment considering that people might be different, just because the majority of the people we hang out with happen to think the same way *cough* CCF *cough*... ... ... =P
- --
At Fuji, it is standard culture to greet someone on the streets as you walk pass them. When you are done and walk back the way you came, it is expected that you greet them again...it was a bit annoying at first, but they understood something that us New Yorkers ignored: that you can't walk pass someone without sharing something with that person, even if only for a moment. It's that human connection...
Read that in an article another day. I guess I was reminded of this when I had to go pick up a package from the post office last night. The person behind the counter wasn't looking too happy, I guess the current customer was a bit difficult. Feeling tired, I just wanted to get my package and go...but once it's my turn to come up to the counter, the lady smiled at me. Sigh...I don't feel like being cheerful...but I realized that on reflex, I've already returned the gesture. I was once told that smiling releases certain endorphins, so I was able to keep the tiredness out of my voice, and made the visit slightly more pleasant than what it could've been. Not bad for a 3 second smile, no?
- - -
Choose your destiny...
So I copied a few songs with me so I don't go crazy at work...you can only tolerate hitting "play" on YouTube videos for so long. One of these songs is the theme songs to Mortal Kombat. So anyways. The people who've actually played MK would recognize the announcer saying that when you're selecting your character. Which leads me to wonder...those inspirational says (like carpe diem) implies that one can control your own destiny. How does that clash with the Christian idea? lol...wonder where I can find some good solid stuff on predestination...it's an issue I never figured out -_-
---
Estrogen saves. Testosterone kills.
lol. I heard that in lecture the other day. It'll make more sense if you knew the physiological functionalities of estrogen (in women) and testosterone (in men). A little bit of amusement, for those of you who's taken Physiology. In a one sentence summary...estrogen protects nerve cells in women, whereas testosterone encourages aggression in men.
So when I'm paniking about my Chocobo getting owned by a farmer, that's totally the testosterone talking, not the nerdy gamer who's eagerly counting down to the day SC2 is getting released. Haaa...
-- -
...i dunno...i'm just...weird
lol. Sounds familiar? I'm finding that many of the people just stop right there. They say, "oh it's own my fault, somehow or another" and just leave it at that. Cuz thinking is hard. You run around in circles, get nowhere, and wondered why you wasted all that time thinking. You can't get an answer, so you give up, and just blame yourself for whatever. Sometimes...the answers just arint there. I agree it'd be pretty sweet to have uber wisdom...but...that's just a little too out of reach for most of us. Keep at it. Them sudden inspirations and breakthrough moments are pretty cool. lol.
I once had someone tell me, "I want to learn how to think better" (as if I could've provided a lecture -_-). lol. I think this person was a bit annoyed because I would attack her preassumptions about things, and having nothing to say back to me when I ask her the basis of what she thinks. Preassumptions about various people around. About school, career and the future. About the church. Even about ourselves and how we see ourselves. I suppose, when I do stuff like that, it sounds like I've got answers. I don't. I'm simply following up on a lesson I've learned from World History, back in high school. Question your preassumptions. Why do you think the things you do? Why do you think the way you do?... Sorry kid. I've got no answers for you. I can't tell you what courses to take and how they'll impact you. I can't convince you to take this or that career path. But I certainly can't tell you to keep believing the baseless assumptions you've adopted...I can only tell you what I, myself, thinks (however right or wrong they may be...I have people provoking me too. It's how we grow). I can't tell you what to think.
I was once told that I shouldn't tear down someone's point of views without suggesting something better in the first place. So if I got nothing better to suggest, don't say it. That's fine, I can accept that. But if something is totally illogical and baseless, even if you don't have the "correct" answer, isn't it better to point out that they've got the "wrong" answer instead of letting them be?
lol. Antonuk would be proud.
Suddenly remember the introductions we made back at the start of the term, at fellowship. That is what I would've said, if I was at CCF...or ACF or whatever. However much difficulty we're subjected to, however much I tell people I feel no urge to advertise for my school, being a student is just so ingrained into my life right now. It feels odd to just go around the circle and just saying your name. How are we able to make a connection with just a name?
---
This body is my house - it is not I.
In triumphant faith, I live and die.
While on break, I went strolling the other day and ended up at the Cancer Centre. I wandered into the library, where a Chicken Soup book caught my eye. Well, reading other people's stories is a form of listening, right? With the people who had recently suffered cancer loses in mind, I started reading. I don't think I really got much out of it, I suppose it was meant to be emotional and it was a little too late in the day to be emotional. But I did come across that quote, which stood out for some reason. For someone who gets sick easily, I guess it's good to be reminded that this form here really isn't mine, but just another asset granted to me...
-- -
No, that wasn't what I did...
So I asked someone about a particular ill-informed (read: stupid) decision he made a few weeks back. When I heard about it, I thought it was stupid. All members involved thought it was stupid. He pretty much got everyone involved mad, so I just wanted to know what he was thinking.
Not much, apparently. His version of the story was totally different, and he was convinced he didn't do anything wrong. I remember getting annoyed at my PDEng A2 because the marker, who obviously understood my paper, which was really straightforward, yet pointed out random bits like "what argument?" and "what research", when I was referring to it in the sentence above and below. He said that just because it may be obvious to you (the writer), doesn't mean the readers will understand it the same way. I guess my marker's point was totally proven here. lol. I learned something from PDEng. What do you know...
Frustrating? Yes, very. We're both stuck thinking the way we do and assuming that everyone else thinks the same, not for a moment considering that people might be different, just because the majority of the people we hang out with happen to think the same way *cough* CCF *cough*... ... ... =P
- --
At Fuji, it is standard culture to greet someone on the streets as you walk pass them. When you are done and walk back the way you came, it is expected that you greet them again...it was a bit annoying at first, but they understood something that us New Yorkers ignored: that you can't walk pass someone without sharing something with that person, even if only for a moment. It's that human connection...
Read that in an article another day. I guess I was reminded of this when I had to go pick up a package from the post office last night. The person behind the counter wasn't looking too happy, I guess the current customer was a bit difficult. Feeling tired, I just wanted to get my package and go...but once it's my turn to come up to the counter, the lady smiled at me. Sigh...I don't feel like being cheerful...but I realized that on reflex, I've already returned the gesture. I was once told that smiling releases certain endorphins, so I was able to keep the tiredness out of my voice, and made the visit slightly more pleasant than what it could've been. Not bad for a 3 second smile, no?
- - -
Choose your destiny...
So I copied a few songs with me so I don't go crazy at work...you can only tolerate hitting "play" on YouTube videos for so long. One of these songs is the theme songs to Mortal Kombat. So anyways. The people who've actually played MK would recognize the announcer saying that when you're selecting your character. Which leads me to wonder...those inspirational says (like carpe diem) implies that one can control your own destiny. How does that clash with the Christian idea? lol...wonder where I can find some good solid stuff on predestination...it's an issue I never figured out -_-
---
Estrogen saves. Testosterone kills.
lol. I heard that in lecture the other day. It'll make more sense if you knew the physiological functionalities of estrogen (in women) and testosterone (in men). A little bit of amusement, for those of you who's taken Physiology. In a one sentence summary...estrogen protects nerve cells in women, whereas testosterone encourages aggression in men.
So when I'm paniking about my Chocobo getting owned by a farmer, that's totally the testosterone talking, not the nerdy gamer who's eagerly counting down to the day SC2 is getting released. Haaa...
-- -
...i dunno...i'm just...weird
lol. Sounds familiar? I'm finding that many of the people just stop right there. They say, "oh it's own my fault, somehow or another" and just leave it at that. Cuz thinking is hard. You run around in circles, get nowhere, and wondered why you wasted all that time thinking. You can't get an answer, so you give up, and just blame yourself for whatever. Sometimes...the answers just arint there. I agree it'd be pretty sweet to have uber wisdom...but...that's just a little too out of reach for most of us. Keep at it. Them sudden inspirations and breakthrough moments are pretty cool. lol.
I once had someone tell me, "I want to learn how to think better" (as if I could've provided a lecture -_-). lol. I think this person was a bit annoyed because I would attack her preassumptions about things, and having nothing to say back to me when I ask her the basis of what she thinks. Preassumptions about various people around. About school, career and the future. About the church. Even about ourselves and how we see ourselves. I suppose, when I do stuff like that, it sounds like I've got answers. I don't. I'm simply following up on a lesson I've learned from World History, back in high school. Question your preassumptions. Why do you think the things you do? Why do you think the way you do?... Sorry kid. I've got no answers for you. I can't tell you what courses to take and how they'll impact you. I can't convince you to take this or that career path. But I certainly can't tell you to keep believing the baseless assumptions you've adopted...I can only tell you what I, myself, thinks (however right or wrong they may be...I have people provoking me too. It's how we grow). I can't tell you what to think.
I was once told that I shouldn't tear down someone's point of views without suggesting something better in the first place. So if I got nothing better to suggest, don't say it. That's fine, I can accept that. But if something is totally illogical and baseless, even if you don't have the "correct" answer, isn't it better to point out that they've got the "wrong" answer instead of letting them be?
lol. Antonuk would be proud.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Distractions of a good thing
I was reading a friend's entry earlier today, and he referenced Screwtape Letters. That brought to mind a thought I had from a few days ago...
What if I had been wrong all this time...perhaps working to overcome spiritual stagmentations that has been achieved in my life in Calgary wasn't the goal after all. Maybe I'm suppose to advance other aspects. The possibility that I was just suppose to rest and I'm too stuck in Waterloo's "busy busy" mentality, has also been raised before (that it feels weird to do nothing "productive", and that a wasted day is one when you have nothing to show at the end of it).
Maybe I'm suppose to focus on my sciences. I'm doing my BIOL373 course...relatively okay. Slow, but steady, I guess. I've started to attend the UC equivalent of that course, which has been fairly good. I've been to the Health Sciences library a few times, and had some interesting reading. Maybe my tendency to not focus on christian stuff this term is a sign to me that I need to tend to other aspects? I mean...I like this biology stuff. I AM training to eventually become a biomedical engineer, after all...it only make sense that I put some time into these readings and learnings...
I gave that some thought. But how could that be right? That's basically like saying I'm not currently talking to a particular person = I don't care about that person. Would people think that? I would hope that among my friends, no one would make that assumption, especially if I haven't had the time to drop you a line or whatnot...
So similarly...just cuz God doesn't seem to be having a more outstanding presence in my living, it doesn't mean He doesn't want me to lose focus. This knowledge didn't seem to help me focus any more, but it is a loud warning and reminder of how too much focus on good but human thing thing...at the end, it's still just a good and human thing. The pseudo-truths and distractions are plenty, out there.
What if I had been wrong all this time...perhaps working to overcome spiritual stagmentations that has been achieved in my life in Calgary wasn't the goal after all. Maybe I'm suppose to advance other aspects. The possibility that I was just suppose to rest and I'm too stuck in Waterloo's "busy busy" mentality, has also been raised before (that it feels weird to do nothing "productive", and that a wasted day is one when you have nothing to show at the end of it).
Maybe I'm suppose to focus on my sciences. I'm doing my BIOL373 course...relatively okay. Slow, but steady, I guess. I've started to attend the UC equivalent of that course, which has been fairly good. I've been to the Health Sciences library a few times, and had some interesting reading. Maybe my tendency to not focus on christian stuff this term is a sign to me that I need to tend to other aspects? I mean...I like this biology stuff. I AM training to eventually become a biomedical engineer, after all...it only make sense that I put some time into these readings and learnings...
I gave that some thought. But how could that be right? That's basically like saying I'm not currently talking to a particular person = I don't care about that person. Would people think that? I would hope that among my friends, no one would make that assumption, especially if I haven't had the time to drop you a line or whatnot...
