Achtung!

For some reason, that word has been stuck in my head. Achtung. It's German, for "attention." Why achtung...

It's really the puzzle piece effect that's been on my mind. In two weeks this time, I'd be packing up from Calgary, getting ready to set out for London, Ontario for my next work term. The 2A term has passed a little more quickly than I had hoped to. A little bit of time to my school. A little bit to Frosh Cell. A little bit here, a little bit there. 4 month has passed, and I only have 2 exams left to go. Hmm...

I think, a very predominate feeling I've been having over the last little bit is ... why doesn't it feel like I've done very much this term? Why is there so much uncertainity about what's coming up? By not paying attention... I dunno. Another year of graduates are heading into their last 4B term. The next time I'm in waterloo, people dynamics would've changed again, and CCF would've changed a little more. 2B would be definately an interesting term. School would be hard. CCF would be interesting. *shrug* I dunno. I really don't.

I think...one thing that I'm starting to get scared of it... what I'm planning for WKTRM3. The current situation is too...established. It's too stable. How could an outside kid like me...hope to shake it up? How could I just pick up a box of seeds...and just throw it? Can I absorb enough between now and then?

...What am I doing again?

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I think, I've thought of a good analogy for this. It's like back in gr 12, when I decided to try to test for a RCM level before I left high school. I could probably play some stuff at the 7th grade level, but needed alot of practice. Esp in stuff like theory and sight reading. I had the grade 7 book and practice books and loads of interesting sheet music, like stuff from FF (FF piano...so good...). Yet. I never really missed my piano till I left Calgary. I never really played anything. I never really got anywhere with that. Didn't put in the hours, and still expected myself to pull off something ownage like FF6's Decisive Battle. Or FF9's Chocobo Theme. Why... I really don't know why. The very fine line between theory and application. How does one carry oneself from such theories...to application? What motivates a guy to stand up, walk over to his piano, and just go at it for 3, 4 or 5 hours?

It's ironic. I spent so long chasing after a dream that really wasn't a dream. And when I got there, all it did was make the road so much more difficult and harder to understand. I really don't understand...