A few days ago, we had our first Caring Ministry meeting, our latest attempt to address an old CCF issue: people left out and upper-year burn out.
Sometimes, I think, it's really easy to want to give up on CCF. We've always got the same issues, stuck at the same place because of the same problems. Lack of consistency. Lack of manpower. Lack of initiatives. We've all had good ideas. We've all had powerful visions. Many have faded because...it's too big of an idea for one person. Too much effort. Not enough time. People say they're interested, they're concerned. Yet nothing really happens...even the vision of our new team...I've been concerned about leadership burnout and upper-year (non-frosh, non-grad) negliect since second year. Yet I never was able to do anything, even though many around me echoed the same thoughts. Thus nothing happened. I think, in som way, I'm kind of glad that this project has been started. The momentum is now there... haha. Caring. All I gotta do is connect people. This should be fun.
So why don't I just give up on CCF? I just wrote an email to a bunch of froshes, telling them that our first program is tomorrow and that they should come...but it'll be just as good if they found fellowship elsewhere. I could easily go attend some of these other fellowships we've got on campus. But then...if I abadoned my home just because the house got more cracks than I once remembered, what would that make me? What kind of messages am I sending to people? What kind of messages am I telling myself?
Yes, cliques have always been an issue. Leadership burnout. Newcomer negliect. CCF is far from perfect. But if my own upper-year mentors had given up on CCF 3 years ago, then many of us wouldn't be in CCF today. We wouldn't have taken up posts at Westcourt or McDougall. We wouldn't be studying in the SLC or playing Settlers till 6.30AM (okay I didn't do that...). We wouldn't have stories like KD cooking mishaps or how else I suck at cooking. We wouldn't have driven through 9 different cities to move three people in. I would've never known what Western ACF was. I wouldn't have known what Waterloo CCF was. I wouldn't have known what fellowship is.
This really isn't 3 years, gone and past. Trying to think of it more as...2 more years left to pay the favour forward. Passing on the torch. We haven't burned the campus down yet, have we? Whew...3B has begun.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Kickin habits
So I suffer from bleeding gums, which is aggravated when I brush my teeth. I'm pretty sure people have told me this before, but when you're brushing your teeth, you gotta brush it with the gran (just Google "toothbrushing". I found this doing that). After my dentist gave me a lecture last week, I attempted to adjust. I've been really good...until this morning, when I totally forgot and subconsciously lapsed back to my against-gran teethbrushing habits. Thus I started bleeding again. Fun.
I was just reminded recently that formed habits are hard to kick. Those who know me would know that I'm a rather indecisive person. I tell myself that I can skimp out on little decisions (who cares where we eat...), cuz I can make big decisions (MCAT, or no MCAT...). My tendency to say "Doesn't matter" when asked about little things sometimes flow into bigger decisions. Not being able communicate properly and giving up prematurely ("oh forget it. never mind") means that big things don't get across either.
Apparently, Joanna started a rumour that I like pink (I don't. Don't even think about it). It seemed to have caught on with a few people. When I mentioned that I can't believe people actually believe this, she replied with "rumours have a bit of truth in them" (...okay. No comments). People will believe what sounds like is believable; there is some aspect of "truth" in it. Decisiveness will not spring from indecisiveness. Something like that. Maybe that's why I'm starting to point out things more often. To mentioned little appreciations. To (trying) be more assertive. No regrets, right? Reminded that little things matter too...
I was just reminded recently that formed habits are hard to kick. Those who know me would know that I'm a rather indecisive person. I tell myself that I can skimp out on little decisions (who cares where we eat...), cuz I can make big decisions (MCAT, or no MCAT...). My tendency to say "Doesn't matter" when asked about little things sometimes flow into bigger decisions. Not being able communicate properly and giving up prematurely ("oh forget it. never mind") means that big things don't get across either.
Apparently, Joanna started a rumour that I like pink (I don't. Don't even think about it). It seemed to have caught on with a few people. When I mentioned that I can't believe people actually believe this, she replied with "rumours have a bit of truth in them" (...okay. No comments). People will believe what sounds like is believable; there is some aspect of "truth" in it. Decisiveness will not spring from indecisiveness. Something like that. Maybe that's why I'm starting to point out things more often. To mentioned little appreciations. To (trying) be more assertive. No regrets, right? Reminded that little things matter too...
Saturday, August 16, 2008
A spoon of thoughts
"You know what I think? I am just desperate for love.