So similarly...just cuz God doesn't seem to be having a more outstanding presence in my living, it doesn't mean He doesn't want me to lose focus. This knowledge didn't seem to help me focus any more, but it is a loud warning and reminder of how too much focus on good but human thing thing...at the end, it's still just a good and human thing. The pseudo-truths and distractions are plenty, out there.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Summary
I have realized...it's not with what reality is that makes it so attractive, but the dream and the imagination of what it could be, to the point that I am dreaming and chasing after something that isn't real, because I have already extrolated what is, to what it could be. Is there merit in chasing what doesn't exist, in hopes that it will exist one day?
Today, I'm a little older than 20 years old. If I asked myself, how long is 20 years? I would have to say it's a long time. Because that's all I've experienced. But when I'm 40...would I say the same? I've lived twice that. I've seen twice as much. Could I easily toss 20 years away as if it never happened?
Sometimes, the easiest thing we can do is run. Run from our problems. From other people. From ourselves. From Him. It's easy to do that and say...I'm waiting for something. Something to come along and...chance something else. Hope in something out of your control. Because than you can blame that unknown thing for your current state...for your lack of knowledge. Lack of stamina. Lack of strength. Lack of spiritualty...
We fight the hardest for something if we believe in it the most. Why would anyone spend time and effort towards something they don't care about? But I understand why you're turning away, because I was the exact same way...if I was hearing myself, I would've said the same thing. But how can I make you understand...
It's possible to walk just far enough from the wall to make you forget those chains locking you there. You get used to weight after a while. Eventually you turn around and walk back to where you started, believing you're somewhere else, but you're back here again...that's when you're asking...is it possible to erase these paintings on the way, sometime that you can't hope at scrubbing off yourself, with your heavy chains...
But don't worry. I'm still here. You might not think so, but I'm just here, waiting for you, watching over you. How would you know that? Because I promised...
Today, I'm a little older than 20 years old. If I asked myself, how long is 20 years? I would have to say it's a long time. Because that's all I've experienced. But when I'm 40...would I say the same? I've lived twice that. I've seen twice as much. Could I easily toss 20 years away as if it never happened?
Sometimes, the easiest thing we can do is run. Run from our problems. From other people. From ourselves. From Him. It's easy to do that and say...I'm waiting for something. Something to come along and...chance something else. Hope in something out of your control. Because than you can blame that unknown thing for your current state...for your lack of knowledge. Lack of stamina. Lack of strength. Lack of spiritualty...
We fight the hardest for something if we believe in it the most. Why would anyone spend time and effort towards something they don't care about? But I understand why you're turning away, because I was the exact same way...if I was hearing myself, I would've said the same thing. But how can I make you understand...
It's possible to walk just far enough from the wall to make you forget those chains locking you there. You get used to weight after a while. Eventually you turn around and walk back to where you started, believing you're somewhere else, but you're back here again...that's when you're asking...is it possible to erase these paintings on the way, sometime that you can't hope at scrubbing off yourself, with your heavy chains...
But don't worry. I'm still here. You might not think so, but I'm just here, waiting for you, watching over you. How would you know that? Because I promised...
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Echos
I've realized something. I'm not that crazy after all. I complain and I hear the same things over and over again. People complain and I have to tell them the same things over and over again. And what I say sounds awfully like the things other people tell me.
I was telling someone today...words solves no problems. It only gives you two things. Ideas. And comfort (via listening). Sometimes it would make someone's day. Sometimes it's totally useless. The value of it isn't in the speaker, but in the beholder.
EDIT - Furthering my thoughts. Now that I'm re-reading this, I realize it's not that coherent...ha. What I was trying to get at was...any problem that may be solved by words are done so by the ideas it sparks. But the ideas are interpreted by the listener, depending on that the words mean to the listener. If the words mean nothing, then the listener doesn't benefit from it. So maybe all this is a technicality and a convoluted way of saying nothing. But our surroundings seems to be filled with nothings these days. We just need to be more prefessicent at separating the nothings from the sometimes.
How hard should one hold onto to your ideals? When the enemy hits you at your core, what do you do? Of course, I know the textbook answers. But sometimes questions can't be answered by textbook answers. Sometimes it just doesn't apply. There isn't a cure-all or a skeleton key. I don't think God built a cure-all into the environment. True, there's no cure-all that I can whip out of my pocket...or say to anyone. But I serve One that that created the environment in the first place. That's gotta count for something.
I've got this bookmark, that a friend gave me for my baptismal, so long ago. Help me to remember, Lord, that nothing's gonna happen today that You and I can't handle together. When my faith is being pushed around and my foundation feels like it shaking from under me, help me remember that there is no I in team. But there is a m and an e.
I was telling someone today...words solves no problems. It only gives you two things. Ideas. And comfort (via listening). Sometimes it would make someone's day. Sometimes it's totally useless. The value of it isn't in the speaker, but in the beholder.
EDIT - Furthering my thoughts. Now that I'm re-reading this, I realize it's not that coherent...ha. What I was trying to get at was...any problem that may be solved by words are done so by the ideas it sparks. But the ideas are interpreted by the listener, depending on that the words mean to the listener. If the words mean nothing, then the listener doesn't benefit from it. So maybe all this is a technicality and a convoluted way of saying nothing. But our surroundings seems to be filled with nothings these days. We just need to be more prefessicent at separating the nothings from the sometimes.
How hard should one hold onto to your ideals? When the enemy hits you at your core, what do you do? Of course, I know the textbook answers. But sometimes questions can't be answered by textbook answers. Sometimes it just doesn't apply. There isn't a cure-all or a skeleton key. I don't think God built a cure-all into the environment. True, there's no cure-all that I can whip out of my pocket...or say to anyone. But I serve One that that created the environment in the first place. That's gotta count for something.
I've got this bookmark, that a friend gave me for my baptismal, so long ago. Help me to remember, Lord, that nothing's gonna happen today that You and I can't handle together. When my faith is being pushed around and my foundation feels like it shaking from under me, help me remember that there is no I in team. But there is a m and an e.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Estrogen and Memory in Women
So...the AHFMR hosts weekly seminars in a classroom nearby to my office, so under the influence of my innate nerdy draw to learn random facts, I started attending these seminars regularly (dang. I so could go attend lectures that I'd never see in Waterloo...but I seem to fall asleep in lectures anyway, so...=P).
Anyways...the speaker (Barbara Sherwin of McGill) today was talking about...ahem. "Estrogen and memory in women". I braced myself for a talk about female intelligence and how guys are stupid (a well-established fact, among the circles I run in), but it wasn't like that. =P
The speaker was looking at the effects of estrogen, in women who lacks estrogen production (so postmenopausal women, either natural or surgical) and the impact. Estrogen is known to encourage neuronal dendritic development, with high number of dendritic spines seen at high estrogen levels of the cycle...also seems to help in protecting neurosystems somehow. Overhead MR scans shows increases in frontal lobe activities when comparing a woman receiving estrogen supplements against one that did not, in postmenopausal state.
Further investigation shows that estrogen helps delay the onset of conditions like dementia and especially in working and short-term memory. They conducted trials on women who had surgical-induced menopause (so healthy people, just lack estrogen and...whatever else it is that those female organs...do -_-), and have seen that even short term estrogen (CEE, I believe. Supposely there are different isotypes) helps to slow the degeneration of memory. There seems to be little influence on overall cognitive abilities, however.
The speaker also discussed her Critical Period Hypothesis. Tests have shown that estrogen applied right on the onset of menopause reaps the most amount of benefit of the anti-degeneration (even if it is only short term...which shows only slightly less deprovement when compared to people who has continued to take it, in a ...7? year study), as oppose to if you apply estrogen in later years. So the critical-ness of it is that it needs to be applied right after menopause.
In summary, estrogen seems to play a major role in memory capabilities. Without it, memory capabilities drop a statically large amount. It seems to influence many other aspects of female physiology as well. It has been noted that females with early menopause (average age of normal menopause: 51) due to surgery has increased chances of...alot of stuff. The only one I actually remembered is artheroscerosis. Estrogen supplements doesn't actually make you smarter, it just keeps you at your intelligence for a longer amount of time. Anyways...the speakers noted that this is just in the lab, and not really clinical stuff yet. I suppose that was warning to prevent hordes of women lining up for estrogen injections...
lol. Of all things I could've wrote about, why this particular seminar? I have no idea...sudden urge? Nice departure from my typical posts. lol
Anyways...the speaker (Barbara Sherwin of McGill) today was talking about...ahem. "Estrogen and memory in women". I braced myself for a talk about female intelligence and how guys are stupid (a well-established fact, among the circles I run in), but it wasn't like that. =P
The speaker was looking at the effects of estrogen, in women who lacks estrogen production (so postmenopausal women, either natural or surgical) and the impact. Estrogen is known to encourage neuronal dendritic development, with high number of dendritic spines seen at high estrogen levels of the cycle...also seems to help in protecting neurosystems somehow. Overhead MR scans shows increases in frontal lobe activities when comparing a woman receiving estrogen supplements against one that did not, in postmenopausal state.
Further investigation shows that estrogen helps delay the onset of conditions like dementia and especially in working and short-term memory. They conducted trials on women who had surgical-induced menopause (so healthy people, just lack estrogen and...whatever else it is that those female organs...do -_-), and have seen that even short term estrogen (CEE, I believe. Supposely there are different isotypes) helps to slow the degeneration of memory. There seems to be little influence on overall cognitive abilities, however.
The speaker also discussed her Critical Period Hypothesis. Tests have shown that estrogen applied right on the onset of menopause reaps the most amount of benefit of the anti-degeneration (even if it is only short term...which shows only slightly less deprovement when compared to people who has continued to take it, in a ...7? year study), as oppose to if you apply estrogen in later years. So the critical-ness of it is that it needs to be applied right after menopause.
In summary, estrogen seems to play a major role in memory capabilities. Without it, memory capabilities drop a statically large amount. It seems to influence many other aspects of female physiology as well. It has been noted that females with early menopause (average age of normal menopause: 51) due to surgery has increased chances of...alot of stuff. The only one I actually remembered is artheroscerosis. Estrogen supplements doesn't actually make you smarter, it just keeps you at your intelligence for a longer amount of time. Anyways...the speakers noted that this is just in the lab, and not really clinical stuff yet. I suppose that was warning to prevent hordes of women lining up for estrogen injections...
lol. Of all things I could've wrote about, why this particular seminar? I have no idea...sudden urge? Nice departure from my typical posts. lol
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Mister...Anderson...
So I was watching someone play the Matrix on Playstation the other day. (Never buy games made from movies. 99% of the time, it's really bad). The Matrix actually has alot of depth to it, but I've never really thought about it. But anyways. I was thinking...if I could be a character from the Matrix, who would it be? Of course, this required extensive research. After spending around an hour and half on Wikipedia, reading about the Matrix characters (haven't seen the last one yet), my initial opinion hasn't changed. Not surprisingly, I guess, I ended up choosing the one role that seems to reflect my self-proclaimed role the best: the Agent
The Agents in the Matrix only really has one main role: to keep order in the Matrix. Simple and straightforward. To carry out this duty, they are given superhuman strength. According to Morpheous in the first movie, they do a pretty good job of this too. That is, until Neo comes along. After all, all agents can do is bend the rules...they cannot break them. Yet, against the odds, they still fought on. They've gone through the whole cycle many, many times. They know about...the One.
I dunno. This entry sat on my desktop for a while, as I tried to figure out how I want to finish it. I could draw parallels between the Agent and our roles here, of how we are to relentlessly defend a world governed by our Superior. Or a total 180, in saying that Agents are not really all that intelligent, but they're still defending a world that is totally wrong. It goes to show the limitations of analogies.
