Verses on Marriage

A non-Christian friend of mine asked me to assemble the passages of the Bible that talks explicitly about marriage/relationship/etc. While I was thinking about the meaning of marriage in Christian context, it occurred to me that it is difficult to talk about marriage without talking first about Christ. So I set out to write about Christ first, but then I was asked to find marriage passage for another friend who is getting married this August. So now I have a document full of marriage verses. So...lets see what we can do with this...

Genesis 2 - God created marriage

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

- Genesis 2.18-24

This here is the first marriage. Even though all the animals were around, God specifically said "it is not good for the man to be alone." Adam knew about all the animals. He named them all. But no suitable helper was found for Adam. So God had to make one. So when Christian folks talk about how marriage is between one man and one women, this is it here.

Matthew 19 - Divorce?
One will note that polygamy is fairly common in the Old Testament. Although God did not explicitly forbid polygamy (or divorce, for that matter), it wasn't part of His original plan. What God wanted was marriage to be one-on-one and long lasting. Jesus was challenged about the OT divorce laws (Deuteronomy 24.1), so He interpreted the Law properly, as follows:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

- Matthew 19.2-12 (emphasis mine)

Why adultery? Marriage is a contract ("covenant", in Christian lingo). It is an agreement between a dude and a girl. The marriage vows that are cited, "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." It is an agreement to take care of each other regardless or what happens. In modern day, most contract/agreement are finalized by a signature. Or the transfer of money. Handshake. Handing someone else your shoe (I am totally serious). For marriage, the contract sign is sexual intercourse. Sex was intended to be shared only between a husband and his wife. So adultery means that the contract has been breached, thus divorce is allowed. Of course, adultery is also forbidden, in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20.14). Marriage is serious stuff.

This is why Christians are against no-fault divorce. What about abusive relationships? I'll comment on that later on.

1 Timothy 3 - Arguments against polygamy

Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.

- 1 Timothy 3.1-7 (emphasis mine)

So a leader in the church is a good thing. Paul says it is a noble task. We are called to be leaders, so these words, we should pay attention to. One wife, eh. Though, this isn't too hard to convince, given that Canadian society has anti-polygamy laws.

Leviticus 18 - What's wrong with homosexual marriage?
Bibically speaking? Nothing. Sort of. The Bible defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman. So anything else should not be called a marriage. But that's just a definition. I suspect that the reason why the average Christian is against homosexual marriage and call it a sin stems from this passage:

Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable. 

- Leviticus 18.27

So the Law is against homosexual sex, and not necessarily against male-male union/relationships. But read this verse in context with the rest of Leviticus 18. Leviticus 18 is against all sorts of sexual relationships, like don't sleep with your mother, or your aunt, or your brother's wife. Or a woman having her period. Or with animals.

Don't have a lot of thoughts about this field, so I can't comment too much about it, but as a scientist, I don't know if homosexual attraction is genetic or a choice. Based on what I've read, I'm more inclined to say that homosexuality is a choice, and will liken "struggling with homosexuality" similar to "struggling with pornography"...

But before anyone attacks homosexuals for their lifestyle, I will point out that there are very few verses against homosexuals (others include Romans 1.26-27 and certain translations of 1 Timothy 1.9-10 and 1 Corinthians 6.9-11), as oppose to the many, many verses against fornication, adultery and divorce. Be mindful of one's planks (Matthew 7).

EDIT: Adding a bit more thoughts, after getting some comments about my post being ambiguous. It is very clear what God had intended marriage and sexual union to be. It was designed to be shared between a husband and a wife. Anything else and everything else is sin. As noted in above passages, that includes incest, bestiality and yes, homosexuality. The point I wanted to make was...the church has many issues of it's own. Divorce and issues with child-raising, for example. Be quicker to tend to the issues within the church before groups outside.   

Ephesians 5 - Relationship in a marriage

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

- Ephesians 5.22-33

Okay. Fun passage. But before we can dig into that one, we'll have to outline what Christ did, to understand how Christ relates to the Church. A quick recap, then, of the Gospel message...