But hey, I am still hanging there."
"I think I might be going through symptoms of depression."
"I'm getting sad for no good reason"
"Mmm...I don't really have friends"
"There are people who are just...sad and lonely. I've talked to them...what are we doing about it?"
"hahha.. so?? doens't mean i'm not still lonely!"
A handful of words from people over the last little while. Maybe I took your words. Or maybe these words echos with you. I remember a while ago, I was talking to a psych major and she was telling me how she's super interested in atypical disorders (ie things like schiz). I laughed. It doesn't take too much effort to realize that we're surrounded by atypical disorders. I have friends who suffer from depression. Or anxiety. I have friends who are physically ill due to chronic stress. Lonelyness. All these things seems to be so common among the people I've talked to. I've written about this before...
Anyone notice that we, as CCF, tends to focus on the froshes (cuz they're new and don't know any better) or grads (cuz they're leaving and we lament the loss of their labour... =P)? Yes, I realize that we can't reach everyone. I think this was one of the most annoying points at CC. Yes, I know what I'm called to do. I get annoyed at the people who say we have an awesome community. Don't get me wrong, I think CCF is great. Especially when you're frosh and is always at the centre of attention. Especially when you're second year and everyone's encouraging (or "strongly encourage") you to serve. But I'd like the suggest that our community is actually rather...poor. People are constantly assuming that other people are okay. When they're not, they think the best thing to do is to hide it, cuz weakness arin't cool. So they truck on. Committee people do that. Cell group leaders do that. Your average CCF attendee does that.
I'm thinking especially of our "leaders" right now...they fall through the cracks pretty hard. And they deal with it by pushing themselves harder. We need this fill. We need people to do that. Etc. Etc. Etc. For some, life and ministry becomes an endless series of filling in the blank. "Hi, I am ____"...whatever they need to be today. Because it feels pointless sometimes, the degree we have to work to get the stuff we need to push though. CCF's issue has always been lack of manpower. How to get more of the younger years involved? How to get them to discard their spoonfeeding mentality?
I recently got a new cell phone. My first hardware upgrade over the last three years. I was surprised at the wide assortment is out there these days...when I got my Samsung flip phone, it was pretty much the only free phone there. Now, I had a choice of 4, 5 free ones...with a few more that only costs me $5. The lady that I spoke with was telling me how I'll eligible for an upgrade every year. Now why would anyone need a new phone on a yearly basis?! I ended up going for the Sony Ericson W580. Apparently it is the generic phone these days. I heard that it has key cracking issues. Figures. The only reason I'm changing out of my Samsung is because the receptor (the only piece that sticks out) is going to snap off one day. I've been pressing those keys for 3 years and never a key cracking issues. I heard that electronic companies makes things less duriable these days so people needs to be consistantly upgrade and getting the latest and greatest. Consumerism at its best, I suppose. (okok. The point is that consumerism -> "Spoonfeed me" mentality...talks about our increasing spoonfeed mentality has been around since my frosh year. Regarding specifically about lack of leadership among the lower years...but I suppose it applies to people lacking support and not seeking for them because it "should" be given to them).
Once again, to really make any progress, one must change hearts. But there's really only One that can do that around here...
But hey, I am still hanging there."
"I think I might be going through symptoms of depression."
"I'm getting sad for no good reason"
"Mmm...I don't really have friends"
"There are people who are just...sad and lonely. I've talked to them...what are we doing about it?"
"hahha.. so?? doens't mean i'm not still lonely!"
A handful of words from people over the last little while. Maybe I took your words. Or maybe these words echos with you. I remember a while ago, I was talking to a psych major and she was telling me how she's super interested in atypical disorders (ie things like schiz). I laughed. It doesn't take too much effort to realize that we're surrounded by atypical disorders. I have friends who suffer from depression. Or anxiety. I have friends who are physically ill due to chronic stress. Lonelyness. All these things seems to be so common among the people I've talked to. I've written about this before...
Anyone notice that we, as CCF, tends to focus on the froshes (cuz they're new and don't know any better) or grads (cuz they're leaving and we lament the loss of their labour... =P)? Yes, I realize that we can't reach everyone. I think this was one of the most annoying points at CC. Yes, I know what I'm called to do. I get annoyed at the people who say we have an awesome community. Don't get me wrong, I think CCF is great. Especially when you're frosh and is always at the centre of attention. Especially when you're second year and everyone's encouraging (or "strongly encourage") you to serve. But I'd like the suggest that our community is actually rather...poor. People are constantly assuming that other people are okay. When they're not, they think the best thing to do is to hide it, cuz weakness arin't cool. So they truck on. Committee people do that. Cell group leaders do that. Your average CCF attendee does that.