The thing that is coming to mind is...when Agent Smith told Morpheous that he believes the human race is like a virus, mindlessly consuming resources, and thus must be destroyed...when he himself became a viral-like entity, consuming all in the Matrix. He became that which he hated, without even realizing it...
Can a person truly become complacent? As I reconnect with more and more of the people back here in Calgary, it seems like I'm able to pick up conversations from where I left off when I left two years ago. I didn't have to re-earn people's trust or anything. Perhaps the catching-up sessions that I'm getting used to in repeating is that "re-earning" stage. If so, then perhaps it's not possible to be complacent. You're either walking forwards...or sliding back.
The Agents in the Matrix only really has one main role: to keep order in the Matrix. Simple and straightforward. To carry out this duty, they are given superhuman strength. According to Morpheous in the first movie, they do a pretty good job of this too. That is, until Neo comes along. After all, all agents can do is bend the rules...they cannot break them. Yet, against the odds, they still fought on. They've gone through the whole cycle many, many times. They know about...the One.
I dunno. This entry sat on my desktop for a while, as I tried to figure out how I want to finish it. I could draw parallels between the Agent and our roles here, of how we are to relentlessly defend a world governed by our Superior. Or a total 180, in saying that Agents are not really all that intelligent, but they're still defending a world that is totally wrong. It goes to show the limitations of analogies.
The thing that is coming to mind is...when Agent Smith told Morpheous that he believes the human race is like a virus, mindlessly consuming resources, and thus must be destroyed...when he himself became a viral-like entity, consuming all in the Matrix. He became that which he hated, without even realizing it...
Can a person truly become complacent? As I reconnect with more and more of the people back here in Calgary, it seems like I'm able to pick up conversations from where I left off when I left two years ago. I didn't have to re-earn people's trust or anything. Perhaps the catching-up sessions that I'm getting used to in repeating is that "re-earning" stage. If so, then perhaps it's not possible to be complacent. You're either walking forwards...or sliding back.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Common allegiance
We'll fight them on the beaches.
- Sir Winston Churchill
You are your own worst enemy.
I think, there are really only two types of people. Those who blame others, and those who blame themselves. Of those people who blame themselves, they could either do so and move on...or do so and stay there. I remember reading an interesting note when I was taking PSYCH101, in regards to depression (blah I left my notes in 'loo)...
It refers to depression (and loneliness, actually) as a cycle.
1. "Trigger" events
2. Leading to the person to dwell on it, typically negatively -> psychological impact
3. Impacts other aspects of life, such as intelligent decision making capabilities...most notable area: sleep -> physical impact
4. Causing fatigue and a tendency to view things negatively, increasing the impact of future "trigger" events
Hard to understand sometimes, since I could just fire up my video games or manga...or run to my ice cream and other comfort foods, and play/read/feed myself back to normal. But if I'm understanding this properly, depressed people arin't necessarily stupid people who kicks themselves down randomly. They have a typical way of seeing things. Their tendency to up-play bad events and down-play good events keeps them in this state. If no one challenges their points of views, how would they know any different? If they have not "tasted better fruit", how would they know that their ways could be better? So these people need outside intervention to get better...
I was laughing about this, because I was talking to people about fellowship. I've always thought fellowship was what SrRock have shown me. Something to do on Friday nights. Hang around. Play some games. See some people. Go home. When told about CCF, I said no. I had better things to do in 1A. I don't need this...fellowship...thing. Now if you asked me, CCF was probably one of the best things that happened to me in University. And now that I've seen the community...between having people making me congee every week when I kept on getting sick in 2A...to CCF SLC plaza runs during last summer term...to me randomly walking to Westcourt or crashing Our Weekly Rice at Jackal's place...this CCF community is truly something I've taken for granted here. 2 years ago, I wouldn't even have dreamed of such a thing. It probably took some Outside intervention.
Which brings me to an interesting point. Would a previously-depressed person be helpful to someone who is currently (in parallel with...would someone who had first thought fellowship was pointless be helpful in convincing someone that it is not?) I dunno. Currently the convincing hasn't been going all that well. Calgary C4C happens on Friday afternoons, so it would be a pinch to leave work, get to C4C, and still make it home in time to attend BASIC. We'll see about that...but...I need something on campus to send people. BASIC hasn't had the best reputations.
With this empathic viewpoint in mind, I suppose I can understand my own urgency to wanting to locate a campus fellowship I know is good. Or make BASIC like CCF. But Calgary isn't like Waterloo. So what I really should be asking for isn't the seeds of CCF in BASIC...but for Him to unleash His plan for the BASIC brand. I have a feeling I'm simply trying to stop the flood again, but at least this time, I know I have comrades.
Those random quotes at the top? I was trying to convince a friend who no longer attends church to come to come to fellowship/church. Fighting our own preassumptions about the state of things, just because it's easy to see and generalize. And if we don't challenge each other's thoughts and point of views, how would we know any better?
You are your own worst enemy.
- [dunno who to attribute this one to. Psychology?]
I think, there are really only two types of people. Those who blame others, and those who blame themselves. Of those people who blame themselves, they could either do so and move on...or do so and stay there. I remember reading an interesting note when I was taking PSYCH101, in regards to depression (blah I left my notes in 'loo)...
It refers to depression (and loneliness, actually) as a cycle.
1. "Trigger" events
2. Leading to the person to dwell on it, typically negatively -> psychological impact
3. Impacts other aspects of life, such as intelligent decision making capabilities...most notable area: sleep -> physical impact
4. Causing fatigue and a tendency to view things negatively, increasing the impact of future "trigger" events
Hard to understand sometimes, since I could just fire up my video games or manga...or run to my ice cream and other comfort foods, and play/read/feed myself back to normal. But if I'm understanding this properly, depressed people arin't necessarily stupid people who kicks themselves down randomly. They have a typical way of seeing things. Their tendency to up-play bad events and down-play good events keeps them in this state. If no one challenges their points of views, how would they know any different? If they have not "tasted better fruit", how would they know that their ways could be better? So these people need outside intervention to get better...
I was laughing about this, because I was talking to people about fellowship. I've always thought fellowship was what SrRock have shown me. Something to do on Friday nights. Hang around. Play some games. See some people. Go home. When told about CCF, I said no. I had better things to do in 1A. I don't need this...fellowship...thing. Now if you asked me, CCF was probably one of the best things that happened to me in University. And now that I've seen the community...between having people making me congee every week when I kept on getting sick in 2A...to CCF SLC plaza runs during last summer term...to me randomly walking to Westcourt or crashing Our Weekly Rice at Jackal's place...this CCF community is truly something I've taken for granted here. 2 years ago, I wouldn't even have dreamed of such a thing. It probably took some Outside intervention.
Which brings me to an interesting point. Would a previously-depressed person be helpful to someone who is currently (in parallel with...would someone who had first thought fellowship was pointless be helpful in convincing someone that it is not?) I dunno. Currently the convincing hasn't been going all that well. Calgary C4C happens on Friday afternoons, so it would be a pinch to leave work, get to C4C, and still make it home in time to attend BASIC. We'll see about that...but...I need something on campus to send people. BASIC hasn't had the best reputations.
With this empathic viewpoint in mind, I suppose I can understand my own urgency to wanting to locate a campus fellowship I know is good. Or make BASIC like CCF. But Calgary isn't like Waterloo. So what I really should be asking for isn't the seeds of CCF in BASIC...but for Him to unleash His plan for the BASIC brand. I have a feeling I'm simply trying to stop the flood again, but at least this time, I know I have comrades.
Those random quotes at the top? I was trying to convince a friend who no longer attends church to come to come to fellowship/church. Fighting our own preassumptions about the state of things, just because it's easy to see and generalize. And if we don't challenge each other's thoughts and point of views, how would we know any better?
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Encounters
A few isolated events stood out from the past few days. Things that I could've, should've done. Things that I hesitated. I think, I count alot on second chances. Many of these events reminds me of that time in London. Little things, little encounters. Things that was drawn to my attention, that I could've easily done. But...
1. A middle-aged man, sitting on the train, sleeping. We've reached Dalhousie Station (last stop on this line, where I get off), and I was walking on the platform, exiting the station. It's the last station. He must've of missed his stop...or maybe he's suppose to get off here...maybe I should get back onto the train to wake him before leaving... I kept on walking.
2. A girl was skating and fell hard on the ice. I was about 3 or 4 meters away, and getting closer. Ohh...looks like she hit the ice really hard. I should stop and see...a few other people rushed up to see how she was. I, as a first-aid certified person, skated on by. Prayed about this person for a while, but...
3. An older guy, wearing a large hoodie and a helmet, struggling to figure out how to skate backwards. I wasn't too much better myself, but as I watched his jerky motion, I thought...hmm. My method looks like his, but I can go a bit faster than he is. Maybe I should give him some pointers or encouragement...I skated on by, telling myself that I'll stop to talk to this guy on the next lap. When I encountered him again, he was just getting off the ice. Hmm...so much for that...
4. A really old looking guy, walking slowly towards a glass door, to the bank. I watched him slowly push through the door, and enter the bank...hmm...but did nothing. After he finished what he was doing, he started walking slowly back towards the door again. I held it open this time. Finally. One thing done right.
5. Some blond guy, looking at the CTrain charts, trying to figure out when the next train will show. You just missed the downtown-bound train. It'll be another 15 minutes. I said nothing.
And I'm sure I can think of a few more stories like this, that caught my eye and felt the urge to do something. To step up to the plate. To offer the things I so freely offer to members of my fellowship. Or church. Or whatever.
I've realized something. It is not the lack of opportunity, but the lack of courage to take up on these opportunities. It's not like that time with Joanna (of LCAC), when I did have a chance to get some background, to understand the situation, before saying hi to a quiet exchange student. Many of these things are indeed one shot deals. There are many opportunities. Many "should've"s. But somewhere between lack of courage...bystander effect...and maybe even a little bit of lazyness, I walk on by expressionless, just like everyone else.
1. A middle-aged man, sitting on the train, sleeping. We've reached Dalhousie Station (last stop on this line, where I get off), and I was walking on the platform, exiting the station. It's the last station. He must've of missed his stop...or maybe he's suppose to get off here...maybe I should get back onto the train to wake him before leaving... I kept on walking.
2. A girl was skating and fell hard on the ice. I was about 3 or 4 meters away, and getting closer. Ohh...looks like she hit the ice really hard. I should stop and see...a few other people rushed up to see how she was. I, as a first-aid certified person, skated on by. Prayed about this person for a while, but...
3. An older guy, wearing a large hoodie and a helmet, struggling to figure out how to skate backwards. I wasn't too much better myself, but as I watched his jerky motion, I thought...hmm. My method looks like his, but I can go a bit faster than he is. Maybe I should give him some pointers or encouragement...I skated on by, telling myself that I'll stop to talk to this guy on the next lap. When I encountered him again, he was just getting off the ice. Hmm...so much for that...
4. A really old looking guy, walking slowly towards a glass door, to the bank. I watched him slowly push through the door, and enter the bank...hmm...but did nothing. After he finished what he was doing, he started walking slowly back towards the door again. I held it open this time. Finally. One thing done right.
5. Some blond guy, looking at the CTrain charts, trying to figure out when the next train will show. You just missed the downtown-bound train. It'll be another 15 minutes. I said nothing.
And I'm sure I can think of a few more stories like this, that caught my eye and felt the urge to do something. To step up to the plate. To offer the things I so freely offer to members of my fellowship. Or church. Or whatever.