As you may have noticed from Jesus' Matthew 19 re-interpretation of divorce laws (Jesus is full of these re-interpretations of the Old Testimant Law, ie Sermon of the Mount of Matthew 5-7), Jesus' entry into the world also served as a re-interpretation of the meaning of marriage. Jesus came as God's servant (Isaiah 42.1-9), to "proclaim freedom for the captives" (Isaiah 61.1). That is, the wages of sin is death (Romans 6.23), and that man cannot earn his own salvation because he will ultimately fall short of the perfection demanded by God (Romans 3.9-20). So Christ came to preach repentance (Matthew 4.17) so that people will be aware of their depravity. In order to pay for the wages, Christ dies on our behalf to turn aside the wraith of God (Romans 5.12-17) so that we can live a transformed life in righteousness (Romans 6.16-18).

So Jesus died for the Church (Christian believers) so that they don't have to. He died, taking the punishment of our wrong-doings so that God will see us as holy and righteous (Ephesians 5.25-27).

In a marriage, it is expected that the husband be the "head" (lead) of the marriage. It does not mean that the man is better (wrote about this before, see here). Just that he is responsible for the marriage. If his family screws up, God will hold the husband responsible. The husband is expected to love his wife as Christ loved the Church (that is...be willing to sacrifice everything for her, even death on a cross). He must love his wife as he loves himself. He is expected to look to Christ as the example: love, caring and obedient to the Word of God (Philippians 2.1-11). He is not to abuse his headship, and certainly no abuse is permitted.

In response, the wife is called to be submissive. Once again, this does not mean the wife is worth less or has no say. The wife's first duty is to God, not to her husband. If her husband screws up, it is her job to know that he screwed up and to confront him about it. She is to submit only if her husband is godly and bibically sound. The point of all this is to arrange some form of order in the family. The husband will lead, as long as he maintains the qualifications to lead.

At the end of the day, the marriage union is an analogy, representing Christ and His Church. The analogy is limited in that Christ is perfect and man is not. But a good marriage is designed to glorify God, which is the Christian mandate. It all goes back to God.

A few other notable verses
Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 talks about how "it is good for a man not to marry" (1 Cor 7.1b), since there are less distractions for the man/woman so they can serve God without reservation. Paul also talks a bit more in Romans 7.1-6, relating the marriage union to our relationship with Christ. There are many comparisons between Israel's rebellion against God in the OT (idol worship), and God typically accuses Israel of adultry. An example of this is though the prophet Hosea. Lastly, in Malachi, God says this:

Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

- Malachi 2.15-16 (NLT)

More resources
Much of what I've written here, I've heard from other resources. Mostly sermons or conference recordings, but also some books as well. Those speakers are much more capable than I, and I would point to them. I've read/heard about half of these, whereas the others were recommended by others.

• The 722 series on Love and Marriage (Voddie Baucham) - very excellent series, let me know if you're interested
• Peasant Princess series, MH Blog series (Mark Driscoll/Mars Hill Church) - heard only a few sermons from the PP series. I've heard other Mark Driscoll stuff on this topic (like this one and this one), and he generally agrees with Voddie
• A guy/girl's guide to marring well (Boundless) - a good read. not too long
• Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, This Momentary Marriage and Sex and the Supremacy of Christ (John Piper) - haven't read, but suppose to be good. John Piper also has sermons on this topic, but I haven't listened to any of his stuff on this yet
• God, Marriage, and the Family (Andreas Kostenberger) - haven't read this either, but it's endorsed by Driscoll, so it should be decent
• Boy meets girl (Joshua Harris) - interesting ideas. don't totally agree, but...most of it is not bad
• Wild at heart/Captivated (John/Stasi Eldredge) - agree even less with this one than Josh Harris. but John Eldredge has some interesting ideas that's worth considering. don't know anything about Captivated, except for it is the girl version of the book