I'm thinking especially of our "leaders" right now...they fall through the cracks pretty hard. And they deal with it by pushing themselves harder. We need this fill. We need people to do that. Etc. Etc. Etc. For some, life and ministry becomes an endless series of filling in the blank. "Hi, I am ____"...whatever they need to be today. Because it feels pointless sometimes, the degree we have to work to get the stuff we need to push though. CCF's issue has always been lack of manpower. How to get more of the younger years involved? How to get them to discard their spoonfeeding mentality?
I recently got a new cell phone. My first hardware upgrade over the last three years. I was surprised at the wide assortment is out there these days...when I got my Samsung flip phone, it was pretty much the only free phone there. Now, I had a choice of 4, 5 free ones...with a few more that only costs me $5. The lady that I spoke with was telling me how I'll eligible for an upgrade every year. Now why would anyone need a new phone on a yearly basis?! I ended up going for the Sony Ericson W580. Apparently it is the generic phone these days. I heard that it has key cracking issues. Figures. The only reason I'm changing out of my Samsung is because the receptor (the only piece that sticks out) is going to snap off one day. I've been pressing those keys for 3 years and never a key cracking issues. I heard that electronic companies makes things less duriable these days so people needs to be consistantly upgrade and getting the latest and greatest. Consumerism at its best, I suppose. (okok. The point is that consumerism -> "Spoonfeed me" mentality...talks about our increasing spoonfeed mentality has been around since my frosh year. Regarding specifically about lack of leadership among the lower years...but I suppose it applies to people lacking support and not seeking for them because it "should" be given to them).
Once again, to really make any progress, one must change hearts. But there's really only One that can do that around here...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
TTC Bus drivers
I wonder what I'd be like if I was a TTC driver. Probably just like every other TTC driver out there, picking up people and dropping off people. Pushing my way into traffic and ignoring stop signs because I'm about 4 times larger than your average car. Driving day after day, because that's my job...growl at TTC riders and wish that they'd be more considerate or more intellegent. Counting down to the time I can park my bus and (haha) TTC back home.
A few weeks back, I encounted this bus driver on the Bayview bus. He smiled at people when they go onto the bus (okay that's not TOO wierd. I've seen other drivers do that)...but as the bus driving, he would start talking. He'd make random comments about the name of the streets he's passing and make fun of the PA system announcements. He'd make conversation with the people that responds and crack random (although rather corny) jokes. I saw him for a few days, then he stopped appearing. Different routes perhaps. But anyways, I saw him again today.
Today, there was no traffic between Lawrence and York Mills (egads! the impossible has happened!) and so we reached Bayview Station ahead of schedule. So the bus driver waited till its time to go. There wasn't much people on the bus; the whole time as we wait, he was randomly chatting to the people on the bus. Making the bus ride just a bit more enjoyable.
What I had wanted to do from when I first encounted him was to encourage him in his work. I mean, how much other bus drivers would try to talk to the people on his bus, try to make the otherwise bland time more enjoyable? Yet, without the right words, I never really say anything. Another stop, some lady gets off, after thanking the driver for the entertainment that he was providing. A few stops later, I got off, mumbling my typical thanks. I excused myself for not saying anything by telling myself that the bus driver's still got it. He's still cracking all his jokes. He's still strong. He doesn't need encouragement.
Haha.
1. Fear of saying the wrong thing often gets to us saying nothing. Time and time again, I tell myself I'll never see the dude again. No need to hold back. But I do. What's there to be scared of? I have no idea. But scared I am. I was reading about the guy that Bily saw and then the stuff that Bily himself did. I remembered that at some point in the term, I felt an urge to talk to random people on the bus. You know. The dude that's sitting beside you, just staring blankly into space. I go to work everyday. 20 days a month. 40 bus rides. There's four month. 80 bus rides. I've initated some form of dialog 4 times. Two started cuz I saw someone staring at the Bayview N bus schedule (which is utter lies...it's never on time -_-) and told them so. Two other times was on the bus, with random high school kids who were volunteering at Sunnybrook (does volunteering at a hosptial really help your med school chances? seriously? I worked at 2 hosptials already...doesn't that mean my chances should be sky high? haha).