I've realized something. It is not the lack of opportunity, but the lack of courage to take up on these opportunities. It's not like that time with Joanna (of LCAC), when I did have a chance to get some background, to understand the situation, before saying hi to a quiet exchange student. Many of these things are indeed one shot deals. There are many opportunities. Many "should've"s. But somewhere between lack of courage...bystander effect...and maybe even a little bit of lazyness, I walk on by expressionless, just like everyone else.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Childlike faith
So I was wandering around outside the room, waiting for practice to start. I walked into the room beside ours, to see what's going on, cuz they were running around, making quite a bit of noise. Some kids were in there, having lunch. Apparently they were all part of Puppets, and were waiting for their practice to start too. I started talking to one of them (the only one I knew, out of what...7 that was there?) ... I guess, because one of them knew me, two others started talking to me as well. Eventually, this little 5 year old boy came up to me. He held out his arms. Not knowing what he wanted, I kneeled down to his height. One of the girls said he wants to be picked up...so I picked him up. Walked around a bit...he started squirming, so I put him back down again (in the midst of that girl saying, oh, he might throw up -_-)
I didn't realize what was demonstrated to me until much later. That room composed of 7 kids and me. Only one of them actually knew who I was. Yet without any effort on my part, I interacted with three of the kids with 5 minutes of being in that room. They trusted enough to let me pick them up...or randomly chat...etc. I was telling this story to a kindergarten teacher friend of mine...when I suddenly realized the significance of what I saw.
Childlike faith.
To trust in their friends (me knowing one of them). To trust in their parents (one of their mum was in the room when I came in, but walked out later..."trusting" me with them, thus implicitly the kids trusted me...does that make sense? lol). To trust in God (they were there to serve, after all).
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.
I think I have a little too much baggage to pull off the equalivent of what that 5 year old did. And I suppose really, this wasn't a new lesson. I knew very well I'm called to have that trust in my friends and family (cuz God gave them to me, and we're all one body in Him), and more important, in God Himself. Really, I was reminded of this when I was preparing for VBS this summer. But that time, the person giving the lesson was my age.
Funny how much you can learn from a 5 year old kid. With one simple gesture, I was told very simply...I'm not there yet.
I didn't realize what was demonstrated to me until much later. That room composed of 7 kids and me. Only one of them actually knew who I was. Yet without any effort on my part, I interacted with three of the kids with 5 minutes of being in that room. They trusted enough to let me pick them up...or randomly chat...etc. I was telling this story to a kindergarten teacher friend of mine...when I suddenly realized the significance of what I saw.
Childlike faith.
To trust in their friends (me knowing one of them). To trust in their parents (one of their mum was in the room when I came in, but walked out later..."trusting" me with them, thus implicitly the kids trusted me...does that make sense? lol). To trust in God (they were there to serve, after all).
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.
- Mark 10.14b-15 (NIV)
I think I have a little too much baggage to pull off the equalivent of what that 5 year old did. And I suppose really, this wasn't a new lesson. I knew very well I'm called to have that trust in my friends and family (cuz God gave them to me, and we're all one body in Him), and more important, in God Himself. Really, I was reminded of this when I was preparing for VBS this summer. But that time, the person giving the lesson was my age.
Funny how much you can learn from a 5 year old kid. With one simple gesture, I was told very simply...I'm not there yet.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Post Awesome Fellowship Environment Letdown
So I was chatting with Shelby the other day. I suppose, for a lack of more interesting topic, I was asked how home was. I told her I feel like a graduate ("ouch!")...but PAFEL indeed...
It's kind of funny, because I realize how stuck I am at the moment. Over the summer term, I'd drop random messages to grads I talk with, to see how they're doing...warning them AGAINST such things. PAFEL. That feeling you get when you're just going to work cuz you have to. When you get home, you really don't want to be doing anything but veg out in front of the TV (or playstation, in my case XD). When any other day at UW, I'd be doing homework (or at least trying to...), reading over some material I need for CCF, random chatting (okay I still do that alot), and generally more "on-the-ball". Strangely, now that I'm at home, and don't have to take care of my own food and laundry...when I have access to a car and relatively little amounts of school work to handle...I should be having TONS of time to do stuff. But it doesn't feel like that...
So I suppose this is what the graduates felt like when they returned to their respective "homes". Without the urgency of school...or CCF always in need of people to do things and whatnot (I'm sitting here in Calgary and I've already gotten so much "request to serve" that it feels like I'm in Waterloo sometimes -_-)...always tired from work and no sense of urgency. Way too easy to give into the urge and just slack off, until the next day rolls around. No wonder it feels so hard.
But supposedly this is an isolated UW thing. Because everyone else has "summers" and so experience this regularly. And so my first "summer" was much more difficult than I thought, after 6 terms of high fellowship exposures. More difficult, not as in things to handle...but just focusing on devos. Participating in ministries. Praying. Reading. Doing the type of stuff I'd normally do in Waterloo, but not so much here because I'm not putting the effort into it.
I think, Calgary is very different from London as well. I can't say Robarts was not intensive work, but...just having pray meetings and men cells to attend. Being so close to everything, locations like Taylor Library or the UCC, somewhere I need walk by everyday to and from work...makes it so easy to connect with people that are consistently trying to drag me out to ACF-ly events (a certain ACF event comes to mind...)...gives things for me to look forward to, I guess, for someone who don't tend to go out to seek for things. In a place where everyone has the comfort of "home", why would they run over to Summit...or stay overnight at the UCC...
lol. I now understand what it feels like to be a grad. Minus all the "oh no I'm getting old what should I do with myself" stuff. But I suppose I'd be there soon enough. It's gotten better, but there's still a ways to go before I'm at "ACF" level. lol. Funny how this post is coming just 4 hours before my first fellowship back at home. The "home church" fellowship. I wonder how much grads would laugh when they read this...
I suppose, it's one thing knowing the promises of the Word. I've read Joshua. I know exactly that He has said...
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
It's kind of funny, because I realize how stuck I am at the moment. Over the summer term, I'd drop random messages to grads I talk with, to see how they're doing...warning them AGAINST such things. PAFEL. That feeling you get when you're just going to work cuz you have to. When you get home, you really don't want to be doing anything but veg out in front of the TV (or playstation, in my case XD). When any other day at UW, I'd be doing homework (or at least trying to...), reading over some material I need for CCF, random chatting (okay I still do that alot), and generally more "on-the-ball". Strangely, now that I'm at home, and don't have to take care of my own food and laundry...when I have access to a car and relatively little amounts of school work to handle...I should be having TONS of time to do stuff. But it doesn't feel like that...
So I suppose this is what the graduates felt like when they returned to their respective "homes". Without the urgency of school...or CCF always in need of people to do things and whatnot (I'm sitting here in Calgary and I've already gotten so much "request to serve" that it feels like I'm in Waterloo sometimes -_-)...always tired from work and no sense of urgency. Way too easy to give into the urge and just slack off, until the next day rolls around. No wonder it feels so hard.
But supposedly this is an isolated UW thing. Because everyone else has "summers" and so experience this regularly. And so my first "summer" was much more difficult than I thought, after 6 terms of high fellowship exposures. More difficult, not as in things to handle...but just focusing on devos. Participating in ministries. Praying. Reading. Doing the type of stuff I'd normally do in Waterloo, but not so much here because I'm not putting the effort into it.
I think, Calgary is very different from London as well. I can't say Robarts was not intensive work, but...just having pray meetings and men cells to attend. Being so close to everything, locations like Taylor Library or the UCC, somewhere I need walk by everyday to and from work...makes it so easy to connect with people that are consistently trying to drag me out to ACF-ly events (a certain ACF event comes to mind...)...gives things for me to look forward to, I guess, for someone who don't tend to go out to seek for things. In a place where everyone has the comfort of "home", why would they run over to Summit...or stay overnight at the UCC...
lol. I now understand what it feels like to be a grad. Minus all the "oh no I'm getting old what should I do with myself" stuff. But I suppose I'd be there soon enough. It's gotten better, but there's still a ways to go before I'm at "ACF" level. lol. Funny how this post is coming just 4 hours before my first fellowship back at home. The "home church" fellowship. I wonder how much grads would laugh when they read this...
I suppose, it's one thing knowing the promises of the Word. I've read Joshua. I know exactly that He has said...
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
- Joshua 1.9 (NIV)
It means a little more when you're not at a place where you can feel His presence, like my UWCCF or UWOACF...and yet a little less, because of the same reason. But His promise is His promise. We all know that. It just means I gotta try a bit more harder to stick His words somewhere I'll keep them in mind.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Good guys are winning
Facing the HSci cafe is this large banner. On it is this green-tinted picture...apparently it's a scan of a cancer tumour cluster and branch off. This was caption on it:
This is a war photo. The good guys are winning.
I laughed. Not really wanting to get started at work yet, I flipped through a few Wikipedia articles...by popular vote, Terry Fox is quoted to be the second Greatest Canadian. Insulin is quoted to be the Greatest Canadian Invention. Cobolt-60 cancer treatment method was 11th (has no idea it was Canadian)...amusingly, poutine was 10th.
The other day, we had a doctor from the pediatrics ward come in to watch some demos being presented in our lab. He mentioned how our work would be handy in the Children's Hospital, since it's so hard to diagnose conditions sometimes...I was rather surprised to hear that kids can get aneurysms...or strokes (currently working on a project for a stroke doctor)...
There are two mangas I quite like, except they don't come out all that often...Team Medical Dragon and Godhand Teru. Maybe cuz they show doctors pull off the impossible and drag a doomed patient back to life. Too cool.
I think, coming to realize that the works I'm doing may indeed, in the larger picture, help a doctor analyze a patient easier...makes it easier to handle some of the more mindless work I'm asked to handle...after hearing numerous stories of people being lost to cancer...and now infant stroke cases...I dunno. I had a few people ask me how work has been...I've typically been complaining about the same thing...that work is long and tedious. That there is alot of work to do. That I stay long hours and whatnot.
But then...what is on the line? In CCF, I poured over that 1 Kings 18 study, in hopes to squeeze every detail I can out of those handful of words, so that people will understand. Isn't it the same here? There's alot on the line here as well...lol. I think my coworker put it very straightforward.
We'll handle the [database, computer, programming] implementations. That's not what doctors should have to worry about. They got more important stuff to deal with...like fixing brains. You don't see me fixing up brains, do you?
This is a war photo. The good guys are winning.
I laughed. Not really wanting to get started at work yet, I flipped through a few Wikipedia articles...by popular vote, Terry Fox is quoted to be the second Greatest Canadian. Insulin is quoted to be the Greatest Canadian Invention. Cobolt-60 cancer treatment method was 11th (has no idea it was Canadian)...amusingly, poutine was 10th.
The other day, we had a doctor from the pediatrics ward come in to watch some demos being presented in our lab. He mentioned how our work would be handy in the Children's Hospital, since it's so hard to diagnose conditions sometimes...I was rather surprised to hear that kids can get aneurysms...or strokes (currently working on a project for a stroke doctor)...
There are two mangas I quite like, except they don't come out all that often...Team Medical Dragon and Godhand Teru. Maybe cuz they show doctors pull off the impossible and drag a doomed patient back to life. Too cool.
I think, coming to realize that the works I'm doing may indeed, in the larger picture, help a doctor analyze a patient easier...makes it easier to handle some of the more mindless work I'm asked to handle...after hearing numerous stories of people being lost to cancer...and now infant stroke cases...I dunno. I had a few people ask me how work has been...I've typically been complaining about the same thing...that work is long and tedious. That there is alot of work to do. That I stay long hours and whatnot.
But then...what is on the line? In CCF, I poured over that 1 Kings 18 study, in hopes to squeeze every detail I can out of those handful of words, so that people will understand. Isn't it the same here? There's alot on the line here as well...lol. I think my coworker put it very straightforward.
We'll handle the [database, computer, programming] implementations. That's not what doctors should have to worry about. They got more important stuff to deal with...like fixing brains. You don't see me fixing up brains, do you?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I must not be stupid
I popped open a programming guide today at work. This is the first paragraph I read...
I used to have a boss named Rock. Rock has earned a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech and had never had a job where he used his knowledge of the heavens. Once I asked him if he regretted getting the degree. "Actually, my degree in astrophysics has proved to be very valuable," he said. "Some things in this world are just hard. When I am struggling with something, I sometimes think 'Damn, this is hard for me. I wonder if I am stupid,' and then I remember that I have a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech; I must not be stupid."
lol. I wonder if we'd be able to say that. "I have a degree in Electrical Engineering from UWaterloo; I must not be stupid." ...but then, how much is a EE degree worth these days? =P
Anyways. That was just a random warning against situational emotionalism. After all, UW...or UA...or UC...whatever university accepted you. You must not be stupid. We could even expand that. Your friends...your fellowship...your family...accepted you. (lol can you see where this is going?) That thought reminds me a song...not quite along the same line, but good enough. lol.
More Than Useless by Relient K...
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like He would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I used to have a boss named Rock. Rock has earned a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech and had never had a job where he used his knowledge of the heavens. Once I asked him if he regretted getting the degree. "Actually, my degree in astrophysics has proved to be very valuable," he said. "Some things in this world are just hard. When I am struggling with something, I sometimes think 'Damn, this is hard for me. I wonder if I am stupid,' and then I remember that I have a degree in astrophysics from Cal Tech; I must not be stupid."
- Cocoa Programming for Mac OSX (Aaron Hillegass)
lol. I wonder if we'd be able to say that. "I have a degree in Electrical Engineering from UWaterloo; I must not be stupid." ...but then, how much is a EE degree worth these days? =P
Anyways. That was just a random warning against situational emotionalism. After all, UW...or UA...or UC...whatever university accepted you. You must not be stupid. We could even expand that. Your friends...your fellowship...your family...accepted you. (lol can you see where this is going?) That thought reminds me a song...not quite along the same line, but good enough. lol.
More Than Useless by Relient K...
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like He would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Lyrics - If Everyone Cared by Nickelback
From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
confusing stars with satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died
And I'm singing
A, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
would show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along
And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...died...!
We'd see the day when nobody died
Music Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-QfLJbEN3k
confusing stars with satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died
And I'm singing
A, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
would show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along
And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died...died...!
We'd see the day when nobody died
Music Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-QfLJbEN3k
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Defending Your Honour
you'll be my anchor,
I'll be your kite;
you'll keep me from leaving the ground
I'll keep you connected to the sky
Random night. Not wanting to sleep yet, blog leaping like I always do. Came across Shirley's blog, where I read that.
I've pretty much forgotten 85% of what I read from Wild at Heart, but if there was one thing I did remember, it was the concept of defending. About how guys were built do defend things. Ideas and ideals. Places and things. Friends and family. Guys that have played video games...or read comics...or play pretend...people who play hockey...
Games by Blizzard are awesome. The one unit's saying that's stuck in my head has been the Knight from WarCraft II. His acknowledgement saying was...
Defending your honour.
For the king.
He says that even if I send him to take on armies of Grunts. Even if I send against Orge Mages. Against Juggurnauts. Against Dragons. Over and over again...Defending your honour.
Maybe it's easy when you're a 30 by 30 pixel. Just...relentless halbering. Maybe it seems like it's easy for those "uber" Christians. It's never easy though. And I suppose...when it gets hard to say those words, we gotta try harder, to perform the roles we were built to do. I want to say, give me a bit to get prepared, I'm not ready. But You're telling me, every moment gone is another one lost. I'm as ready today as I will be for today.
Defending Your honour. For the King.
Highlight of the day: "You are a biscuit" -CL
I'll be your kite;
you'll keep me from leaving the ground
I'll keep you connected to the sky
Random night. Not wanting to sleep yet, blog leaping like I always do. Came across Shirley's blog, where I read that.
I've pretty much forgotten 85% of what I read from Wild at Heart, but if there was one thing I did remember, it was the concept of defending. About how guys were built do defend things. Ideas and ideals. Places and things. Friends and family. Guys that have played video games...or read comics...or play pretend...people who play hockey...
Games by Blizzard are awesome. The one unit's saying that's stuck in my head has been the Knight from WarCraft II. His acknowledgement saying was...
Defending your honour.
For the king.
He says that even if I send him to take on armies of Grunts. Even if I send against Orge Mages. Against Juggurnauts. Against Dragons. Over and over again...Defending your honour.
Maybe it's easy when you're a 30 by 30 pixel. Just...relentless halbering. Maybe it seems like it's easy for those "uber" Christians. It's never easy though. And I suppose...when it gets hard to say those words, we gotta try harder, to perform the roles we were built to do. I want to say, give me a bit to get prepared, I'm not ready. But You're telling me, every moment gone is another one lost. I'm as ready today as I will be for today.
Defending Your honour. For the King.
Highlight of the day: "You are a biscuit" -CL
Monday, September 10, 2007
Day eight, Calgary
Week one of Calgary finished. Doesn't really feel it's been that long. But with UC and UW both starting today, I guess that marks the official start of school term. I thought I could put things off longer than this, but it seems like I can only run for so long. It has been an okay week. Getting stuck somewhere between where I was to where I am. It's funny...I have more control of what's around me away from home than at home. I guess that realization is cue...Fall term starts now.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Calgary
So here I am again. After two years, I'm back in Calgary, Alberta. For those of you that don't know, I'm here for my coming work term (no, not London -_-), starting tuesday. Fairly long, but eventless flight. Alot of thinking time...
Earlier today, I was faced with a question. The question was...
Is God in your plans...or are you in God's plans?
That stopped me. Cuz I was totally ready to blurt out that God is totally part of my plans. I'm planning on getting involved in fellowship...mentoring the kids I left (man...some of them are in university now. Getting old). Isn't all this...ministry?
I think, over the past few month, I've gotten so used to just doing things...attending committee meetings, generating action items, and just getting at it all...that I've forgotten what I'm fighting for...it really does look like God is at the centre of all this...BUT...is He really?
I've made a general assessment of the situation...some of it is worse than antcipated. Some of it is the same. Looking out the window right now, it's a bleak and cloudy day. The term doesn't necessarily feel any easier to take on, but the knowledge that even though I'm in "foreign" land, I'm still thought of, is quite reassuring.
And if God is bigger than CCF...then He's bigger than anything that Calgary can throw at me. Calgary CCF. CCAC. Family. Friends.
Lets do this. Whoever sees this, do me a huge favour and message me...remind me to pray occasitionally. Remind me the life is not just video games and work. PDEng and sleep. Remind me to pray...and I'll do the same.
Apparently the older I get, the more prideful and anal I will become. Oh joy...
Earlier today, I was faced with a question. The question was...
Is God in your plans...or are you in God's plans?
That stopped me. Cuz I was totally ready to blurt out that God is totally part of my plans. I'm planning on getting involved in fellowship...mentoring the kids I left (man...some of them are in university now. Getting old). Isn't all this...ministry?
I think, over the past few month, I've gotten so used to just doing things...attending committee meetings, generating action items, and just getting at it all...that I've forgotten what I'm fighting for...it really does look like God is at the centre of all this...BUT...is He really?
I've made a general assessment of the situation...some of it is worse than antcipated. Some of it is the same. Looking out the window right now, it's a bleak and cloudy day. The term doesn't necessarily feel any easier to take on, but the knowledge that even though I'm in "foreign" land, I'm still thought of, is quite reassuring.
And if God is bigger than CCF...then He's bigger than anything that Calgary can throw at me. Calgary CCF. CCAC. Family. Friends.
Lets do this. Whoever sees this, do me a huge favour and message me...remind me to pray occasitionally. Remind me the life is not just video games and work. PDEng and sleep. Remind me to pray...and I'll do the same.
Apparently the older I get, the more prideful and anal I will become. Oh joy...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Tracing...
Thoughout my random convos with people these days, someone said this to me...
but just don't be afraid
don't think you'll never be ready
don't think you don't deserve it
I found myself staring at those words for a while. They seem simple enough, words of encouragement. It's really easy to assess one self and become so fixuated on the flaws of self that it can be hard to see ourselves from someone else's point of view...each of these three lines reminds me of more things...retracing lessons I've learned before...
don't be afraid...
Joshua 1 quotes God, as He tells Joshua...
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
This is a passage I quote alot. A passage I pray occasionally. It's so straightforward... don't be afraid. Why not? Because God is with you. I dunno about you, but that sounds like a pretty awesome promise. God is with you, wherever you go...
don't think you'll never be ready
The LORD said to [Moses], "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
but just don't be afraid
don't think you'll never be ready
don't think you don't deserve it
I found myself staring at those words for a while. They seem simple enough, words of encouragement. It's really easy to assess one self and become so fixuated on the flaws of self that it can be hard to see ourselves from someone else's point of view...each of these three lines reminds me of more things...retracing lessons I've learned before...
don't be afraid...
Joshua 1 quotes God, as He tells Joshua...
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
- Joshua 1.9
This is a passage I quote alot. A passage I pray occasionally. It's so straightforward... don't be afraid. Why not? Because God is with you. I dunno about you, but that sounds like a pretty awesome promise. God is with you, wherever you go...
don't think you'll never be ready
The LORD said to [Moses], "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
- Exodus 4.11
I once heard a very deep meaning of humbleness. Humbleness is about being open-minded to listen to the opinion of others. It's not so much saying "oh, I'm no good at this."...Moses told God that he's not good enough to do the tasks he's being called to do. Is he not, then, imposing his opinion over God's? Obviously, from here, God says it's okay. God says Moses is ready. Even when Moses himself doesn't think he is up for the calling.
don't think you don't deserve it
The more we deal with people, the more difficult it becomes. The people we give advices to, the people we teach. The people we assist, the people we wave to. The tourist asking for instructions, the cashier you smile at when you leave...people are hard to deal with. We're called to sow seeds, often without seeing the results of it.
I dunno. This one is a hard one. The sentence merely suggests against absolutes, that it may be within your right to ask for afterall...There are many things I don't deserve (ie salvation) that I got anyway. There are many things I feel like I deserve (ie common sense in cooking) but I don't really feel that I have. As a seed sower, I dunno if it's my place to say I deserve to see some of the results of what I'm doing. But God's got a verse for this too...
[People mentioned in the Hebrews "hall of fame"] were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised...
don't think you don't deserve it
The more we deal with people, the more difficult it becomes. The people we give advices to, the people we teach. The people we assist, the people we wave to. The tourist asking for instructions, the cashier you smile at when you leave...people are hard to deal with. We're called to sow seeds, often without seeing the results of it.
I dunno. This one is a hard one. The sentence merely suggests against absolutes, that it may be within your right to ask for afterall...There are many things I don't deserve (ie salvation) that I got anyway. There are many things I feel like I deserve (ie common sense in cooking) but I don't really feel that I have. As a seed sower, I dunno if it's my place to say I deserve to see some of the results of what I'm doing. But God's got a verse for this too...
[People mentioned in the Hebrews "hall of fame"] were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised...
- Hebrews 11.39
No, perhaps I don't deserve to see the results. Moses, when he failed to follow orders, was denied entrance to the Promised Lands. Yet...at the end of Deuteronomy, the LORD showed him the whole land (Deut 34.1b). Really. At the end of the day, this point isn't really for me to say. It's all Him.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Random thoughts
I think, alot has happened in the last few days, but has been too busy to really sit down and think about it...