Okay. Maybe I can excuse myself again by saying that I was only convincted into talking to two of them (the two volunteers), and that's enough. Before I could finish telling myself that sentence though...I found that I've already cut myself off. I'm only lying to myself with that. God pokes at me and all I do is slam the door in His face. I need conversation starters -_- no excuses. Seriously.
2. Assumption that "strong" people don't need encouragement is just a lie we're told. Everyone needs to be encouraged. Ask anyone serving. Ask any parents. Ask any public service person. People need the affirmation that they exist, and what they do is important, even if it is mundane.
3. "Work's work" ... I've said that many times. So has many people around me. Even on the CCF work email chain...most of the time, the topic we're talking about is how crappy work is. No, I'm no better. But I was wondering how different the TTC would look if everyone was like that bus driver...attitude change? Back at my first work term, I lost points on my work term evaluation because I was told I didn't show enough enthusiasm. I protested that documention was totally boring and no one would be enthusiastic about doing that...but my boss didn't budge. It confused me then why she would say something like that...work is just work. I got my stuff done. We don't even work in the same room, how would my attitude affect her at all? I think I understand this point a little better now.
So what's so special about that bus driver that prompted this entry? Nothing. He's just some normal guy. Doing his job. Doing a bit more than he's ask to. I noticed because it's so different than the typical dullness that's on the bus. He's got a bit more courage than I've got. And that's making alot of difference.
A few weeks back, I encounted this bus driver on the Bayview bus. He smiled at people when they go onto the bus (okay that's not TOO wierd. I've seen other drivers do that)...but as the bus driving, he would start talking. He'd make random comments about the name of the streets he's passing and make fun of the PA system announcements. He'd make conversation with the people that responds and crack random (although rather corny) jokes. I saw him for a few days, then he stopped appearing. Different routes perhaps. But anyways, I saw him again today.
Today, there was no traffic between Lawrence and York Mills (egads! the impossible has happened!) and so we reached Bayview Station ahead of schedule. So the bus driver waited till its time to go. There wasn't much people on the bus; the whole time as we wait, he was randomly chatting to the people on the bus. Making the bus ride just a bit more enjoyable.
What I had wanted to do from when I first encounted him was to encourage him in his work. I mean, how much other bus drivers would try to talk to the people on his bus, try to make the otherwise bland time more enjoyable? Yet, without the right words, I never really say anything. Another stop, some lady gets off, after thanking the driver for the entertainment that he was providing. A few stops later, I got off, mumbling my typical thanks. I excused myself for not saying anything by telling myself that the bus driver's still got it. He's still cracking all his jokes. He's still strong. He doesn't need encouragement.
Haha.
1. Fear of saying the wrong thing often gets to us saying nothing. Time and time again, I tell myself I'll never see the dude again. No need to hold back. But I do. What's there to be scared of? I have no idea. But scared I am. I was reading about the guy that Bily saw and then the stuff that Bily himself did. I remembered that at some point in the term, I felt an urge to talk to random people on the bus. You know. The dude that's sitting beside you, just staring blankly into space. I go to work everyday. 20 days a month. 40 bus rides. There's four month. 80 bus rides. I've initated some form of dialog 4 times. Two started cuz I saw someone staring at the Bayview N bus schedule (which is utter lies...it's never on time -_-) and told them so. Two other times was on the bus, with random high school kids who were volunteering at Sunnybrook (does volunteering at a hosptial really help your med school chances? seriously? I worked at 2 hosptials already...doesn't that mean my chances should be sky high? haha).
Okay. Maybe I can excuse myself again by saying that I was only convincted into talking to two of them (the two volunteers), and that's enough. Before I could finish telling myself that sentence though...I found that I've already cut myself off. I'm only lying to myself with that. God pokes at me and all I do is slam the door in His face. I need conversation starters -_- no excuses. Seriously.
2. Assumption that "strong" people don't need encouragement is just a lie we're told. Everyone needs to be encouraged. Ask anyone serving. Ask any parents. Ask any public service person. People need the affirmation that they exist, and what they do is important, even if it is mundane.