Exams ended a few days ago. It also happened to be my birthday, so inevitably I got pied. I knew it was coming. Blah. A very interesting thing also happened...I got a random phone call...from people in London. I was like "wha?! Kim?!" but yeah. Apparently it was arranged that I'd get random phone calls from ACFers from 7 to 9...it was definately an unique experience. lol. I would have been perfectly fine if I didn't get the calls...but I think it's these little gestures that makes everyday living just a little more enjoyable. Thanks guys...
VBS also ended yesterday. I kind of want to launch into a "kids are the future" speech, but I'm much too tired to do something like that...
---
Just came back from Toronto. It's been a fairly good trip, I got to meet with most people I was intending...I think though, those arint so much the stuff I'm remembering now, cuz it was basically alot of CCF stuff.
lol, you know those times when you just ask for little things from God? Some random thoughts, a passing wish...things like running into random CCFers in the middle of Downtown Toronto or to be able to sit in front a fountain and feeling the wind...
Just these scenes of calmness. Moments when it'd be totally awesome if it would last forever, just staring at a piece of God's beautiful creation, without a care in the world...
---
Training in patience. Had to do a lot of explaining and talking and listening over the last two days. It was good and all, but it was a test of patience (such as...not getting superly annoyed when I got lost in DT TO... -_-). Shows that you could always grow...or that I'm actually not as good as I thought I am -_-. Oh good, my legs arin't sore anymore...
Exams ended a few days ago. It also happened to be my birthday, so inevitably I got pied. I knew it was coming. Blah. A very interesting thing also happened...I got a random phone call...from people in London. I was like "wha?! Kim?!" but yeah. Apparently it was arranged that I'd get random phone calls from ACFers from 7 to 9...it was definately an unique experience. lol. I would have been perfectly fine if I didn't get the calls...but I think it's these little gestures that makes everyday living just a little more enjoyable. Thanks guys...
VBS also ended yesterday. I kind of want to launch into a "kids are the future" speech, but I'm much too tired to do something like that...
---
Just came back from Toronto. It's been a fairly good trip, I got to meet with most people I was intending...I think though, those arint so much the stuff I'm remembering now, cuz it was basically alot of CCF stuff.
lol, you know those times when you just ask for little things from God? Some random thoughts, a passing wish...things like running into random CCFers in the middle of Downtown Toronto or to be able to sit in front a fountain and feeling the wind...
Just these scenes of calmness. Moments when it'd be totally awesome if it would last forever, just staring at a piece of God's beautiful creation, without a care in the world...
---
Training in patience. Had to do a lot of explaining and talking and listening over the last two days. It was good and all, but it was a test of patience (such as...not getting superly annoyed when I got lost in DT TO... -_-). Shows that you could always grow...or that I'm actually not as good as I thought I am -_-. Oh good, my legs arin't sore anymore...
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Random thoughts
Lost for words, when I saw the age in your eyes...no time to chat, cuz I'm on the run too...
I dunno. Maybe I was just tired myself. You know how people say eyes are the window to the soul (or something weird like that)...or did I pick that up cuz I already knew people were tired and stressed and whatnot.
I was flipping through old pictures the other day. From UWCCF. From UWOACF. Looking for things I can use for FX Slideshow. As I look at how cheerful these snapshots are, and think about how well they are doing now...some are uberly stressed. Some are happy that school is done. Some are pushing themselves onward on raw willpower. Some are worried. Some are bored. Some are tired.
Sometimes, I can't help but feel ... jealous ... of those with higher degree of socialness. At least to the degree that I see my fellow comrades exhibit. It's like...the only way I could tend to people (in the way I do, anyway) is if I knew them. And the only way to know them is to communicate and interact with them. These days, the only real way I walk out of what I've got already is if He puts someone in my mind. Can't seem to randomly lance these days. I was listening to someone share about other people the other day...I was thinking...I've spent the same, if not more, amount of time with these same group of people. How is it that you're able to get so much more out of it all...
As people graduate and move on...or get bogged down by school or boy/girlfriends...as things from the left and the right take up more attention, we just gotta live with it. Yes, I realize my priorities isn't shared by everyone else. We're claiming ownership of our fellowship, yes. And we're trying to keep in mind to stay away from the "we've always done it this way" mentality, yes. But...
Of all the visions that has been handed down to us, a few still sticks out in my mind. These...are probably the hardest ones to fulfill...
Eric: Go out and get your own story.
Ada: Set the campus on fire.
Elaine: Be the change you want to see.
I dunno. Maybe I was just tired myself. You know how people say eyes are the window to the soul (or something weird like that)...or did I pick that up cuz I already knew people were tired and stressed and whatnot.
I was flipping through old pictures the other day. From UWCCF. From UWOACF. Looking for things I can use for FX Slideshow. As I look at how cheerful these snapshots are, and think about how well they are doing now...some are uberly stressed. Some are happy that school is done. Some are pushing themselves onward on raw willpower. Some are worried. Some are bored. Some are tired.
Sometimes, I can't help but feel ... jealous ... of those with higher degree of socialness. At least to the degree that I see my fellow comrades exhibit. It's like...the only way I could tend to people (in the way I do, anyway) is if I knew them. And the only way to know them is to communicate and interact with them. These days, the only real way I walk out of what I've got already is if He puts someone in my mind. Can't seem to randomly lance these days. I was listening to someone share about other people the other day...I was thinking...I've spent the same, if not more, amount of time with these same group of people. How is it that you're able to get so much more out of it all...
As people graduate and move on...or get bogged down by school or boy/girlfriends...as things from the left and the right take up more attention, we just gotta live with it. Yes, I realize my priorities isn't shared by everyone else. We're claiming ownership of our fellowship, yes. And we're trying to keep in mind to stay away from the "we've always done it this way" mentality, yes. But...
Of all the visions that has been handed down to us, a few still sticks out in my mind. These...are probably the hardest ones to fulfill...
Eric: Go out and get your own story.
Ada: Set the campus on fire.
Elaine: Be the change you want to see.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Day n of summer cramming
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Day one of summer cramming
So today starts the oh-so-fun cycle of cramming. Wasn't extremely motivated. Got stuck at a few times. It's 2.45AM in the morning and I'm shoving ice cream into myself and reading random people's blogs. Laughed at a few. I guess I feel enoughly encouraged by Enoch's stuff to do a bit of sharing on God's hand in my life today.
So I was sitting in SLC, my wireless typically being it's stupid self and not working properly (gave up after 20 min of trying). I borrowed a friend's laptop to check my email and to see who's online so I can ask questions. Then I saw this person online and was like, hey sweet, I haven't talked to this person in a while. I can totally mulitask and study while being distracted by MSN at the same time. So I returned to my desk and tried wireless again, while thinking oh God, how often would I get to randomly chat with friends during the next 2.5 weeks? Just let me get online...and it worked. I was like, PTL (lol. My wireless card works so rarely on campus that it probably was an act of God -_-)! I logged on. The person was gone. Within a span of 2 minutes. God. You have an interesting sense of humour, in Your very own omnipotent way. Well. I guess I was suppose to focus on my studies today.
So it was a rather random story. But it helps to keep things real. God is with me as I study, just as He is with me as I am in CCF or at church. Just cuz I don't necessary feel Him there doesn't mean He's not.
Oh. And be specific in your prayers. Technically, I did get my wish and got online. -_-
So I was sitting in SLC, my wireless typically being it's stupid self and not working properly (gave up after 20 min of trying). I borrowed a friend's laptop to check my email and to see who's online so I can ask questions. Then I saw this person online and was like, hey sweet, I haven't talked to this person in a while. I can totally mulitask and study while being distracted by MSN at the same time. So I returned to my desk and tried wireless again, while thinking oh God, how often would I get to randomly chat with friends during the next 2.5 weeks? Just let me get online...and it worked. I was like, PTL (lol. My wireless card works so rarely on campus that it probably was an act of God -_-)! I logged on. The person was gone. Within a span of 2 minutes. God. You have an interesting sense of humour, in Your very own omnipotent way. Well. I guess I was suppose to focus on my studies today.
So it was a rather random story. But it helps to keep things real. God is with me as I study, just as He is with me as I am in CCF or at church. Just cuz I don't necessary feel Him there doesn't mean He's not.
Oh. And be specific in your prayers. Technically, I did get my wish and got online. -_-
Saturday, July 28, 2007
CCF Term End Sharing
Last night was CCF sharing night. I never really did like sharing much. Especially before big crowds. Yet I always end up doing it. Before Sr Rock in high school, when I was asked to talk. Before the 90 froshes of NSR. And almost each term I have been in CCF, I've said something.
I think, it's funny cuz what I shared about is mostly from London, and the wide range of experiences I recieved from there. Perhaps, none of what I got was more impacting than...
"What is given to you is not for you. But for me. And everyone else."
Anyone who attends P&R would recognize Roger's opener. Indeed...as a seed sower, I would never know if what I do, the words I utter, the actions I perform, the roads I walk...I would never know if it is worth any or not. I would never know if Frosh Cell 2006 was good in bringing the froshes together. I would never know if NSR 2006 brought even one hesitant frosh to fellowship. I would never know if my random baking runs at ACF or even the time I spend in my living room, waiting for my housemates to get ready so that we can walk off to class together...
How could I know the impact of my hands, if not from God Himself? I too am among the people who are wondering...God? Are you seeing the things I'm doing? Is it...pleasing to You?
I was once told that no one has a boring testimony. When I first heard that, I laughed. For when I assess my life, I believed I didn't have much. *shrugs* the people around me seemed to be so on fire...or so pwnage at what they do. I'm just an ordinary guy. I sit here and complain about how much better everything can be, only simply cuz I can...cuz when I really sit down to assess what I do have...I've already been blessed more than I can count.
Imagine my surprise when a frosh at CCF mentioned (who doesn't even attend Waterloo...she's a Western kid who's home for the term) that she's in fellowship cuz of my influence. Apparently I asked her if she wanted to go to CC and she said she'll think about it. The only real thing I did was follow up on that and made sure that CC has her registered (ahh connections lol). That was it. Yet...she was able to attribute her particpation in UWCCF because of her going to CC, because she was curious at what fellowship was like and wanted to see what we were about with her own eyes...and now she'll return to UWO ACF with that, a member of the fellowship.
I remember she was saying about how funny it is that she, a non UW student, is integrated into UWCCF, while not at UWO ACF yet. I almost started laughing...for isn't that where I was in January? Walking hesitantly into a fellowship that's even bigger than CCF...while thinking, oh crap. I'm in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people I don't know.
But I'd say it turned out okay. And all this happened cuz a Western student told me about UWO ACF, and I wanted to see this fellowship that she loves with my own eyes...lol. Sounds kind of like that kid with CC, no?
You want to know why I pray...or do the random things I do...or talk to the people I do? It's to give God chances to work. Cuz seriously, He's God. He doesn't need some 2nd year university student. But He chooses to, and so I gotta raise to the occasion.
I think, it's funny cuz what I shared about is mostly from London, and the wide range of experiences I recieved from there. Perhaps, none of what I got was more impacting than...
"What is given to you is not for you. But for me. And everyone else."
Anyone who attends P&R would recognize Roger's opener. Indeed...as a seed sower, I would never know if what I do, the words I utter, the actions I perform, the roads I walk...I would never know if it is worth any or not. I would never know if Frosh Cell 2006 was good in bringing the froshes together. I would never know if NSR 2006 brought even one hesitant frosh to fellowship. I would never know if my random baking runs at ACF or even the time I spend in my living room, waiting for my housemates to get ready so that we can walk off to class together...
How could I know the impact of my hands, if not from God Himself? I too am among the people who are wondering...God? Are you seeing the things I'm doing? Is it...pleasing to You?
I was once told that no one has a boring testimony. When I first heard that, I laughed. For when I assess my life, I believed I didn't have much. *shrugs* the people around me seemed to be so on fire...or so pwnage at what they do. I'm just an ordinary guy. I sit here and complain about how much better everything can be, only simply cuz I can...cuz when I really sit down to assess what I do have...I've already been blessed more than I can count.
Imagine my surprise when a frosh at CCF mentioned (who doesn't even attend Waterloo...she's a Western kid who's home for the term) that she's in fellowship cuz of my influence. Apparently I asked her if she wanted to go to CC and she said she'll think about it. The only real thing I did was follow up on that and made sure that CC has her registered (ahh connections lol). That was it. Yet...she was able to attribute her particpation in UWCCF because of her going to CC, because she was curious at what fellowship was like and wanted to see what we were about with her own eyes...and now she'll return to UWO ACF with that, a member of the fellowship.
I remember she was saying about how funny it is that she, a non UW student, is integrated into UWCCF, while not at UWO ACF yet. I almost started laughing...for isn't that where I was in January? Walking hesitantly into a fellowship that's even bigger than CCF...while thinking, oh crap. I'm in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people I don't know.
But I'd say it turned out okay. And all this happened cuz a Western student told me about UWO ACF, and I wanted to see this fellowship that she loves with my own eyes...lol. Sounds kind of like that kid with CC, no?
You want to know why I pray...or do the random things I do...or talk to the people I do? It's to give God chances to work. Cuz seriously, He's God. He doesn't need some 2nd year university student. But He chooses to, and so I gotta raise to the occasion.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Stray
I think, there has been alot of things happening lately. Not really to me, but everyone feels the weight of it all nevertheless. Friends' parents falling ill. Car accidents. Biking accidents. Difficult relationship times. Lack of motivation. Stuff. I dunno. Has it always been like this, and I'm just older now, and more able to understand?
Completely lost for words. Times just seem to be difficult in general. Alot of thoughts. Not enough organization.
Sometimes, it's probably easiest to just lock yourself in a room, away from all this. But when the people close to you cry out, what can you say? You have to walk with them...because they would do the same. I know that.
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Completely lost for words. Times just seem to be difficult in general. Alot of thoughts. Not enough organization.
Sometimes, it's probably easiest to just lock yourself in a room, away from all this. But when the people close to you cry out, what can you say? You have to walk with them...because they would do the same. I know that.
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
- Ecclesiastes 4
Monday, July 16, 2007
I'm for you by Tobymac
I could claim it's unfair. But what is fairness, if not decided by God? And who can climb the mountain of the Lord (Psalms24)? Not I...
Anyways. Heard this the other day, on Herman's computer. It's been playing in the back of my mind since...
I'm for you
Tobymac
Tell me where its hurting
Are you burning?
Running just to catch your breath
And going nowhere
It's getting old when you feel like you got nothing left
Well it ain't over 'til it's over
I told you since the day we met
So let me be the voice through all the noise
Whatever I gotta be, I'll be for you
Whatever you need from me
To see you through
Everyone of us has stumbled
Everybody's humbled
We hit the ground and our lives crumble
Whatever I gotta be, I'll be for you
I'm for you, If you never knew
If you never knew, I'm for you
You know it's true
I know the feeling
I know it's real when the drama's all in your face
You see a mountain
I hear a promise - it's never more than we can take
Well it ain't over, 'til it's over
We can learn from our mistakes
So let me be the voice through all the noise
Everyone of us will fall
Have our backs against the wall
And everyone shares a need to be loved
You've always been for me
So I will be for you
That's just what it means to love
Whatever I gotta be, I'll be for you
Everytime you fall, I'll be for you,
If you back's against the wall, I'll be for you,
Cause you've always been for me, I'll be for you,
I'll be for you, I'm for you.
If you never knew, If you never knew,
I'm for you.
Anyways. Heard this the other day, on Herman's computer. It's been playing in the back of my mind since...
I'm for you
Tobymac
Tell me where its hurting
Are you burning?
Running just to catch your breath
And going nowhere
It's getting old when you feel like you got nothing left
Well it ain't over 'til it's over
I told you since the day we met
So let me be the voice through all the noise
Whatever I gotta be, I'll be for you
Whatever you need from me
To see you through
Everyone of us has stumbled
Everybody's humbled
We hit the ground and our lives crumble
Whatever I gotta be, I'll be for you
I'm for you, If you never knew
If you never knew, I'm for you
You know it's true
I know the feeling
I know it's real when the drama's all in your face
You see a mountain
I hear a promise - it's never more than we can take
Well it ain't over, 'til it's over
We can learn from our mistakes
So let me be the voice through all the noise
Everyone of us will fall
Have our backs against the wall
And everyone shares a need to be loved
You've always been for me
So I will be for you
That's just what it means to love
Whatever I gotta be, I'll be for you
Everytime you fall, I'll be for you,
If you back's against the wall, I'll be for you,
Cause you've always been for me, I'll be for you,
I'll be for you, I'm for you.
If you never knew, If you never knew,
I'm for you.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Pouring
Manga is good. I enjoy reading manga. lol. Nothing like good comics to relax...or take mind off things...or to submerge yourself in a different environment. Whenever we talk about anime, I'd typically drop a few titles that are among my favourites. When someone looks at me and ask me how a particular one is...my first reaction typically is...
WHAT?! You haven't read FMA yet?! You want it?
lol. I suppose that's how some people are with music. Oh hey, I like that song. Yeah? I'll send it to you.
Why do we do that? Why is our first reaction to someone who hasn't been exposed to a really really good manga...or really cool songs...or funny YouTube videos...etc...why do we want to share it?
Deep down, we want to share our joys. I am blessed by good manga. Thus I share it, because I want others to be blessed by good manga. Someone was blessed with a good song. Thus he sends it to me when I requested it, because he wants me to be blessed with this good song too.
What about God? What about fellowship?
I was look at Acts 2 earlier...at the first fellowship again. There is nothing about evangalism there. Nothing. The only indication that they grew was...was that the Lord added to their numbers daily.
I was reading this one article about how...God will pour abundently into your cup. But until it is full. Once it is full...you gotta empty your cup before He'll pour more into it.
What if...we poured so much onto the fellowship that people can't help but to want to share it? They're blessed so much...
Haa. It's 3.20am. Thoughts arin't coming easily anymore. Just another idea, I guess.
WHAT?! You haven't read FMA yet?! You want it?
lol. I suppose that's how some people are with music. Oh hey, I like that song. Yeah? I'll send it to you.
Why do we do that? Why is our first reaction to someone who hasn't been exposed to a really really good manga...or really cool songs...or funny YouTube videos...etc...why do we want to share it?
Deep down, we want to share our joys. I am blessed by good manga. Thus I share it, because I want others to be blessed by good manga. Someone was blessed with a good song. Thus he sends it to me when I requested it, because he wants me to be blessed with this good song too.
What about God? What about fellowship?
I was look at Acts 2 earlier...at the first fellowship again. There is nothing about evangalism there. Nothing. The only indication that they grew was...was that the Lord added to their numbers daily.
I was reading this one article about how...God will pour abundently into your cup. But until it is full. Once it is full...you gotta empty your cup before He'll pour more into it.
What if...we poured so much onto the fellowship that people can't help but to want to share it? They're blessed so much...
Haa. It's 3.20am. Thoughts arin't coming easily anymore. Just another idea, I guess.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Firefly
It's funny how interesting ideas can get lost in the shuffle sometimes. I think I first got excited about the Firefly project (my own random name for this idea) last year, when I first found out about the existance of other CCFs in Ontario.
Jesus said...You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. (Matthew 5.14-15)
I think, originally, I just wanted a connection between these groups. All the fellowships under AFC, in open communications with each other. CC was pretty much that. A once-a-year type of deal, when random people just...come together. Under the simple theme of that...we're all members of some Chinese Christian campus community.
But what if it became more than that? Ideally, London's ACF has massive knowledge pool. Its members are spread out over several churches...every Sunday, ACF hears many different sermons. Many different ideas. Thoughtout the week, they have the potential to inject these knowledge into the members...the cumulative knowledge pool is wider than what we have at CCF. New ways to look at things. Etc.
What if we added in a few more fellowships to that? What if it wasn't just W.ACF? What if we added in UW.CCF? Or K.CCF? or UT.CCF? Or whatever? I gained tremendously from my term at ACF. I'm sure others would too. What if...we were to pool all our ideas? All our battles? All our struggles? A massive network...of people praying for each other. Of far-reaching support and contacts. It's like...CC extended. We're like...fireflies in some area. With others far away. We can shorten that distance. We did it for CC, a three day event. We can do better than that. lol...AFC has so much potential...we...need to tap into it. We really do.
I think, I got thinking about this stuff again cuz earlier we were talking about CCF's lack of upperyear mentorship and leaders...wouldn't it be interesting if we also had... alumni mentorship programs? I dunno. I was thinking...over someone's 5 years at Waterloo...they're spending so much time dealing with school...with other stuff...with fellowship...themselves serving, that, by the time they've reached their 5 years, they're sitting on so much thoughts and ideas...dreams and visions...that they really want to see a reality...but couldn't. Because their time is up and they graduate. And all they can hope to do is...pass on their ideas, through personal contact...or a short 3 minute clip on the Grad video...that someone else will catch their vision and run with it.
What if we changed that? What if...we were able to connect DLs with former DLs? PC with PC? Chair with chair? The old CCF has...so much ideas. Over their time, they've tried many things. They've had successes. They've had failures. They've battled their own unique circumstances. But they've all graduated. And where do we stand? We, the ones that have now inherited this fellowship, only get minor glimpse of that. Some old pranks. Handful of pictures. Wishful thinking from the upperyears. The froshes, none the wiser. The famous Go Fish issue. Lifesong has always been a topic of discussion. Yet...do we restart that argument everytime? How have we benefitted from their experiences?
Isn't that the whole point of history? To see what was done before...to avoid mistakes...to not reinvent the wheel? To build? To grow? Not to...re-lay the foundation everytime a new generation comes in...
Which gets me into my last thing...talking to upperyears...even people who's just a year older than me...I hear about the old CCF sometimes. How pwnage they once were. Yet...over the years, we've let the bar sag. In our attempts to cater to seekers...froshes...new people...old people...upperyears...spiritual beasts...we've ended up with...nothing. A two minded man, tossed to and fro in the waves. What if...we were to raise the bar? Set it nice and high...then have dedicated people for seekers. Dedicated people for froshes. Isn't that what Alpha is? Or Frosh Cell? If you're CCF, ask yourself...when was the last time you were challenged at Friday night?
I think...I was frustrated last week. Scavenger hunt. I was running a station about Jesus' clearing of the Temple. A straightforward passage that people often overlook...cuz it's so...common. I looked up some context and some details. Came to some pretty interesting conclusions, as I read Matthew Henry's commentaries on that passage. I was all ready to give people these background and insight...but no one really want to hear them. They just...wanted to get the station done. I suppose, it's cuz the feel in the air is more "fun"...so it really wasn't their fault. But...
- Unity within the fellowship
- Unity within the campus, between other fellowships
- Unity with AFC fellowships
- Raising the bar. Effectiveness instead of efficient
- Alumni/upperyear mentorship and torchpassing
Oy...gotta pray more. This isn't an easy list to shoot for...
Jesus said...You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. (Matthew 5.14-15)
I think, originally, I just wanted a connection between these groups. All the fellowships under AFC, in open communications with each other. CC was pretty much that. A once-a-year type of deal, when random people just...come together. Under the simple theme of that...we're all members of some Chinese Christian campus community.
But what if it became more than that? Ideally, London's ACF has massive knowledge pool. Its members are spread out over several churches...every Sunday, ACF hears many different sermons. Many different ideas. Thoughtout the week, they have the potential to inject these knowledge into the members...the cumulative knowledge pool is wider than what we have at CCF. New ways to look at things. Etc.