3. "Work's work" ... I've said that many times. So has many people around me. Even on the CCF work email chain...most of the time, the topic we're talking about is how crappy work is. No, I'm no better. But I was wondering how different the TTC would look if everyone was like that bus driver...attitude change? Back at my first work term, I lost points on my work term evaluation because I was told I didn't show enough enthusiasm. I protested that documention was totally boring and no one would be enthusiastic about doing that...but my boss didn't budge. It confused me then why she would say something like that...work is just work. I got my stuff done. We don't even work in the same room, how would my attitude affect her at all? I think I understand this point a little better now.
So what's so special about that bus driver that prompted this entry? Nothing. He's just some normal guy. Doing his job. Doing a bit more than he's ask to. I noticed because it's so different than the typical dullness that's on the bus. He's got a bit more courage than I've got. And that's making alot of difference.
Monday, July 21, 2008
I gotta stop being lazy...
It is becoming increasingly tempting to give up on God.
Haha. No, I'm not dropping my faith. I think, far too often, I have a tendency to cry out only in times of need. When life is good...when I'm strolling through the Zoo or duel-wielding ducks...when I'm inhaling Jr Chickens and talking about life...when I'm writing my PDENG or WTR...life is alright. Life is good. Thus God is good.
When I have too much on my plate, too much on my Todo list...too much people and situations needing my attention...too much emails to write or too tired to crawl out of my bed...my hand is the first to raise up. "God. Cover me"...and often, I'd complain that I can't make this journey. The mountain is too great. Too much obstacles. Too much temptations. Too much unanswered questions. Dang. I'm just human. I can take the easy way out. Surely...God understands. He knows I'm weak like that. He knows I'm lazy and weak and pathetic. He's loving and forgiving. I can fail and give up once in a while, right? Surely...He understands...right?
I'm slowly realizing that...as much as it may be true that in this journey where I'm walking towards Him, that alot of it is gonna have to be Him walking towards me (you try walking towards a photon source when you're a 2 inch black box...=P). Yes yes, there's nothing wrong with asking Him to meet you here. I suppose my error these days has been expecting Him to do all the work. Expect Him to take away all the temptations. Expect Him to grant me motivation. Expect Him to do all the work in me such that I can do His work. My rationale has always been...well. We're called to advance the Kingdom...why doesn't God just make it easy for us to advance the Kingdom?
Because it's not worth as much. Last friday, I was out with some friends. As we chatted, somehow we got on the topic of Final Fantasy X. People who played through that game would know that the "final weapons" are absurdly annoying to get. It's not too atypical to hear that someone spent 6 hours (like I did) running the Chocobos to acquire Tidus' weapon. Or wasted huge amounts of time, dodging lighting at Thunder Planes. Or was crazy enough to play enough Blitzball to get Wakka's last weapon.
It's really the same thing. Yes, Square-Enix could've made it easy for us to get the last weapon. Yuna's last weapon was fairly easy to grab, if I recall correctly. But what of that sense of accomplishment? At the end of the day, whatever I did in my save files for FFX is just 1s and 0s. I'm not any richer or smarter. I'm not any smarter or stronger. But I could say "yup. I got that one". And if a 4-byte number is a great achievement...what about the stuff that's more real?
Once again, discussions came back to those "hardcore" people. I have no concept of what it is like to be complimented by people who've achieved much in that field. Not just spiritual and Christianly people, for there's a bit more than that in this world. Things like the Arts. Sciences. If I was an actor, what would it be like to be complemented by Andrew Lloyd Webber? If I was a physicist, what would it be like to be complemented by Enrico Fermi? or Clark Maxwell? If I was an engineer...(um. I don't know any famous engineers. Do such people even exist? -_- Oliver Heaviside, maybe. Haha). Similarly...I have no concept of what it would be like to be told by God that I was a good and faithful servant. I'm sure it'll be pretty sweet when I'm there. But that's not a good motivation right now. How could it be? It's a situation that I cannot possibly understand. So the rewards for this leg of the race would have to be intrinsic.
I guess that's all the reasons one needs to fight harder against complacency. Enough to fight against a life where things are nothing more than a cornerside prayer, answering questions because I can, all while "praying hard" that God will come and find me somewhere, when I know I have the tools to be a bit more than I am now.
Over the years, it has become easy to forget why we do the things we do. Forgotten what it's like to live the faith. Forgotten to ask where God is. Society's reality checks doesn't align with spiritual ones. Going to need to rediscover what it means to run the race with the end in sight. There really isn't enough time left to procrastinate, and be lazy, and hope that someone else will make things right. If God wanted to, everything would be right, pure and wholesome. But the fact that the people around you are broken and crying out, the fact that things are not perfect and pretty...means we've got work to do. Yes, God can handle all things. But for some reason, he wanted me as part of this equation. No, I don't know why. Maybe I'll ask Him one day, if it's still important to me, one day.
Two years or six, it really isn't that much time, in the face of eternity.
Haha. No, I'm not dropping my faith. I think, far too often, I have a tendency to cry out only in times of need. When life is good...when I'm strolling through the Zoo or duel-wielding ducks...when I'm inhaling Jr Chickens and talking about life...when I'm writing my PDENG or WTR...life is alright. Life is good. Thus God is good.
When I have too much on my plate, too much on my Todo list...too much people and situations needing my attention...too much emails to write or too tired to crawl out of my bed...my hand is the first to raise up. "God. Cover me"...and often, I'd complain that I can't make this journey. The mountain is too great. Too much obstacles. Too much temptations. Too much unanswered questions. Dang. I'm just human. I can take the easy way out. Surely...God understands. He knows I'm weak like that. He knows I'm lazy and weak and pathetic. He's loving and forgiving. I can fail and give up once in a while, right? Surely...He understands...right?
I'm slowly realizing that...as much as it may be true that in this journey where I'm walking towards Him, that alot of it is gonna have to be Him walking towards me (you try walking towards a photon source when you're a 2 inch black box...=P). Yes yes, there's nothing wrong with asking Him to meet you here. I suppose my error these days has been expecting Him to do all the work. Expect Him to take away all the temptations. Expect Him to grant me motivation. Expect Him to do all the work in me such that I can do His work. My rationale has always been...well. We're called to advance the Kingdom...why doesn't God just make it easy for us to advance the Kingdom?
Because it's not worth as much. Last friday, I was out with some friends. As we chatted, somehow we got on the topic of Final Fantasy X. People who played through that game would know that the "final weapons" are absurdly annoying to get. It's not too atypical to hear that someone spent 6 hours (like I did) running the Chocobos to acquire Tidus' weapon. Or wasted huge amounts of time, dodging lighting at Thunder Planes. Or was crazy enough to play enough Blitzball to get Wakka's last weapon.
It's really the same thing. Yes, Square-Enix could've made it easy for us to get the last weapon. Yuna's last weapon was fairly easy to grab, if I recall correctly. But what of that sense of accomplishment? At the end of the day, whatever I did in my save files for FFX is just 1s and 0s. I'm not any richer or smarter. I'm not any smarter or stronger. But I could say "yup. I got that one". And if a 4-byte number is a great achievement...what about the stuff that's more real?
Once again, discussions came back to those "hardcore" people. I have no concept of what it is like to be complimented by people who've achieved much in that field. Not just spiritual and Christianly people, for there's a bit more than that in this world. Things like the Arts. Sciences. If I was an actor, what would it be like to be complemented by Andrew Lloyd Webber? If I was a physicist, what would it be like to be complemented by Enrico Fermi? or Clark Maxwell? If I was an engineer...(um. I don't know any famous engineers. Do such people even exist? -_- Oliver Heaviside, maybe. Haha). Similarly...I have no concept of what it would be like to be told by God that I was a good and faithful servant. I'm sure it'll be pretty sweet when I'm there. But that's not a good motivation right now. How could it be? It's a situation that I cannot possibly understand. So the rewards for this leg of the race would have to be intrinsic.
I guess that's all the reasons one needs to fight harder against complacency. Enough to fight against a life where things are nothing more than a cornerside prayer, answering questions because I can, all while "praying hard" that God will come and find me somewhere, when I know I have the tools to be a bit more than I am now.
Over the years, it has become easy to forget why we do the things we do. Forgotten what it's like to live the faith. Forgotten to ask where God is. Society's reality checks doesn't align with spiritual ones. Going to need to rediscover what it means to run the race with the end in sight. There really isn't enough time left to procrastinate, and be lazy, and hope that someone else will make things right. If God wanted to, everything would be right, pure and wholesome. But the fact that the people around you are broken and crying out, the fact that things are not perfect and pretty...means we've got work to do. Yes, God can handle all things. But for some reason, he wanted me as part of this equation. No, I don't know why. Maybe I'll ask Him one day, if it's still important to me, one day.
Two years or six, it really isn't that much time, in the face of eternity.
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