What if we added in a few more fellowships to that? What if it wasn't just W.ACF? What if we added in UW.CCF? Or K.CCF? or UT.CCF? Or whatever? I gained tremendously from my term at ACF. I'm sure others would too. What if...we were to pool all our ideas? All our battles? All our struggles? A massive network...of people praying for each other. Of far-reaching support and contacts. It's like...CC extended. We're like...fireflies in some area. With others far away. We can shorten that distance. We did it for CC, a three day event. We can do better than that. lol...AFC has so much potential...we...need to tap into it. We really do.
I think, I got thinking about this stuff again cuz earlier we were talking about CCF's lack of upperyear mentorship and leaders...wouldn't it be interesting if we also had... alumni mentorship programs? I dunno. I was thinking...over someone's 5 years at Waterloo...they're spending so much time dealing with school...with other stuff...with fellowship...themselves serving, that, by the time they've reached their 5 years, they're sitting on so much thoughts and ideas...dreams and visions...that they really want to see a reality...but couldn't. Because their time is up and they graduate. And all they can hope to do is...pass on their ideas, through personal contact...or a short 3 minute clip on the Grad video...that someone else will catch their vision and run with it.
What if we changed that? What if...we were able to connect DLs with former DLs? PC with PC? Chair with chair? The old CCF has...so much ideas. Over their time, they've tried many things. They've had successes. They've had failures. They've battled their own unique circumstances. But they've all graduated. And where do we stand? We, the ones that have now inherited this fellowship, only get minor glimpse of that. Some old pranks. Handful of pictures. Wishful thinking from the upperyears. The froshes, none the wiser. The famous Go Fish issue. Lifesong has always been a topic of discussion. Yet...do we restart that argument everytime? How have we benefitted from their experiences?
Isn't that the whole point of history? To see what was done before...to avoid mistakes...to not reinvent the wheel? To build? To grow? Not to...re-lay the foundation everytime a new generation comes in...
Which gets me into my last thing...talking to upperyears...even people who's just a year older than me...I hear about the old CCF sometimes. How pwnage they once were. Yet...over the years, we've let the bar sag. In our attempts to cater to seekers...froshes...new people...old people...upperyears...spiritual beasts...we've ended up with...nothing. A two minded man, tossed to and fro in the waves. What if...we were to raise the bar? Set it nice and high...then have dedicated people for seekers. Dedicated people for froshes. Isn't that what Alpha is? Or Frosh Cell? If you're CCF, ask yourself...when was the last time you were challenged at Friday night?
I think...I was frustrated last week. Scavenger hunt. I was running a station about Jesus' clearing of the Temple. A straightforward passage that people often overlook...cuz it's so...common. I looked up some context and some details. Came to some pretty interesting conclusions, as I read Matthew Henry's commentaries on that passage. I was all ready to give people these background and insight...but no one really want to hear them. They just...wanted to get the station done. I suppose, it's cuz the feel in the air is more "fun"...so it really wasn't their fault. But...
- Unity within the fellowship
- Unity within the campus, between other fellowships
- Unity with AFC fellowships
- Raising the bar. Effectiveness instead of efficient
- Alumni/upperyear mentorship and torchpassing
Oy...gotta pray more. This isn't an easy list to shoot for...
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Sacrifice
The other day I ended up waking up at 10.30am. Didn't roll out of bed till 11am. Slept really late...watching Transformers XD. Did a bunch of things I shouldn't have done to myself, like eat alot of junk food. I had excuses, but that didn't seem to affect Him when the Spirit gave me a good rebukage. Two simple verses popped into my head.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.
Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!
I understood instantly. My body is important, for it is God's. And if I can't be trusted with this thing that is "few", how can He trust me with things that are "many"? Like other people? Wife and kids. Brothers and sisters. If I can't take care of one temple...how can I take care of many?
I think, as a student, we're quick to downplay the importance of sleep (and health in general). It's probably the first thing that suffers when we're stressed for time. As a result, our body takes a hit. I can't really say too much as I'm a student myself...and late hours are typical in my books. I'm just as bad as the rest of them. But I guess it's something to think about...the things we sacrifice...what does it say abour our priorities? Our values? And if we can sacrifice these in our own time...what are our expectations for other people? Do we expect them to sacrifice the same things?
And what about the message we're handing down to the people that's coming after us? That health is unimportant? That family is unimportant? That school is unimportant? That fellowship is unimportant?
That God is unimportant? What are we saying here? Our action speaks much louder than words...
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.
- 1 Corinthians 6.19
Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!
- Matthew 25.21 (Parable of the Talent)
I understood instantly. My body is important, for it is God's. And if I can't be trusted with this thing that is "few", how can He trust me with things that are "many"? Like other people? Wife and kids. Brothers and sisters. If I can't take care of one temple...how can I take care of many?
I think, as a student, we're quick to downplay the importance of sleep (and health in general). It's probably the first thing that suffers when we're stressed for time. As a result, our body takes a hit. I can't really say too much as I'm a student myself...and late hours are typical in my books. I'm just as bad as the rest of them. But I guess it's something to think about...the things we sacrifice...what does it say abour our priorities? Our values? And if we can sacrifice these in our own time...what are our expectations for other people? Do we expect them to sacrifice the same things?
And what about the message we're handing down to the people that's coming after us? That health is unimportant? That family is unimportant? That school is unimportant? That fellowship is unimportant?
That God is unimportant? What are we saying here? Our action speaks much louder than words...
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
V1I1 = V2I2
I'm a boy, let me blog about this. lol.
*spoilers about Transformers* !!
It's 3.59am. I just came back from watching Transformers with PT's crew. There wasn't any "oh snap" lines like there was in Three Hundred. The cheesy romance sequence they tried was distracting at best. The family sequence could've gone. lol. Maybe cuz I went mainly to see the robots and the action. XD
Biggest complaint? There was some shaky camera sequences. And some scenes definately went way too fast. If there was a way to slow it down to watch all the transformations and fight scenes in detail...it'd be soo pwnage...
lol. I did some M212 and E241 homework today. Two games of Settlers. Slept for a while. Chatted for a while. Transformers easily is the highlight of my day. lol.
It's worth your money. If you're a guy, you'd want to watch it. Sigh...if only there to slow some stuff down...the computer graphics was good stuff. Alright. That's enough Transformer plugging for a night. lol.
Amusingly, my first sustained conversation with a certain boy from Vancouver was on Transformers. Apparently he saw it a few hours before I did. lol.
*spoilers about Transformers* !!
It's 3.59am. I just came back from watching Transformers with PT's crew. There wasn't any "oh snap" lines like there was in Three Hundred. The cheesy romance sequence they tried was distracting at best. The family sequence could've gone. lol. Maybe cuz I went mainly to see the robots and the action. XD
Biggest complaint? There was some shaky camera sequences. And some scenes definately went way too fast. If there was a way to slow it down to watch all the transformations and fight scenes in detail...it'd be soo pwnage...
lol. I did some M212 and E241 homework today. Two games of Settlers. Slept for a while. Chatted for a while. Transformers easily is the highlight of my day. lol.
It's worth your money. If you're a guy, you'd want to watch it. Sigh...if only there to slow some stuff down...the computer graphics was good stuff. Alright. That's enough Transformer plugging for a night. lol.
Amusingly, my first sustained conversation with a certain boy from Vancouver was on Transformers. Apparently he saw it a few hours before I did. lol.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Listener
Even with a role that's simple like listening...perhaps it's because it's so simple that we forget it. Why we weld our swords. Why we serve. why we listen. The second it changes from God God God to I I I, we know we got a problem. And so that brings that life-long struggle against pride.
I think, another thing is saying things for the sake of sounding more...Christian. One day, I'll be standing before Him. Will be made accountable for every word said, every action done. Don't be misunderstood. Intentions are important.
If the people that I was talking to today ever read this, I apologize for my choices of words. I meant well, but in the spur of the moment, the thoughts get lost in that struggle against pride...and it becomes counting on me and I...instead of counting on me and God. I'm just a representitive. Yes, I'm listening. But that's not really the point. The point is...God is also listening. He's always listening.
I think, another thing is saying things for the sake of sounding more...Christian. One day, I'll be standing before Him. Will be made accountable for every word said, every action done. Don't be misunderstood. Intentions are important.
If the people that I was talking to today ever read this, I apologize for my choices of words. I meant well, but in the spur of the moment, the thoughts get lost in that struggle against pride...and it becomes counting on me and I...instead of counting on me and God. I'm just a representitive. Yes, I'm listening. But that's not really the point. The point is...God is also listening. He's always listening.
Nehemiah
Once in a while, you just gotta sit back and take things in retrospect...or from someone else's point of view. It's surprising how different of a view I get sometimes if I even tried.
I dunno. Alot of thoughts. Not alot of words. Waiting for my rice to cook. Staring at my calc textbook, not really wanting to start. Lab books piled on a corner of my desk. Laundry that needs to be done. Skates that I wanted to clean. People to meet up with. Projects to plan.
Is it surprising that people get overwhelmed?
There really isn't much I can say right now that isn't just a reycled component of my previous thoughts. Sometimes we just gotta keep tanking along, cuz our pieces of the puzzles just isn't big enough for us to do anything else.
I just finished Nehemiah. And I was reflecting on all the times in the OT when people stated that the Lord will fight for us. Moses said it. David said it. I'm sure there's more. Nehemiah said it.
...I stood up and said to the nobles, the officals and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."
..."The work is extensive and spread out, and we are widely separated from each other along the wall. Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us."
A mix of active dependence and self-action for Nehemiah's squad. A nice, healthy mix. We lose track of that sometimes.
I just pray that you would be able to meet with God today. Walk out as much as you can, as much as you normally do. Then look for God in everything. And pray that He'll meet you there. But He won't be in the great and powerful wind that shatters rocks. Nor in the earthquakes. Or a great fire. But in a gentle whisper.
Go call up someone you love and hold dear. Just tell them what they mean to you. You never know. Maybe at that very moment, there is nothing more that person needs than a few words of heartfelt encouragement and thankfulness, and a quiet gentle prayer to the Lord our God. Mixing depedence with action. Remember the Lord...and fight.
I dunno. Alot of thoughts. Not alot of words. Waiting for my rice to cook. Staring at my calc textbook, not really wanting to start. Lab books piled on a corner of my desk. Laundry that needs to be done. Skates that I wanted to clean. People to meet up with. Projects to plan.
Is it surprising that people get overwhelmed?
There really isn't much I can say right now that isn't just a reycled component of my previous thoughts. Sometimes we just gotta keep tanking along, cuz our pieces of the puzzles just isn't big enough for us to do anything else.
I just finished Nehemiah. And I was reflecting on all the times in the OT when people stated that the Lord will fight for us. Moses said it. David said it. I'm sure there's more. Nehemiah said it.
...I stood up and said to the nobles, the officals and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."
- Nehemiah 4.14b
..."The work is extensive and spread out, and we are widely separated from each other along the wall. Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us."
- Nehemiah 4.19b-20
A mix of active dependence and self-action for Nehemiah's squad. A nice, healthy mix. We lose track of that sometimes.
I just pray that you would be able to meet with God today. Walk out as much as you can, as much as you normally do. Then look for God in everything. And pray that He'll meet you there. But He won't be in the great and powerful wind that shatters rocks. Nor in the earthquakes. Or a great fire. But in a gentle whisper.
Go call up someone you love and hold dear. Just tell them what they mean to you. You never know. Maybe at that very moment, there is nothing more that person needs than a few words of heartfelt encouragement and thankfulness, and a quiet gentle prayer to the Lord our God. Mixing depedence with action. Remember the Lord...and fight.
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